


Ballum

by jess_louisee_1995



Category: Ballum, EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Bonding, Coming Out, M/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2020-05-15 13:53:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 100
Words: 93,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19297075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jess_louisee_1995/pseuds/jess_louisee_1995
Summary: Collection of one shots





	1. Just Friends

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an idea following on from the episode from 20/06/19

All he'd done was try and help, saw an opportunity to get into his dads good books. Trying to be a good big brother and son by looking after Louise when Keanu was MIA. Trying to prove to Lola he could Do it, and to prove to himself he really did care. 

But Phil had turned up at the hospital and sent him away. Now here he was, swigging the beer, leaning up against the market stall watching the parlour door. He knew he'd asked him to stay away but Ben needed to see him. As a friend. 

'Callum...' he saw him locking up the parlour and couldn't stop himself saying his name. He saw Callum stop for a second but then turn around and look at him.

'Yes?' He sounded weary and tired, but Ben needed to talk.  
'Got time for a pint? On me?'  
'I thought I made myself clear last week to leave me alone.'  
'Please?' There was a hint of rawness in Ben's voice and it shocked Callum to hear him like that, so he nodded wearily before hastily sending a text to Whitney and following Ben. 

Ben chose the table in the corner of E20, needing to be away from the music.  
'Thank you. For coming with me'  
'You sound... You sounded different'  
'Hard day'  
'Do you want to talk about it?'  
'Just I'm so sick of trying with my dad. Nothing I ever do is enough. Cast out from the Mitchell family'  
'What's happened?'  
'He's moving Keanu in. Keanu is everything he wants in a son. Hard man, mechanic, straight. Everything I'm not and will never be'  
'I think your a hard man Ben. You've scared me before'  
'Well that's just bravado. You see the real me.'  
'I saw the real you. That night in the park'  
'Oh, so what happend wasn't a figment of my imagination?'  
'Ben....'  
'Hey, you brought it up. I'm just here cause I need a friend. And that's you'  
'Right, just mates. Fine with me'  
'I just... am sick of pretending to be something I'm not. With you, I can be me. You get me. But when I try and help my sister, my dad sends me away with a flea in my ear'  
'My dad is so hard to please. All he's ever done is drill in to both me and Stuart how we should be men, but he's never taught us how to be men. God knows that's why Stuart is like he is. Our dad... the wife beater.'  
'Sorry, I had no idea'  
'Why would you?'  
'So, you don't get on?'  
'I just always never do the right thing. He wants us to be men, have a wife and kids. Do our duty for queen and country. He wants us to be perfect. And like you, I am tired of trying to be perfect'

Ben reaches out and puts his hand on Callums arm who jerks away and folds his arms under the table.  
'Being perfect is overrated anyway' Ben chips in, determined not to show his disappointment, and he is rewarded with a small smile.  
'Too right. You're right you know'  
'About what?'  
'You getting me. I get you and you get me. You're not a bad bloke Ben Mitchell. I wish I could be more like you sometimes, confident in who you are'  
'You wouldn't want to be me. The confidence you see is an act. But confidence in who you are... that will come in time I.promise you. You can't just rush it. Just give into it and let it happen'

Callum smiled and reached under the table for Ben's hand before squeezing it. He smiled sadly and then got up to use the gents. Ben sat there for a minute, letting the warmth radiate from where it started, his hands. 

Suddenly, they both didn't feel quite so lonely anymore.


	2. Work Me Into a Sweat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... so this was written by a great writer I spoke to on twitter. We both adore Ballum and she is unable to make an account so I have her permission to post it here.  
> If your interested find her on twitter @LouiseMacAllis2

Ben has been running. Any fool can see that, his brow glistening with the sweat he'd worked up. He passed the funeral parlour, where he saw Jay and Callum outside. He slowed to a stop and Callum suddenly saw him. They locked eyes and Callum feels his palms beginning to sweat with nerves. 

"Knocking off work as usual boys? The stiffs won't be happy"

Jay rolls his eyes, laughing and smiling- typical Ben- always centre of attention.  
"Running again Ben - who you trying to impress?"

Ben smirks but doesn't say anything. He stretches upwards, his t shirt tight and taught, revealing a slither of his toned stomach and the outline of his abs. Callum wants to look elsewhere, feeling a lump rise in his throat but he can't. He likes seeing Ben in a sweat. Ben is feeling mischievous and puts his arms around Jay for a bear hug lifting him off his feet. 

"Put me down ya idiot! "

Ben catches Callums eye and sets Jay down, not breaking contact.  
"Fancy a pint later?' 

'Count me in' Jay pipes up

'Sure why not?' 

Jay turns around to lock the door and shake his head as Ben runs off. He knows Callum is watching him so turns back and gives him a cheeky wink and grin, before running off.


	3. Hate/Lust or Something More?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my work. Thinking of alternate chapters from us.

He'd done what he asked, stayed away but it was killing him. Everytime he saw them in the pub, the street. He'd never meant for this to happen, any of it. It was fun to have a wind up and a joke but he was slipping... his mask was slipping and he knew he wasn't in control anymore. And he hated that. He hated not being in control- it drove him mad. So, came the afternoon when he saw Jay leaving the parlour and he slipped inside.

' Alright?' He leaned on the doorway, watching Callums face.

Oh god... get out Ben'

Is that any way to greet a friend?'

'We're not friends Ben. Never have been and we never will be'

'You've lost me'

'What part of leave me alone don't you understand? I thought I made myself clear last week'

'Oh you love this. Admit it'

'I'm not loving anything Ben. I.promise you that. Quite the opposite. Get out'

'Can't' '

Can't or won't?'

'The latter'

'You're a stubborn git do you know that?' 'Has been said, but you love it!'

'Stop it. Leave me alone. Get out'

'You're saying this but you know in your heart you don't mean it'

'Enough!' Callum through the glass at the door. Luckily Ben stepped out of the way and it shattered into pieces on the table and floor.

'Woah, fiery. I love it Callum' '

Why are you doing this to me? Do you have any idea what it's like to wake up everyday and look in the mirror, knowing you cheated on the woman you are going to marry? To know that she makes me feel so lonely. And then, for the first time... I don't want this! I want Whitney! You did this!'

'I do know what it's like. I told you! You can't run from it Callum. You're loving this. Making me do the chasing. I hate not being able to make.people do what I want! Don't make me hate you!'

'I hate you!' Callum moved out from behind the desk, shaking with anger.

'Hate is such a strong word Callum. Strangely mistaken for lust and wanting half the time. Stir in denial as well'

'Pack it in!'

'All you think about is Whitney! Have you given any thoughts for a.second to me? No! What do you think your distance made me feel like? You used me as an experience and then toss me to the side like your allergic to me! I didn't ask.for this! But it's too late Callum, because I want you! And knowing you don't want me back is killing me! Because I hate anything I want that isn't mine!'

Ben's anger got the better of him and he punched the wall with his hand. Swearing under his breath, he cradled his hand.

'You know exactly what to say to try and make.a reaction Ben! Your a liar, a manipulator. You're not capable of real emotion, you can't want me. You don't know what it is to want somebody with everything you have, even though they drive you up the wall! To know the one night you spent with them was the best night of your life! But they drive you mad and you hate them most of the time...' he trailed off as he realised what he'd said.

'Finished?' 

'Um... yep'

'Good!'

Ben took two steps forward and captured Callum in a crushing kiss, almost bruising him. It took Callum a millisecond to realise what was happening before his instincts took over, frantically scrabbling at the buckle on Bens jeans. Ben brushed his fingers away and pushed Callum backwards onto the desk, spilling pens and paperwork onto the floor, cascading in a tidal wave of mess. But no one cared about anything except being with each other in that second.


	4. Looks Say It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one from @LouiseMacAllis2

Ben and Jay have been in the pub for a few hours, currently in the middle of a darts battle. Ben is about to throw when Callum comes into the pub. The suit made Ben like him even more... he looked amazing. Jay laughed as Ben attempted to throw and the dart missed the board. Callum smiled and walked over, noticing Ben's eyes never leave him.

“fancy a game?” Ben asked

' ummm...”

'where’s whit?” Jay asked

Callum “dress shopping”

Come on then. You're not married yet, you’ve got time for a friendly game!”

'friendly?! I’ve been kicking your backside all evenin!” Jay butted in

Callum smiles “go on then” he looks cautiously at Ben but finds inner confidence “I’ll go easy on you”

Ben in low tones “maybe I don’t want you too”

Callum blushes “let me get a round in first”

He approaches the bar, Ben watching his every move  
Mick “Halfway! What you havin mucker!”

Callum “Same again for the lads and one for me please Mick”

 

The boys had a good evening, drinking and darts. The looks over the table between Ben and Callum never stopped and eventually, a bit worse for wear Mick good naturedly kicks them out.

Ben & Callum walk out into the square supporting jay between them  
Callum “hold on...” he scoops jay over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift as Ben watches amused 

Ben “hope he doesn’t puke all over you”

Callum “don’t even...”

They make their way over to the house Jay shares with Billy and Callum deposits jay on the sofa. He gives Ben a small smile then heads out the back door. Ben followed him and for a minute they watched the moon- it was a clear, dark night. 

Tentatively Ben asks “see you around?”

Callum smiles “maybe....”

Before he can say anything else Ben can’t help himself and pulls Callum in for a kiss. Callum is surprised and lets out a soft whimper before kissing him back and spinning them round so Bens back is against the door  
It’s hot, steamy and passionate and it feels like they’re the only two people in the world 

“I don’t wana be away from you...” Callum whispers. 

Ben replies 'good....” and pulling his body to him so they move as one


	5. Brutal Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My work... particularly like this one

'Are you sure about this bruv? You don't have to do this' 

'Yes I do Stuart. I have to see him.'

'But Cal, Whit wouldn't want...'

'This is not about Whitney, this is about me Stuart. I have to do this. Please'

'Okay, I'll be inside if you need anything'

Stuart went inside the bar. He had reservations about Callum calling their father out of the blue, they'd had a hard upbringing- both of them bearing the brunt of his anger. So of.course he was worried, he wanted to protect Callum. He was his baby brother. 

'Callum, son!' Their dad Jonno appeared around the corner. He seemed smaller than Callum remembered, although when he was eight everyone seemed big and scary. 

'Dad...' 

'Why on earth are you wearing that girly colour for? Don't want to get mistaken for a... you know?'

'A what?'

'A poof. Now, I want to hear all about this fiance of yours. Stunner is she?'

Callum reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He showed his dad his screensaver of him and Whitney. 

'Go on my son. Got yourself a keeper there. Got anymore photos?' 

Callum unlocked his phone and showed his dad a photo. He watched his dad for a minute scrolling through the photos and then his expression changed. His face darkened. 

'What is it?'

'You have lots of photos with this lad. One with a little girl as well. Some on his own, like he didn't know you were taking it. Friends of yours?' His dad asked, a slight edge to his voice.

'Oh, that's Ben. And the little girl is his daughter Lexi'

'Does his bird know you taking photos without his.consent?'

'Ben doesn't have a bird. He's gay'

'So... why does he have a daughter for gods sake. And why is he texting you all the time? Callum, I know this is difficult but you have to know that lying to everyone, including Whit, is only hurting everyone. I get you, I get this. We'll do this together! And you're replying with you can't do it yet!' 

'Why are you reading my text messages?'

'Seems I'm right to. Who is he? Has he got you under his spell or something? What are you lying to your fiance for?'

'This is the hardest thing you'll ever hear from me, but I need to say it and you need to hear it. I didn't call you here to talk about weddings. I need you to know... I... I...I like boys Dad. I think I always have.'

'Enough! No son of mine is a queer!' Jonno grabbed his son by the neck of his shirt and pinned him to the window of the Prince Albert. 

'Let go, you're hurting me!' 

'You think you're better than all us don't you? You're a weed of a man. Useless lump who amounts to nothing. I thought you might invite me to your wedding, but you invite me here to tell me you are a poof!' 

'That word is horrible Dad!'

'Don't call me dad! You are not my son. You are not the man I raised you to be'

'You didn't raise me to be anything!'

'Callum... oi, put him down!' Ben had been on his way to the bar but seeing Callum pinned up against the window set all his emotions raising in the wrong way. 

'Oh here he comes, so convenient!' Jonno heard the shout and recognised Ben from the photos. He clenched his fist ready to hit him when a punch landed on his face quicker than he saw coming. He was sent spiralling to the ground and Stuart saw the opportunity to pin him to the window. 

'Touch my brother again and I swear I'll kill you Dad'

'You haven't got the.bottle! You're a wimp and he's a poof'

'I don't care what he is. He's my brother and your son. Callum, get out of here. I'll find you later'

Callum was staring at his brother when he felt a tentative arm on his shoulder. He relaxed when he saw it was Ben. Ben beckoned him to follow and Callum followed dumbfounded, trying to block out the homophobic abuse his dad was shouting at him. 

'So that's your old man then Callum? He has anger issues, now I see why you were so scared of him. Cut from the same cloth our dads'

'I... I've never seen him so angry Ben. I disgust him'

'I heard what he called you. How did he figure it out? I only know cause I've been where you are'

'I... I needed to say it out loud and I wanted him to be the first one to hear it. I can't think... I can't think about the future until I.fix my past'

'Wait you told him?'

'He saw all our messages and my photos of you on my phone. And I told him I like boys... I never told him I like you but he figured it out. He said I'm not his son anymore... and you know what. For the first time in my life I'm putting me first. What do I want? Who am I? I can answer those questions... and that's down to you Ben. You had the courage to make me see I'm only hurting myself until I admit it. So here I am admitting it. I'm gay' 

Callum looked over at Ben who had unshed tears forming in his eyes. Without uttering a word he placed both hands on Callums cheeks and reached over to kiss him on the cheek. Callum felt the butterflies rise up in the pit of his stomach and the rush of electricity flow through him. 

'Thank you' Ben whispered in his ear, before Callum smiled and pulled away to look at him. His eyes were shining with a thousand tears, but they were happy tears.


	6. Pull Me.Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the best in shots I've ever read. Another one by the amazing @LouiseMacAllis2

It was dark in the Square. Callum wandered aimlessly around replaying the confrontation with his dad in his head   
“No son of mine is a disgusting queer'  
'Dad please don’t....   
'think you’re better do ya...  
'you’re hurting me!”

Tears started welling up in his eyes. Using his T-shirt which was emblazoned with a Pride slogan, Callum wiped the tears away.  
He found himself sitting at the bus stop, the detritus of the days celebrations littered everywhere. He remembered seeing Ben that afternoon and had yearned to approach him but he resisted. Just thinking about Ben caused Callum’s heart to elevate, he hadn’t been able to keep his thoughts from straying to him for weeks - his scent, his touch, his low voice whispering things that night in the park...

Suddenly Callum heard a low moan. He got up to investigate. To his horror he found Ben slumped against the Arches bleeding profusely from his lips, nose and forehead.

“Oh my... Ben!”  
Kneeling down besides him, “Can you stand?”  
Ben squinted at him through bruised eyes and nodded weakly. Callum gently pulled him to his feet but as he did Ben gasped in pain, clutching his side.  
'I’m sorry”  
“It’s ok ...just get me inside”

The door to the arches was unlocked so Callum led them both in. He carefully sat Ben down in the office chair and found the first aid box sitting on the shelf. Taking out cotton balls and antiseptic fluid, Callum sat on the desk, leaned over and started cleaning Ben up. 

“Who did this to you?”  
“Three lads... didn’t recognise them”  
“So they attacked you for no reason?”  
“Well one of them mentioned....”  
“What?”  
“Jonno”  
“my dad! What-“

Ben whispered “I saw him pin you against the wall... you looked terrified of him. I had to say something...”  
“what did you say?”  
“Just a few observations... mainly that he was a scumbag and he had no right to hurt you”.   
Callum felt the tears springing into his eyes again “thanks” and continued to gently dab Bens cut lip. Ben suddenly grasped Callum’s hand and held it to his face, nuzzling his cheek there.

The two men locked eyes and something inside Callum shifted. He leaned towards Ben and lay a a gentle kiss on his forehead. Surprised by the intimate gesture Ben gasped slightly due to the pain but when Callum carefully pulled away he leaned up to kiss him on the lips. Callum looked at him for a moment before leaning down to kiss him back.


	7. I Need You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love this one...

'What's a good looking guy like you doing in a bar on his own?' 

'Waiting to be picked up...' 

Callum felt a rush of excitement as Ben sat next to him, running his fingers down his leg. Ben made him feel so alive. 

'What you drinking?'

'Nothing. I want you.' Callum looked up, almost pleading with him and Ben smiled. 

'Easy does it tiger' he said with a wink, before ordering them two brandies. 

The sexual chemistry was evident all night, flowing flirtatious looks and touching whenever there was no one around. Callum was aching for Ben and eventually it became too much to bear. He stood up, drained his glass and pulled Ben outside, into the secluded alleyway. 

'My, my Mr Highway. Want your wicked way with me?' 

'Shut up and come here'

With both hands tucked under Ben's belt, Callum pulled him into a bruising kiss. The kind of kiss filled with desire and passion. The kind that lit a fire in them. 

Ben bit back a moan as Callum pinned his arms to the wall and kissed his neck slowly, paying attention to the junction where Bens jaw met his neck. Finally eliciting a moan, he smiled and brought his lips up lazily to meet Bens who pulled him closer, feeling Callum relaxed as he tangled his hands in his hair.

'Come back to mine' Callum whispered in his ear. 

'Whit?'

'Visiting Bianca. I'm all yours, if you want me and can handle me that is'

Ben captured his lips in a crushing kiss until Callum pulled away, running across the square hand in hand. When they reached the flat, Ben began kissing Callums shoulder blades through his jacket. 

Callum could feel his breath hitching as he struggled to unlock the door. Finally managing it, he pulled Ben into the flat and kicked the door shut, kissing him fiercely and ripping his shirt from his body. 

Doof doof doof....


	8. I Wouldn't Say No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's done it again... wrote an amazing one.shot. @LouiseMacAllis2

It’s a scorching day in the square  
Callum has been running. His black t-shirt is clinging too tightly to his body, highlighting the toned stomach beneath it. A light sheen of sweat on his forehead, hair slightly flopping over his eyes, he jogs out of his way, towards the garage.   
Ben is helping out at the garage - he’s fixing a car, overalls tied at the waist, oil stains on his arms and clothes.

He catches Callum’s eye as he’s jogging past & flashes him a smirk  
Callum stops and panting slightly “got any water?”  
Ben goes into the garage and tosses him a bottle   
Watches Callum drink some then splash some over his hair and face  
“your tops all wet now” Ben says playfully  
Callum smiles and winks. “I can take it off if you prefer”  
“I wouldn’t say no...”

Callum pulls the garage door closed from behind them then pushes Ben against the bonnet of a car trapping his body with his own, hands placed on the bonnet  
Callum in low tones “what do you want?”  
Ben massively turned on by Callum’s sexual confidence “you... in that back seat now”  
Callum growls under his breath and pulls Ben in by the overalls, and places a searingly hot kiss on his lips  
Ben needing to feel Callum’s skin pulls his T-shirt over his head and tosses it in the corner  
They continue to kiss before Ben drags Callum into the back seat and pulling him into a lying position on top of him ...


	9. Killing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heavy one shot... had to write one angsty one!

Ben knew it wasn't going to be easy for him. He'd been there, he understood, but he never expected any of this. It had been fun and first, the thrill was in the chase after all, making him squirm and thinking he was going to expose him. 

But the way Callum had ignored him, cut him off was hurting him more than he'd ever thought possible. It was killing him to see Callum with Whitney... and he knew he couldn't pretend forever. Jay was getting suspicious- all he could do when they were in the square was stare, as if sending subconscious messages to Callum willing him to turn around. He needed to do something, but what?

As it turned out, Callum made the first move. The engine on the hearse was playing up and instead of asking Keanu he went to the garage to seek.out Ben. He knocked on the door and.heard a grunt so went in. 

'What do you want?' Ben asked, avoiding Callums face. 

'Engine on hearse is whining'

'So, go and find Keanu. I'm busy'

'Sorry, I just thought...'

'Yeah, yeah. Piss off Callum'

'What's eating you?'

'Why are you so interested? Thought you wanted nothing to do with me.'

'I didn't say that'

'Nothing did happen. This ends now. You're words Callum, not mine. Now as I said, I've got places to be, people to see'

'Another hook up?'

'And what business is it of yours?'

'Look... What I said... I was angry and confused'

'Not interested'

'Ben, I....'

'What?'

'Why won't you look at me? What's so interesting on the floor?'

'I don't want to look at you'

'Disgust you do I?' The hurt in Callums voice was obvious and Ben was shocked to hear it. 

'No, you couldn't. Disgust, never'

'So, you just don't care, is that it?'

'Callum, can you answer me one thing?'

'What?'

'What exactly do you want from me?'

'An honest answer would be a start'

'Honesty from the closet gay.. don't make me laugh'

Callum eyes widened in hurt and he turned his back on Ben, making a move towards the door but Ben moved around him and closed the door. 

'Move'

'That was out of order Callum, I'm sorry'

'Whatever, move'

'You think I don't care. That's what you said to me a minute ago'

'I don't know Ben.'

'You know I care, I told you. In E20'

'But what's the truth?'

'You want the truth?'

'Just be honest with me. And I'll do the same with you'

'Okay, you asked for it so here goes. I thought it was just a bit of fun. I thought I could help you cause I've been through this journey. But now I'm wishing I'd never bothered. Know why?'

'Because I disgust you'

'Callum, you don't disgust me. Quite the opposite. That's why I'm.wishing I'd never bothered. It's killing me, every time I see you with Whitney. Every kiss you give her, a piece of me breaks in two. Every night you share her bed, I lay awake wishing I was with you. Wishing it so hard. Everytime I see you, I ache for you. You asked me to stay away so I did but it's killing me Callum. And I can't do it anymore'

'So don't!' 

'Don't what?'

'Stay away... we're being honest... That night, the night we shared Ben was the best night of my life. I wasn't lonely anymore, I was me! And you know why I freaked out? Because one night with you doesn't compare to the year and a half I've had with Whitney. I felt elated and wanted for the first time ever'

Ben stayed silent, his eyes fixed on Callum. This was what he needed to hear.

'I'm not a bad person Ben. I don't want to hurt anyone but now I know I'm hurting you and that is something I never wanted or meant to do. I'm sorry.' 

Callums voice broke and so did Ben's heart in that moment. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Callum, breathing in the smell that was so quintessentially Callum. It took Callum half a seconf to respond, pulling Ben to him. 

'I'll remember you like this... my beautiful, broken boy' Ben whispered

'What?'

'This is the real you Callum. The you I know is in there, the you that doesn't want to hurt anyone. You're a good man, and you make.me want to be better'

'You make me want to at least try and be honest, but whenever I try I just can't find the words'

'Callum...'

'Yeah?'

'Please don't shut me out. I can't stand to watch you suffer and do nothing to help. You're too important to me'

'You asked me what I want from you. The answer is you, I want you. I've never known what its like to want someone, until you Ben'

Ben smiled widely and cuddled tighter to Callum, both drawing.strength from each other. Maybe together... they could try and be the people they had always wanted to be.


	10. Morning Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite one shot she's written... hot under the collar! @LouiseMacAllis2

Ben slowly opened his eyes. The sheets felt rumpled and cool against his naked body, his muscles aching in the best way - a reminder of the encounter he and Callum had the night before. He closed his eyes and recalled the way Callum had held him as he rode him, placing kisses along his chest and neck, whispering things in the dark.

Ben opened his eyes again and turned to look at Callum but his side was empty. Pulling on his boxers, Ben got up to investigate. In the kitchen he saw that Callum was at the kitchen counter with his back to him. Ben let his eyes take over Callum’s tall lean body, his white T-shirt clinging to him and the perfect curves of his ass...

“Morning Mr Highway”  
Callum turned to face him, a mug of tea in each hand & a small smile on his face   
“Hey... I was just gonna bring this into ya”

Ben felt a warm feeling rise from the pit of his stomach. Even though they had agreed this was just a fling and they were taking advantage of having the flat to themselves due to Whitney being in London visiting friends for the weekend, Ben liked the sudden domesticity of the moment and his affection for the gorgeous man in front of him increased.

He slowly walked over to Callum and accepted the steaming mug   
“Wow... mind blowing sex & a brew waiting for me when I get up ... you really are something else aren’t ya?”

Callum cast his eyes downwards, his cheeks reddening. This only endeared him more to Ben.  
“What’s wrong? You feeling shy about what we got up to last night? Cuz you definitely weren’t shy then...”  
“Not shy no... just... you’ve been with other men. Was I any good?”  
“Are you kidding me? You were amazing!”

Callum looked into Bens eyes and could see he was sincere. Despite the weeks of trying to deny it, something had awoken in Callum & when he was around Ben, he couldn’t help himself. He leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips and Ben who could taste the sweet tea on his lips and smell Callum’s faded aftershave, felt his arousal getting stronger.

“So what have you got planned for me this morning?”  
“I’ve gotta go to work soon.... join me in the shower first?”  
Ben didn’t need to be asked twice. They chased eachother into the bathroom, discarding their clothes along the way, turned the water on, letting it cascade onto their bodies. Callum suddenly pinned Bens wrists above his head and kissed him with so much passion, Ben thought his legs might give way. He moaned into the kiss, their tongues exploring, their hands curious until Callum finally whispered “i need you so bad”  
Ben already blissed out, whispered back   
'then have me...”


	11. Locked Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this ages ago... hope you all like it!

With Whitney away at the spa, Callum had the weekend to himself. He knew he shouldn't but he'd paid for her to go so he could get her out of the way. She'd thought he was being nice but he had an ulterior motive.He'd phoned Jay and told him he was sick and not to be disturbed, not wanting to get interrupted and then he'd phoned Ben. 

'So, what's all this in aid of?' Ben asked as he shrugged off his jacket and sat on the sofa  
'No one saw you did they?' Callum asked as he sat himself next to Ben, carrying two cups of tea.   
'Not that I was aware of. Will you answer my question?'   
'Is it bad I just wanted to spend some time with you?'   
Bens smile widened as he took the cup from Callum, noticing as he got a tiny current of electricity as their hands met.   
'Not at all. Corny slightly but not bad'  
'I want you to know, I'm not ashamed of this... of whatever this is.... between us I.mean... I'm just not ready...'  
Ben reached over and put a finger to Callums lips, silencing him.   
'It's okay. I told you, no one can rush you. You have to take your time and be ready whenever you are.'  
'I don't want you to feel...'  
'Don't worry about me. Though it feels weird having someone.worry about me. No one would miss me I always thought'

Callum smiled sadly. This side of Ben, the side he was usually privy to was the side of Ben he found completely adorable.   
'What are you smiling at?'  
'You. Your adorable you know that?'  
'No I'm not, stop it'

Callum reached over, forgetting their tea and caressed Bens cheek with one hand, and wrapping the.other one around his neck  
'Yes you are. Well you are to me, so let's agree to leave it there. Deal?'  
Ben smiled and leaned forward, resting his forehead on Callums, feeling his warm.breath on his face  
'This can't stop Callum. I'm in too deep for it to stop'  
'So am I, I think'  
'Right answer'

Ben kissed Callum, softly and slowly, never wanting this moment to end. He thinks he is falling.for him but doesnt want.to say anything, for fear of frightening him off. And that is the last thing he wants. 

'So, where's Whitney? Working again?'  
'No'  
'I guess what I mean is, when is she expected back, so I can make sure I know'  
'8 o clock tomorrow night her train gets back to Walford'  
'Tomorrow... what?'  
'I thought she might appreciate a visit to a spa and I thought we would appreciate some alone time'

Ben's smile widened, which told Callum he'd done exactly the right thing.   
'So... Ben.... what I wanted to ask...'  
'You want me to stay the night?'  
'How do you always know what im thinking?.  
'Because I know you and the answer is yes. It will always be a yes'  
'Really?'  
'Yes. So, what about Jay?'  
'Oh, I told him I had flu so not to cone near. It's just us'  
'That is a very good answer. So, Mr Highway, shall we take this in the other room'?  
.I like thr way you think Mr Mitchell'

Callum took Bens hand and kissed him which lit a fire in Ben. Running to the bedroom and shutting te.door, they sated their desires for each other. 

****************************************************

The sun was streaming in through the gap in the curtains, basking the room in a golden glow. Callum was always up before the sun, but not today. He was still sound asleep, his head tucked into Bens shoulder as they slept cocooned into each other. Until the sun shone right on Ben's face and forced him to interrupt his slumber. It took him a minute to remember where he was, but when he saw Callum sleeping into his neck, he smiled softly and lay back on the pillows, deep in thought. 

'What time is it?' Ben heard Callum grumble a while later  
'Time to get up Mr Highway'  
'Haha, seriously, what time is it?'  
'Just after 9'  
'What? I never sleep this late'  
'Well you did today'  
'I can't believe it'  
'I can't believe you got rid of Whitney for the weekend. You did that, for me'

Callum sat up in bed, stretching his arms and Ben saw the opportunity to tickle him. Callum was extremely ticklish and for a few minutes they tickled each other, laughing and playing, until Callum pinned Ben to the bed, grinning inanely. His eyes danced with mischief as he kissed Callum passionately, needing to be near him and feel him in that moment. 

'I never get enough of your kisses' Callum breathed as Ben pulled back  
'Good, because I never get enough of giving them to you'  
'So, we have the day together'  
'So it would seem. Any requests?'  
'Maybe one'  
'Oh yeah?'  
'Me. You. Soaping each other in the shower'  
'Sold!' Ben kissed Callum and let him get off the bed, before they practically ran to the bathroom. 

A while later they were curled up on the sofa when Callum began to worry about Ben. He had barely said two words since they returned from the shower and he was wondering if Ben was regretting what had happened.   
'Ben... are you okay?'  
'Yeah sorry.... I was just thinking....'  
'Have I ruined this?'  
'What?' Bens head snapped to look around at Callum, to see if he was joking. One look told him he was being serious.   
'Is this... are you.... second thoughts?'  
'Second thoughts about what?'  
'This... us... whatever we think this is'  
'No! Why would you even think that?'  
'Because you have barely said two words since we came back from the shower. I thought maybe you'd decided you'd made a mistake'  
'Oh Callum. Amazing, beautiful Callum. I'm sorry, I am not having any second thoughts about us. The opposite actually'  
'I'm confused'  
'You remember what I said at the party... about Paul'  
'You said a lot'  
'About how we spent our first night in the bedroom... and how I hadn't done it since... I just slept with people. Well now I think it's different Callum, and that's because of you. I've had a.void since he died and I never thought I would feel romantically about anyone again. You're the first person since Paul that I have stayed with... as in the whole night and wanted to stay with'  
'Oh Ben...'  
'I think I'm... I mean, I know what I think this is'  
'Say it'  
'I don't want to ruin this, scare you off'  
'That will never happen!'  
'Still....'  
'Tell me Ben please. I'll say it if you say it'   
Ben's eyes widened.   
'You... feel it.to'  
'I think so. You asked me if I'd ever been in love? I said yes, but the answer is no. Not until you' 

Ben's eyes misted over with tears as he kissed Callum on the lips and whispered something in his ear before they cuddled together, needing to be with each other.


	12. After Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again written by the amazing @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum wandered through the square replaying his run in with Stuart in his head

'I saw you with the Mitchell scumbag... he was all over you'

'honestly stu, it's not what it looked like... He was just offering me support.. You know about dad'

'don't let yourself get sucked in... that lad is trouble... He'll try and turn you into one of them"

Callum started trembling as he recalled the feelings of conflict and shame but when he allowed his feelings to return to Ben his heart lifted. The advice he'd given him meant a lot and the kiss felt so sincere - he wanted to experience that feeling again. Callum suddenly saw that the car lot light was on and decided to see if Ben was there.

He gently knocked and heard  Ben call out 'it's open'  
Callum stepped inside, his stomach doing back flips as he found Ben with his feet on the desk and nursing a bottle of beer  
'hey... What brings you here?'

Callum walks around the desk so he's right in front of Ben.  
'I needed to see you... I know I should stay away but I can't help it... Yesterday meant a lot.. I guess I just wanted to say thanks'  
Ben's eyes softened as he looked at callum blush slightly.  
'fancy a beer?'

Callum nodded so Ben handed him a bottle. As their fingers touched, they could feel the electricity pass between them. Callum placed his beer on the desk then took Ben's from him and set it next to his. He then leaned down to take Ben's face in his hands and kissed him with so much passion and eagerness that Ben let out a soft sigh and pulled callum onto his lap so he was straddling him. As they kissed, callum pushed Ben's leather jacket from his shoulders while Bens hands slid up under the other man's t-shirt. Callum shivered as he felt Ben's fingers caress his warm skin and pulled back to look in his eyes which mirrored the fire and longing in his own eyes. Ben pulled the t-shirt over callums head exposing his pale toned chest and placed feather light kisses there while callum moaned in ecstasy. He opened the buttons on Ben's shirt and flung it across the room before reaching down to the button on his jeans  
Ben looked up at the trembling man and asked 'are you sure?'  
Callum simply nodded and leaned back in to kiss him...


	13. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was one I wrote in twenty minutes last night. After thinking it was horrible, I've been told its good so thought you might like to have a gander :)   
> Enjoy

Walfords first ever gay pride had been and gone. The square was still littered with flags and plastic glasses that would take ages to clear up. It was a day that had been sad for Ben, as he remembered happier times with Paul. He was battling his emotions and just wanted to be in control, to feel what he was feeling and let it go. 

For Callum, it had been a realisation that if he could have the confidence to be who he wanted to be, then this was the place to do it. It wasn't about where your from or what you offer, you're all united who you are... if only he could let go of his reservations. Just like Ben. 

Whitney and Lola had gone to another pride event on the.other side of London to shift the t shirts Whitney had made. Everyone else was out, so Ben had invited Callum back. He knew they had to have this chat at some point. For weeks they'd been sneaking around but he wanted this to be different... more than a seedy affair. Because he knew he saw it like that, but did Callum?

'So, first pride ever in Walford?'

'Prince Albert is on the map of London's gay bars. We had to do something to compete.'

'Well I think it was brilliant'

'You do?'

'I said so.didn't I?'

'It can't have been easy for you Callum. Watching everyone celebrating this thing that you can't embrace just yet'

'Well a little, but it also opened my eyes. That there is a whole community out there... if only I could be brave enough'

'I believe in you. But you have to believe in your heart it's the right time. Not before'

Callum moved closer to Ben who smiled to himself when he saw Callum hesitating.   
'What is it?'

'Is it okay?'

'Is what okay?'

'To do this?' 

Callum tentatively reached his arm across the back of the sofa before putting it around Ben's shoulders. Ben smiled widely and shuffled closer to Callum, leaning into him and resting his head on Callums chest. They sat there comfortably for a moment, not needing to speak. 

'You don't need to ask if it's okay. It's okay always. More than okay actually'

'What is this?'

'What's what?'

'This? Because I might be wrong... but its more than a fling... I don't know... but its more. It's not just about getting my rocks off... we have a connection.'

Ben raised his head to look at Callum. This was the most open he'd seen him so he sat there and said nothing for a second, just noticing how much he liked this domestic set up. 

'You're in here... (he pointed at his head) and in here... (pointed at his heart)... I shouldn't but I can stop, even if I wanted to, which I don't' 

'Same here' was the quiet reply that came from Ben who sat up and put his hand in Callums. 

'You feel it to?'

Ben rested his forehead on Callums and whispered  
'I always have. From the moment at Paul's party, probably before...'

'Why didn't you say anything?'

'Because I couldn't. You had to reach it in your own time Callum. No one could rush you, no matter how much I wanted you'

'So you like me?'

'Very much so. I guess the question is, do you like me back?'

Callum caressed Ben's cheeks with his hands before kissing him on the cheek and whispering the one word   
'Yes. I do like you, a lot'

Ben smiled and pulled Callum in for a slow kiss, but with the house empty the temptation proved too great and they succumbed to their animal instincts, ripping each others shirts off and running upstairs.


	14. Owning It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's written another cracker for you @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum had spent the last few weeks in the flat hiding from everyone. The truth was finally out about him and Ben- in the packed pub no less. Well, when they'd been kissing in the toilets what did they expect? He had been faced with a barrage of mixed emotions and reactions from people - disbelief and anger from Whitney, resentment from Stuart, shock from Jay, support & understanding from Mick, while others cast him accusatory or sympathetic looks. This was what he had been afraid of- not people finding out what he was- the thought of people judging him and being shunned- because deep down he had known this was what he had known would happen and he didn't know if he could cope with all the looks. 

So that was why, he hadn't been out in over three weeks, hiding in the flat, refusing to come to the door or answer his phone. Ben had assured him he must do it as his own pace and even said he was happy to let him go if it meant Callum would stop punishing himself with self harm. Callum knew he couldn't run away from it, he was just too scared to face the alternative- that everyone hated him. But while people were shocked and angry, they were deeply worried, a young man hiding himself way and scared to face up to his own reality. Several people had tried to get him to listen - even Whitney. Once she adjusted to the news, she had sat outside the door to the flat trying to convince Callum it was ok - she just wanted him to be happy. Mick, Jay & Stuart had all tried different tactics to get him to leave the flat but to no avail- Callum was too scared to leave his safe place- his thoughts always of Ben and wondering what he must think of him behaving like this. 

Finally one afternoon, Callum read through the numerous texts he had received over the past few weeks, including a final one from Ben which said 3 simple words “I love you”. As he read it, Callum’s heart began to swell and he realised he needed to accept himself and embrace this or he’d never be happy. Chances of true happiness were few and far between, and he knew Ben wouldnt have said the words to him lightly- after what had happened to the last guy he loved. Making the decision, he showered, shaved and changed into fresh clothes and headed to The Vic determined to face up to things. He paused outside for a moment, trying to decide whether he should do this but he knew he had to. He opened the doors and silence immediately fell. Everyone turned to look at him but Callum only had eyes for one man standing at the bar. Jay looked over Bens shoulder and indicated Ben should turn around. Ben turned around and saw Callum in the doorway, he smiled and waved, waiting to see if Callum would come over. 

Callum suddenly realised all eyes were on them, including Whitney who was sitting in the corner with Bianca. He searched her face for anger or hate but found none. Instead she offered him a small smile and that was all the encouragement he needed. Callum slowly moved towards Ben, wrapped one hand around the back of his neck, the other around his waist, pulled him towards him and kissed him. There were a few gasps which soon erupted into wolf whistles when Ben wrapped his arms around Callum and responded passionately. It was as if everything fell away and it was just them until Mick quipped loudly “oi oi! Get a room you two!” Callum & Ben chuckled as they slowly pulled apart, their eyes shining, ready to face things together.


	15. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I wrote this one a couple of days ago... fic I've been mulling around for a while now

'There you are... Callum, lots of people are worried about you' 

'Leave me alone' 

'Callum...'

'Does everyone hate me Mick?'

I'm not going to lie that we aren't shocked, but hate you. I don't think anyone hates you'

'My dad, Stuart, Whitney, Ben...'

'Your dad is a bigot Callum. He's always been trouble. You know my thoughts on your brother... Whitney is in shock, she will calm down. And Ben, he doesnt hate you'

'How do you know?'

'Because I've listened to him for the last half an hour, his voice on the verge of breaking telling Whitney that he made you kiss him and it's all his fault. He told her it was all his fault'

'He said that?'

'He also said to Whitney he fell in love with you but you didn't feel the same so he was going to let you be with her' 

'What?'

'He blames himself Stuart caught you in the toilets'

'He shouldn't. Stuart told me if he caught me with him again he'd out me... and he kept his promise'

'How long has this been going on?'

'All my life so it would seem. I've never felt like I belong. I've always done what I should, never what feels right. But then I couldn't do it anymore'

'Because of Ben?'

'He sees me Mick. For the first time, I didn't feel lonely. I didn't want to do this. I tried to fight it but I can't. It's who I am' 

Callum broken down in tears, burying his face in his hands. He'd been outed in the pub by his brother. He'd been called a poof and his brother had disowned him, before spitting in his face. Whitney had slapped him when he'd been unable to look her in the eye. Ben had emerged from behind him and Whitney had realised the impossible was true... Stuart was telling the truth. She'd thrown the engagement ring in his face and Callum had run away. 

Why had he let it get this far? Why hadn't he been able to say no to Ben? He knew why, because he was like him... he wanted to be with him and he'd been a coward. Now everyone hated him. 

'Callum, my son. You're gay. It's nothing to be ashamed of' 

'But it is. I've been doing the worst thing possible according to my brother. I'm no better than a nonce'

'Right, you get that out of your head right now. Callum, you are one of the most courageous young men I've ever known. This doesn't define you. It makes you stronger, if you can accept who you are. Let me ask you, do you love Whitney?'

'Not the way I wanted to. I never did'

'And Ben?'

'I really really didn't want this to happen. He saw it months ago and he was right- lying to myself has ripped me apart. And I can't do it anymore. I just want to be me- I want to be with him. I love him'

'There's your answer. Now, you better get after him'

'Where is he?'

'Whitney told him to go and he said he was going to Manchester. He wants you to be happy but he can't stay here he said, not without you. Callum, real love doesn't come around in this world very often and Ben is willing to break his heart after everything he has been through, to save your soul... go and find him'

'He's leaving...'

'Yes'

'But... what about everyone else?'

'To hell with them Callum. If you love him and he loves you, what does it matter what everyone thinks? If you don't go, you'll lose him and I know you don't want that. No one can know what the two of you have.'

'He asked me if I'd ever been in love. I thought I had, but not like this. I love him so much it hurts'

'True love hurts Callum. Nothing easy about it. But if you love him, you can face anything. So go. Before it's too late. I'm proud of you'

'You are...?'

'Yes. You're like my son Callum. Always will be. Go and get your prince, you deserve to be happy'

'Thank you'

Callum embraced Mick in a quick hug before running down the stairs and out the pub, via the back door. Was he too late? Had he missed him? Where would he go? He didn't know... wait, yes he did. He knew Ben, better than he knew himself if he was honest?

Taking off towards the tube, he was relieved he'd listened to his instincts cause there was Ben, his bag slumped over his shoulder, head down as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

'Ben...' he called. He was surprised at how broken his voice sounded. Ben stopped and waited several seconds before turning around. Callum could see he was crying. Like he'd never ever seen him cry before

'Callum... why aren't you with...?'

The question died on Ben's lips as Callum ran to him and pulled him into a bruising kiss. The type of kiss he never thought he would get again off Callum. What felt like eternities passed them as Ben pulled Callum closer, running his hands through his hair, the moaning escaping his mouth as he yearned for this moment to never end. 

'Wow...' was all Ben could muster as Callum pulled apart. Ben couldn't help it, he always seemed to melt around Callum. He'd fallen for him, like you fell asleep, slowly and then all at once. He hadn't seen it coming but realised to late and by then, he had fallen, hook, line and sinker.

'What are you doing?' Callum whispered, his face searching Ben's for something. 

'Right now? I'm remembering that kiss... a very nice goodbye one it was'

'Goodbye? Who's saying goodbye?'

'We have to Callum. It's the right thing. You said people would ger hurt but I still kissed you in the toilets'

'I kissed you back'

'Callum, I can't stay here watching you and Whitney carry on. It's killing me to leave you but I have to. I want you to be happy'

'You make me happy, you stupid fool. You're the only person who's ever made me happy'

'Callum... don't do this'

'Listen to me... (he pulled Ben towards him, gripping him roughly by the collar of his leather jacket)... Ben Mitchell, let me put this in terms you might understand. I love you, you're the only person I have ever loved. Why are you leaving me?'

'Because I thought you didn't want me...'

'it's gone beyond wanting Ben. I need you. I can't function without you. You're half of me. You complete me'

'You mean that?' 

'Every word. I love you'

'I love you too'

'Are you going to kiss me?'

'You know me so well'

Ben pulled Callum down into a frenzied kiss, panting as relief flooded through them both. Tensions rising, Callum pulled Ben to the flat and reluctantly pushed him away to open the door. 

'I love you Callum. More than you will ever know'

'I love you more. So much it hurts Ben.'

Ben smiled and took off his jacket, frantically pushing Callums shirt from his body....

Doof...


	16. Pride and Prejudice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fabulous one written by @LouiseMacAllis2

The music blared through the Prince Albert, everyone in rainbow colours enjoying themselves, laughing & dancing.  
Callum stood dazed amongst them all feeling out of place. He looked down at his “Gay as” T-shirt, replaying the confrontation he’s just had with Stuart in his head...

“You wana tell me about last night?”

“Last night?”

“You and the Mitchell scum (Callum’s heart rate elevated as he thought about Ben) - he was all over you...”

Stuttering, Callum responded “that was nothing...”

“A bloke kissing another bloke... I know exactly what that was Cal”

“No you don’t! Ben was just being a mate...”

“Pull the other one. He is definitely no mate of yours”

“I’m serious Stu. He has just telling me he knows what it’s like to have a dad like that”

Stuart looked at his younger brother with a sceptical glare “just stay from him. He’s just trying to force you to be like him...”

Callum had stormed off at that point, unable to listen anymore. He went behind the bar and watched Stuart leave. Whitney came over to pull him onto the dance floor and that’s where he was now mulling over his thoughts and unable to bear it.

Suddenly he felt his jeans buzzing. Callum pulled out his phone and his breathing quickened as he read the text from Ben “Meet me in the park”  
Callum didn’t need to think twice. He needed to see him and didn't care about who saw him leave. He navigated his way quickly through the brightly coloured crowd and made his way out into the square where the evening light had started to fall. He hurried across to the deserted park (everyone was enjoying the Pride celebrations elsewhere) and there leaning against the allotment shed was Ben.  
Callum walked towards him, his heart beating faster with every step until he was standing in front of him.

“Wasn’t sure if you were gonna come...”

Callum quickly replied “I had to...I needed to see you”

“Is everything -“ but before Ben could finish his question Callum with no regard for who might spot them, placed his hands on Bens face and pulled him in for a kiss. Ben gasped and tugged Callum in by the waist.

They pulled apart, each looking at the other with darkened eyes before leaning in, touching eachothers foreheads, their lips inches from one another...  
Callum grabbed Bens hand and pulled him into the spacious allotment shed which had a battered old couch and a patterned throw on it. 

“Are you sure you’re ok with this?” Asked Ben who ever since yesterday had been pondering over his own rising feelings for the beautiful man in front of him. He looked into Callum’s piercing blue eyes and saw the fire in them. Callum nodded and pulled Ben towards him for another searing kiss before lowering their trembling bodies onto the couch and started to kiss his neck and whispered “I missed you” in his ear.


	17. Run To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my latest one shot... bit hot under the collar😂😂

He couldn't shake the connection. It had started out as a bit of fun to wind him up but after seeing how upset his dad had made him he had tried to be a friend and help him. But it was then that Ben had realised, this went beyond friendship. They shared a true understanding and respect for each other... a spark... a shot at something real. 

That was what had scared Ben. Pride Week had been hard on Callum... his dads attitude and everything else. All Ben could remember was how hot Callum had looked in the pink shirt, it really brought out his eyes. His eyes were so blue, just like a swimming pool and Ben could feel himself drowning in them.

He'd been so swept up in the closeness of the moment, he'd kissed him on the cheek... and he remembered it every time he closed his eyes. Callum leaning into it, feeling Callum breath on him, the coolness of his cheek beneath Ben's lips... Callum had his eyes closed the entire time... was that a good sign?

So here Ben was, running and running, working himself into a frenzy because the butterflies he'd felt were driving him crazy. He wanted Callum... but it scared him so much. His headphones had managed to block out the noise in his head but his heart was aching to see Callum and he could only ignore it for so long. 

Rounding the corner, he stopped. There was Callum, stretching against the bench in the park... the bench where they'd first kissed. His t-shirt had ridden up as he was stretching and Ben's heart did a backflip as he caught a glimpse of muscles and toned abdomen. He needed Callum, so biting the bullet he decided to go up. 

Jogging past, he pinched Callums bum as he went past, stopping just the other side of the bench when Callum stopped and looked up, a smirk already in place. 

'I could get you done for sexual harassment you know'

'Oh that I'd like to see Mr Highway'

'I bet there's plenty you'd like to see' Callum said, winking at Ben and jerking his head to the corner of the park... a place they were only too familiar with. Ben smirked and followed him. 

'Been running?' 

'What if I have?'

'Maybe we should go together next time...' 

Callum smiled as he pulled Ben too him, feeling his t shirt which was covered in sweat from the long run he'd been on. He smiled when he felt Ben shiver. 

'Think you could beat me in a run?' Ben teased him

'I could beat you anywhere. We both know that.'

'Are you flirting with me Callum?'

'Maybe I am. I must say, you are very sexy when you've been running Ben'

'Well, then maybe we should run again'

'To where?'

'My place? No one is in all afternoon. Ian has taken Kathy and Bobby out to celebrate up West. Think they wanted to be somewhere where no one knew Bobby. And Lola has taken Lexi, Will and Janet to London Zoo with Billy'

'You had me at my place...' Callum whispered, pulling Ben to him and kissing him. 

'Well let's go then... before someone catches us here'

'I think myself lucky cause I have you, you do know that right?'

'That's all I need to hear' Ben blushed and Callum smiled warmly. 

'Ben...'

'You don't need to. I know what you're going to say'

Callum smiled and leaned in towards Ben who leaned in as well. As soon as his eyes fluttered shut, Callum oushed him to the side and ran off shouting

'All mouth and no trousers Mr Mitchell? Catch me if you can'

Ben swore under his breath and set off after Callum. He chased him and caught up with him outside the cafe, grabbing him by the hand and taking him inside the yard, pinning Callum to the inside of the gate. 

'You do know that's a violation?'

'So sue me' said Callum, kissing Bens neck and chuckling when he felt him shudder and pull him closer. 

'Ah... ah... what you said to me... All mouth and no trousers... that can be a reality if you want' Ben kissed Callum deeply and allowed himself to be pushed across the yard and inside the back door to the kitchen. 

'No trousers?' Callum whispered

'If you like...' Ben pulled Callum towards the stairs, fiddling with the waistband of his shorts and smiling widely when he got a hum of excitement from Callum. 

'I do like... but only if it comes with tops off as well'

'You drive a hard bargain Callum, but I'm sure that can be arranged'

They both smiled as they pulled off their t-shirts, the heat rising as their skin made contact. They lit a fire within each other and running up the stairs they were only going to add flames to throw on it.


	18. You Would See That Alls Not Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my faves. Based after the episodes of Pride Week

Callum had pretty much worked it out at Pride. When he couldn't find his phone and Ben hadn't made a reappearance he'd worked out that Stuart had led Ben into a trap and it had made him even more alone. Seeing everyone celebrate Pride had been hard enough, the love, the laughter, the colours... but the thought of Ben being hurt because he'd tried to be honest was tearing him apart more than he thought it would. 

He had pretty much worked it out but he had to put his doubts to rest... he had to know if Ben was okay. He didn't care about himself enough to even make up an excuse he just left, and as he reached the main square he saw Stuart crossing from the.other side cradling his knuckles. Seeing red, he ran up to him and pushed him over, sending his brother flying into a pile of black bags outside the car lot. 

'What is the matter with you? Why can't you ever do what I ask?'

'What are you talking about?' 

'My phone disappears and so do you. And so does Ben. What did you do to him?'

'Nothing he didn't deserve'

'But he hasn't done anything to me Stuart'

'He has you in this state Callum. And as your big brother it's my job to protect you from scum like him'

'Scum.... that's what Dad said. He ain't scum... you don't know anything about him. And as for you being my big brother, you are right. You are supposed to be someone I can trust and open up to but the one time I try you do this. Not anymore. Now, where is he?'

'Callum...'

'Where is he?'

'Arches'

'Stay away from me Stuart and stay away from Ben'

'But....'

'You can't help yourself. You said you wanted your brother back and you had me, but not now. You've lost me'

Callum turned his back on his brother, leaving him lying in amongst the rubbish and ran to the Arches. The door was unlocked and there was Ben, barely conscious on the floor. 

'Oh my god Ben! What has he done to you?'

'Callum?'

'Sssh... It's alright I'm here now.' Callum was on the floor beside Ben, pulled out his phone but Ben.shook his head

'No hospital... I'm okay'

'You're not Ben. I'm so sorry'

'No! Callum, this is not your fault'

'It is. You're hurt...'

'It was a gay beating hardly your fault'

'Gay beating?'

'Yes, some stranger I bought back here...'

'Why are you lying to me?'

I'm not'

Ben reached out ans winced in pain. Callum helped him sit up against the metal cupboard and then he sat beside him. 

'I know this was my brother Ben and I am so sorry. It's all my fault'

'You must not.blame yourself. None of this is your fault'

'But it is... if it wasn't for what I said earlier, none of this would have happened. Why do I mess everything up?'

'What do you mean, what did you say to him?'

'He saw us last night Ben. I tried to blow it off but then I... I told him I saw you as more than a mate. You were right, I... I don't have to do this. But look what he did to You. Didn't you put up a fight?'

'Not even remotely. He told me I would stay away from you and I said I wasn't going anywhere. I knew what was coming and I took it'

'Why?'

'Same reason I stopped beating your dad, same reason I needed to make sure you were okay yesterday.'

'Which is what exactly?'

'To protect you. This journey your on Callum, it will be up to you when and if you're ready to tell people. I couldn't stand the thought of people taking it out on you and you being.forced to do something before you're ready'

'I need to ask you... are you doing this just to support me as a friend because you know what it's like or for another reason?'

Ben didn't say anything, instead slipped his hand into Callums and squeezed gently, allowing himself to get lost in his eyes for a moment. Callum looked down at their joined hands and without thinking, lifted Ben's hand to his face and kissed it gently. Ben's eyes widened and Callum dropped the hand, apologetically. 

'Sorry...'

'No! Callum, don't be sorry. Have I answered your question or do you need another clue?'

'I think I've worked it out... but maybe... you could fill in the.blanks for me?'

Ben smiled and closed the gap between them, their lips meeting for the first time since that forbidden night in the park. This was different but the same... the same need and the same urgency rushed through both of them as they gave into everything they had both been feeling but different in the sense of where they were both at. Callum had finally stopped pretending everything was fine and Ben had let his guard down and their hearts were both so.much more open to the idea.of each other... to love. 

As the kiss deepened, so did their bond.


	19. No One Knows Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this one!

Ben had never imagine when he returned to the square all those months ago that this would happen. He'd come back hell bent on ruining his dads life. He'd plan to wheedle his way in with Lola and Lexi, fleece his dad and then disappear but something had changed inside him. He'd come back with a mask almost so he could protect himself but it had well and truly evaporated when he'd met Callum. At first he had just wanted to help him- he had lived this journey himself but he'd realised pretty early on that he did care for him, and caring for Callum was all that Ben needed to finally stop blaming himself and hating his dad. And caring for Callum was all it took for Ben's heart to start to heal. Which is why he'd texted Callum this morning - he knew that Whitney was visiting Bianca in Milton Keynes today. 

'Hey stranger' Callum got into the car, sitting in the passenger seat

'Hey yourself' Ben sat staring for a second, before reaching over and squeezing Callum's leg. Callum smiled warmly and Ben felt a ripple flow through him. 

'So, your text sounded ominous. What is this, another hotel room in the middle of nowhere?'

'As severely tempting as that is, I thought we might have a day out'

'Where? And doing what?'

'I thought we might take a drive, thats all I want to tell you'

'Please...'

'Patience is a virtue Mr Highway, you will have to wait and see. But if you don't like what I planned please tell'

'I like you and I enjoy spending time with you Ben, I'm sure whatever it is will be lovely'

Ben reached over and covered Callum's hand with his own before putting the car into gear and driving. Callum noticed they were driving out of the centre of London. To say he was surprised, when they pulled park at the park was an understatement. Ben stopped the car and looked at Callum, seeing the surprise flicker across his face but he smiled reassuringly. They both got out of the car and Ben moved to the boot. Callum's heart skipped a beat when he saw Ben pull out a picnic basket and a blanket. He draped the blanket over the basket and offered his hand shyly to Callum. Callum looked around for a second- no one knew who he was or cared what he was,so why should he right now? He took Ben's outstretched hand and both boys smiled as they felt the warmth radiate through their bodies.   
'I've never had a picnic before' Callum admitted shyly, squeezing Ben's hand gently as they walked through the park. 

'Neither have I. I just thought we could do with getting away from the square for a while- to somewhere where no-one knows us, where we can be us.Know what i mean?'

'Completley'

Ben smiled as the two of them found a spot, a secluded corner of the park under a beguiling oak tree. They spread the blanket on the floor and Ben handed Callum a beer  
before they both sat down, Callum taking Ben's hand in his own. They sat comfortably in silence for a minute, both sipping at their beers. 

'So, why here?'

'I bought Lexi here a few weeks ago and she said she thought it was magic. She also said I should bring my special friend here, so here we are'

'Aww, so this was down to Lexi was it?'

'Kind of... I just wanted one afternoon to not be about us sneaking around- for us to do something outside of the square. Is that silly?'

Callum leaned over and kissed Ben gently on the lips... 'No, its not silly at all, i understand'

Ben smiled and the two of them sat for over an hour eating the picnic Ben had put together- sandwiches, crisps, strawberries, grapes. After they'd eaten their fill, Callum laid back on the blanket, and pulled Ben down beside him, smiling when Ben put his head on his chest and his hand in his. 

'Callum, I....'

'What is it?'

'I wish I could freeze everything, and stay here in this moment forever. I haven't felt this way in such a long time. I didn't think I ever would feel this way, after'

'After Paul?'

'I thought when he died, the part of me that could be loved by another and loving another died with him. Until you.'

'Ben, I...'

'It's okay Callum. This feels different for you I know...'

'Well, I'm not sure it does.'

'What do you mean?'

'I always thought I could hide it, I always found men attractive but I always thought I'd kept that part of me well hidden and buried. Until you. I know you've been through the worst thing possible- losing someone you love. I know you and I will never have what you had with Paul, but I want you to know that I....'

'That you what?'

'I wish I could freeze this moment right here as well. Ben, when I'm with you its the only time I feel like me, the only time I feel like I am being honest. Why can I not do that all of the time? What am I gaining by lying to everyone that I love about the one I love?'

'The one you...?'

Ben looked up at Callum, searching his face for a sign that he was lying or saying what he thought he should, but Ben saw none of that- just the eyes of someone who had used up all his courage to finally open his heart. 

'Yes, the one I love.'

'Well... you are gaining the one you love by lying I think- gaining the one who also loves you so it would seem'

'You... Ben, don't say this because you think you have to say it'

'Callum, you know me better than that. I never ever thought I would use these words again after what happened with Paul- but now I am. I love you'

'You... really?'

'Why do you sound so shocked?'

'Because I'm not... why would you love me? I'm just a nobody Ben.'

'No you aren't! Callum, you are the bravest man I know. You need to have confidence and trust me when I say it- you are somebody and you are worthy of love- my love if you want it'

'You have no idea how much I want it Ben'

'Good, now will you kiss me?'

'As you wish'

Callum pulled Ben so he was sitting on top of him and pulled him into a kiss- a deep kiss filled with love and security but also passion and fire. As their tongues became entangled in their usual dance, Ben let out a moan and pulled Callum as close as he could to him, running his hands through his hair. It was a bright afternoon and the park was full, but the two men kissing in the corner were oblivious to the world around them- wrapped up in each other and their own slice of heaven and happiness.


	20. Fun in the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, shes done it again... written a great one for you. I couldn't stop smiling when I read it @LouiseMacAllis2

It was a hot August day. Callum was sitting alone at a table in the park, lost in his thoughts. Everytime he closed his eyes, he could see last night. Images burst into his mind like fireworks. It was one of the best and hottest nights he'd ever experienced. He rubbed his neck (Ben had trailed kisses along it, gently nibbling in the place he liked), he moved his hand through his hair (Ben had gripped it tightly as they moved together on the bed), he touched his lips (the kisses had been full of fire yet tender) He looked at his hands (after they made love they had intertwined their fingers, not talking just basking in the moment)....

Suddenly his train of thought was interrupted when a ball landed at his feet. Callum looked up to see Lexi bounding towards him excitedly and Ben running after her laughing. Callum’s heart rate immediately increased when he saw him. Ben gave him a warm smile that made Callum's heart swell and warmth radiate outwards. 

“Sorry about that! Madam is running rings around me here!”

“Dad! I’m just trying to teach you some skills!”

“I’ve got skills!”

“You really don’t! Callum could you help me out?”

'Sure' Callum smiled at her

Callum was surprised at how confident the little girl was. He loved the way Ben was with Lexi, she could wrap him around her little finger and Ben loved that- she was a daddys girl.  
The 3 of them spent the next half hour playing and joking around until Ben offered to get them all some ice cream. He bought 3 cones and with a mischievous glint in his eye smudged some on Callum’s nose. Lexi burst into a fit of giggles. Callum immediately retaliated and the next thing the two men were chasing each other around the park while Lexi looked on amused. Sometimes she thought she was the grown up one out of her family- and Callum was just as bad. Callum tackled Ben to the ground and brought the ice cream closer to his face while Ben laughed and tried to break free. They found their faces were very close and for a moment almost forgot where they were...

“Dad!” called Lexi “shouldn’t we home?” 

The bubble was burst and the two men stood up, ice cream dripping everywhere. “Yes sweetheart we better get going”

Ben took his daughters hand and headed towards the square. He looked back at Callum who smiled at him. “See you soon?”

“Definitely”.

'Dad' Lexi began as they entered the square 'Is Callum your friend?'

'Yes darling'

'You to behave like special friends- like my friends at school'

'Well thats because we are darling, he is a very special friend of mine'


	21. Lashing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I tried to mix angst with fire... hope you enjoy

They saw each other the moment the back gate opened. Callum hadn't been gazing at the gate longingly to catch a glimpse of Ben or anything. The way Ben had been with him since Stuart had beaten him weeks ago- and the way Callum had been watching him behave unsettled him far more than he realised. Ben might have decided Callum wasnt worth the hassle but Callum had still been keeping tabs on Ben- just to make sure he was ok. Jay had only relayed to him the day before that it was he third anniversary of Pauls death- Ben had been staying out all night apparently and getting drunk. Callum knew that this wasn't just about Paul's death- though it wouldn't have helped- he had to factor in that situation. 

So, when the gate opened and Callum locked eyes on Ben he winked at him. Ben looked at him for a second and did nothing, but shut the gate and walked back into the house. Callum felt the knot in his stomach tighten even more and then he got angry. He surged forward and pounded on the door

'Ben, I know you're in there! I am not going away til you open this door. I've got all day!'

'Leave me alone Callum'

'Ben! Let me in. I mean it, I am not going anywhere'

Why are you doing this?'

'Do you even need to ask that question? Ben, come on, let me in'

Callum heard a sigh behind the door and then it opened. Callum went inside and watched Ben shut the door behind him, eyes fixed to the floor, head resting on the door. 

'What do you want?'

'Shut your mouth and listen for once. Last time we spoke, you told me you couldn't be bothered and I wasn't worth the hassle. You don't speak to me, you don't look at me. You barely acknowledge me...'

'Well now you know how I feel knowing your getting married! To share something so real and true for a split second and imagine, but for your information, you haven't been top of my agenda lately Callum. My world doesn't revolved around Callum Highway!'

'Shut up! Will you let me finish, god you infuriate me! You never listen! Ben, I know now how You feel because I've felt it every day! Feeling punched in the gut, feeling unwanted... and this has been made harder for you... because of Paul'

'What do you mean?'

'You know exactly what I mean. It was the anniversary last week wasn't it. So I can guess why you've been distant! Do you think I wouldn't have supported you?'

'Honestly no... what Paul and I had is nothing to do with anyone else. You wouldn't... I wouldn't expect you to support me'

'That's crap and you know it! You took a beating for me, didn't tell Whitney what happened. And you tell me.It's all because I'm not worth the hassle. It's because, quite rightly, you are scared about what happened between us! You told me once you get me and you also said I get you... well your right. You don't think after Paul that your worthy of being liked by another. You have been in so much pain for all your life Ben and you inflict more pain with your words by trying to push me away. You want everyone to hurt like you are, am I right?'

'W.... You have no idea...'

'I have no idea what you went through when you lost Paul but I can guess and it scares me that you were beaten both of you because you loved each other. It scares me that you are lashing out because you are going to hurt yourself one day and you know what, that scares me even more. The thought of losing you.'

'You're scared you'll lose me. Callum, im not yours to lose. You are engaged to be married in a few weeks. You don't want me, you don't care, you just think...'

Callum launched himself at Ben pinning him to the back door and kissing him furiously. It took about a second for Ben's hunger for Callum to escape and he pulled him close, a groan escaping Callums mouth as Ben ripped his shirt from his body. 

'I... I don't want you to think I'm using you. I'm here cause I want to be. I need you to.know how much you mean to me Ben'

Ben smiled and took his own.shirt off, grabbing Callums belt buckle and playing with it as he kissed him fiercely. 

'Take... take me to bed' Ben pleaded as Callum ran his hands down Ben's arms, making him.go weak. Callum smiled, how he could refuse him anything?


	22. Falling For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, she's done it again. I actually had tears in my eyes when reading this... @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum stormed round to Ben’s house to have it with him. 2 Weeks had gone by and he’d just blanked him in the street and on top of that he was aware of the all-nighters Ben had been pulling as well as the fights he’d been getting into. He’d had enough and wanted answers. More than anything, he missed him. He knocked on the door and called out his name. “Ben I know you’re in there! Please answer the door!”

A few moments later Ben opened the door. Callum thought his heart would break at the sight of him. His handsome face was pale and his eyes were red rimmed, a few cuts and bruises visible.   
“Hey...” whispered Callum.  
Ben didn’t answer but stood aside to let him in. 

“Can we talk?” 

“About what?”

“You blanking me, getting into fights, drinking every night, hooking up with...”

“What business is that of yours?” Ben interrupted.

'I'm worried about you'

'Well I never asked you to, and why do you care?'

Callum stepped towards him looking intently in his eyes “I miss you...”

Ben’s face flushed “Really?”

“Yes you idiot! I can’t stop thinking about you and I hate what you’re doing to yourself”

“How else do you expect me to deal? This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“What wasn’t?”

“I wasn’t supposed to fall for you!”

Callum’s heart skipped a beat. Ben’s eyes suddenly cast downward looking as though he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.  
“You mean that?”

Ben looked back up again and nodded. Callum couldn’t hold back anymore. He grabbed Ben’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. Ben let out a soft moan of surprise and melted into the embrace. They pulled apart breathing heavily. Ben jerked his head towards the ceiling. Callum nodded dumbfoundedly, not needing to speak. In the silence, their hands found each other and Ben smiled, leading Callum upstairs.

In bed later that afternoon, Callum and Ben lay there trying to catch their breath. 

“God I missed you” whispered Ben, his head against Callum’s chest.

Callum looked down at him and smiled affectionately. “Me too...”

“I’m sorry I pushed you away. I thought it would make things easier...”

“Don’t. It’s ok. I understand why you did. All I know is I don’t want this to end... I’m falling for you Ben”

Ben leaned up on his elbow leaning over Callum “Really?”

Callum put his arms around Ben and stroking his back gently he whispered “I can’t help myself”

Ben leaned in closer “Me too...” and kissed him softly on the lips before resting his head on Callum’s chest.


	23. Friend in Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love this fic that she's written. Schools want to teach about same sex relationships and she, like me, agrees it's neccessary.   
> Really hope you enjoy this one by @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum was walking through the square, lost in his thoughts. Ben had been avoiding him for weeks, not even looking at him when they passed eachother in the street. Worst still, every time Callum saw him, Ben looked as though he was sporting a fresh cut or bruise - Jay had confided in him that Ben had been going on all nighters and always managed to get into a scrape with someone. Callum’s heart ached for him. He wanted to make it better but Ben had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with him. 

He was wandering aimlessly when he heard soft sobbing coming from near the swings. Callum hurried over to find Lexi on her own, head bowed down and crying. Instinctively Callum wanted to comfort the child. 

'Lexi? Are you ok?”

The little girl raised her head and looked him through red rimmed eyes. She recognised Callum because she had seen him a few times with her dad and Jay. She shook her head silently. Not wanting to scare her, Callum carefully approached the opposite swing “Is it ok if I sit here?”

Lexi mumbled “suppose so..”

Callum sat down next to her and pulled out a packet of tissues. He offered her one and she accepted silently.   
“Lexi why are you out here on your own? Where’s your mum and dad?”

“Auntie Lou was minding me but I sneaked away...”

“Why? You know that’s dangerous!”

“I just wanted to be on my own...”

“Did something happen to upset you?”

Lexi looked at the man sitting beside her and saw that he had kind eyes and a gentle smile. He would understand.  
“Some girls at school were teasing me about my dad...”

Callum’s heart lifted at the mention of Ben but he didn’t interrupt.  
“They said he was a freak for having boyfriends instead of girlfriends and I was a freak for having him as a dad”

Callum’s heart broke in two for the little girl sitting next to him. “Sweetheart, listen to me. Those silly girls don’t know what they’re talking about. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing at all wrong with your dad for having boyfriends...” (as he said this the knot he’d been carrying around in his heart for over a month seemed to lift slightly and he pressed on “Love is love”.

Lexi looked at him, her tears subsiding. “Really?”

“Of course”

Lexi leapt down off her swing and threw her arms around Callum burying her blonde hair in his chest. Tears then started to form in Callum’s eyes as she cuddled him. “Come on, let’s get you home. Everyone will be worried”.

Callum stood up and lifted her into his arms. He walked in the direction of Beales house when he heard shouting across the square.  
“Lexi... Lexi, sweetheart... where are you?”

The voices were coming from Ben, Lola and Kathy with Phil and Ian also looking stressed out.  
Suddenly Lola saw her daughter in Callum’s arms and grabbing Ben she ran towards them. “Lexi!” She gathered the little girl in her arms and pressed kisses to her cheeks. Ben ran over with the others and looked at Callum for an explanation.

“I found her crying in the park... she was upset about the kids at school...”

Lexi then piped up “it was silly really but Callum was really nice and he helped me”

Lola looked at Callum “thank you so much...”

Kathy pulled him into a hug and Phil gruffly said “next time you and your missus are in the Vic, drinks are on me boy”

This left Ben who was looking at Callum with such adoration he almost forgot where he was. Clearing his throat and choked out “thanks”

Callum nodded, a small smile on his face.

“Come on lady” said Lola “bath and bed for you”

“Ok mum” then she detached herself so she could run over to Callum who dropped to his knees as she approached him. The little girl was again threw her arms around him and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Callum could feel himself blushing but he gave Lexi a warm smile and said “

Bye Lexi”.

As she ran back to Lola, Ben then approached Callum and whispered “I’m so sorry for... everything... can we meet later?”

Callum felt his heart left again. “Sure”


	24. Consumed, Transpired.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so we have a little collaboration here! She gave me the ideas and I wrote it but credit where credit is due, I would never have thought of this as a possible fic so kudos to her @LouiseMacAllis2

The Vic was full... the posters had been up for a week and it had promised to draw a crowd but every table was taken, people were at the bar standing. Linda had asked Whitney to work behind the bar because she knew they would be busy-and Whitney had agreed as long as she could have a break to take a turn on the karaoke- a request Linda had only been too happy to accept.

Callum was feeling unusually sociable and had decided to show his face as well- hoping to see him and he'd got his wish. As soon as he entered the pub he saw Ben sitting at the table with Lola, Jay and Ruby. Ben had seen him walk in and he'd winked and smiled as Callum blushed. Ben had beckoned Callum over to the table, and he had gone over straight away- without so much at a backward glance at Whitney. He'd parked down next to Ruby and for a while they'd all been sociable, drinks flowing and laughing at some of the singing- Mick in particular murdering Linda's favourite Spice Girls song- Ben and Callum bursting into fits of laughter listening to Mick's voice break as he attempted the high note. Locking eyes for a second, Callum had winked mischievously and had been rewarded with a hot smile from Ben.

'Can I have your attention please everyone?' Callum was shocked as he recognised that voice- it was Whitney. Craning around, he saw her on the stage and she gave him a small wink, but he didn't feel anything- no butterflies, nothing.

'What's this Whit, miming?' shouted Keegan from the other end of the bar, where him and Bernie were laughing at Tiff who had her head in her hands, knowing what her sister was planning.

'This song I am going to sing, is dedicate to my beautiful and kind fiancé who has made me the happiest girl in the world' she said, and the whole room burst into crowds of 'AWW!'

'Sick bucket' called Tiff, groaning.

'Callum, this is your song' The music started and Callum recognised the song- Elton John was a crowd pleaser. It was one of the old classics that people loved- but not him. The first two lines had always plagued him...  _it's a little bit funny this feeling inside- I'm not one of those who can easily hide-_ Callum had always hated those lines because he was good at hiding those feelings inside him- or he had thought he was. As the song gained momentum, he tried to look interested and proud of Whitney but on the inside he was dying and wanted this to be over- everyone was looking at him and thinking how perfect he was for Whitney when really...

 _you can tell everybody..._ he knew he would have to eventually, and he found himself glancing over at Ben, who had his cocked to one side examining him intently. He knew that Ben made him feel like no-one else. Ben held the key that had unlocked the gates to his real feelings and he knew soon he would have to come clean about them and tell everybody. 

 _your eyes are the sweetest I've ever seen..._ Callum couldn't stop looking at Ben. Ben's eyes were the sweetest eyes he'd ever seen and as they gazed at each other, they said all they needed to. As the song ended, the moment between them was interrupted as Ruby pushed Callum off the bench towards Whitney. He smiled falsely and wrapped his arms around her, but the only thing he'd learned was that when he was with Ben he felt dead inside- he didn't feel anything for Whitney anymore, or if he had ever?

The crowd burst into applause because they all knew Whitney could sing and they had been moved by her emotional connection and love for Callum. Ben however hated to e outdone in a competition, so before anyone else had a chance he bounded up to the stage and scrolled the computer for a second before smiling and selecting his track. Callum saw Ben go up and he smiled when Ben winked at him- feeling butterflies again. He kissed Whitney on the cheek, out of duty and then sat down, preparing himself to listen to Ben murder a song.

'Lay where your laying-Don't make a sound' Ben's voice took everyone by surprise, especially Callum- those who had known him all his life had known he loved to sing and dance as a child but they had never imagined his voice would be as good as it was. He was obviously in his element smiling madly- and the crowd all knew this song. Ben sang the first verse with the microphone in the stand but at the chorus, he jumped off the stage and pulled Ruby up beside him, wrapping his arm around her and making out she was hot by fanning himself singing her sex was on fire. 

The crowd assumed it was Ben being Ben so when he dropped to his knees singing about the darkness of the alley and breaking of day in front of Callum. They cheered even harder as Ben played to the crowd and started moving closer to Callum, who glanced up at Whitney and she was loving it. She thought it was just Ben being an entertainer and being a showman, but Callum knew better. He was suddenly aware he was very hot under the collar and was actually rather enjoying this new sexy side of Ben- god he was so sexy when he was singing- how had Callum never seen him sing before? He wanted him so much in that moment, it took everything he had not to jump up and pounce on him. When Ben moved onto Lola, he ran his hand down Callums leg for a split second unseen by the crowd and Callum almost jumped out of his seat- he turned to jelly whenever Ben was around. He wanted him so much in this moment- he was cocky, confident, cunning and unequivocally sexy. 

'Consumed... with whats to transpire' Ben allowed the crowd to sing the last verse with him, and he didn't take his eyes off Callum winking at him as the song ended, the sound in the Vic never having been as loud as it was when they burst into applause. Ben had blown everyone else out of the water and as he sat down next to Callum after the song ended he held his hand under the table and felt Callum almost hum in excitement. They were so close together, no one noticed when Callum pulled Ben to his ear and whispered

'If you wanted the dark of the alley all you had to do was ask me, am I not forthcoming enough?'

'Well, everyone needs a push in the right direction sir. Shall I take it you want that too?'

'Want. Need. Ache for it. Now' Callum groaned into Ben's ear as Ben squeezed Callum's thigh and he but his lip to prevent his moan becoming any louder. 

Ben didn't need any more encouragement and he ran off, an excuse about the toilets leaving his mouth. Callum watched him and then two seconds later followed him, not even bothering to think of an excuse as he left the pub by the doors. Ben was already in the alleyway smiling like a Cheshire cat and Callum felt himself get chills, but it wasn't cold. 

'That voice... I've never heard you sing. You have a gift'

'I am talented you know'

'What other talents do you have that you aren't sharing with me?'

'That's for me to know and you to find out' said Ben, pulling Callum to him and feeling a ripple from excitement as he touched his skin beneath his clothes. 

'Challenge accepted'

'What about you? Any talents?'

'Hmmm... well where as you prefer to let your mouth do the talking, I prefer my hands. I think they are talented'

Ben smiled and let Callum pin him to cold brick of the alley outside. He kissed him hard and fast and ripped his leather jacket from his shouders so fast, Ben heard the fabric rip slightly. But he didn't care, he was consumed by Callum and Callum consumed by him. They had to let it transpire, after all their sex was on fire. 

 


	25. Standing Tall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank YOU everyone for all the love on our fics, we really appreciate it. She's written a fantastic one shot again... @LouiseMacAllis2

Ok fanfic time....

Stand Tall  
It was a busy day in the square. The market traders were selling their wares, having banter with the customers, people were excitedly talking about their plans for the weekend, Whitney was off dress shopping again with Ruby & Tiffany in tow and Callum was standing outside the funeral parlour, deep in thought.   
It had been a few days since he had found Lexi crying about the kids at school. Every time he thought about the little girl having to deal with bullies it made him angry and upset at the same time. No child should have to feel like that because their parent was gay - it was nothing to be ashamed of... as this thought crossed his mind Callum felt as though a stone had dropped into his stomach. He hated prejudice of any kind and believed that love is love no matter who it’s between but he couldn’t even admit to himself who he really was (even though there was only one person who was constantly in his thoughts...). As he allowed his mind to drift once again to those piercing blue eyes, soft lips, dark hair and strong hands he felt his hands tremble a little. He was remembering the kiss Ben gave him a few hours after he had found Lexi when he heard a distressed voice crying out...  
“Leave me alone!”  
“Freak.... loser... weirdo... your dad is dirty... you’re dirty... he’s a creep... freak!freak!freak”  
Callum ran to the corner and saw Lexi being harassed by 5 girls, all of whom were taller and older than her. Before he could get to her, one vicious looking girl roughly shoved her to the ground and towering menacingly over her growled “your dad isn’t normal and neither are you!”  
“Oi!” shouted Callum “get away from her now!”  
The girls quickly scarpered and Lexi was still on the ground shaking like a leaf. Callum knelt down next to her. “Hey sweetheart, come with me”.  
Lexi looked up once again into the kind blue eyes of her daddy’s friend and reached up her arms. Callum gently lifted the little girl and carried back through the square. Lexi was crying softly into his shoulder and Callum thought his heart might break. “Hey you know what cheers me up when I’m feeling sad?”  
Lexi looked at him through tear filled eyes shook her head.  
“Cake of course” smiled Callum. “Does that sound ok?”  
Lexi smiled back and nodded.   
Callum carried her to the cafe where Kathy was serving. “Lexi? What’s happened?”   
Callum said in a low voice “kids at school again. I thought I’d bring her here to cheer her up & call her dad”  
Kathy smiled warmly at the young man. “You’re a good lad”. She stroked her granddaughters blonde hair. “What would you like darling?”  
Lexi sniffed and replied “some cake please Gran”  
Callum grinned at her and said “same for me”  
“I’ll bring it over”  
Callum walked towards the back booth and was about to gently set Lexi on it when her grip tightened around his neck. Callum looked at her inquisitively. “You ok?”   
“Can I stay here” she said in a small voice indicating his arms. Callum thought he might start crying himself at the innocence of the child but he kept himself together and carefully sat down with Lexi holding onto him.  
Kathy brought the cakes over and knowing Lexi wanted to talk to her new friend, she left them to it and text Ben to let him know where his daughter was.  
As they tucked in to their cakes, Lexi told Callum that she had taken his advice and tried to stand up to the girls about her dad - that he was normal and it didn’t matter who he wanted to go out with. Love is love.   
Callum’s heart lifted at this but dropped when she told him they had just laughed at her.   
“Listen honey, hate isn’t gonna go away in a day. There’s still a lot to be done. These kids don’t know any better because they haven’t been taught. Remember Pride day the other week?”  
Lexi remembered how colourful the square was that day, full of music, people laughing and dancing...  
“Yeah, it was amazing”  
Callum smiled “and so are you and so is your dad. Never forget that”   
Lexi snuggled into Callum just as Ben walked in. Once again he saw his daughter cuddled closely to the man he was falling for and he wanted to kiss him then and there for looking after his child and supporting her.   
Callum looked at up and saw Ben “Hey...”  
Ben locked eyes with Callum for a moment before saying softly to Lexi “Hey princess, gran told me what happened. Are you ok?”  
Lexi nodded “I am now. Callum talked to me about it and we got cake!”  
Callum and Ben chuckled at this. “Can I steal a bit?” Ben winked at them.  
Callum grinned warmly back at him “sure”.  
The 3 of them sat together for the next hour talking and laughing, Lexi smiling at how easy her dad and Callum got on. He was lucky to have a friend like him and so was she.


	26. Thrill of the Chase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this :)

Despite Callum's initial reservations about this group night out, he had to admit he was enjoying himself. Overnight he had become part of a 'squad' as Lexi called them. Callum, Lola, Whitney, Jay, Ruby and Ben had started socialising together on a regular basis- sometimes dinner, sometimes drinks and sometimes tonight it was a night out- bowling. Callum had been a member of an indoor bowls team during his time at cadets so he knew he was quite good at bowling- but he had decided to keep that knowledge to himself, particularly when Ben had whispered to him

'When you lose, I get anything I want deal?'

Callum had relaxed even more when he found that Jay had decided to split them boys against girls. He was able to sit squashed up next to Ben, arm absentmindedly spread across the back of the seats, stroking Ben's back without anyone being seen. Whitney was having a good time and she kept glancing over at him and smiling. He was smiling back but more out of duty than a want. Callum also got to sit back proudly and admire Ben strut up to the shelf and select his ball, giving Callum a cheeky wink when he turned around and saw him staring. Callum should have been scared- flirting in broad daylight in public with his fiance only a couple of metres away but he was becoming more and more consumed in Ben and more mischevious and daring in his flirtation. 

'Goal!' shouted Ben as he bowled his ball down the lane and got a strike- Ben was brilliant at bowling, of course he was, Callum added it to the evergrowing list of things that appealed about Ben to him- this was a closer contest than Callum would have liked. Of course Jay was bowling with them, but he was clowning around and Callum found himself competing with Ben. Knowing Ben did everything with an aim of finishing first, Callum was determined to give it everything he had to beat him- he was going to make Ben earn this victory.   
'Well Done' Callum said through gritted teeth, getting up to take his final go of the game. As Ben smiled and they drew level with each other, Callum squeezed Ben's fingers whose grin widened intently. 

'Check Ben out, happy with himself cause he scored for the first time in his life' Ruby said

'Not exactly true, he scored with Lola. How else do you think Lexi was conceived, the stalk?'

'Jay!' Lola blushed and Ben smiled, giving Callum hand a squeeze and moving back towards the group. 

'Come on babe, you can do this.' Whitney was behaving like a drunk school girl and Callum smiled at her gratefully but he didnt need her to wish him luck. He knew he could do it, and looking around he saw Ben wiggle his eyebrows in an almost mocking way. Smiling widely and determined to beat him, Callum picked up the ball and bowled it. He watched it glide down the middle of the aisle and his smile reached his lips when he saw all ten pins get knocked to the floor. Turning around he winked at Ben, who smiled and shook his head, determined for once, to try and not be a bad loser

'And we have a winner' Jay called, draining his glass. 

'Another round?' Lola asked quickly

'I'll get them in' Callum offered

'I'll give you a hand' Ben chipped in and Callum smiled. The two of them had been flirting all night and Ben had been the first one as usual to make the first move. Whitney and Ruby announced they were off to powder their noses so Ben and Callum headed off in the direction of the bar, but then the sexual tension won out and Ben pulled Callum into the toilets, desperate for some level of closeness. 

'What's this? Mad cause I beat you?' Callum teased, his forehead touching Ben's as Ben locked them in a cubicle

'I let you beat me, was the gentleman thing to do'

'Gentleman? Ben Mitchell, dont make me laugh' Callum teased, his fingers slipping under Ben's shirt. 

'Hey I can be when I need to be'

'Yeah, when thing aren't going your way'

'Are you still talking?'

'Why? What else would you have me do?' Callum smiled

'Hmmm, I can think of a few ideas' 

'Like....' The question died on Callums lips as Ben kissed him, pinning him to the inside of the cubicle door. Callum smiled to himself beneath the kiss- this was dangerous and so different to anything Callum was used to, but it was too late to stop now. He was all for Ben and he knew Ben reciprocated. Ben had lit a fire in him that had never burned before and everyday it grew bigger. The sexual tension and flirting was becoming more and more obvious and they were both slipping up in social situations- but that was part of the fun. The risk and danger of being caught, the thrill of the chase and Callum knew, as Ben kissed him harder that he would chase him to the ends of the earth.


	27. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this one

It was the day of the Walford 10K and Callum was at the start line with everyone else. Why was he here? Whitney thought it was because she'd asked him and asked him to run and he'd finally agreed but it wasn't. In fact, he'd only signed up two days ago, no training or anything. He'd been in the pub with Whitney when he'd heard the conversation between Jay and Ben. Jay had bet Ben twenty quid that he wouldn't make it through the whole run and Ben had said it would be like taking.candy from a baby. Half an hour later, Callum had signed up. And here he was, surrounded by all the runners, a sea of people and he couldn't have felt more lonely, until he saw him... a few feet to his left standing on his own. The sight of Ben is his tight black t shirt and fitted grey shorts set his heart racing.

Then the gun fired and suddenly they were off, Callum jogging past a rather loud Whitney screaming she was proud of him. Ben heard the shouts and he looked around and that's when he saw him. Callum running a few paces to Ben's right- wearing his usual muscle fit white t shirt and black shorts. Ben smiled to himself- Callum had absolutely no idea what that outfit combination did to him- it sent shivers down his spine.

So Ben smiled widely and didn't interact with Callum for the first 1K of the race- people pulled in front of him- the athletes who were desperate to win or prove themselves- Ben found himself getting further and further behind and also noticed Callum was never very far behind him, maybe four or five paces. This carried on for the next few hundred metres when Callum got brave, bowled over by having watched Ben running an hour, surged forward and pinched Ben's bum and ran past him laughing. Ben shuddered as Callum touched him and then felt a warm feeling spread through him- he watched Callum run off around the corner and suddenly he wasnt interested in this race anymore- all he wanted was Callum. He set off after Callum, and his heart soared when he rounded the corner and saw Callum leaning against the wall of the tube grinning like a Cheshire cat.

'Fancy seeing you here, eating my dust were you?' Callum joked as Ben jogged over him

'Who's been leading you all this way?'

'You've been leading me something alright. Astray, a merry dance, how long have you got?'

'For you? All the time in the world, you know that'

Ben was rewarded with a blush from Callum and smiled dazzingly. He took his hand and then they ran off- both knowing where they were heading- back to the start, to where it all began. The park was unusually quiet- the majority of the local community out in force to support the runners.

'Here we are again' Ben began to stroke the back of Callums hand with his thumb, allowing the moment to swallow him up.

'Don't we always end up here, me and you, whatever happens. I can't seem to stay away from you'

'I don't want you to stay away from me. You know I care'

'How long do you reckon we have?'

'Depends how fast you run Mr Highway'

Ben pulled Callum closer to him with one pull of the waist on his shorts, leaning back against the oak tree and running his hand through Callum's hair. Callum shivered and relaxed into the touch, reaching one hand under Ben's t-shirt and feeling his warm, toned stomach, the other cradling Ben's neck.

'Your heart is beating so fast I can feel it' Callum whispered

'What can I say, you have this affect on me' Ben blushed- Callum found that totally endearing and he kissed the corner of Ben's mouth, their foreheads touching, Callum feeling Ben's breath hitch.

'Are you alright?' Callum whispered

'You... you... I want you so much Callum it hurts. I pretend I don't care, but when all that is put to one side I have to admit to myself that I want you. You make me weak at the knees, you make me smile all the time, you're unbelievably sexy and you have a heart of gold.'

'No I don't'

'Stop the negativity...' Ben reached under Callum's shirt and put a hand to his heart

'What are you doing?'

'That heart in there is one of pure gold Callum Highway and the sooner you realise that, the sooner you can learn to love and accept everything about yourself.'

'Well, until then...?'

'What is it?' Ben ran his fingers down Callums abdomen, stopping at the waistband of his shorts and feeling a moan escape Callum.

'Until I'm ready to, maybe you can learn to love them for me?' 

'Always'

Ben didn't get a chance to say anymore before Callum pulled him in for a kiss- a bruising kiss filled with passion, but the kiss filled with security and dare he say it, love? He kissed Callum back fiercely, hooking his arms around his neck and allowing Callum to take the lead. He ripped the t-shirts from both their bodies and kissed Ben's neck, chuckling to himself when he felt Ben relax into his touch. He knew exactly how forceful to be with his lips, and where to pay attention to. He knew what parts of Ben were sensitive and what parts he liked. It was almost as if Ben was a black and white picture and Callum was colouring him in.

'You're kisses always give me goosebumps Callum...' Ben panted as Callum pulled back for air

'I aim to please Mr Mitchell'

'I need you Callum, in more ways than you know'

'I'm not going anywhere' Callum leaned down to close the gap and they resumed the kissing they'd both become accustomed to.

On the finish line, Whitney was becoming worried- most of the runners had come back and Callum still wasnt back. She was hoping he hadn't pushed himself too hard, but then her heart soared when she saw Callum and Ben run around the corner hand in hand

'Look who I bumped into, thought we'd finish this together hand in hand' Ben shouted and cheers erupted from the crowd

'Come on babe, I'm so proud of you' Whit called. Her face broke into a smile when she saw Callum look at Ben and smile- the two of them had a lot more in common than they'd first realised and she'd seen them go from hating each other to actually having a friendship. Ben obviously helped Callum and she respected that.

'Come on Ben, I have your money'

'I dont need your money, I'm quite happy finishing the race' They crossed the finish line and Whitney hugged her fiance hard.

'Ben Mitchell turning down money, you're sweating like crazy! How hard were you working?'

'Well someone over there had ideas about a race between us and I had to give it my all' 

'What can I say, Ben brings out a side to me that no-one else does' Callum looked at Ben and winked cheekily.


	28. Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's done it again... I am so happy I met this lady and she trusts me to share her beautiful writing with the world. Her writing is second to none and she captures them so well.  
>  @LouiseMacAllis2

Ben walked into the Vic with the intent of getting off his face. Anything to block out his feelings of grief and pain. 3 years.... how could be 3 years already? His beautiful, amazing, generous Paul had been ripped away from him and it took everything he had that morning just to get out of bed. He missed him so much it hurt.

Ben approached the bar ready to order as many whiskeys as it took for him to numb the pain he was in when he saw who was talking to Mick at the other end of the bar. Callum was there deeply engaged in conversation with the pub landlord. His heart rate quickened as he looked at Callum - he hasn’t spoken to him since the day after Pride when he told him he wasn’t worth the hassle. Ben had hated himself for the disappointment and hurt in Callum’s eyes but he knew he had to say something. Ben felt it was the only way to save himself anymore pain. He knew in his heart he was falling for Callum and that scared him.

“Any chance of some service here?” Ben called out.

Mick looked at Ben disapprovingly and walked to his end of the bar. “Whiskey - make it double” Ben slapped a ten pound note on the bar and waited for Mick to return with the glass. When he set it down in front of him Ben drank it one go and asked for another. At this point Callum had walked cautiously over to him. 

“Hey....”

Ben looked at him with cold eyes “What do you want?”  
A terrible sadness filled Callum’s eyes at Ben’s indifference but he knew he had to try.

“I know what today is... Jay told me. Talk to me please”

Ben was torn between punching him and sobbing in his arms. He took the violent route and pushed Callum away from him. 

“Oi!” shouted Mick “get out of it!”

He came around the side of the bar and grabbed the Mitchell lad by the collar of his jacket and pushed him roughly towards the door.

Callum cried “Mick leave him! It’s ok!”

But Ben was already outside. Callum quickly followed him and grabbed by the arm. “Let me in! I can help!”

Ben looked at Callum and tears started to fall from his red rimmed eyes. “No one can help me!”

Callum lessened his grip on him and softly whispered “come to the flat. I’ll make you a brew and we can talk”

With the complacency of a child, his eyes cast downward, Ben nodded and they walked towards the flat together.

Once inside Ben slumped onto the sofa his head in his hands while Callum made them both a cuppa. He set the steaming mugs on the coffee table at which point Ben slowly lifted his head and Looked at Callum, tear tracks on his face. Callum thought his heart might break.

“3 years...” Ben whispered “it’s been 3 years since Paul died”

“I know” said Callum “jay told me... I’m sorry”

“I miss him so much... he’s always in here (he jabbed his finger at his heart) and since then I’ve always believed I’d never feel that way again until...” Ben suddenly stopped talking as if he was afraid to go any further.

Callum looked at him intently “until what?”

“Until you. I can’t get you out of my head either...”

Callum gently reached out and using his thumb he gently wiped away some of Ben’s tears (just as Ben had the first night they were together in the park). Ben nuzzled his cheek into Callum’s warm hand, craving his touch.

“I miss you so much...” he whispered.

“I miss you too” replied Callum “I can’t help it”.

The two men locked eyes in that moment and slowly leaned in until their lips touched. It was soft and tender and it was if everything else just melted away.

When they parted Ben whispered “Take me to bed Callum”

The need for Ben consumed Callum and taking his hand gently he led them to the bedroom. Callum closed the door behind them and placed his hands carefully on Ben’s waist and leaned in to kiss him again. Ben reached behind himself and pulled his T-shirt over head. Callum looked at his pale toned body and felt his arousal getting stronger. He removed his own top and tossed it aside. They fell backwards onto the bed and as they looked into eachothers eyes, Callum and Ben knew what was happening. They were falling deeper for eachother and neither wanted to stop it...


	29. Honesty Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so my wonderful friend thinks I have to post this here.   
> So here goes... enjoy

Callum had known this day had to come. It was a week before the wedding and it should have been the happiest time of his life, but he was tearing himself apart lying to everyone. Ben had pushed himself away from Callum and gone into self destruct- and Callum had died a little inside watching him on a mission to hurt himself. 

It had culminated in Ben getting a very bad beating and Callum had decided there and then that he had to be there for him. So he'd cared for him, rocked him to sleep when he was crying over Paul and kissed him back when Ben had kissed him first. 

Ben had kept saying it didn't have to mean anything, but Callum knew he was trying to spare his feelings and spare himself the heartbreak of being hurt. And that is what Callum knew would happen if he married Whitney next week- it wasn't fair on her and the thought of putting a ring on his finger felt like imprisoning himself. If he married her, he would lose his once chance at happiness and lose the most important thing to him. It had come to a point where Callum knew he had to choose and if he was honest, he'd always known he would have to make a choice. 

'What is it babe, I'm supposed to be on the stall' Callum had called Whitney and told her to come home. 

'Sit down'

'Callum, what is it?'

'Please, just sit down'

Whitney sat down and took.a breath, watching Callum steal himself for something and when he eventually met her eyes they were full of pain

'Whit.... this is going to be the hardest thing you'll ever hear from me. And I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry, I wish things were different but I can't do this anymore....'

'Do what? Callum, you're scaring me now. Whatever it is you can tell me, we're getting married next week'

'Precisely, and I have to tell you... I cheated'

'You.... you cheated.... when, with who?' 

'That doesn't matter'

'Callum, of course it matters. You are telling me you cheated on me and it doesn't matter who or when'

'Whit...'

'So here comes the excuses, it didn't mean anything, you were drunk...'

'I... I wasn't drunk and it did.. and it did... it does...'

'Does what Callum, come on spit it out?'

'Mean something. I'm sorry, you really shouldn't be hearing this but I can't marry you Whit. I have feelings for someone else. It's not fair to anyone, especially you'

'Do I know her?'

'It's not... its not... listen to me, you deserve someone who loves you for who you are, whose heart flutters everytime you walk into the room, who grounds you, having someone whose face lights up whenever your near... and that's not me... not anymore'

'But... Callum.... so, you don't love me anymore?'

'I love you, I'll always love you in a way, but no, I'm not in love with you, not like I love this person'

'Tell me you're joking. Please, tell me you're joking'

'Sorry Whit, no joke. I can't marry you because I don't love you. And we both deserve to find someone who does love us. Someone who knows the real us beneath all the crap, someone who puts their own feelings to the side to be there for the other person, even though its killing them. Someone who doesn't force us to be anything but the best version of ourselves'

'And I don't give you that?'

'No. I don't want be to harsh but I need to be honest'

'Right....'

'I am sorry'

'You're sorry! That makes it alright then doesn't it! Get out, get out! I can't do this, get out!' 

Whitney started screaming and Callum watched her for a second before doing what she asked. He hadn't told her about Ben, but he knew he had some important words to say and he wanted Ben to be the first person to hear them. 

He ran out of the flat, towards the square and round to the car lot. Fuelled by adrenalin, he ran into the lot and Ben looked surprised to see him. The question died on his lips as Callum captured him in a kiss, a kiss that Ben had never had since Paul. A kiss mixed with tears. 

'Are... are you crying?' Ben pulled away from Callum

'I had to see you'

'Always and whenever you want, you know that'

'I... I.... I just told Whitney'

The colour drained from Bens face and he took Callums hands in his own. 

'Excuse me?'

'I just told her I can't marry her because I slept with someone else'

'Wow, and how did she take that?'

'As you'd imagine. I think if I'd said it didn't mean anything it would have been easier'

'But you told her it did mean something?'

'Yes I told her it did... That it does mean something and I can't lie anymore, to her or to myself'

'And what?'

'So here goes.... Ben Mitchell, I love you'

'You, you do?'

'And... I wanted you to hear these words first.... Callum Highway is admitting the truth.... I'm gay'

Ben's eyes glossed over with a thousand unshed tears and he pulled Callum into a hug, listening to Callum cry himself. 

'You're so brave you know that' he whispered

'You make me brave'

'I love you too'

'yeah?'

'Yeah'


	30. Start The Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I just want to thank everyone for all of their love on here, it means a lot to both of us. We are both obsessed with Ballum. 
> 
> I don't know how but she's managed an absolutely brilliant one again. Her writing always makes me smile @LouiseMacAllis2

It was a warm morning in the square. Callum had left a note for Whitney and slipped out early for a run. As he jogged through the street, he was greeted by several market traders setting up for the day. It was very early, but when the sun was up, so was Callum. And this morning especially he'd been unable to lie in bed curled up to Whitney. 

“Alright Halfway!” called Mick from the doorway of the Vic, West Ham mug in hand and little Ollie in the crook of his arm. Callum raised his hand in greeting and kept on jogging.

His thoughts drifted back to last night. Ben had text him asking to meet him in the Arches. Callum had dropped everything and mumbled and excuse to Whitney before practically running over there. 

As soon as he had arrived, Ben had bolted and locked the door. They were all over eachother... wild passionate kisses, clothes coming off, climbing into the back seat of a van, everything getting sweaty and blurry, Ben’s voice whispering in the dark “I need you...”

As he remembered the rush of it all, the colour rose in Callum’s cheeks until he was distracted by a soft slap on his ass 

“Alright lover Boy?”

Ben had run up beside him wearing running shorts and a fitted white T-shirt.   
“Great minds eh? Fancied a run yourself?”

Callum chuckled “nice morning so I thought why not?”

“Fancy some company?”

“Alright then? First one to reach the big tree in the park buys the coffees after?”

Ben grinned “You’re on!”

Both men sprinted to the empty park, Ben attempting to trip Callum as they went but Callum’s army training meant good reflexes so he was able to dodge him and landed at the tree first, slapping his hand against the trunk in triumph! 

'Ha! Beat you Mr Mitchell!” 

Ben leaned his back against the trunk looking up into Callum’s twinkling blue eyes.   
“Guess I owe you a coffee then?”

Callum still with his hand resting on the trunk above Ben’s head leaned in and with his other hand pulled the younger man in by the waistband of his shorts, looked around to make sure they were still alone and whispered in a low voice 

“I’d rather have something else first...”

Ben grinned up at him as they moved together for a kiss, his hands wrapped around Callum’s waist as Callum removed his hand from the trunk to Bens face where he could feel the young man trembling with excitement and adrenaline. 

'We might get caught” whispered Ben. 

“Right now I don’t really care” muttered Callum between kisses. This really was the best start to the day for them both.


	31. Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm nervous about this one, but I really hope you like it. My best friend mentioned this song after listening to a Moana song yesterday and its been bugging me since, hope you like it!

Callum had been shocked when Ben had called him in the middle of the day- he knew he was looking after Lexi all day while Lola was at work and he hadn’t expected to hear from him. The ‘daddy-daughter’ relationship was very important to Ben and Callum knew that she would always be his first priority- and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, when Callum had received Ben’s call asking him to come round he was shocked but pleased- particularly when he heard that Lexi hadn’t stopped talking about Callum since the week before when he’d taken both Lily and Lexi to the park. As it happened, Callum had been invited round by Lexi and his heart flipped over somewhat at the fact she liked him a lot. Things between him and Ben were- what did he call it- at an impasse. They were building a friendship and Callum suspected things were deepening between them- but he didn’t want to ruin anything. Ben had just come back from a rough couple of weeks around Paul’s anniversary and he didn’t want to rock the boat by coming clean about his feelings- not that he had begun to separate them himself anyway. All he knew was that he enjoyed spending time with Ben and if you added Lexi into the mix- that was a brilliant way to spend the afternoon, so of course he said yes.

So here they were, both sat on the sofa, Lexi curled into her Dad with Callum next to her watching Lexi’s favourite film- Moana. She had a phase for Disney princesses and Ben was glad he didn’t have to listen to Let It Go anymore- but it was soon replaced with How Far I’ll Go and that song was just as annoying. He’d watched the film so many times he knew nearly every word to the songs. When Lexi had asked Callum if he'd seen the film and he had shook his head, Lexi had sighed had said he needed to be educated on princesses.

Callum had watched with interest and amusement for most of the film, but he'd found himself moved by a couple of the songs- some of the lyrics resonated so deeply with him.

 _every path I make, every road leads back to the place I know, where I cannot go, where I long to be-_ Callum had smiled broadly as he listened to Ben and Lexi sing the words together but his stomach tied itself in knots as he thought about what they meant. Whatever he tried, whatever he told himself he always ended up back where he knew he shouldn't be- with Ben.

 _i'll be satisfied if I play along-_ Callum had always convinced himself that he could lead a happy life and no-one would ever know, but all that had blown apart when Ben had figured out his secret and he was playing along, but was he satisfied? He used to think he was, but he didn't know anymore

 _but the voice inside sings a different song, what is wrong with me? -_ His heart was telling him everything his head wasn't and it was becoming harder to ignore. Why was this? What was wrong with him?

Ben looked down and realised Lexi had fallen asleep, so he paused the film and looked over at Callum who was deep in thought.

'Fancy a beer?' he said softly, breaking Callums train of thought

'Um... what, oh yeah please' Callum smiled gratefully and followed Ben through to the kitchen. Ben shut the door behind them and watched Callum lean against the back door, uncomfortable with something. He reached over and put a hand on Callums cheek caressing it.

'Talk to me'

'That song...'

'Which song?'

'In the movie. The one, you and Lexi sang. It made me think- everything I do brings me towards you and suddenly I realise that whatever my head thinks, my heart is saying something different. I thought... I thought...'

'Tell me Callum. Better out here however muddled'

'I thought I could bury this, but I know I can't because I don't know what to do anymore.'

'About what?'

'Whitney, the wedding, you.'

'Well... maybe, if lyrics speak to you... I don't know, let me try something. Close your eyes'

'What?'

'Trust me, close your eyes.'

Callum raised his eyebrows for a second but did as he was told. He felt Ben move him to the centre of the kitchen and squeeze his hands.

'Ben, what are you...?'

'Ssh, open your mind and heart for a second and listen. Really listen, promise me?'

'To what?'

'Promise me'

'I promise'

' _The journey may leave a scar, but scars can heal and reveal just where you are.  The people you love will change you, the things you have learned will guide you, and nothing on earth can silence, the quiet voice inside you. And when that voice starts to whisper- Callum you've come so far, Callum listen, do you know who you are?'_ Ben sang the lyrics from one of the other songs in the movie. It was from a time when Moana questioned everything and he thought it might speak to Callum far more than words ever could. He watched the words take over Callum and then stood for a second, leaning against the door.

'Where... where is that song from?'

'The same movie we were just watching. Well, do you know who you are?'

'You're right aren't you?'

'About what?'

'Nothing can silence my heart- I have to listen to it.'

'And what is it telling you'

'That, in answer to your question, I know exactly who I am and where I need to be'

'Which is where?'

'Right here with you. That's when I am who I am- with you.'

Callum smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss Ben on the lips- softly. Ben responded, wrapping an arm around Callums waist and pulling him closer.


	32. Summer Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am speaking on behalf of both of us when I say THANK YOU everyone for all of the love on our fics, particularly the karaoke chapter which has received so much more love than we ever thought possible. The amazing responses has blown us both away. Louise continues to blow me away with her ideas, andI love the fact she trusts me to publish them for everyone to enjoy as much as me. 
> 
> This one is a corker- i couldnt stop smiling while reading it.

Albert Square was an abundance of colour and music. The Summer Nights festival had kicked off and there was a buzz among the residents. After the 10k run, the Carters had decided to organise another charity event to raise the money for little Ollie’s assessment as well as raise awareness on autism and they had come with Summer Nights - a fun packed day which included a massive BBQ and a beer tent in the middle of the square, DJ sets from well known DJs in the area, bouncy castles, face painting, puppet shows and games for the kids, a penalty shoot and a fashion show for the adults and a fireworks display at the end of the night. Everyone had pitched in and had been looking forward to the event for weeks. Whitney has particularly excited as it meant getting her military designs on a catwalk and she was happily showing off her outfits to Callum for his approval before they headed off to the festival. 

“Babe! What do you think?”

“Hmm...what?” 

Callum was a million miles away. There was only one thing on his mind these days and that was the cheeky brunette with sexy smile & confident swagger... every time they were together it was like the ground gave way from beneath him and he was falling deeper and deeper every time. When they weren’t together, Callum felt a tug in his heart - he was always on his mind, his kisses, the way he made Callum feel like he was the only other person in existence...

“Cal! Do you like it or not?” asked Whitney in exasperation.

Callum came back to Earth with a bump. “Love it babe. You’ll knock everyone dead. Shall we get going then?”

Whitney gathered up the outfits ready to give to her volunteers - Ruby, Lola, Chantelle, Tiffany and Tina had all excitedly offered to model her clothes & couldn’t wait to show them off. The couple headed out into the busy square where the DJ was getting everyone in the mood with some classic summer anthems. 

“Callum!” 

He turned just in time to see a little head colliding gently with him and he saw the mischievous smile and twinkling eyes of Lexi. 

“Hey kiddo!” He lifted her into his arms for a hug. Ben came sauntering up with a grin on his face. 

“Alright you two?” Callum smiled shyly at him. Whitney’s heart fluttered at the way her fiancé looked holding the little girl and it made her excited at the prospect of having kids of their own one day. She had no idea of course that Ben was imagining at that same moment how it would feel like if he, Callum and Lexi were a family themselves..

“Babe, I better go find the girls! See you in a bit yeah?” Whitney kissed Callum on the cheek then headed off to the runway to prepare. Callum and Ben were left standing there, Lexi still with her arms around her friend. 

“Fancy a burger Lex?” Asked Ben. The little girl nodded excitedly and the three of the, wandered off to the BBQ stand where Mick was doing the honours, wearing a kiss the chef apron and Shirley and Linda was manning the beer tent. Ben bought Lexi a burger and himself and Callum a beer. 

The rest of the day passed in a haze of colour, music, laughing and fun. The 3 of them never left each others side and at one point when the DJ blasted out “Candy” by Cameo, the entire square joined in a flash mob style electric slide dance, Lexi held onto both her dad and Callum’s hands giggling happily as they moved to the music. 

As the evening wore in and the street lights came on everyone gathered for the fireworks. Callum was standing with Ben by his side and Lexi sitting on his shoulders for a better view. Earlier that evening after the successful catwalk show Whitney had been persuaded to join the girls in town for the night. She asked Callum if that was ok and he assured her it was fine and he’d see her tomorrow. She had kissed him goodbye while Ben pointedly looked the other way hoping to disguise his jealousy. However his heart had lifted at the prospect of being alone with Callum even longer.

As the fireworks erupted into the sky, Lexi’s face lit up with wonder and all the gasps could be heard from all the children at the magical display above them. When the last firework sizzled and disappeared the crowd dispersed, thanking mick and Linda as they went for an amazing day. 

“Right missus, it’s past your bedtime” said Ben looking up at his daughter still perched on Callum’s shoulders. 

“Ok daddy” said Lexi wearily. Callum gently lifted her down and she wrapped her arms around Ben, nuzzling her blonde hair into the crook of his neck. 

Callum was about to say goodnight when Ben asked him “do you fancy a beer at mine? Everyone else is out for a while yet”.

“Sure” smiled Callum and the 3 of them headed towards the Beales house. When they got inside Ben turned to Callum and said 

“Help yourself, I’ll be down in a minute”.

“Night Callum” Lexi turned into her fathers arms and stretched over so she could kiss him on the cheek. 

“Night Lex”. Callum responded, stroking her hair. Ben grinned at him then walked up stairs to tuck his daughter in for the night. He returned downstairs a few minutes later to find the living room dimly lit by only the table lamps and Callum sitting on the sofa, his jacket removed and holding a can of lager. Ben got a Can from the fridge and turned the stereo on as he passed so there was some gentle music playing in the background.

“Great day wasn’t it” said Callum looking at him with those soft blue of his, as Ben sat down beside him. 

“Yeah” smiled Ben. “I can’t get over how amazing you are with Lexi. She adores you”. Callum smiled bashfully, his eyes cast downwards. 

“Well shes an amazing kid. That’s all down to you and Lola”. 

Ben was looking at the beautiful young man sitting next to him, taking in his dark gelled hair, the little dimples on his cheeks, soft lips and deep blue eyes and felt his heart skip a beat. He knew he was falling for him more and more every day but in a few weeks he would be married. Callum caught Ben looking at him and could sense there was sadness in his eyes. He knew what it was because he was thinking it too. 

“I don’t want to go home yet” Callum whispered, leaning in closer to Ben and taking his hand gently. 

“Then stay” whispered Ben and their lips met in a soft, tender kiss.


	33. One Good Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings... suicide
> 
> I want to say thank you for all of the continued support on this. Also to the amazing @LouiseMacAllis2 for being my guinea pig! I wouldn't be posting this without you!
> 
> This one bears a personal feeling for me, its a heartbreaker, hope you like it.

He had to do something. He'd watched from the sidelines for over two weeks now, ever since he'd been told he wasn't worth the hassle. But tales from Jay and Shirley about his all nighters, his gambling, drinking. He kept bringing lads back to the house and he'd been beaten up just a couple of weeks ago. 

Why was he on this path? Why was he behaving so out of character? Callum hadn't known until Jay had told him about Paul. Callum had battled with his conscience for nearly a week since he'd seen Ben drinking in E20 and done nothing. He hadn't thought it was his place to get involved, so he'd just watched from the sidelines. 

But now, he had to see he was ok. Callum couldn't sit by and watch him press the self-destruct button anymore. Ben had been there for him when the going got tough with his dad, now he had to swallow his own feelings and put Ben before them. 

'Ben?' Callum could see the light was on in the car lot but the door was locked and the blinds were drawn. He'd had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach all day... intuition telling him he needed to seek Ben out and now!

'Go away' he heard the voice behind the door say. It was a tired voice. 

'Let me in please'

'No'

'Ben, please. I need to know you're okay'

'I am, now will you please go away?'

'I can't do that Ben. I'll sit out here all night if I have to'

'Why?'

'Because I need to see you'

'Callum....'

'Ben, please'

Callum heard a sigh and then he heard the door being unlocked. He reached out a hand and pushed the door open. 

'Lock it'

'Ok' 

Callum did as Ben asked and then stood, with his back against the door. Ben was sat at the desk, a half open bottle of whisky on the table.

'What do you want Callum?'

'I told you. I needed to see you're ok?'

'And why are you suddenly bothered how I am?'

'Because... Because you were there for me when it mattered. I'm returning the favour'

'Callum, I honestly cannot deal with this right now. I've got... stuff to deal with. There isn't room for you and your problems'

Ben sighed as something fell on the floor, something he'd been holding in his hands. He wasn't quite quick enough to get it and Callum saw the bottle of pills. He ran over and picked them up. 

'Ben... what are these?'

'Pills'

'Please... please tell me you aren't....'

'Aren't what?'

'Doing something stupid?'

'What's stupid? I'm serious'

'But why?'

'Are you really asking me that question? I've just found out my dad has cut me out of his will, practically disowned me. My mum is mad at me and told me not to bother coming home. I'm a useless brother to Louise, a useless dad to Lexi. And Paul... I miss him so much. Everywhere I am, everyone I love, everything I touch... I don't belong, no one would miss me. Callum, please just let me do this'

'This isn't you.... what happened to the cocky and confident Ben Mitchell I met all those months ago?'

'He's gone, probably never here in first place. I... I am messed up... I feel.... so I drink, I get laid, I gamble to try and numb the grief and hurt. But nothing works, so maybe this is the answer'

'No! I can't let you do this, I won't let you do this'

'Why not? I'm dirty, corrupted, damaged goods Callum. I don't blame you for running a mile. Most sane people would'

'I didn't... You're not corrupted. Ben, please don't do this'

'why not? Give me one good reason'

'I can't lose you'

'Sorry, not a good enough reason'

'What do you want me to say? Tell me and whatever it is, I will do it, say it. Just tell me what I can do to make you not do this'

'Go home to your fiance Callum. Go to her, it's where you belong.'

'No, I'm not going anywhere'

'Right then I will' 

Ben got up and walked over to the door, not looking at Callum. He unlocked it and was out into the night before Callum chased after him, pulling him into the shadows and kissing him furiously. He was crying, Ben could taste the tears on his lips. 

'Please.... Ben' Callum pulled away.

'Callum, I can't do this. Be your...'

'Don't do this'

'Why not?'

'I told you... I don't want to lose you'

I'm not yours to lose Callum. And it's not good enough. You're getting married next week remember?'

'I... Ben.... You're too important to me. You don't need to do this'

Callum put one hand in Ben's and one hand around the back of his neck and kissed him on the cheek. The gesture last time had bought Callum some comfort so he hoped it might do the same for Ben. 

'Callum...' 

'Ben, you understand me more than anyone ever has. You know the real me. And I've tried to tell myself it's Whitney and the wedding I want but it isn't...'

'So, what do you want?'

'i want you to promise me you won't do this. I can't lose you Ben. Jay needs you, Lexi needs you and so do I. Because if I'm going to do this then I need to know you're with me'

'Do what?'

'Promise me you won't do anything stupid'

'Callum...'

'Promise me!'

'Okay, for you. I won't'

'Thank you'

'What did you mean Callum? What do you need me for?'

'To know you'll be waiting. I can't put Whitney through this unless I know you'll be there Ben.'

'Put her through... are you saying?'

'I don't want her, I want you. Through all this muddled up stuff... we found each other. That has to mean something'

'It does. Well to me. You've been one of the reasons I've been like this... I can't cope with the feelings I'm getting for you'

'Well I have them too, so we'll struggle to.cope together. Ok?'

Ben smiled, his eyes full of tears and he reached up and pulled Callum for a kiss. A tender kiss, that left them both crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this has upset anyone, I apologise for it profusely


	34. Piece of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this one :)

'Callum....' Ben called through the letterbox of the flat. He hadn't known he would come here but after sitting with Billy in A and E for hours, he had gone for a walk and somehow ended up here. 

How could his Dad just walk away like that? He saw him in the middle of the road but he'd walked away. Why? Was he that bad of a son? He heard footsteps and the door opened. 

'Ben...? What are you doing here, it's the middle of the night?'

'What?' 

Ben glanced down at his watch... 3:14am.. he hadn't known it was that late or early, depending on which way Callum was looking at it. 

'I'm sorry, I'll go...' Ben turned away but Callum reached out a hand and pulled him back by his arm. 

'What happened to you? You're... have you been fighting? God... it wasn't...'

'What?'

'Stuart... he didn't do that to you?'

'No... was two men I tried my luck with in the club. They obviously thought I was too pretty and this was the result'

'How can you make a joke of It?'

'No one else will... look, I'm going... I didn't know it was that time. Whitney will be...'

'She's at Bianca's with Tiff for a couple of days. Went yesterday. Come in, you obviously came here for a reason'

'I don't want you to think I'm using you'

'A cup of tea and a chat isn't using me Ben, come in, you're shivering in that shirt'

Callum held the door open for Ben, his face softening when he saw the cuts and bruises in the harsh light of the hall. He followed Ben into the living room but then froze when he saw Ben drop the floor in the doorway of what used to be Pauls room. It was as if someone had flicked a switch because Ben began to cry, so readily and unstable that Callum's heart broke watching him. 

'I.... I.... I'm sorry...'

'What are you apologising for?' Callum questioned, sitting down beside him and wrapping an arm around Ben's shoulder, trying to offer him some comfort. 

'For crying... it's just.... today is 3 years.... and I have been beaten again... and my dad just walks away. Crossed the road like I was nothing'

'Oh Ben, I am so sorry about everything... how could your dad just walk away from you?'

'It must be me. There's something wrong with me Callum... in here (he taps his temple)... I push them away. They hate me. My dad was right, I ain't no good for no one'

'Not true... what did you tell me the other week about not caring?'

'You must ignore me, most people do'

'Well I'm not most people Ben. I.make my own mind up'

'Three years ago today he died... this was where he.should have came home to that night but he never made it. Because of me. I picked a fight and he died' 

Ben cried into Callums shoulder for a minute, who just sat there drinking in this broken version of Ben, who was so weighed down by everything. 

'Ben... What happened to Paul was horrible, but it was an accident and it wasn't your fault. You... you have to try and move on, for your own sake Ben. If you don't, this pain will eat you alive'

'You.. you sound like you know...'

'I didn't lose him in the way you lost Paul and we weren't a thing, but I liked him a lot. He saved my life and then he was gone... I miss him every day but I had to move on. He's still in here (points at his heart) and Paul will always be in yours'

'You lost him?'

'He died saving me'

'In the army?'

'Yes'

'I am so sorry for what I said to you Callum'

'What did you say?'

'That you hadn't ever lost someone you loved'

'You weren't to know'

'I... I miss him so much. And my dad hated us, I wasted so much time with Paul because of my dad and he just doesn't care'

'Well that's his loss, if he can't see what an amazing, brilliant, strong son he's created in you then he can't see the wood for the trees'

'Amazing, me?'

'Yes, you'

Callum pushed Bens face upto his, resting his forehead on Bens and smiling when he felt Ben's breath on his face as he sighed. 

'Callum... don't. Stay away from me. I'm so messed up'

'Everyone's a little messed up remember?' 

'But me, more than most. I can see why you want Whitney. Uncomplicated, easy'

'Yes, that is what Whitney is. Uncomplicated, easy, safe, nice. But she isn't...'

'Isn't what?'

'She ain't you Ben. You have a piece of my heart, whether you want it or not is for you to decide, but I have to face facts and say this wedding is doomed. For too long I've let my past interfere and for too long I've worried about my future. I'm done over analysing and over thinking'

'What are you saying?'

'All that matters is the here and now. This moment, what we say and do'

'And you are saying what exactly?'

'That we are BOTH messed up, that we BOTH have dads who wish we were someone else and we BOTH wish we could stop hurting and just do what we want'

'Which is what?'

'This'

Callum captured Ben's lips in a captivating kiss, taking his breath away.


	35. Dilemmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll always be externally grateful for this pairing for bringing this amazing girl into my life. She's a fantastic writer and I love reading her fics. 
> 
> Enjoy guys @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum was sitting in the cafe, barely touching his breakfast but instead let his mid drift back to the other night in the pub when he and Ben had sneaked off to the gents for a quiet moment together. Callum had been waiting all day to get the younger man on his own and when they finally got their chance, they had been all over eachother, kissing passionately, everything else becoming a blur to them...

“Ben! Help me out!” 

Callum was pulled out of his reverie when he heard Lola’s voice coming from the door of the cafe. She was accompanied by Lexi and (Callum’s heart skipped a beat as it always did when he saw him) Ben. The blonde woman looked very stressed out while Ben looked exasperated. Little Lexi looked up at her parents slightly bemused. 

“Lo, I told you I have meetings today. Can’t Billy look after trouble here?” Ben ruffled his daughters hair affectionately.

“Na he’s working at the club all day...”

“Well I dunno what I can do...”

“Callum!” called out Lexi when she saw her friend sitting at back booth and ran over to greet him.

Callum held his arms open for a hug. “Hey kiddo! How’ve you been?”

“Good thanks” and she clambered up on to his knee.

Ben sauntered over, a soft smile on his face “Hey”.

Callum realised he was blushing (no matter how many times he was with Ben, he couldn’t help but get flustered and shy around him).

“Hey. Everything ok with Lola?” indicating the young woman standing at the till. 

“Yeah just trying to get someone to mind this munchkin for a bit - she’s got work and I have meetings so...”

“I’ll look after her for you” said Callum quickly. 

“Yeah!” cried Lexi excitedly.

“Are you sure?” asked Ben.

“Of course. I don’t mind helping you’s out” said Callum sincerely.

“Aw Callum I could kiss you” said Lola who had wandered over.

Callum blushed and cast his eyes downwards. “Honestly it’s no big deal”

“Right young lady, you be good for Callum and I’ll see you in a bit” said Lola kissing her on the forehead before heading out the door.

“I shouldn’t be too long” said Ben and he too gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead. Callum was aware of their proximity and tried to ignore the thumping in his chest. 

“See you in a bit” he said softly before following Lola out the door.

This left Callum with Lexi perched happily on his knee. “So missus, what do you want to do? You fancy a treat?”

“Yes please!” exclaimed Lexi so Callum ordered her a milkshake and an iced bun while he ordered himself another coffee.

For the next hour, Callum helped Lexi with some of her drawings and afterwards he took her to the swings. Looking after Ben’s little girl just felt right. Callum thought affectionately to himself “she’s got her dad’s mischievous side” as she kept cracking jokes. As he pushed her higher on the swing, he couldn’t help himself from wondering what it could be like - him and Ben and Lexi - a family. He shook the notion out of his head as rapidly as it entered. He was being foolish. 

“Hey you two!” called Ben from across the square. 

“Daddy!” cried Lexi, leaping off the swing to run and jump into her fathers arms. 

'Did you have a good time with Callum, princess?”

“Amazing! He’s the best!”

“Yeah he is” said Ben looking over at Callum who was shuffling his feet on the ground feeling shy again.

''It was no trouble at all”. He gave the little girl a high five. “See you around kiddo”.

“Bye Callum”.

“Maybe catch you later?” enquired Ben looking softly into his eyes.

“Yeah maybe...” whispered Callum before he headed for home.

That night Callum was unable to sleep. He sat in the living room trying to distract himself with a video game while his fiancé was asleep in the next room. His thoughts were all over the place. In two weeks he would be marrying Whit, he’d made a promise to her... but his heart twinged at the thought of having to give up Ben and a possible future with him. He knew he had fallen for the younger man but he couldn’t find it in himself to call things off with Whitney... and yet when he thought of never getting to kiss Ben again, to feel his breath on his skin, or his hands running through his hair, or looking into those deep blue eyes as they held eachother, he could feel his heart breaking...

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone pinging. “Meet me at the car lot x”. Callum didn’t even have to think twice. He grabbed his keys and quietly exited the flat. He hurried over to the car lot where he found Ben waiting for him. 

“Hey you...” Ben had barely got the words out when Callum pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

“I missed you” Ben whispered against his lips.

“Sshh... don’t talk” said Callum. 

As they undressed each other and fell to the floor together, Callum put his earlier thoughts out of his mind. For now, it was him and Ben and this moment. He would worry about tomorrow when it came.


	36. Tough Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's done it again... another amazing fic @LouiseMacAllis2

Ben sat at the table swilling the whiskey around in the glass. He looked up at the clock on the side dresser - it had just turned midnight. The house was so quiet. Everyone was asleep while he was sitting here alone in the dark with only his pain for company. Without thinking he brought the glass up, pressing it to his cheek but he winced as he felt the cool glass against his newest scars. Provoking those bigots at E20 had given him a release but when it came down to it, he knew getting kicked repeatedly in the face was nothing to the pain of watching his own father walk past.

Phil Mitchell - the big man, the head of the family, respected by people and yet when it came to his own son, he would rather shun him than actually take the time to find out what was going on with him. Ben’s hands still smarted from bending the old boxing trophy in half - another empty gesture by his so called father. He suddenly remembered another hand that brushed fleetingly against his that day. Callum had asked if he was ok and Ben had just lashed out. As he pictured the look of hurt on Callum’s face, Ben inwardly cursed himself. Callum had been the only one who actually if he was ok and Ben had dismissed him. 

Unable to sit still any longer Ben got up, grabbed his phone and left the house. He dialled the number....  
“Hello?” answered Callum in a sleepy voice. 

“I need to see you” said Ben desperately “please come to the car lot”

Callum didn’t even hesitate “Ok”

Ben had only been waiting at the lot 5 minutes sitting on the floor against the desk before Callum arrived wearing a loose T-shirt, washed out jeans, that trademark black hoodie of his and a look of concern on his handsome face. Despite himself, Ben’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him.

“Hey...” said Callum “You alright?”

Ben chuckled nonchalantly “Never better”

“Seriously Ben, cut the act” said Callum “and tell me who did that to you. Was it Stuart?”

“Nope. Brother dearest didn’t get me this time”

“Then who did?”

“Just a couple of bigots at the club”

“Didn’t you fight back?” Callum approached him slowly.

“Hard as this might be to believe - I welcomed it”

“Why!” Asked Callum aghast.

“I figured if my body was hurting, my heart wouldn’t hurt as much” said Ben in a small voice.

Callum’s heart broke for the young man before him. He tentatively slid down next to him and without thinking, took his hand in his and moved his thumb along it in a circular motion.   
Ben looked at their hands then looked into Callum’s eyes, willing himself to speak without crying.

“It’s Paul’s anniversary this week”

“I know” said Callum sympathetically “Jay told me”

“I miss him so much but...”

“But what?” encouraged Callum in a gentle voice

“When I was lying there on the ground I saw his face and then I saw yours”

“Mine?” asked Callum surprised.

“Yeah... I thought about that night in the park and wondering if I’d ever get to kiss you again... sorry I know that’s stupid...” and he cast his eyes down, feeling exposed and embarrassed.

“Hey.. look at me” Callum put his finger carefully under Ben’s chin and tilted his face up so they were looking at each other. 

Using his thumb he wiped a tear away from Ben’s cheek and whispered “Its not stupid....”

Callum then leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss to Ben’s lips. Ben responded and Callum then pulled the younger man onto his lap, hands running gently down his back and kissed him like his life depended on it.

Breathless, they soon pulled apart, and Ben leaned in so his forehead was touching Callum’s. “I wasn’t expecting that...”

Callum looked his blue eyes and “I’m here when you need me. Don’t be afraid to talk to me...”

Ben smiled him. “Right now I don’t really want to talk...” and the two men proceeded to kiss passionately and everything else around them just fell away.


	37. Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this one. Took me ages to get the words right and it's come from the heart

The day was getting closer and closer. Everyone was telling him how happy he must be and how much he be looking forward to marrying the love of his life in front of his family and friends. And how then they could start the rest of their lives together. 

Everyone was telling him how he must be feeling and what he must be looking forward to. And when he was around other people, he could smile and laugh. He was good at that, no one had any idea. 

And that was what made it worst. There was no one he could turn to and he wasn't sure what to do. Because if he accepted what he thought he was, then that's when everything changed and the pretending wasn't enough anymore. When he was on his own he couldn't lie and he let his thoughts wander, where he knew they shouldn't be.

'Good work today with Mrs Shelley Callum, she really opened up to you.... hey are you alright?' Jay had walked into the office and found Callum sat down crying on the floor

'Yeah, yeah I'm fine'

'Wedding jitters? Mate, its bound to feel different. It's normal'

'How would you know? Ever got married?'

'Callum, what's up? Ain't like you to snap'

'Nothing, nothing. I'm fine. Look im sorry'

'You ain't are you mate? Lately I don't know, you seem like you aren't here. Well your here physically but not here, like your not present. It's been happening for ages. I put it down to the wedding. But it's not is it? Are you... you're not ill are you mate?' Jay dropped to the floor beside him.

'No, nothing like that. This, what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do'

'There's nothing wrong with you. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad Callum. Talk to me. I'm your friend. You can trust me'

'I can't... Jay, I can't marry Whitney. Well I don't think I can. At least not like this'

'Not like what?'

'Everyone keeps telling me how happy I must be and how excited I am about getting married.'

'Right...'

'But I don't feel happy. I don't feel excited. I feel dread. I feel anxious. I feel scared. And I feel guilty. Because I did feel happy and I did feel excited... just not with Whitney. And I don't want to feel it but I think I am'

'You mean, for someone else?'

'Jay, I didn't want to do it. I tried to stop myself but I've fallen... Well I think I have'

'Fallen as in love?'

'Do you know what it's like to want to feel love for someone so much but you can't and then they just walk in and you can for them. It's so wrong but they make it feel so right'

'Yes, when I was with Abi, I thought I loved her but I didn't... then I met Lola and well, lets not go there. How long have you felt like this?'

'Now there's a question... I haven't told you everything'

'Callum, you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Tell me'

'You won't judge me?'

'Never'

'I think I've always known deep down but I buried it. I convinced myself I could do what so many other normal blokes do. But then Ben...'

'What's Ben got to do with this?'

'He figured it out. No one ever had, either I had got bad at hiding it or he could just tell. I don't know.'

'Figured what out?'

'Ben was the one I cheated with Jay. I didn't want to, I tried so hard to ignore it but I cheated in Whitney and all I've done ever since is feel guilty'

'Wow Callum. So, you and him...?'

'There is no me and him, well not anymore, even if there was. He says he can't be bothered and I'm not worth the hassle. And I just feel like the walls are closing in on me and the wedding is coming and I don't know what to do Jay, I don't know what to do'

'So, you think you're in love with him? Ben I mean?'

'I don't know. I don't just feel guilt at cheating, I feel guilty because I enjoyed being with him. He makes me feel so alive. When I'm with him I don't feel so lonely. When I'm with him I feel like I can be me'

'But what about Whitney? You proposed to her?'

'I know. I thought I could pretend but I can't. I can't do this anymore'

'Alright bruv?' Ben appeared in the doorway of the office. Callum took one look at his face, the half healed bruises and his heart sank. He got up and rushed out of the room, nearly knocking Ben over. 

'What's eating him?' 

'You'

'What are you talking about?'

'He told me Ben. About you and him'

'There is no me and him'

'He told me you said he isn't worth the hassle. That morning, those months ago... you were happy, and you were staring at him and Whitney... you like him don't you? Admit it Ben...'

'So what if I do. Callum is so far in the closet he's in Narnia almost. Nothing can come of it. Yes I like him, but he's engaged. And I don't do affairs'

'Have you even spoke to him? He's struggling'

'Jay, you don't understand'

'You're right but you do, you've been there. You've lived through this so you need to get off your high horse and remember what you were like. You get him more than anyone else could Ben.'

'What did he say to you?'

'Not much. Just that when he's with you he isn't lonely and he feels that he's the real him. He's questioning whether he's fallen for you'

'What??'

'Ben, if you like him, tell him. If you don't cut ties. Either way he's questioning everything and having you blowing hot and cold isn't helping him'

Jays mind was made up when Ben turned on his feels and walked out. He knew then that Callums feelings for him weren't in his mind. He had to talk to him, to see him. If Callum had told Jay he must be struggling. Where was he?

And then Ben rounded the corner and there he was, sitting on the swings, just like he had all those months ago when Ben had seen him trying to hurt himself. Looking so lost and broken. He walked over and sat down beside Callum. 

'Fancy some company?'

'Don't Ben'

'Look, I owe you an apology'

'You don't owe me anything. Please just leave me alone'

'Jay told me... what you said. Why didn't you tell me you were struggling so much?'

'Because I'm not worth the hassle remember?'

'Callum, I didn't mean that. I was going through stuff. You are worth it, to me I mean'

'What?'

'I understand this... What you're going through. It was the same for me with Paul. He was there for me through it so I suppose I should be there for you'

'I don't want you to think you have to out of duty Ben'

'I want to you idiot. You told Jay that when you're with me you feel like you can be you'

'Yes'

'I feel I can be me when I'm with you as well. The old me, the me who isn't consumed with grief and anger. The me I was with Paul. I never thought I would again Callum. Until you'

'I am so messed up Ben. I don't know what I can promise you, if anything'

'I don't want you to promise me anything. Well maybe one thing'

'What?'

'Talk about things with me. And when, if you're ready ever, I'll be here for you'

'Waiting?'

'I haven't got any choice. I've fallen for you Callum Highway.'

'you... you have?'

'Yes'

Callum smiled and reached his hand out hesitantly. He was met with a wide smile from Ben who reached out and took it. They sat there swinging slightly, hands joined, not needing to say anything. Because they made perfect sense when they didn't talk.


	38. Memorial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, my amazing brilliant friend wrote this little beauty and it really choked me up. Hope YOU enjoy it as much as I did @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum opened his eyes slowly. Whitney was lying against him, her slender frame curved into his body. The feeling of his fiancé should have been a comfort to him but instead a massive weight was pressing against his chest. Today was the day. The day he had been dreading. The memorial. 

Ever since returning from the army, Callum had heard it all - he had done his duty and his country proud, he was the bravest man they knew... but Callum felt far from brave. In fact he felt like a scared little boy hiding under the duvet at night trying to block out the monsters that were plaguing him...

Callum carefully got out of the bed so as not to disturb Whitney and as he made his way to the kitchen he spotted his smart black suit which Whitney had dry cleaned for him hanging on the wardrobe door. Just looking at it made his chest constrict. Callum spent longer than usual in the shower, the hot water streaming down, his own tears falling with it... he didn’t know how he was going to get through today but he knew he had to it - for him. For Chris.

Callum got out of the shower, dried himself off and shaved before heading into the kitchen. Whitney was sitting there with a brew waiting for him. “Hey babe...you ok?”

Callum nodded numbly. “Fine yeah”.

Whitney tilted her head sympathetically “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you today?”

“Positive. Besides you’ve got orders in and you don’t wana let your customers down eh? I’ll be fine, promise you”

Whitney kissed him on the cheek and headed into the bathroom. Callum went back to the bedroom and changed into the suit. He adjusted his tie in front of the mirror then ducked under the bed and retrieved the little brown box. Taking a deep breath, Callum opened the lid and retrieved the black military cap and looked at it before holding it to his chest.

After saying goodbye to Whitney, Callum headed out to the square and bought a bunch of flowers from the Minute Mart before making his way towards the tube station. Suddenly he heard Ben’s voice calling out. “Aw Cal, you shouldn’t have”

He turned abruptly to see the Mitchell lad standing there with his hands in his pockets and a cheeky smile on his face. Even though his heart momentarily soared that Ben was speaking to him again after weeks of giving him the cold shoulder, Callum decided he wasn’t in the mood for his games. 

“Not today, Ben”

“They for Whit then? Lucky girl” he said with a wink.

“Seriously Ben” said Callum desperately “I’m not in the mood”

“So where you off?”

Callum’s throat constricted “Memorial - army mate of mine”

Ben’s whole demeanour changed immediately. “Oh I’m sorry... I didn’t realise”

“It’s ok but I need to get going..”

“Well don’t get the tube. I can give you a lift if you want?”

“Really?”

“Course. It’s what mates do isn’t it?”

Some time later, the car pulled up outside the church hall. Callum looked at the large crowd filing into the building and suddenly his hands began to shake.

“Hey” whispered Ben as he reached over and covered one of Callum’s trembling hands with his own. “It’s gonna be ok”

“I don’t know if I can go in there...” whispered Callum nervously.

“Of course you can. I’ll be waiting ok” Ben assured him.

Callum nodded nervously and stepped out of the car trying to ignore the loud thumping in his chest.

Callum had snuck in quietly, keeping out of sight. He listened to Chris’ sister and his army mates talk about the young man they all knew and how he was best of all of them. Callum closed his eyes and remembered their last night together before everything changed... how they had laughed and joked and took the mick out of eachother... the memories shifted... their commanding officer shouting orders, Chris encouraging Callum to wait while he went into the house to save the kids, a blinding explosion, flying through the air, searing pain in his side, then nothing... Just waking up later and finding out his best friend was dead...

Callum felt the tears streaming down his face and onto the order of service he was clutching in his hand. As the crowd stood up to sing, Callum bolted for the door, hoping to remain unseen. Once the warm August air hit his face, Callum felt as though he couldn’t breathe. Suddenly a strong pair of arms were around him. “Hey... it’s ok... I’m here”

Callum clutched Ben tightly and sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder as the other man let him get it all out.

Later that evening, they pulled into the square. Callum undid his belt and shifted in his seat so he could look at Ben. “Thanks for today. I didn’t realise how much I needed someone with me”

“It’s no trouble. And hey...”

Callum looked intently at him and waited for him to continue.  
“What you told me about your friend... it wasn’t your fault he died. You were both doing your duty and I guess you were the lucky one. But that doesn’t make you a coward so don’t you dare think otherwise”

“It just hurts that he’s not here anymore”

“I know that feeling Cal... when you care about someone, they’re always with you even if it’s not in person...”

Without thinking Callum leaned over and kissed Ben tenderly on the lips. Ben slowly kissed him back and when they parted he smiled gently at him, knowing it was Callum’s way of saying thank you and whispered “You’re welcome.”


	39. Vows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hoping you like this!

'You alright Callum? You've been staring at that piece of paper for almost an hour and I don't know why, it's blank'

'Whitney wants us to write our own vows. She said its more romantic for us, but I would have been happier to say the stuff the vicar gives us'

'Any reason? You can talk to me you know'

'Well.... no, no reason, just I'm not very good at expressing my feelings.'

'Nonsense. Let me give you some advice. Picture her at the altar. Open your heart and mind Callum, and find the words in there. You know what you feel, so forget about everything else. Think about your true love and the words you want to say to them'

'Thanks, I will try that.'

'I'll see you later. I'm off to meet the Wilsons for the final prep. Hope you figure something out. Think, in two weeks you'll be married'

Callum smiled but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Nothing did anymore. He watched Jay leave and took a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and searched inside himself. Jays words ringing in his ears, he looked into his heart for his true love and imagined every promise in the world he wanted to make to them. Smiling slowly, he picked up his pen and began to write, suddenly feeling comfortable and at ease.He wrote freely and easily, lost in his bubble until the round of applause in the doorway brought him back to earth with a bump. Looking up, he saw Ben stood there, a grin on his face.

.Wow, you really are on a different planet today loverboy aren't you?'

'What do you want Ben?'

'I came to see Jay and I asked you where he was, but now I want to know what made you so happy. Thinking of me were you?'

'Go away you....' but then he stopped.

'You what? Can't find the right word'

Callum looked up at Ben, and Ben saw the raw hint of fear in his eyes. He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights, a sudden realisation hitting him.

'No... no... no!'

'Callum, what is it?'

'Nothing. Go away'

Ben walked over to Callum, tapping his fingers on the desk with one hand and running the other one down Callums cheek.

'Talk to me. Something has just passed between your eyes'

'I can't...'

'Is it something to do with this?' 

He gestured towards the paper but Callum snatched it up and held it to his chest.  
'It's private' 

'Ooh, drawing dirty doodles have we Mr Highway?' Ben teased him and he was rewarded with a small smile and a flush of red appearing on Callums cheeks.

'No, it's just, my vows'

'Oh.... lets hear them'

'What, seriously?'

'Deadly, let me hear them'

Callum looked at Ben and then looked at the paper in his hand before taking a breath and reading, keeping his eyes fixed on the paper.

'You are the first person I think of when I open my eyes in the morning. You are the last face I see as I close my eyes to go to sleep. You are the person my mind always wanders to and I'm always smiling when I'm with you. Before you, I was nothing- I was a shadow. But now I know- without you, I am nothing because with you I can be best version of myself. When I am with you, everything else fades away. It's just you and me, nothing else matters. I can't promise I won't make mistakes but I can promise to be by your side- to share in the good times and bad. To comfort you in times of pain, to hold your hand and not say a word. I will give you the best of me- my heart, my soul. I know I'm not always the best listener- I can be stubborn, moody and behave like a child- but I will always strive to be the man you make me believe I can be. I can't promise our love will be easy- but I can vow to love you uncontrollably, overwhelmingly and with every fibre of my being because I love everything about you- the bits you close off, the bits I am only privy to. And most of all- I vow to be your best friend and be your best friend forever'

Callum stood for a second, not daring to look at Ben but then he saw Ben move closer to him and his eyes darted upwards.

'Whitney will love those. I had no idea how much you felt for her Callum'

'Thats just it. What you asked me a few minutes ago...'

'What?'

'I have been struggling to write these vows all afternoon. Jay told me to open my heart and find the words. I looked in myself sure and wrote the words, and then you asked me if I was thinking of you, and it hit me, that I was. These words, every word written on here is for you and not for Whitney'

'I'm sorry what?'

'Jay told me to imagine my true love and what I wanted to say to them. And you were the person in my heart Ben, not her. Not the person it should be, but you' 

'Wow, so you mean those words? You wrote them thinking of me?'

'Yes'

'Callum...'

'Ben, I don't know what you want me to say. I don't even know what to say or what this means.'

'Yes, you do. You said it yourself. You opened your heart Callum'

Ben sat on the edge of the desk, pulling Callum towards him. Linking their fingers he kissed the back of Callum hand slowly. 

'Ben...'

'Remember what I said about listening to your heart. You can't run from this Callum, it eats you up'

'It's not that easy'

'I know, I know it's not easy. I've lived this. But you have to save yourself. Because if you don't, that soul you are giving me, it will be broken and that will break me. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do but you have to end this now while you have the chance'

'And then what? Say I do end this with Whitney, what happens then?'

'We write our story together. As best friends, forever.'

Callum couldn't help himself and in that moment he pulled Ben off the desk and kissed him with everything that he had. Ben hooked his arms around Callums neck and kissed him back aggressively, pushing with all his strength to back Callum against the wall. They needed each other and now Callum had opened the floodgates to his heart, there was no stopping the two of them who in that moment didn't care about anything else.


	40. Quiet Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her writing is second to none... I love that she always makes me feel something. Enjoy @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum couldn’t sleep that night. It was a week till the wedding and while Whitney was in full on bridal planning mode, Callum found himself getting more and more detached from it all. Truthfully, there was only one thing he was feeling right now - pure anguish. The more he tried to be happy about marrying this beautiful, wonderful girl, the more wretched he felt. There was only one person on his mind all the time and every time he thought about him, his heart thumped louder and faster in his chest...

Feeling restless, Callum carefully removed Whitney’s arm from across his chest and grabbing a pair of trainers and his hoodie, he slipped out of the flat and across the square to the only place where he felt any king of peace - the place where all this started. The park was lit up by the soft light of the moon, just as it had been on that first night... Callum allowed himself once again to get enveloped in those memories of bliss... Ben kissing him, removing his clothes with such urgency and passion, falling to the ground together, caught up in nothing but eachother...

It was a warm night and the sky was dotted with stars. Callum removed his hoodie and set it on the grass. He stretched out on it and put his hands behind his head just staring up, allowing those memories to fill his senses, the feeling of Ben...

“Fancy some company?” 

Callum shot bolt upright to see Ben standing there, hands in his pockets, looking effortlessly gorgeous as he always did and he felt his chest constrict with nerves.

“Sure.”

Ben lay down next to Callum, his hands also resting behind his head. The two men lay in silence for a few moments, each caught up in their own thoughts and feelings until Ben finally whispered 

“Couldn’t sleep either huh?”

Callum looked over at the younger man and shook his head “I don’t get much sleep these days...”

“Pre wedding jitters is it?”

“I suppose but it’s more than that though. It’s you...”

“What about me?”

Callum leaned up on his elbow so he was hovering slightly over Ben and said in a low voice

“You’re in here... all the time” and he pointed towards his temple. “I can’t stop thinking you... us... all of it... I don’t know what to do” he finished desperately.

Ben sat up, his face inches from Callum’s and looking at his lips then into his eyes, he whispered, “Do what feels right...”

At this, Callum leaned forward and took Ben’s face in his hands and kissed him urgently. Ben responded and allowed himself to be pushed gently back onto the ground. When they pulled apart, Ben looked softly into the other man’s eyes and whispered  
“How do you feel now?”

Callum, with one hand on Ben’s waist and the other in his hair, whispered back “like I might die if I stop kissing you...”

Ben smiled fondly at him “Then don’t stop...”


	41. Frozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this!

Ben was minding his own business, wandering through through the square, looking up at the sky. It had been a hard few weeks but he was finally on the mend. Paul wouldn't want him wallowing and lashing out. Paul enjoyed his life and didn't waste a second so why should he? 

And then he heard the sobbing and he knew who it was. Sure enough as he looked to his right, there was Callum, sitting on the swing. It was dark but Ben could see in the moonlight that he was crying, and he could also see one more thing. 

The broken bottle in his hand. 

'Callum!' He forgot where he was, he just darted forward and took the bottle from Callum, smashing it on the ground. Callum sat there, frozen in time for a second and then looked up at Ben. 

'What did you do that for?'

'To stop you doing something you'll regret. Why are you hurting yourself again?'

'To make it stop'

'To make what stop?' Ben sat down on the swing beside Callum. 

'Do you know where I've been today?' 

'Tell me'

'To my army mates memorial. To celebrate and remember him'

'Good friend of yours was he?'

'More than that. Well I wanted him to be more than that.'

'You... you liked him?'

'I didn't realise until afterwards. I couldn't work out why I was so upset. And then I realised that I had liked him for ages.'

'What happened to him?'

'He saved me. We were on patrol and there was an explosion. I was stood frozen, numb with something I don't know and then all of a sudden he pushed me out of the way and the mine exploded around him. He must have realised. I owe him my life Ben...'

'Does he have a name?'

'Danny'

Ben got up off the swing and pulled Callum with him, walking towards the car lot. Callum said nothing, allowing Ben to lead him wherever, not wanting the moment to end- he loved their hands joined together, he didn't feel so lonely. 

'Wait here' Ben left Callum outside the car lot and he went inside for a second, emerging with two open bottles of beer. 

'What are they for? You just broke my bottle'

'I thought we might make a toast'

'To what? Callum Highway, the screw up?' 

Ben leaned against the bonnet of the car, sipping his beer and watching Callum for a second. 

'Why do you think so badly of yourself? Why don't you know how good you are?'

'I'm not worth the hassle remember?'

'Callum, look. I've had a rough few weeks. That, I wasn't myself then. But now...'

'What?'

'Raise your beer for a second. Danny, where ever you are mate, I owe you a thanks. Because you saved Callum and you gave him the chance to live his life. And by saving him, you brought him into my life. And my life is so much better because he is in it. So this is for you mate' 

Ben looked over at Callum who was stood, frozen, staring at him dumbfounded. He took a step forward and caressed his cheek, searching his face before kissing him slowly. 

'You... did you actually just say that?'

'Cal, I'm sorry you lost him but you're still here. And you're with me. So yes, I should thank him.' 

Ben turned his head for a second and searched the sky, before shouting and raising his beer.

'Paul, keep an eye on Danny for me. Buy him a drink up there will you...'

Ben never got to finish his sentence because Callum pushed him backwards onto the car and kissed him deeply. He was surprised for a second but allowed the sensation of Callum kissing him to take him over before Callum pulled away, panting and breathless. 

'You're amazing do you know that Ben Mitchell?'

'Only because someone is a good influence on me. The people we lose never leave us Callum. Things happen for a reason and maybe we had to.endure all the pain and hurt so we could find each other. Because I miss Paul so much, and you miss Danny. But the grief and pain has led to one thing, a bond between us. And I.know you feel it too. You want me. You can pretend to hate me all you want but I know you don't mean it. You probably hate yourself and that's okay because I do as well.'

'You what, hate me?'

'No, you completely idiot. I hate myself as well. For what I've allowed my hurt and past to turn me into. But now, here with you... I want us to stay frozen in this moment Callum. Because I get this, I get you. And I wouldn't change a second of the pain because it brought me to you'

Callum searched Ben's face for a minute before kissing him deeply. The deep kiss turned passionate and frenzied as they became desperate for each other again. Without speaking they both headed into the car lot, in their own private bubble, still in pain, but bearable pain


	42. Dress Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another amazing one written by her, the way she writes Bens relationship with Lexi...❤😘 @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum was about to clock off for the evening and headed into the office to inform Jay when he heard the other man tutting in annoyance. “Flipping idiot!”

Callum poked his head round the door and quipped 

“Don’t sugar coat it mate - say what you really think of me!”

Jay rolled his eyes. “Not you, numpty! Ben!”

Callum’s breath hitched at the mention of his name. “What about him?”

“He was here earlier and obviously left his phone behind...”

Callum thought back to earlier that afternoon when Ben had slipped over while Jay had been out and they could enjoy some quality time together... Callum could still feel him, his skin prickled at the sensation of Ben placing kisses along his torso, gripping his hair, whispering in his ear...

“Cal? Mate you ok?”

Callum came to with a slight jump and replied “oh yeah he was here looking for you and we ended up having a brew”

Jay scrutinised the other man for a second and said “Fair enough. It’s just I’m heading into town and I haven’t the time to-“

“I’ll take it round to him” said Callum quickly “it’s no bother.”

“Aw cheers mate, you’re a diamond. Honestly I’m surprised he hasn’t been back here looking for it. He’s usually surgically attached to it texting one lad or other...”

Callum laughed nervously and felt a blush creeping up the back of his neck. The texts he and Ben had been sending to eachother of late left some things to be desired!

“I’ll take it round now” and with that Callum abruptly left the office and headed over to the Beales house.

He knocked on the door and was greeted by a very unexpected sight. Ben was wearing a full length black robe and carrying an old cane. Callum looked him up and down with a bemused expression on his face.

''Interrupting something am I?”

Ben looked at his sheepishly “Sort of...”

Callum grinned “I’m afraid to ask.”

“Well...” started Ben but he was interrupted by Lexi calling from the living room 

''Oh, will no one rescue me?” 

Ben chuckled evilly and called back “Not if I can help it!” 

Callum looked at Ben who indicated for him to come inside. The living room had bed linen and fairy lights strung from every surface, cushions forming a kind of barricade through it all and poking her head through a gap in the sheets was Lexi. Callum smiled affectionately - Ben was obviously enjoying some quality dress up time with his daughter. 

Lexi, never breaking character, called “Where have all the brave knights gone?”

Callum smiled at her and decided to get in on the fun. He picked up a plastic sword from the toy box at his feet and with a tone of bravado exclaimed 

“Never fear princess! I will save you from this mad tyrant!” 

He winked at Ben and the two of them proceeded to engage in a play fight across the living room with Lexi cheering them on.

Callum caught Ben unawares and he landed on his back on the cushions defeated. “My hero!” cried Lexi and she rushed out of the fort to give Callum a hug. 

''What about your old man” grumbled Ben. Lexi threw her arms around her dad as well and the three of them fell about laughing on the floor.

“Fancy a beer?” Ben asked Callum. 

“Sure” said Callum breathlessly looking into those beautiful blue eyes. 

“What about you princess? Would you like some juice?” 

''Yes please daddy, I’ll just mind the tower” and she ducked back under the dangling sheets.

Chuckling, Callum and Ben got to their feet and headed into the kitchen to retrieve the drinks. Once inside, Ben closed the door slightly and whispered 

''Come here” and he grabbed Callum by the lapels of his suit and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Callum wrapped his arms around him and when they pulled apart they just stayed there, swaying slightly, foreheads touching, enjoying the moment. 

“Never thought I’d say this, but you look cute in fancy dress” whispered Callum affectionately. 

Ben looked at him in mock horror “I am not cute! I’m ruggedly handsome thank you very much!” 

Callum chuckled “Maybe so, but you’re not exactly careful where you leave things...”

Ben looked up at him confused. Callum retrieved the phone and placed it on the sideboard. 

Ben looked relieved. “Aw thank god! I was wondering where I left that”

Callum shook his head at him fondly and whispered “Next time you drop by the office, just be more careful in future..”

Ben smiled at him “What can I say? I got distracted”

The two men leaned in for another kiss but before they could Lexi called out “Dad! Callum! I’m thirsty!” 

Chuckling, Ben kissed Callum lightly on the lips and said “To be continued...”


	43. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This took me hours to perfect, I really really hope you like it

''I can't do this anymore Callum. I don't want to do this but I can't lie anymore. I love you- I love you with every part of me and I can't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to fall for you but when I realised it was too late. I have to protect my heart, I can't have it broken again. So I'm telling you this- you have to make a choice Callum. It has to be either me or Whitney... I can't be your secret anymore. So, I will be at the swings at 8 tonight. If you choose me, then come and meet me. If you don't show I'll know you chose Whitney and I will let you go. I want you to know though you have to do what you want- I won't judge you''

Callum had read the text message over and over. Deep down, he had known that this choice would always come. He was hurting three people and he had to make the choice, but what choice did he make?

With Whitney, he could exactly how their lives would go. Married, kids, everything he had always convinced himself he wanted. He could see them in fifty years growing old together, but why did that thought not light him up? Whitney was the safe option

But with Ben... the two of them had a fire that he had never experienced with anyone before. But beneath that fire was a very real and fierce bond. He identified with Ben and they had shared passion but emotion as well. A love/hate relationship, and Callum didn't know what could come of it, but the thought both terrified and excited him. 

What should he do? It was the known versus the unknown? Safe or sparks? Was Whitney worth losing his opportunity to be himself? Was Ben worth possibly losing everyone for?

'Halfway, are you alright? You've been nursing that pint for over an.hour'

Callums wild thoughts were halted by Micks voice. Looking up, he was suddenly bounced back into reality. He'd forgotten where he was, but then he saw the clock... 7:45pm and he started to cry. 

'What's up Callum?'

'Can you help me Mick?'

'If I can. Let's talk upstairs'

Callum nodded glumly and as Mick followed him upstairs he thought back to the last two weeks. How happy and relaxed Callum had been... And Mick also knew why that was. They sat down on the sofa and Mick also knew why he was happy... he was finally happy and himself. 

'Mick, how do you know which path to take?'

'What kind of path are we talking about?'

'Mick... I.... I don't know what to do. Whatever I do, someone is going to get hurt. And I don't want to hurt anyone'

'I know, you're a good person'

'No, I'm not Mick. You wouldn't be saying that if you knew'

'You mean if I knew about you and Ben?'

'Me and...?'

'I heard you two week ago in the toilets. You were crying and saying you didn't want to keep doing this. And Ben said he understood but there was only so long that it could go on before it all blew up. Then I heard him kiss you. Neither of you knew I was there.

'So, why didn't you say anything and why haven't you told Whitney? Especially after what you went through with her and Lee?'

'It's not my place to say anything. You will say the right thing when your ready Callum. And same thing with Whitney. You will tell her when the time is right. You and Ben look at each other the same way I look at my L... like you've both won the lottery and can't believe your luck. But Callum, only you can decide what you want'

'My dad, Stuart'

'What about them? This is your life Callum.'

'But if I choose Ben, I lose everyone'

'Maybe, maybe not. You don't lose me or Linda. And think, you gain one thing'

'What's that?'

'Ben! But I can't tell you what to do. You have to know in your heart who makes you happy and who you see a future with. And when you know, grab the chance.'

'I love Whitney, but it's difficult, because of Ben. He gets me and I don't want him to be a secret but I don't want to be rejected. I just want people to love me Mick'

'I love you. You're like a son to us Halfway. People round here are nosey but this is your life. There will be looks and people who tell you how horrible you are, but only you can decide whether he's worth it. And think about Whitney... don't you want her to be happy? With someone who loves her properly?'

'Mick... I...'

'I can't tell you who to choose. You have to decide who you want to be. And also who you want to be with'

'I need some air'

'Probably wise'

As Callum walked away and down the stairs, he felt his phone vibrate. Pulling it out he read the message. 

''I'm here. I'll wait ten minutes but I won't judge if you don't show Callum. I did my best. This will be the last time you hear from me. Listen to your heart Cal.'

He walked out the pub and into the square, the cool breeze on the evening making him shiver. His head was telling him one thing but his heart was pleading, screaming inside him to be hurt. His feet moved in the direction and as he rounded the corner his heart flipped over. 

Ben was sat on the swing, his head to the ground, and he was swinging the ring around his finger. He was shaking, was it nerves or fear? And then he glanced at his watch. 

Callum watched him for a couple of seconds before he walked slowly and quietly over to him. Was he completely sure about this? Was Ben worth it? 

'Hasn't anyone ever told you it's cruel to keep a guy waiting?' Ben spoke softly without taking his eyes off the floor. 

'Hasn't anyone ever told you it's better to be cruel to be kind?'

'Is that what this is? You being cruel to be kind Callum?'

'No, this is me following my heart. You said to meet you here'

'I said to meet me here if you chose me'

'I know'

'So does this mean...?'

'For a guy who's so quick-witted, your very slow on the uptake Ben Mitchell. I'm here because what you said, you were right'

'What did I say?'

'That you have to protect your heart. You can't be my secret anymore and I don't want you to. You said you love me and I'm saying the same.'

'What that you love me?'

'Yes'

'Callum, are you sure about this? I honestly thought you wouldn't show tonight'

'Why?'

'Because you're a good person and I thought you would want to do right by Whitney'

'I do want to do right by her. And the right thing is to set her free. Yes this will hurt her, but it allows her to meet someone who loves her unconditionally and with everything they have... like I do with you'

'You mean that?'

'I've never been more serious about anything. When I looked into my heart, there was never really any choices Ben. It's always been you'

Ben stood up and wiped his eyes, moving over to Callum. Callum smiled broadly and extended his arms and Ben ran over to him. He burrowed into Callums chest and smiled when he felt Callum kiss the top of his head. 

The choice between the known and the unknown... it was actually a choice between what was right and what was easy. Choosing Whitney was easy but choosing Ben was what was right. And Callum knew he would always choose Ben... Because he loved him.


	44. This Is Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A note from our author!  
> Just want to thank everyone again for their incredible response to our fics. It’s been overwhelming and emotional to see how well everyone has taken to them. These stories come from the heart and this new fic of mine is inspired by 3 factors:  
> 1\. The amazing response to my fics on LGBT being taught in schools  
> 2\. My wonderful friend Jess & her incredible work with children   
> 3\. An emotional real life event that happened at my son’s school
> 
> This is one of the best pieces of writing I've ever read in my life. Enjoy guys @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum was in the cafe staring into the dregs of his coffee. Like most days, he felt like a man torn in two. As much as he loved Whitney and wanted to marry her, the closer the wedding got, the more turmoil he felt. The only thing that made him smile these days was spending time with Ben and Lexi. Just the other day, they’d spent an afternoon playing dress up and it was the most carefree and happy Callum has felt possibly ever.  
As the thoughts swirled around in his head, Callum heard a familiar voice cry out 

“Well done Daddy!” 

Callum looked up and smiled. It was an adorable sight. Ben was giving his daughter a piggy back ride and the pair of them were in fits of giggles. Lexi looked round the cafe, spotted her friend and waved at him 

''Hi Callum!” 

Chuckling, Callum waved back “Hi Lexi!”

Loosening her grip on Ben, Lexi jumped off and ran towards the young man.

“How’s you, kiddo?” Callum asked as she jumped on to his knee. 

“Really good thanks”.

Callum looked up at Ben who was watching them both affectionately. 

“Hey... is it ok if trouble and I join you?”

Callum smiled warmly at him. “Of course”.

Ben sat down opposite him and as ever, when he saw how well Callum and Lexi got on it filled him with very warm happy feeling. 

“Tell Callum your news princess”.

Lexi put her arm around her friend and declared proudly “You’ll never guess what we’re doing at school, Callum?”

“What Lex?”

“An assembly about what you told me about... Love is love”.

“Wow... that’s amazing”.

Lexi grinned at him “It gets better... we’re gonna be singing and I’m doing a solo! And it’s all because of you!”

Callum looked at the little girl and felt so much love rising in his chest “Me? How?”

Ben interjected softly “After you stood up for Lex against those kids, she asked me & Granny Kathy about Pride and could it be talked about in school”.

Lexi nodded enthusiastically “So daddy & gran spoke to my teacher and told her about what you said - love is love and kids should know it’s ok to love who you want...”

At this Callum could feel tears welling in his eyes. Fighting them back, he cleared his throat and said in a soft voice “That’s amazing, sweetie. So, what song are you singing?”

Lexi started bouncing excitedly on his knee and cried “This is Me” from “The Greatest Showman!”

“Aw wow! I love that movie” grinned Callum. 

“She already knows the song like the back of her hand” grinned Ben “but they’re also gonna be learning some dance moves as well - Tina is coming in to teach them.”

Callum smiled at the younger man “That’s brilliant”

“AND we’re getting special T-shirts made too!” said Lexi happily.

“I bet you’re gonna be amazing kiddo” said Callum affectionately.

“You’ll come and watch won’t you, Cal?”

Taken aback, Callum looked at Ben for assurance “Is that ok?”

Ben looked in those gorgeous blue eyes and said “Of course it is. You’re the whole reason this is happening”

Callum looked shyly at the floor and then looked at Lexi “Of course I’ll be there”.

Lexi threw her arms around him “You’re awesome, Callum!”

Ben looked at his daughter with Callum and realised then he was falling in love with him...

...........

Two weeks later, Callum was sitting next to Ben in the assembly hall along with Lola, Kathy, Ian and Bobby. He was full of mixed emotions. He was proud and excited for Lexi and happy to be spending time with Ben but also immense guilt and turmoil. Yes, this assembly was going to be important in bringing LGBT matters across and a step closer to having it being taught properly in school - something he was pleased about - but yet, he still couldn’t find it within himself to be true to who HE really was and that thought was making his heart ache. For now, he decided to put it out of his head and enjoy this moment for Lexi.

As the lights went down, Callum felt Ben’s hand squeeze his gently and he squeezed it back before letting it go. The curtain to the stage pulled back and 30 children stood there wearing white T-shirt’s with a Pride heart and the word “LOVE” emblazoned across them but even more bright was the smiles of the children with Lexi at the centre of it all. The music started and Lexi began to sing...

“I’m not a stranger to the dark,  
Hide away, they say, ‘cause we don’t want your broken parts...”

Callum could already feel the tears stinging in his eyes as the emotion washed over him. Next to him, Ben was also getting teary eyed as he watched his little girl. Both men knew about darkness and loneliness and feeling broken....

“I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars,   
Run away, they say, no one’ll love you as you are...”

The very thing that had plagued them both - Ben not feeling worthy of love and Callum hiding from who he really was...

Lexi kept singing in her sweet voice and her class mates were dancing the moves taught to them by Tina, and soon that powerful chorus was upon them and every one including Callum and Ben felt their hearts soar and they joined in....

“I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be,  
This Is Me...”

As the song continued, you could feel the emotion in the room and by the end, as Lexi and her classmates took a bow, everyone was on their feet cheering and clapping and crying, but none as strongly as Ben and Callum. As they resumed their seats, Ben leaned in and whispered 

“Lexi is right you know... you’re amazing... I just hope you can see it too...”

Callum smiled at him through his tears and accepted the gentle hand squeeze.


	45. Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After watching last nights episode, this has been niggling me all day. Really hope you like it.
> 
> Thanks to @LouiseMacAllis2 for being my guinea pig and for the suggestion of the title!

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he watched Lily cuddle Arthur beneath the duvet and it made him think- this could be him in a few years, watching his children go to sleep with his wife in the front room. It was everything Callum had thought he could ever need and want but so much had happened recently and he didn’t know if it was enough anymore. 

Stacey had asked them to babysit and Whitney had eagerly agreed- Lily was her niece after all and she said it would give her and Callum practise for when they had a family themselves. Callum hadn’t said anything- he rarely said much lately, his mind was always wandering. 

He sat there watching the children sleep and suddenly he felt panic rising in him. He always thought if he found the right girl and married her, then he’d make everyone proud of him, but lately every time he thought about this path, he began to panic and feel as if the walls were closing around him. Why? 

The wedding was a month away, and every minute it drew nearer, the more excited Whitney became but also the more wound up she became about the plans. Every day bought new stress, and Callum almost wished he hadn’t even proposed. He hadn’t even wanted to- well he had always thought he would, but it was a spur of the moment decision- after that night. 

The night that Callum continued to try and forget, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t forget what had happened. That night had blown apart everything Callum had spent years trying to build up and bury- he had blown him apart. 

He felt- well he didn’t know how he felt in all honesty, he was consumed with guilt and the need to make everyone (especially Whitney) happy- but he felt happier, more at ease when he was with him. Callum had been trying to keep him at bay, but last week, he’d seen him with yet more bruises on his face and he had been hit by this overwhelming anger and gut instinct of protection that he had never had before. Callum had worried that Ben had been beaten by his brother, but Ben would barely talk to him- maybe he had been right- maybe Ben really did think he wasn’t worth the hassle. 

‘You ok in here babe…aww, look at them all cuddled up together’

Whitney appeared in the doorway, cradling Hope in her arms. Her heart melted when she saw Callum sat on the end of the bed watching her niece and Arthur sleep. 

‘Yeah Whit. They look cute don’t they?’

‘Hope won’t settle. Think we might be in for a long night with her. Well me. I know you had made plans to go for a drink with your brother. If you want to go babe, I can manage, honestly’

Callum had told Whitney he’d been planning on going for a drink with Stuart- he’d become quite an accomplished liar in the last few weeks. He usually ended up in the park, sat at the bench where it happened, staring into space for hours on end, trying to make sense of the gut wrenching feelings in his stomach. He knew Stuart wouldn’t be around tonight- he had a date with Rainie. 

‘I don’t want to leave you in the lurch Whit’

‘Its fine babe, you helped me get Lily and Arthur to sleep. That’s the hard part, go, have fun. And make sure you buy Stuart a drink from me- after the dress he got me- it’s the least we can do’

Callum nodded and kissed Whitney on the cheek, and left the flat. He looked at the empty street- the market having been packed up for the day. Leaning against the door to the parlour, he smiled sadly. Every time he was in the doorway he thought of him. The moment they'd shared here, where they'd bonded over their dads or lack of. Ben understood him almost to a tee. The desperation to prove yourself, the loneliness and isolation, lying to yourself, the denial. The list of things he had in common with Ben was endless. 

Breathing deeply, he looked towards the gay bar at the end of the street and suddenly, there was the very object of his affections. Ben, walking out of E20. He looked angry. 

'Hey Ben' his voice called out the words before he could stop himself. He saw Ben stop and turn around. Ben didn't move so Callum went over to him.

'If it isn't the best liar in the square. What do you want Callum?'

'Are you alright?'

'Do you even care?'

'That's not fair'

'Life isn't fair Callum. People aren't fair'

'Ben, what is it?'

'I'm tired of this Callum. Whenever we try and help each other I just get threatened and beaten'

'Those bruises... Stuart did it didn't he?'

'The recent one? No, I had an argument with two blokes. Guess they thought I needed teaching a lesson, maybe I do'

'You don't.'

'You're the only one who thinks that Callum. I don't know why you do and to be honest I don't care'

'Yeah, well I do' 

'You what?'

'Care'

'Don't make me laugh. You don't care Callum'

'How do you know? You've barely spoken to me for the last few weeks? I asked you last week what happened to you and you gave me some sarcastic quip. But that doesn't work with me Ben. You're so angry, I can feel it, I can see it in your eyes'

'So, what if I am angry?'

'Tell me why. Maybe I can help'

'Help? Whenever I've tried to help you I've only ever gotten grief out of it. Is it worth it Callum? Is anything worth it?'

'What's your dad done now?'

'Who said this is about my dad?'

'It doesn't take a genius to work out you're seething, and it's normally dad related mate'

'So I'm your mate now am I?'

'Stop playing games and talk to me Ben'

'I have somewhere to be, sorry. I'm not the only one playing games Callum.' 

Ben turned his back on Callum and walked off down the square. Callum watched him for a minute before following him. He was heading for the Arches but then he stopped. He was at the side of The Vic and suddenly Ben stopped. Callum followed his eyeline, he was looking at Keanu. He was kissing Louise. Callum could see Ben's face twist in anger and he punched the window on the phone box. He swore loudly and Callum ran over to him

'Right, enough, talk to me' 

'What is this Callum? Leave me alone'

'Not until I know why your angry. And what is Keanu involved in? Is he something to do with why your angry?'

'Leave it Callum'

'No Ben. You can tell me I'm worth the hassle and say you're tired and not bothered. But I think you're worth bothering about, so talk to me'

'You're not going to let this drop are you?'

'No'

'Not here'

'Car lot?'

'Last time I wanted to talk, you wouldn't come to the car lot. Remember?'

'This isn't about me'

'Isn't it?'

Callum didn't say a word as he followed Ben over to the car lot. He allowed himself to regain his composure as they headed inside. Ben sat down on the sofa and Callum sat down next to him. 

'What has your dad done?'

'He has cut me out of his life. Given my inheritance to Keanu.'

'What? Why?'

'I guess Keanu is the son he always wanted. He is strong, masculine, a fighter. He's everything I'm not'

'Ben...'

'Everytime I try and do something good it backfires. I help you and all I get is a broken heart and a broken nose. I help my Dad and all I get is turfed out of his will. I try and be a good dad, I'm going to break Lexi eventually. I'm so angry all the time and every time I think I'm over it, something happens and I'm back to square 1'

'You're a good person Ben'

'No, no I'm not Callum. I'm a bad egg'

Callum reached over and put his hand on Ben's leg.  
'You are not a bad egg Ben, you're a good person'

'Everyone I have ever cared about has either died or hates me. Heather, Paul, Abi'

'Jay loves you, your his brother. Lexi adores her dad, and I...'

'You what Callum?'

'I don't know Ben. I really don't know. I feel I'm myself around you. I feel relaxed and happier. I don't know what it means'

'I told you months ago. I get it, I've been there myself Callum. I also said you didn't have to do it anymore'

'But... I held your hand. I was going to kiss you, well I think I was, but then you walked away'

'Because it hit me then that this was more to me than helping you. I wanted more from it, and I couldn't ask you to be that, not after what had happened'

'I didn't want that moment to end'

'Well it did'

'Ben... I'm worried about you. Last week, I felt anger when I saw you hurt. And I also felt this overwhelming sense of hurt that I hadn't been there for you. I pushed you away when all you did was help me. You beat my dad to stop him hurting me'

'Forget about our dads for a minute. Forget about Whitney. Callum, there is something about you I find completely amazing. You made me feel... like a way I never thought I would again'

'after Paul?'

'I told my dad I was scared I'd never be the person I was... and I won't, but I have a reason to try and be a better person. You'

'You have feelings?'

'If you mean for you, then yes. I've buried them because I know nothing can come of it...'

'How do you know that?'

'Because your marrying Whitney'

'Well I wish I wasn't. I wish I'd never asked her. It's a bit like what you did with Lola. Trying to prove to the world your one thing, trying to avoid the truth'

'And what is the truth?'

'That I think I have feelings for you as well'

Ben smiled widely and took Callums hands in his own, squeezing them gently, never wanting to let go.


	46. Someone You Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A message from our author...
> 
> Just a note to thank everyone again for their encouragement and support for our fics. It means everything to have such a positive response from everyone and we will continue to keep writing cuz we love it. After the incredible response we had for the karaoke fic, I thought I would write a little follow up. Word of warning, this one is a little more angsty but I couldn’t get the song (“Someone you Loved” by Lewis Capaldi) out of my head and I thought it was very fitting to the current storyline and the strong emotional undercurrent of the developing feelings between Callum and Ben. Massive thanks to Jess for her continued friendship and support. It is because of her I found the courage to pursue my love of writing. I am truly blessed to have a friend in my life who not only shares my love of Ballum but who is also an incredibly talented writer. Hope you all enjoy this one. 
> 
>  
> 
> This made all kinds of emotional when she sent it to me- it's amazing and I hope this moves you, like it did me. She's a wonderful writer @LouiseMacAllis2

It was a Thursday night and The Vic was buzzing - in honour of Callum and Whitney’s impending wedding, the Carters had organised a joint hen and stag do, complete with drinking games, loud music, and a strong army theme - this was to honour both Callum’s time served in the military as well as Whitney’s booming fashion business. When they had entered the pub, Whitney had let out a squeal of delight while all Callum wanted to do was run outside and be sick but he forced on a smile and approached the bar with his excited fiancé. Mick who was enjoying his role both as host and Callum’s Best Man threw his arm around the young man’s shoulders and said proudly

“Halfway my son, hope you don’t mind we threw this little shindig together for you two loverbirds!”

Callum managed to stutter out a reply “No it’s great Mick thanks”

He searched the crowd he saw the one face he had been both needing and dreading to see. Ben was sitting with Jay, Keegan and Lola staring into his glass as though he was considering drowning himself in it. Callum yearned to walk over to him but he held himself back.

“Mick this is amazing!” exclaimed Whitney excitedly cutting into Callum’s train of thought. “You and linda didn’t have to do all this!”

“Get away with ya, Whit!” said Mick heartily “you and this boy here (he squeezed Callum’s shoulder harder as he said it) are family. We wanted to celebrate before the proper celebrations next week!”

“Any excuse for a party eh?” smiled Whitney. Callum forced out a laugh then kissed her on the cheek before extricating himself from Mick to approach his friends at their table.

As he sat down, Jay and Keegan cheered, Lola laughed at their antics and Ben remained passive, still staring into his glass. Callum wished Ben would look at him but he couldn’t say anything. He wondered if Ben was thinking about their encounter at the flat the night before when they had managed to steal a few stolen hours together, holding one another, kissing, caressing, exploring... when Ben had whispered those 3 little words that changed everything...

“How’re you feeling groom boy?” asked Keegan, bringing Callum back to earth with a bump. “Any pre wedding jitters?”

Callum cleared his throat “Na, I’m good thanks”.

Ben finally looked up and Callum could see the hurt in his eyes and it killed him to see that pain...

“Bruvver!” shouted Stuart who had just entered the pub. Callum stood up to greet him and gave him a hug. “Sorry I’m late! Hope I haven’t missed anything”.

“We just got here too” said Callum

''You fancy a pint?”

“I’ll grab one in a minute. Now where is that stunning fiancé of yours? Oi Whit! C’mere!”

Whitney walked over and Stuart pulled them both into embrace. “I have a little something here for yous. Didn’t wana wait until the wedding...”

He handed Callum a white envelope. Inside were plane tickets and a hotel reservation for 7 nights in Vegas. Whitney looked at the documents and nearly lost her head with excitement. She threw her arms around Stuart and exclaimed

“Thank you so much Stuart! This is amazing!”

“You’re family aren’t ya!” smiled Stuart “and I just wanted to show it”.

Callum nodded, his smile not quite reaching his eyes “Cheers Stu”.

Ben watched the whole scene unfold, his stomach in knots and his heart in tatters. He was fighting every impulse he had not to leap up and grab Callum and kiss him in front of everyone but he remained where he was, determined to get through this. As the night progressed, the drink and craic flowed until Linda dug out the karaoke machine.

“Who fancies a go? Lovebirds?” She looked in Whitney and Callum’s direction.

Whitney called back “Let me finish my champagne first!”

“Well what about Ben!” called Karen from the bar. There was a loud cheer of encouragement at this. Everyone was remembering his knockout performance from the other month when he completely surprised everyone with his amazing version of “Sex on Fire”. Ben suddenly looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Really?”

“Yeah come on mate! Do it for the happy couple!” called Mick. Ben glanced over at Callum and both men felt their hearts beating rapidly in their chests. Ben swallowed the remainder of his drink and stood up. The cheers got louder as the young man lifted the mic, selected his song with a tug in his heart and sat on the stool to face everyone, his eyes yearning to look directly at Callum but instead he picked a spot on the back wall and started to sing...

_“I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to save me. This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy...”_

Everyone was enraptured by Ben’s beautiful vocals once again even though this wasn’t the song they were expecting. Callum looked at the young man and felt as though his heart would rip in two.

_“I need somebody to heal, somebody to know, somebody to have, somebody to hold, It’s easy to say, but it’s never the same, I guess I liked the way you numbed all the pain...”_

As he sang, Ben thought back to the previous night as he and Callum lay in each others arms, gently caressing one another and when he looked into those beautiful blue eyes, he had to say it

_“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved”_

Callum’s chest constricted as he listened to Ben sing the words. It was as though the ground was about to give way and he could barely breathe. Ben continued, tears forming in his eyes as he tried to fight his emotions.

_“Its easy to say, but it’s never the same, I guess I liked the way you helped me escape... And I tend to close my eyes, when it hurts sometimes, I fall into your arms...”_

The past few weeks had been a whirlwind for them both. All the turmoil they felt about their dads, their pasts and eachother all got mixed up in one big blur and the only thing that grounded them was the moments were they lay together and let everything else fall away. Ben reached the end of the song, his emotional state becoming more and more poignant and he looked into Callum’s eyes, willing him to feel every word, not realising at that very moment Mick was watching them both and everything fell into place as he realised...

_“For now, the day bleeds into nightfall, and You’re not here, to get me through it all, I let my guard down and you pulled the rug, I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.”_

As Ben finished, the pub erupted into applause at the emotional performance from young man in front of them, not understanding his turmoil. Composing himself, he stood up, handed Mick the microphone, nodded at Callum and Whitney and headed out of the pub. Callum subtly wiped his eyes and looked over at Mick who was scrutinising the young man and with a jolt, Callum realised he had worked it out. He looked over at Whitney who was showing Lola and Ruby the tickets to Vegas and he knew he had to do something. He glanced at Mick who gave him a look of pure understanding and mouthed “Go”. Callum nodded and said to Whitney

“I’ll be back in a bit. Just need to get something..”

“Ok babe”

Callum stepped outside and heard the soft sobbing coming from the park bench across the way. There he saw the silhouette of Ben hunched over. Callum’s heart started beating faster and faster as he approached the younger man and he knelt down, one hand on Ben’s trembling thighs, the other he used to tilt Ben’s face up to look at him - there were tear tracks on his cheeks and his eyes were red.

“Ben...” whispered Callum.

“What are you doing?” asked Ben.

“Sssh... just kiss me” said Callum softly.

“What about everyone in there? What about Whitney?” Callum wiped away a tear tenderly with his thumb

“Last night, you never gave me a chance to say it back. You just bolted...”

Ben lowered his head into his hands and then looked Callum, waiting...

“I love you too and it terrifies me...”

“Really?” asked Ben, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes” whispered Callum “now will you please just kiss me?”

The two men leaned in for a tender kiss, shutting out the rest of the world for those brief blissful moments, refusing to think about tomorrow and the complications it would bring.


	47. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a belated birthday fic for my amazing fellow writer and friend. I really hope you like this one  
> Thank you to @LouiseMacAllis for being my friend and for the suggestion of this title

Callum didn't know if he'd ever felt so nervous. Ben had texted him two hours ago, telling him to cancel all plans for the night, which of course Callum had done. He'd told Whitney he was going to an army mates birthday party and not to expect him back til tomorrow. His tongue should be black with the amount of lies he was telling. 

He knew it was wrong, he knew he shouldn't be here, he knew it was ridiculous to be so nervous. He knew it all but still he didn't care enough to stop. Because he knew he cared about him more.

Knocking on the door, his eyes lit up when Ben opened it, wearing nothing but a towelling robe that obviously belonged to the hotel. 

'Well, well, if it isn't Mr Highway. I've been expecting you'

'There goes my plan to take you over and surprise you'

'Take me over? That I'd like to see'

'Maybe if you play your cards right you can see'

'Ooh, I like a challenge Mr Highway'

'And I'd like to be invited in Mr Mitchell. Or do you not want to take on the challenge?'

Ben laughed and stood aside. Callum smiled and playfully ruffled Bens hair as he walked into the room. He hadn't even got to the bed before Ben pinned him to the wall, throwing his bag aside and kissing him. Callum responded immediately, wrapping one hand around Ben's waist, playing with the belt on his robe. 

'You are an eager beaver Callum aren't you?' Ben asked breathlessly, his hands playing with Callums hair

'Some could call it that'

'Wouldn't you?'

'Not neccessarily'

'What would you call it?'

'Needing to feel something'

Ben's face softened and he ducked his head, smiling. Callum held his breath, worried he'd ruined the moment but Ben took his hands, kissing the back of them and pulled him over to the bed

'Can I ask you a question?'

'You can ask me anything.'

'Have I ruined this?'

'Why would you think that?'

'Because... Ben, I don't know how to do this. I...'

'You're managing fine Callum, I promise'

'I... I don't know how to do this properly Ben. I don't.... what is this for you?'

'What do you mean?'

'Am I just another notch to add to your bedpost?'

'Callum, this was never about the sex. Never'

'So, what was it about?'

'At first, I wanted to help you. I've been through this journey. I wanted to try and show you it can work and it's worth it. But then I realised that I cared Callum. About you.'

'You care?'

'Yes you are drop dead gorgeous and yes the sex is to die for...'

'Well if you did die, I'd give you a great send off that's for sure'

'You'd better' Ben retorted, his eyes shining. 

'I would, you know I would' 

Callum reached over and caressed Ben's cheek, no one saying anything for a minute. 

'As I was saying, the sex is an added bonus Callum, but we have a bond. I came back to the square, determined not to feel anything again, to ruin the people who ruined me. But a smile from you in the pub one day tore through my defenses. I understand you, you understand me. We have a true and real connection Callum and no matter what we tell ourselves, we both know that we have feelings'

'So, you have feelings?'

'I guess I should be asking you that Callum. I'm not the one engaged with a wedding around the corner'

'I... Can we not talk about that, just for tonight Ben?'

'Callum, you can't bury or run away from this. Trust me, I've tried'

'Ben, I'm not burying it. I'm here aren't I? I just don't want to think about Whitney. Well I don't think about her to be honest. You're the one I think of Ben'

'Really?'

'Everytime I close my eyes I see your face. I don't know why this has happened, but I can't stop it'

'Stop what?'

'What we have between us. It's fierce and it's scary. But it's also true, broken and real Ben. And also, I think the sex is amazing as well. I think you're amazing'

Ben smiled and suddenly they were kissing again. One minute, Callum's hands were tangled up in his hair, the next they were grasping at his robe. Ben felt him panting beneath the kiss.

'Are you ok?' He whispered, pulling back for a second

'I need you Ben. I need us'

'Right answer'

'You didn't let me finish... I also need that robe, off you'

'You need that do you?'

'More than you know'

'Then your wish is my command Mr Highway'

 

Later that evening, they were lying in bed after a marathon making love session. Ben was absent mindedly drawing on Callums chest when he felt Callum shift underneath him. He stopped and looked up. 

'Are you alright?'

'You remember that night in the park?'

'How could I forget?

'When I said I had a flat, I had a girl...'

'You had everything?'

'I thought I did. But all of that amounts to nothing if I don't have truth and honesty. I have nothing. I am nothing. Without you I am nothing and have nothing'

'Callum...'

'I have been tying myself in knots for weeks Ben. Not knowing what to do or what I feel, but I do. I feel for you. Deep, unexpected feelings I have never had before. I don't know what will come of it, but that's exciting'

'And scary Callum. Are you completely sure about this?'

'I've never been so sure of anything in my life'

Ben looked at Callum and there was a steely determination in his eyes. Maybe he was finally accepting who he was, maybe he had finally taken down his defenses and was letting him in. Maybe they could both begin to heal now.


	48. Night Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys.... firstly apologies for the silence over the weekend. I was roped into a family bonding weekend by the sea.   
> I really hope you enjoy this, as usual thanks to @LouiseMacAllis2 for being my guinea pig

This was it, the night before what should be the happiest day of his life. The night before he got married to the love of his life. The night before the rest of his life. He should be on cloud 9, so why wasn't he?

Whitney was staying with Tiff, Bianca and Sonia, so he had the flat to himself tonight. He knew he should be getting some sleep but he couldn't. Thoughts plaguing him, one person on his mind. And it wasn't his fiance. 

Ben. The man who had blown his life apart in the last few months. The only person who had worked out he was hiding his true self. The only person who could get under Callum's skin. 

He knew he couldn't sleep so he got up and pulled on his hoodie and trainers, running his hand through his hair- his mind running back to last week, Ben's hands tangled up in his hair before he'd kissed him one last time. He'd cheated on Whitney and he knew he shouldn't but when he was with Ben, he forgot about everything else. Nothing else mattered but the two of them, but with the wedding edging closer, Callum had decided to end things. 

He left the flat and was surprised by the cold night air. He wasn't sure where he was going but he needed the air, perhaps some clarity. Kicking some gravel across the road, he kept his eyes down and headed towards the square. 

'Callum...' 

As Callum past the cafe, he heard the voice. It was broken, on the edge of tears and he knew who it belonged to. Ben. He looked to the side and Ben was sat on the pavement outside the cafe, a bottle of cider his only company. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, Callum could see the circles etched under his eyes. He stopped for a second but then took a few steps away from Ben.

'Please...' 

Callum's heart broke when he heard the sob in Ben's throat. He stopped and turned around, breathing in slightly and walking over. Ben patted the pavement next to him but Callum extended his hand, pulling an unsteady Ben to his feet. 

'Ben, what's going on?'

'Toasting the happy couple the night before their big day' 

Ben wobbled slightly and Callum caught him, wrapping his arms around Bens waist to keep him upright. Ben stopped and relaxed back into Callums embrace, breathing in the smell that was so quintessentially Callum. For a minute, Callum watched Ben snuggle into him before he wrapped an arm around Bens neck and pulled him even closer.

'Why are you so annoying?' Callum whispered into Bens hair

'Took a lifetime to practice it, believe me' 

'But seriously, what is going on?'

'Not here Callum. Can we go to yours?'

Callum nodded and keeping one arm wrapped around Ben's waist, he set off towards the flat, from where he had just come. On the way, he tried to ignore how much he liked having the feeling of Ben tucked into his side. He let them both into the flat and Ben lowered himself onto the sofa, pulling Callum down beside him. 

'So, talk to me'

'You ended things last week. Why?'

'You know why Ben. I had no choice'

But you do Callum, you have a choice. You've always had a choice'

'Ben, don't do this'

'Don't make a choice because you think you have to Callum. You must make a choice that you will be happy with'

'You mean choosing you?'

'It's not even about me. Or what I want. It's about you. Callum, you know in your heart who and what you are. You have to choose who you want to be'

'Ben, I can't do this. I made a promise. I asked Whitney to marry me and I meant it'

'I meant what I said all those months ago Callum, I'm not going to out you. And I also meant that no one can rush you. But I also need you to know that I can't be your secret anymore'

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying that you still have a choice Callum. Don't do it. I'm begging you, don't do it. For your sake but as well as mine Callum'

'Do what?'

'Don't marry her'

'Ben...'

'Have you given any thought to Whitney in all this? She doesn't make you happy Callum. If she ever did, she certainly doesn't anymore. You have to be honest, and just for once put yourself first. What do you want out of life? Who do you want to be?'

'Me, I want to be me'

'And where do you feel like yourself?'

'Stop this, I'm marrying Whitney. I love her'

'You don't Callum.'

'Ben...'

'Please don't marry her Callum. I...'

'You what?'

'I don't want to lose you, but if you marry her then I lose you all again. And I can't stay around to watch that'

'You mean?'

'Because if I'm honest with you Callum, I love you. I love you and I can't watch you throw your life away. I don't want you to marry her, I want you to look inside yourself. Because I love you and I know you love me as well'

'Ben....'

'Tell me I'm wrong'

'So what if I do love you? What difference does it make?'

'Every difference. Because if I know you love me, then I'm going to do everything I can to be with you. Callum, you've healed me, when I thought I couldn't be healed. I love you and you love me'

'What do you want from me?'

'I want all of you Callum. Every part of you, I love every single part of you.'

'I...'

'Do you love me?'

'Ben...'

'It's a simple question Callum. Yes or no?'

'I don't...'

'Yes or no?'

'YES! YES! YES!'

Callum shouted in Ben's face. He could feel the tears running down his cheeks and then Ben kissed him furiously. Like he'd never kissed him before. 

'You know I can't walk away from you?' Ben whispered, resting his forehead on Callums

'Yes. And if we're being honest, I don't want you to'

'You want me?'

'I won't marry her, I can't. Not while I'm lying. I love you. I guess this means...'

'Means what?'

'You're my boyfriend. And I'm gay'

Bens smile split his face in half and he wrapped his arms around Callum, tears dropping onto Callums shoulder but nobody did anything, neither wanting the moment to end.


	49. Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is something I wrote based on last nights amazing episode!   
> Really hope you enjoy it..

'You know I don't know what I'd do without you Jay.'

'We're brothers until the end Ben'

The two of them were sat at the memorial, having just got back from the hospital. Phil was awake and the relief that Ben had felt had completely taken him by surprise. It had flooded through him like water flooding a dam. 

Ben had thought he would never feel anything for his Dad but hate, anger and resentment but he had been so relieved his dad wasn't dead. It was a shock to feel something that wasn't negative. 

'I felt relieved when he woke Jay.'

'I know, I saw it. You care about him, you love him. He's your dad Ben'

'I have to change this don't I? You were right about the cycle. I don't ever want Lexi to be like me, messed up, damaged'

'You're only like that because you let it get to you Ben. Lexi adores you. You adore her. She is everything you need to change. And think about Paul'

'I can't stop thinking about him Jay. He's always with me'

'I know Ben, I know.'

'I just... I'm so messed up'

'I was also right when I said you will find someone else. Someone who was like Paul, and someone who was like that guy you binned off a year ago- someone who is in to you'

'Maybe... maybe I already have'

'Sorry what?'

'Maybe I have found someone else. I don't know'

'You been seeing someone?'

'I wouldn't go that far'

'What's he like?'

'He's... he's me Jay. Well me without all the hate and anger. He's the scared me, the in denial me, the desperate to prove to the world your straight me'

'Oh, so he's not openly gay?'

'No, I can see in his eyes the thought terrifies him'

'Like you'

'I wanted to try and help him. It was a bit of fun lording it over him'

'You wanted to help him but you also liked winding him up, pushing his buttons?'

'Well yeah I thought it was funny at first. But then I could see what it was doing to him, how much it was tearing him apart. There's something there Jay, I'm sure of it'

'So, do I know him?'

'I don't think anyone knows the real him Jay. Except me. He's living a lie and I know it's killing him. He just can't admit it. But I know because I've done it. I've been there myself'

'You really like him don't you?'

'There's so much going on in my head. I haven't got space for him Jay. He's so good, he hasn't got a bad bone in his body. I will damage him, ruin him Jay. I'm no good to anyone'

'Ben! You have to stop this! You have me, you have Lola, you have Lexi. You have your mystery man whoever he is'

'I don't know what to do'

'About what?'

'Any of it. He... we share something real Jay. I know he feels something too'

'Have you tried speaking to him?'

'Not for a while, not since I told him he wasn't worth the hassle'

'Ben... you have to stop kicking the people who are closest to you'

'He saw me last week... he wanted to know if I was alright but I couldn't, I didn't want to speak'

'Do you like him?'

'Yes, he's the first person since Paul that I feel happy with'

'So tell him. Make your dad notice you, make this bloke notice you. Ben, you're a good person. I can see it, others do to. You just focus on the negative because it's easier, it's easier to numb the pain you've experienced with pain and insults'

'But what if I can't make him notice me?'

'Ben, if he is like you, then you know that him lying to himself is only going to end one of two ways. Either him accepting it or him doing something silly. Give him a reason to make him accept it. Give him what Paul gave you, courage'

'I get him Jay. More than he probably understands himself'

'You feel a bond. If it's as real as you think it is, then talk to him Ben. I should probably go and see Billy. You be alright?'

Ben wrapped his arms around Jay and clung to him for a second, not needing to say anything. Jay patted him on the back and headed off towards the square. 

Ben sat where he was for a minute, the events of the last few hours running through his mind. He needed to change he knew that- if he had Lexi feeling about him the way he felt about Phil then he'd be worried. It was up to him- he had to let his past be in the past. And he had to worry about the present and the future. 

And then there was Callum. Ben had pushed aside his feelings and thoughts for weeks, normally he could dismiss feelings before they became a problem but not these feelings... they were getting bigger. 

He found his feet moving in direction of the flat and before he knew it he'd knocked on the door. He waited for a minute and then heard the door being opened. 

'Ben?' 

'Sorry, is now a bad time Callum?'

'No, I was trying to... never mind. Do you want to come in?'

'Is Whit here?'

'She's doing a shift at The Vic. Mick needed cover'

'Okay, then yes can I come in?'

Callum stood aside and let Ben into the flat. The television was turned on low and it was apparent that Callum had been trying to write something, judging by the amount of screwed up paper on the floor. 

'Excuse the mess'

'That's the least of my worries Callum. Can I sit down?'

'Sure'

Ben sat down on the sofa, running his hands through his hair. He stopped when he saw Callum staring at him. 

'What?'

'You look awful. Have you slept? How's your dad?'

'He's awake. Callum, I...'

'What is it?'

'Can you answer me one thing, honestly?'

'Of course'

'That night we shared... did it mean anything to you?'

'Ben...'

'Just tell me Callum'

'You know it did'

'Do I? We havent actually had a conversation about it. I've been playing games. You've been burying your head in the sand'

'Suppose your right'

'Besides when your dad was here and pride, we have barely spoken for weeks'

'You said I wasn't worth it, and you clearly didn't want to talk last week so I didn't push it'

'I keep thinking I don't deserve to be happy'

'Why?'

'Because I've done so much bad stuff to good people Callum. I should just die alone'

'Ben, you've done bad stuff yes but you've also been through a lot yourself. You're still here, you deserve to be happy'

'Do I?'

Callum reached over and squeezed Ben's leg.   
'Yes, you do'

'I... Callum, I have feelings for you. I need you to know that under all the anger and hate, there is a heart. And you've occupied a good deal of it. I don't know why or how'

'Ben.... I've been trying to write my vows all week and I can't. Because deep down I know it's not what I want'

'You don't want what?'

'The wedding'

'Really?'

'I don't know what to do. I can't hurt Whitney Ben'

'So you hurt yourself instead'

'I don't matter'

'You matter to me Callum'

Ben reached over and took Callums hand in his own. He lifted them to his mouth and kissed the back of them. 

'You give me flutters Ben, in the pit of my stomach'

'You give me butterflies. Callum, you matter to me. I don't know what's around the corner, I.don't care. I just want you to consider that there is future for you that doesn't involve Whitney'

'A future with you?'

'If you want... only you can decide that. I like you'

'I want... I want you to kiss me... please Ben'

Ben looked at Callum and knew he could never refuse him anything. He closed the gap between them and kissed Callum softly, both of them crying.


	50. My Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here we are, 50 chapters! These fics have blown up far more than we ever expected, thank you for reading and all the comments.
> 
> This one brought a tear to my eye. Amazing writing @LouiseMacAllis2

My Hero

Ben walked home in a daze. It was late by the time he made it back to the square. It had been a very emotional day. One second he had literally held his father’s life in his hands, the next he had wept at his bedside, telling him he was sorry. Jay had managed to crack through his shell of defensiveness and anger and helped him realise the only person truly getting hurt in all his vindictive games was himself. Ever since Paul died, Ben knew he had cut himself off emotionally - it was easier that way. Leave others before they leave him... 

As he walked in the direction of home, Ben glanced over towards the funeral parlour. In the flat above was someone he knew he had fallen for but chose to push away. Callum reminded him of Paul - his good heart, his consideration for others, the way he made him feel alive.. Ben shook his head violently ask if to dispel the feelings from his body. Callum was getting married in a month and even though it made his heart ache at the thought of not having him, Ben knew he couldn’t force Callum to come out or even choose him for that matter. Ben wrenched his eyes away from the flat and made his way home.

He opened the door expecting everyone to be in bed but was surprised when he saw the lamps were on and Lola and Lexi were cuddled up on the sofa, Lexi wearing her favourite purple dressing gown and snuggled comfortably in her mother’s arms.

“Hey...” said Ben softly “what are you doing up so late?”

Lexi lifted her head up to look at her dad and whispered “I wanted to make sure you were ok...”

“Me?” asked Ben.

Lola looked at him with a soft expression “She was worried about you... she could tell you had been crying when you spoke on the phone”.

The emotion instantly started rising in Ben’s chest. The love he felt for his little girl was overwhelming him. Wordlessly he got down on his knees, reached out his arms and Lexi immediately went over and hugged him tightly. “How’s Grandad?” she asked.

Ben kept holding on tightly to his daughter and whispered “He’s gonna be fine, darling. He’s awake and that’s what matters”.

Lola nodded her head in relief then said gently “Do you wana take her up to bed? Like I said, she didn’t wana sleep without seeing you first...”

Ben nodded and carefully lifted Lexi in his arms and carried her up the stairs. He set her down in her bed and tucked her in with her teddy for company. Lola kissed Lexi goodnight before giving Ben a reassuring smile and went to her own room. 

As Lexi snuggled into her pillow, Ben gently moved a long blonde strand of hair away from her face and said softly 

''I love you so much Lexi... I wouldn’t let anything happen to you...” 

and as he said the words, a tear tumbled down his face. He turned his head away trying to hide it from Lexi, but the little girl carefully reached out and using the sleeve of her dressing gown, she affectionately wiped it away and whispered 

“I love you too, Daddy”.

Ben clutched his daughter’s hand against his face for a few moments before leaning in and placing a light kiss on her forehead. Then he slowly got up and left her bedroom, stealing one more glance at her before heading back downstairs. 

The living room was quiet except for the sounds of the clock ticking on the mantelpiece. Ben decided to tidy up before turning in for bed himself. He was about to pick up Lexi’s colouring pencils and papers and when he saw it. A drawing of himself (complete with glasses) and what looked like a billowing cape holding hands with Lexi and inscribed across the top of the page in bold red letters were the words “For Daddy, my hero. Love Lexi xxx”. 

Ben held the paper to his chest and wept.


	51. A Friend To Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's spoiling us today! 2 amazing pieces in one day. The way she writes the interactions between the characters always chokes me up. I.adore her fics and I adore her friendship. @LouiseMacAllis2

A Friend to Everyone 

Callum was in the cafe when he spotted him. Bobby Beale - a boy he had never spoken to before but knew a fair bit about was sitting there with his head his hands, staring into his full mug of tea, looking as though he was being crushed by the weight of some unknown turmoil. Callum recognised that look because he saw it every time he looked in a mirror - that feeling of being lost, not knowing how to cope with it and feeling unable to speak out.

Seeing his conflict, Callum approached the young lad and said quietly “It’s Bobby right? I’m Callum”. 

Bobby looked at him confused and stuttered “Sorry d-did you want to sit here? I’ll go...” and he made motions to get up and leave.

“No I just wanted to talk to you if that’s ok” said Callum reassuringly and he extended his hand. Still looking confused, Bobby shook it and permitted Callum to sit next opposite him.

“Have I done something?” asked Bobby timidly.

Callum shook his head “Of course not. I just thought you looked as though you needed a friendly ear”.

“Oh...” said Bobby. 

Callum continued “I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed sometimes and you know talking helps”.

Bobby nodded shyly and looked at his hands, picking at his skin nervously before glancing back over his shoulder. “Not here though. Don’t fancy my gran listening in”.

“Ok” said Callum “where to then?”

“The house should be quiet enough” said Bobby.

Callum felt a jolt at this - the last time he had been in the Beale’s house, he had pinned Ben against the door and his secret had been revealed...

Bobby cut into his train of thought “We can go now if you want.”

Callum quickly shook the memories away and followed the young lad out of the cafe. When they entered the house, the young men were surprised to see Lola and Lexi busy baking in the kitchen. 

Bobby stopped dead. “Oh sorry... didn’t realise anyone was home”.

Lola wiped her hands, looking slightly flustered and said “It’s no problem”.

Lexi stuck out a flour covered hand at Callum which he accepted. 

“I’m Lexi” she said cheerfully. 

Callum smiled at her “I’m Callum but you can call me Halfway if you want”.

Lexi giggled “That’s a funny name - I like it!”

Callum chuckled “Thanks”.

Bobby interjected “We can leave you guys in peace and we’ll go in the living room”.

Lola nodded “Cool.”

Callum followed Bobby into the sitting room and sat down at the table with him. “So what’s going on with you?”

Bobby blurted out “Do you believe in God, Callum?”

Callum was completely floored. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t this. “Um...”

Bobby realised he had caught him off guard and set about rectifying the situation. “Sorry it’s just I’ve recently converted to Islam and my dad is struggling with it...”

“Ah...” said Callum. “Well, first of all, no. I don’t believe in God. I was a soldier and saw things and experienced terrible things that shook me forever. I’ve never really believed anyway. Wasn’t brought up religiously.”

Bobby nodded, listening intently.

Callum continued “However, I’ve learnt to have faith in people. People are capable of good as well as bad (he noticed Bobby shifting slightly in his seat at these words) and I believe it’s the way we choose to live our lives that determine the kind of people we are.”

Bobby nodded silently and started stroking a silver band on his wrist. Callum looked at it. He recognised the symbols. “That’s nice”.

Bobby tentatively smiled “It’s a present from a friend I met inside. He was the one who helped me. It’s because of him, I’m starting to feel better about things.”

Callum said quietly “As for your dad, I’m guessing he’s probably struggling with the news?”

Bobby sighed in exasperation “Yep. He doesn’t understand...”

Callum nodded sympathetically “Well maybe you two should sit down and you can explain to him properly about how much this is helping you and maybe he’ll listen”.

Bobby smiled at the older man and nodded. “Thanks for talking to me. You’re the first person who’s actually approached me without feeling weird or freaked out”.

Callum grinned “No problem.”

Just then the kitchen door opened and Lexi came in, carrying a plate of brightly decorated cupcakes. 

“Wow” smiled Callum. “Those look amazing”.

“Thanks!” said Lexi proudly as Lola smiled watching from the doorway. “Would you’s like to try one?”

Callum and Bobby gratefully accepted one each and tucked in. Callum gave his thumbs up in approval. Lexi responded by jumping up onto his knee and chittering away like they were old friends. 

Callum loved talking to her. It was a strange but wonderful feeling getting to know more of Ben’s family, including his spirited, bubbly daughter. “Lexi” he enquired “who does the cupcake with the crown on it belong to?”

“My Daddy, of course!” cried Lexi “he’s my prince!”

Callum’s heart melted at this. Lexi was the cutest child imaginable and it was clear how much she loved her dad.

Just then, the back door opened and in walked Ben himself. He stopped dead when he saw Lexi sitting on Callum’s knee. 

“Daddy!” cried out Lexi and she bounded down and leapt into her father’s arms. 

“Hey princess. What’s going on here then?” He directed the question at Callum. 

Callum felt the blush rising in his face as he looked into those penetrating blue eyes. “Bobby needed a friendly ear and Lexi needed a taste tester”.

Lexi giggled at this “Yes, Halfway loves my cupcakes” and she flashed him a grin. 

Noticing their obvious affection for eachother, Ben relaxed and said “Well I hope he left some for me!” 

Callum chuckled and the two men shared a look that suggested things were ok between them but they would need to talk properly at some point. “You fancy staying for a cuppa?”

“Sure” smiled Callum.


	52. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say a huge thanks to everyone for all of their continued love on these. Louise and I have been blown away by the reception and are extremely grateful. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this  
> Trigger Warning... Self Harm

'I can't do this. I can't do this.' 

Callum gripped the edges of the sink so hard, his hands would blister tomorrow. He didn't know if he'd live that long if he was honest. His wedding to Whitney was less than a week away and every minute it came closer, Callum felt the noose around his neck tighten. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't be.... not when every fibre in his being was telling him how wrong this was. Except his head... his head telling him he must marry Whitney- it was what was expected of him. 

Tonight he should be able to enjoy himself, but with everyone talking about how excited he must be, Callum couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in on him, his knees buckling under the weight of what he was carrying. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn't hear the toilet door open behind him and feel the hands on his back. 

'Breathe Callum'

Callum looked up at his reflection and there was the only person who stopped the walls closing in, stopped the noose tightening but at the same time projected fear right into Callums bones and soul. 

'Ben...'

'Ssh... it's okay, breathe Callum. You're having a panic attack'

'Panic?'

Ben raised a finger to his lips and continued to rub the palm of his hand into the small of Callum's back, making circular motions that gradually got bigger as Callum's heavy panting subsided. Ben smiled into the mirror as he began to massage Callum's back, knowing exactly where to apply pressure with his fingers, eliciting a sigh from Callum. 

Neither one of them said a word for a while, or made any motion to move, both letting the moment swallow them up, until Callum reached behind him, taking one of Bens hand in his own.

'Better?' Ben whispered

'Thank you'

'It's okay'

'It isn't Ben, it's not okay. It won't ever be okay'

'Stag do too much for you?'

'Everything is getting on top of me, I can't...'

Ben wrapped an arm around Callums shoulders and was surprised when Callum flinched. His eyes narrowed, full of suspicion and worry.

'What is it?'

'Nothing'

'Callum when you say nothing it is obviously something'

'Can we just leave it?'

'No, I will not leave it. Take off your shirt'

'What? Why?'

'For me Callum, please'

'Ben...'

'Callum, I need to check your okay, just do it for me please'

Callum sighed and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. As he undid the last button, he shook his shirt from his shoulders and closed his eyes as he saw Ben's reaction when he dared to glance up. 

'Happy now?'

Ben said nothing, his eyes full of tears as he took in the scars across the back of Callum's shoulder blades. Some of them several weeks old, some days and some only hours... all self inflicted. 

'Callum...'

'I didn't want you to see me like this...'

'Callum... why... does it hurt?'

'It's bearable'

'Cal, why would you do this to yourself?' 

'How long have you got?'

'For you, all the time in the world'

'Can we go to yours? I mean... is that okay?'

'Ian's taken Bobby and Kathy away for the night. Lexi is with Billy and Lola is on the hen'

Callum began to cry at the mention of the hen party. Ben caressed his cheek for a moment before holding up his shirt. Callum pulled it over his shoulders and followed Ben out of the back of the pub and into the alleyway. He was deserting his own stag party but what did it matter? 

Ben took him by the hand and led him over to the back gate. He paused for a second to look at Callum, his face illuminated in the moonlight and as they entered the house he felt his heart break ever so slightly at what this beautiful man had been enduring on his own. 

'I'm sorry' Callum broke the silence as the two of them sat on the sofa

'What for?'

'Ben, you shouldn't have to see me like this... It's not what... I don't know'

'Callum, I'm glad I did. Talk to me'

'I just... I'm tying myself in knots Ben. I can't sleep, I can't eat properly. I am such a bad person'

'No you aren't. You're one of the best men I've ever known'

'I have all these scars Ben, I'm messed up'

'And you think I'm not? Cal, if you looked up messed up in the dictionary, you would find my picture underneath'

'I feel so numb all the time. So I thought try and make myself feel something. But it never fills the void, so I try again and it's the same. What's wrong with me?'

Ben moved closer to Callum, taking his hands and pulling them across to his lap.

'Do you remember what I told you months ago? You can't lie to yourself, it will rip you apart'

'You think that's what I'm doing?'

'Only you can answer that Callum. I have scars as well. Scars inside that no one else knows about. Scars from my childhood, scars from prison. Scars from losing Paul...'

'What's your point?'

'My point is... we all have scars Callum. It's about if you let them drag you down or if you embrace them and live your life. Don't let a few scars define and determine your path. Let it shape it instead'

'But it's so hard Ben... I can't do it'

'Yes you can. You're stronger than you know. I was you once. I thought I could break the system, live a lie. But I couldn't. It's eating you up Callum, I can see that now'

'When did Ben Mitchell become so wise?'

'Since the void began to heal... and that's because of you Callum.'

'Me?'

'You made me see I was twisted by anger. I didn't think there was any room left for any other emotions... but that's not true. Because I feel... in my heart... I care about you. And I can walk away from you if that's what it takes for you to be safe and healed Callum'

'I....'

'It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I can let you go if that's what it takes for you to promise me you'll stop hurting yourself. Because it kills me to see you like this Cal. I can't bear it'

'I couldn't bear it if you walked away from me. Ben, you're the only person who stops me wanting to hurt myself. You're the only person who makes me feel...'

'Feel what?'

'I don't know what it is Ben, but you're the only person who makes me feel anything. You almost make me believe that I am worth fighting for'

'You are worth it Callum. But if you don't believe it, I have no chance of convincing you'

'I... I... You make me feel good. And like I am myself Ben. I want to see myself how you see me. Please don't give up on me'

'I couldn't, even if I wanted to'

'I want to learn to let my scars shape me, not define me'

'Callum. I will be here for you every step of the way, but I need you to promise that you won't hurt yourself. If you need to feel something, look into your heart and remember what it's like when you kissed me for the first time' 

'l will never forget that'

'And neither will I. Promise me Callum. I can't be with you physically every moment but I'm in here' 

Ben rested his hand on Callums chest, feeling his heart beat fast. Callum smiled sadly and pulled Ben closer to him, sighing. 

'I promise'

'You do?'

'I promise I'll try. I don't know if it will work, but I promise I'll try'

'That's good enough for me'

Callum smiled and kissed Ben softly on the lips, before Ben rested his head on Callums chest, his ears listening to Callums heartbeat, both letting the silence say everything.


	53. The Hat and The Headband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was quite emotional writing this.... I really hope you like it... 
> 
> Based off last nights episode (12/08/2019)

He didn’t know how long he’d been sat at the memorial- nor did he really care if he was being honest. His mind and being was consumed by one simple fact- Chris was dead. Chris, his best friend, was dead. Had Vicky meant it about him attending the memorial? Should he go? Would he be welcome? What would Chris want? What did he want?

In truth, Callum didn’t know the answer to any of the questions he’d just asked himself- particularly the last one. He’d been asking himself that most of his life- and even more so over the last few weeks. But now, he honestly had no idea what to do. Chris was dead. Whitney had been rather stand offish when she’d got back and he hadn’t been in the mood to talk to her- so he’d slipped Chris’ hat under his jacket and left her on her own. Having the hat under his jacket was slightly comforting- it was almost like having Chris back, but then he was hit by an overwhelming sense of longing. He would give anything to see him again. 

He hadn’t been aware that Chris had written to Vicky about him- quite often it would seem. Part of him was scared that someone knew his deepest and darkest secret, but part of him was relieved. He hadn’t confirmed it to Vicky, but he suspected that she had known all along it was him. It was hard pretending all the time- pretending that he didn’t have these gut-wrenching, inside churning deep feelings for guys. Well two guys- Chris was one, and as for the other… 

Pushing that thought away, he stroked the hat under his jacket and allowed his tears to fall. Deep down, Callum knew he had been in love with Chris, just fear and circumstances had prevented Callum being up front about it. He allowed himself to swim amongst his memories for a minute- stolen moments in the catering tent, hands meeting in the dark of night and the solidarity of having Chris with him. 

Chris was the first and only person Callum could see a future with, until… but that was what had scared him so much. The thought of walking down the street holding his hand in public had made his heart swell with excitement for a second, but then shrink in fear when he thought about his friends, his brother and in particular, the looks from strangers. He had been brought up to believe that being gay was being associated with the devil. In his eyes, being gay was the worst thing he could do- and yet here he was. 

‘Callum?’ 

Hearing the voice somewhere above him, Callum snapped out of his memories and looked around, Ben’s face slowly swimming into view. He smiled sadly, and felt more tears drop on to his lap.

‘Hi…’

‘Are you okay?’

‘I….’ 

It took one look into Ben’s concerned eyes for all of Callums remaining defences to be shot to pieces and he completely broke down, crying and shaking. He looked down at the floor, wanting it to swallow him up. 

‘Callum… what’s happened?’

Ben sat down beside Callum, immediately concerned. Well he’d been concerned when he’d come out of the bar and seen him lost in his thoughts. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and he couldn’t stand to see him like that. 

‘He’s…’ Callum gasped between sobs. Ben reached over and put his hand on top of his.

‘Take your time. Breathe’

Ben waited patiently, not breaking the physical contact he only realised now he’d been desperately craving. After several minutes, Callum’s sobs had become quieter and eventually subsided. 

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Now what are you apologising for?’

‘Me, being like this.’

‘I’m assuming it’s for a good reason. You want to tell me about it?’

‘He’s gone Ben, he’s really gone’

‘Who’s gone?’

‘Chris. I want Chris’ 

‘Who’s Chris?’

Callum took one look into Ben’s eyes and he felt panic rising up in him again. He had one hand under Ben’s and one hand on Chris’ hat… this wasn’t right. He couldn’t be doing this… he pulled his hand away, tears forming in his eyes and ran. He didn’t know where he was going, he wasn’t thinking clearly. Chris’s face was ringing in his head and he closed his eyes, willing the image to disappear. 

He didn’t hear or see the car, but suddenly he was aware of someone pulling him back. Peering around wildly, he saw he was outside the car lot and Ben had pulled him out of the way of an oncoming car. The driver made a very rude gesture out the window and drove on. 

‘Are you trying to get yourself killed?’

‘Maybe it’s what I deserve’

‘Never ever say that. You do not deserve to be dead Callum. You’re shivering, how long have you been out here?’

‘Dunno. A while’

‘Come in the car lot. And you are not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on. I’m worried about you’

‘Why?’

‘You know why’

Ben wouldn’t say anything else, leading Callum by the wrist to the car lot. He unlocked the door and took them both inside. He watched as Callum kept his other hand under his jacket. 

‘So, Chris… who is he?’

‘He was… he’s my mate from the army, he’s dead’

‘Oh Callum, I’m sorry. How?’

‘Drunk driver. He didn’t stand a chance…’

‘Oh Cal, I’m so sorry. Were you close?’

Ben watched as Callum closed his eyes. He saw Callums hand moving under his jacket again, but he didn’t say anything, waiting for him to speak. 

‘To everyone else we were thick as thieves, we were best mates’

‘Okay… I’m guessing to each other you were more? Brothers, like me and Jay?’

‘To each other… I think we were more like you and Paul…’

‘You mean…?’

‘We were… I suppose you’d call it lovers. I was…. I don’t know. I could see us… together as a couple, but I was too scared to tell him that. I never… and now he’s gone’

Callum began to cry and Ben’s heart broke. He sat down beside Callum and wrapped his arms around him, just holding him for a moment. 

‘I’m sorry’ Ben whispered quietly when Callum stopped shaking 

‘Why… why are you apologising to me?’

‘Because… I was hard on you, when I said you hadn’t lost anyone you loved’

‘Well I hadn’t then’

‘Callum…’

‘Forget it, what does it matter what you said? What does it matter to you how I’m feeling now?’

‘Chris mattered to you, so it matters to me. And I have been here Callum- I lost Paul remember.’

‘Do you…’

‘Do I what?’

‘When I left the army, when I was in hospital, he came to see me. He gave me his hat, so I would have a part of him when I was back here… and I still have it’

Callum moved his jacket and took out the hat. Ben interlocked his fingers with Callum’s free hand, determined to offer him support. 

‘You keep it to remind you of happier times right? A time when you thought anything was possible, a time you can’t remember now but when you felt yourself?’

‘Y….y…yeah. How do you…?’

‘Because I do it too… look’

Callum followed Ben’s gaze and saw what he was looking at- the curly wire he’d been playing with months ago- Paul’s headband. It was on the desk, right by the mouse to the computer. 

‘You still have that?’

‘It’s like having a piece of him with me. Everytime I see it, I remember him wearing it. I remember running my hands through his hair, I remember the happier times’

‘You must miss him’

‘Every day and more than I ever thought I could miss someone. You are in the first stages of grief Callum’

‘Is that what I am doing? Grieving?’

‘You lost someone you loved Callum. It will take you time to not having him in your life’

‘It’s not the same as you and Paul’

‘I know, its worst… me and Paul were a couple. I can share my memories of him with Jay, with Les and Pam, with my family. Who can you share your memories with Callum?’

‘I’ll be fine’

‘I told myself that Callum. And I’m telling you, the worst time will be first thing in the morning, every single morning. The first few seconds when you think everything is okay, and then it hits you, like a punch to the guts and you remember… you remember that the person you loved is no longer here and you have to go through another day without them. I go through it every single day I wake up.’

‘Does it … does it get any easier?’

‘The pain never goes away, I am not going to tell you it becomes easier straight away but you will learn to live with the pain. Because you either carry on and live your life for the person you lost, or you let it take you as well. And, Callum, I can’t… I can’t let your pain take you…’

‘You keep the headband, I keep the hat. We’re a right pair’

‘We have a lot more in common than I think we both ever realised Callum. And I think we both feel more for each other than we ever realised as well…’

‘Ben, I can’t…’

‘It’s okay, I know nothing is likely to come of it’

‘You didn’t let me finish. I can’t stop thinking about you. Even now, when I have Chris in my head, your face is there to. Why? I should only be thinking of him. He would hate me if he saw me now.’

‘No he wouldn’t. You know why you see my face Callum, I can’t tell you that. You have to realise. But Chris wouldn’t hate you, he’d want you to live your life to the full- to grab every opportunity. To be yourself, because life is too short…’

Ben didn’t finish his sentence as Callum kissed him, so caught up in the moment he couldn’t help himself. Ben kissed him back for a few seconds, tasting the tears on his lips. But then he pushed him away, holding his hands. 

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have do that’

‘Why not?’

‘Because… because I’m not… I don’t know Ben’

‘Because you feel like your betraying his memory?’

‘I suppose’

‘Chris wouldn’t want to see you upset Cal. You knew him, would he want you sitting crying over him?’

‘No, when we lost our mate Steve, he said he didn’t want any one sitting around moping when he was gone. He wanted us to raise a glass in his memory’

‘So lets do that’

‘Now?’

‘Unless you have a better offer?’

‘Can I…?’ He gestured with the hat to the desk

‘Chris can keep Paul company.’

‘Has anyone ever told you how amazing you are Ben Mitchell?’

‘No, not for a while’

‘Well I am, you’re amazing. Thank you.’

Ben held his hand out to Callum, who took it. He kissed him softly and then lead him out of the car lot- the hat and the headband sitting on the desk, watching them leave.


	54. Never Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another beautiful piece of writing from my amazing and incredible friend. She makes me a better writer and a better fan by sharing these with me. @LouiseMacAllis2
> 
> Follows on from tonight's episode (13/08/2019)
> 
> Enjoy guys

Never Forget 

Callum was in a daze as he wandered through the bustling square. He had got back from the memorial much later than he intended and he wasn’t quite ready to face Whitney yet. As he thought about her, he felt his heart clench painfully. This beautiful, sweet girl who deserved the world could never know about the constant ache in his heart... the part he kept hidden. The part he thought he could bury. Just then, images of Chris flashed across his mind... his open laugh, his dark eyes, the way it felt when his hand brushed against his when they were cooking together in the army canteen... 

“Stop it! Stop it!” 

Callum whispered to himself as if trying to dispel the grief and memories from his mind... Another voice suddenly entered his train of thought

“Never forget him”. 

Callum felt the tears well up at Vicky’s words. Chris’ sister had been so kind, so understanding. She knew about Callum’s feelings for Chris before he’d even acknowledged it out loud himself. The letters she gave him felt as though they were burning against his skin, like they were desperate to be read. Callum gingerly pulled them from his jacket pocket and gazed down at them before placing them back inside. He made his way across to the funeral parlour and found the office was empty. He would explain to Jay about his absence later but for now he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts...

Some time later, Callum was reading the words Chris had writing about him, his heart breaking with every sentence...

“Honestly Vicky, me and H - there’s something there, I know there is... he’s the most incredible bloke I’ve ever met... I think you and mum would love him... his smile lights up a room... he doesn’t know how amazing he is... every time I’m with him, it’s like there’s nothing else but us...”

As he read, the tears flowed and the words became smudged. The grief was pouring out of him and he couldn’t stop it...

“Callum?”

He snapped his head up. There standing in the doorway was Ben with a look of deep concern on his face. Callum hastily wiped away the tears and quickly tried to hide the letters from view. 

“Hey... sorry Jay’s gone out if you’re looking for him...”

“Well I was but... Callum what’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“Doesn’t look like it”

“It’s nothing I promise you” 

Callum stood up and made his way to the door but Ben grabbed his hand, interlocking their fingers and Callum crumbled in Ben’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. 

“He’s gone, he’s gone...” 

Ben held the crying man to him, rubbing his hands gently up and down his back before gently guiding him back to the chair. 

''Who’s gone, Cal?”

Callum looked into those piercing blue eyes and it was as if the last few weeks of hostile silence between them had never happened and they were suddenly back behind the market stalls talking quietly and he was being comforted about his dad...

Callum tore his gaze away from Ben’s face, looked down at his hands and whispered 

“My best mate, my everything... Chris”.

They spoke for ages, Callum telling Ben all about Chris, how they made eachother laugh non stop, how they stuck together, how Callum loved him but never got the chance to say and all the while, Ben listened intently, his hand never leaving Callum’s. 

“Vicky told me to never forget. I don’t want to forget”.

“And you never will” said Ben gently. “He obviously meant a lot to you”.

Callum nodded silently before gazing into Ben’s eyes “I never felt like that before and I haven’t since... until now.”

Ben smiled at him gently “I know...” and he gently kissed Callum on the forehead.p


	55. Whenever You Need Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an alternative fic to memorial day episode. She's written an amazing one, was lovely to wake up to this morning. @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum wandered back through the square, his heart heavy and his head full of white noise. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry until there was nothing left. Chris, his Chris, was gone and he was never coming back. And he never got to the chance to tell him how he felt. 

Every step Callum took felt like a hundred and he didn’t know how he got there but he soon found himself at the one place where his brain seemed to find some kind of peace - the park. 

There were a few people dotted here and there, enjoying coffees from the kiosk, chatting about this and that, oblivious to the pain in Callum’s heart.

He sat down at an empty table and carefully pulled out the letters Vicky had given him. He started to read...

“I gotta tell you about this guy... I knew he was the one the second I laid eyes on him... I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much... all I want to do is reach out and hold him but I know he’s not ready... it feels like I’ve known him my life... when you know, you know... I wish he knew just how special he is...”

The more Callum read, the more his heart ached. This beautiful man had literally poured his own heart into these letters and when Callum closed his eyes, he could almost hear his voice saying the words like he was right there next to him...

“Callum?”

Callum opened his eyes. Standing there in front of him was Ben, hands in pockets, looking at him curiously. Callum looked around him with a jolt. The park was now empty except for the two of them and he realised he was feeling cold. He must have been sitting there for ages and not realised evening had fallen. 

“Can I sit with you?” asked Ben.

Callum nodded silently, tucking Chris’ letters back inside his jacket.

“Are you ok?” enquired the Mitchell lad softly.

“Not really,” said Callum “I’ve just got back... my mate, Chris, he’s dead” and suddenly the tears threatened to overwhelm him again.

“Mate I’m so sorry” said Ben. “Was he someone from school?”

“We served together” said Callum “he was my best friend. He was...” but he stopped, unable to continue.

Ben looked at the man sitting opposite him and he knew. He knew that look. That overwhelming feeling of loss, of heartbreak, of pure gut wrenching anguish...

He reached out across the table and gently took Callum’s hand in his own. “I’m so sorry.”

Callum looked at their intwined fingers and then looked in Ben’s eyes, expecting to see the usual cocky, arrogance but all he saw was the same sincere look he had given him the previous month when he had comforted him behind the market stalls. It instantly brought butterflies to the pit of his stomach.

“I should be getting back” said Callum suddenly. “Whit will be wondering...”

“Sure,” interjected Ben softly and they both stood up, their hands still joined. In that moment, it felt like they were eachothers anchors to the world, the only thing holding them there. Callum knew he had to let go but just like last time, he didn’t want to. 

He half expected Ben to carefully pull his hand from his grasp and walk away from him again but instead the younger man pulled him into a gentle embrace and they stood there in the park just holding eachother until Callum whispered softly “Thank you”. 

Ben gently pulled back and looking into Callum’s eyes he placed a warm hand on his cheek and whispered back “Whenever you need me...”


	56. Do Whats Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you all like this... took me hours to perfect. 
> 
> I'm off away for a week from tomorrow so there will be no new fics from me until stag do week. Louise may have one this week, I honestly don't know. But we will be back in full working order soon! 
> 
> We just want to say thanks again for all the love, it really really means the world to us! Enjoy the fic and the upcoming scenes this week. I will endeavour to catch up as soon I can! X

Pulling the knot on his tie straight, he took a deep breath and fingered the flower in his lapel. This was it, the day he married Whitney. He should be so excited, he should be nervous, he should be looking forward to the rest of his life. 

So why did he feel isolated?

He turned around and saw his reflection in the mirror. He should think he looked handsome, but the suit felt like a dead weight. He felt like a wolf in sheeps clothing, setting himself up for the slaughter. He should feel proud to wear this suit, but he couldn't feel proud. He wasn't proud. 

Could he actually do this? Could he stand up at the altar and promise to love and honour Whitney? To give everything he was, to be everything she needed? He had thought he could, thought if he wished it hard enough then it would be enough. 

His fingers moved away from his lapel and pulled out the letter from inside his jacket. He shouldn't have it on him now but he.couldn't leave it behind. It was all he had left of Chris now, all he had left of their love. 

Callum knew if this was Chris he wouldn't be having these doubts. Chris had made him feel at ease from the second he'd seen him- he'd told Vicky he'd never felt anything like it before and he'd meant it. And he'd never felt it since.

Until Ben. 

He hadn't wanted to, but he'd knew it as soon as he'd pinned Ben to the door all those months ago. He had found him so annoying and hot headed, but beneath all of that Ben was just like him. Scared, ostracized by most of the people he loved, pretending be something he wasn't. And they'd developed a bond, something Callum knew would progress beyond friendship.

'I can't do this...' he said out loud. 

'Nerves Halfway? It's to be expected. You wait til you see your girl at the end of the aisle. And you wait til you slip that ring on her finger. You'll feel like the luckiest guy on the planet'

'I can't do this Mick'

'You can Halfway'

'I can't... It's too hard... she deserves better...'

'She did yes, and she found it in you'

'You're not listening'

'Your just nervous Callum, you'll be fine when you...'

'I keep telling myself it will be fine. That I feel fine. But I don't. I can't feel fine. I can't feel anything. Not for her anyway'

'Callum?'

'I don't love her Mick. I'm not sure I ever did'

'What?'

'I thought it was what I should do. I tried so hard, I really did. But I can't do this, I can't marry her.... I need to tell her... I have to see her...'

'Callum! Slow down'

'In ten minutes she is going to be getting into that car to the register office and I can't let that happen. I can't marry her Mick, I can't'

Callum took off like a bullet out of a gun, out of the pub and off towards the flat. He unlocked the door and ran inside, ignoring the screaming from Bianca and Tiffany as he made a grand entrance. 

'Get out Callum! Bad luck to see the bride on the big day'

'Where is she?'

'Callum? What is it?'

Whitney emerged from the bedroom, in her wedding dress. It was huge and it was pink- everything she had wanted. It was so Whitney. 

'You look great' 

'Great, not exactly the reaction I was hoping for Callum. Bit overwhelmed I suppose'

'We need to talk'

'What now? Right here? An hour before our wedding?'

'It has to be now. And it has to be just us'

'Tiff, why don't we just pop along to the house and make sure Sonia and Bex are ready? Give these two a few minutes?'

Callum said nothing as Bianca ushered Tiffany out of the flat, leaving a wall of silence. Whitney stood watching him for a second before tapping her hands on the worktop. 

'Callum?'

'I... I don't know how to say this'

'Whatever it is, tell me. You know you can tell me anything'

'There is never going to be a good time but now I've run out of time.'

'Time for what? You're not making sense Callum'

'I can't marry you Whit. I can't stand up at that altar and promise you things I know I can't deliver. I can't live a lie for the rest of my life' 

'You can't marry me?'

'I can't and won't marry you. You deserve better than me' 

'You are the sweetest bloke I've ever met. You are everything I need.'

'But I'm not Whit'

'I'm good for you Callum. You talk to me, you and me. We're soulmates'

'You think?'

'I know we are. I know you Callum'

'You don't Whit. I'm really sorry but you don't know me. I can't lie anymore. I have to set you and I free'

'Free from what?'

'This... this box we're trapped in. I don't... I don't want to hurt you but I can't marry you'

'Why not?'

'Because I'm gay!'

Whitney's eyes widened as she took in what Callum said. A pin could have been dropped... Callum could see all the cogs turning in her head. 

'Gay... You're not gay Callum... hang on... Chris, was he more than a mate to you?'

'He loved me Whit and I loved him. I fell for him and I never told him'

'No... you were just confused. Spending every day with him in the circumstances you were, you were thrown together. You're not gay, I would know'

'You know me so well though right?' Callum knew he shouldn't be biting back but he couldn't help it. 

'You're confused...'

'I'm not. I'm scared and alone. But I'm not confused. I'm really sorry but I have to do the right thing and call this off now, before we're married. Before we have kids, before I go mad. And before I lose him...'

'Before you lose him? This isn't about you Callum, this is about some fella who has you under his spell'

'Grow up Whitney. I'm sorry I can't do what you want. But I have to be honest about how I feel. It had to come out sooner rather than later. And it has to be now'

'So, I'm supposed to do what now?'

'Be happy and find someone who makes you happy'

'You do Callum. I love you'

'I'm sorry but I don't love you. I can't do this anymore. I tried to love you but what I felt for Chris and what I feel for him... I've never felt that way with you.'

'Never?'

Callum shook his head regrettably, hanging it in shame. He knew this was hard and his timing was horrendous, but he had to be honest. He raised his head after a minute when he heard the sobbing. Whitney was crying..

I'm sorry...' he began

'I love you Callum. I know you love me. Please don't do this.'

'I have to...'

'No! Callum, it's our wedding day!'

'I know and I'm sorry but I'm gay Whitney. I always have been. I just.. I don't know I was scared to tell anyone'

'I won't let you do this Callum'

'I'm sorry I left it until now Whit. I'll come back another day for my stuff... I don't... I don't know how to do this. I don't want to hurt you anymore'

Whitney launched herself at Callum, still sobbing. She tried to kiss him, to see if she could make him see sense but he stepped away from her grasp, withdrawing from her touch and running out. He couldn't do this, he needed space. 

But just as he ran out of the flat and into the road he collided head on with the very object of his affections, looking very dapper in a sharp red suit. 

'Cal... are you alright?' 

Ben was concerned when he saw the look on Callums face. 

'Callum!' 

Whitney was suddenly behind them, tears running down her face. Callum knew he'd hurt her but he was hurting himself too. 

'Like the dress Whit, very marshmallow' 

Ben's joke went down like a lead balloon as Whitney cried even more, her eyes not leaving Callum. 

'Callum, please. Don't do this'

'Whit, I'm sorry. It's over'

'What?' 

Ben looked from Callum to Whitney, trying to figure out if he'd heard those words from Callum. On today of all days. 

'It's over.' Callum repeated softly. 

'Because your... your...'

'Gay' Callum repeated even softer, his eyes fluttering to Ben who was staring open mouthed at him, catching flies. 

'You said it' 

'I had to. Lying to myself was tearing me apart'

'And you feel better?'

'I do yes'

'Hang on, he's the one you dumped me for. He's the one you had to be with before you lost him. The one you feel things for that you've never felt for?'

'Yes'

'You've surpassed yourself this time Callum. He doesn't have a heart, he isn't capable of feeling anything. He just reels people in, uses them and then drops them'

'You're wrong. He has a heart, I've seen it. I tried to fight it, tried to fight him. But he was right. Lying to myself for years has ripped me apart. I've wasted so much time already Whit... Chris... I never told him how I felt (he felt Ben slip his hand into his own and squeeze it gently)... now he's gone. Life is too short and I want to live mine being proud of who I am'

'And that's with Ben Mitchell?'

'Yes. Well, if he'll have me?'

'I thought you'd never ask'

Ben rested his head on Callums shoulder. Whitney saw in that moment how happy Callum was and turned her back, running away into the flat, leaving Ben and Callum alone. 

'You should have heard it from me first Ben. I'm sorry'

'You've nothing to be sorry for, nothing, you hear me'

'Are you sure?'

'You chose to be yourself over marrying Whitney. You chose to give yourself and us a chance at real happiness. Why would you even think you need to apologise?'

'I... I don't know'

'I don't know either. Come on, let's go home'

Home wasn't a place, it was a feeling. A feeling they belonged and a feeling they only got from one thing. Each other.


	57. Clear The Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's written another great one... its her take on what we know about tomorrows episode. She is going to be my guiding light while I'm away... I wouldn't cope without her!
> 
> Really hope you appreciate this and enjoy it as much as I do. She always makes me.smile with her writing and this is no exception @LouiseMacAllis2

Clear the Air

Callum stood outside the Beale’s front door waiting for Stuart to answer. He knew his brother would be there with Rainie because they were practically joined at the hip these days and even though he had trepidations about being in the house were Ben lived and slept, he had to put those thoughts out of his head for a moment so he could get this sorted.

Stuart answered the door, a jovial smile on his face. “Alright, little bruvver! You coming in then or what?”

Callum stepped cautiously inside. “Rainie not about?”

“She’s upstairs getting ready. I’m taking her out on a date” responded Stuart enthusiastically.

“That’s nice” said Callum sitting down on the edge of the armchair. He looked around expectedly as though he thought Ben might saunter down the stairs any moment.

Stuart picked up on this and cast him a warning glance. “It’s just us here”.

Callum startled by his brother’s perception decided to bite the bullet. “Look Stu, there’s something I need to tell you”

“Oh yeah? What’s that then?”

“Sonia told me you reckon you’re gonna be my best man.”

Stuart laughed. “Of course I am. I’m your brother.”

Callum shifted in his seat awkwardly. “But that’s the thing Stuart. I’ve already asked Mick.”

A look of sheer disbelief flashed across Stuart’s face. “This is a wind up right?”

Callum looked at him defiantly “No it’s not. Mick IS my best mate after all.”

Stuart was shaking his head in frustration. “So family means nothing to you?”

Callum rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Don’t twist things Stu. Mick has been there for me a lot and he told me he’d be honoured.”

“But...” Stuart tried to interrupt but Callum got there first.

“I still want you at my wedding of course but in terms of the best man thing, I’m putting my foot down.”

Stuart stared at him dumbfounded but before he could say anything the back door opened and Callum’s heart began to beat 100 times faster. Ben was standing there with Lexi in his arms and Bobby standing behind them. “What’s this? The Highways taking over the house?”

Callum jumped up as though he had been electrocuted. He could feel the blush rising in his cheeks as he looked at Ben and managed to stutter out “No, sorry... um... Stuart is waiting for Rainie and I knew he was here so...” He made motions to walk around them to the back door, Ben watching his every move until Bobby said “Hang on Callum. I just wanted to say thanks for the other day”.

Ben looked at his nephew inquisitively. Since when did Bobby know Callum? Callum’s face relaxed into a gracious smile. “No worries. Chin up yeah?” Bobby nodded and smiled at him. Ben watched the exchange then looked at Callum who gave him a soft, apologetic smile before closing the door behind him. 

Ben set Lexi down at the table with her colouring but he could say anything to Bobby, Stuart interrupted “Mind if I use the bog?” Annoyed that the man who attacked him was currently in his house but not wishing to upset Lexi by starting an argument, Ben nodded stiffly at the older Highway brother. When he had left the room, Ben turned to his nephew. “What was all that between you and Callum then?”

Bobby looked at him timidly “He was just really nice to me the other day. He saw I was upset and offered me advice.”

“Oh?” said Ben “about what?”

“Well I told him I had stuff on my mind and he said he knew how I felt. He said someone close to him had died recently...”

Ben started at this “What? Who?”

Bobby looked at his uncle confused by the abruptness of his question but carried on “He didn’t say who but he just told me it’s important to focus on good memories rather than dwell on the bad times...”

Ben looked at the spot where Callum had been standing moments before and felt his heart twinge at the way he had been treating him recently. He knew what he had to do. “Bobby would you mind Lexi for 20 minutes? I need to sort something.”

“Sure” nodded Bobby. Ben gave his daughter an affectionate ruffle on her hair before bolting out the door after Callum.

Ben could see the taller man walking across the square. “Callum!” he called out. Callum turned round when he heard his voice and gave him a small smile. “You talking to me again?”

Ben bowed his head, feeling ashamed. “Yeah. Look Bobby told me about you looking out for him and I just wanted to say thanks.”

Callum looked down and shuffled his feet awkwardly. “No problem. Um... you got time for a brew?”

Ben grinned at him “Yeah. So... are we mates again?”

Callum smiled softly at him and they walked in the direction of the flat together, each immersed in their own thoughts. Clearing the air was one thing, how to resist these growing feelings between them was another...


	58. What If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the silence! I've been away and working a lot the last few days! Really hope you like it... this is my own take and what I hope to see tomorrow!
> 
> Eager to know anyone's thoughts!
> 
> Thanks again ti Louise for being my guinea pig and my guiding light through my holiday!

'Here’s to Callum Highway- his last night of freedom before the ankle grinder gets attached tomorrow.’

Callum listened as the rest of the stag echoed Mick’s congratulations and clinked their glasses together. It was his stag do, the night before his wedding to Whitney. He had a smile plastered on his face, but inside he was dying, wishing he was anywhere but here. What were they celebrating- his wedding, or his last night of freedom?

Freedom? That was a joke in itself, because Callum had never experienced freedom. The freedom to be whoever and whatever he wanted to be. If it wasn’t his dad telling him to act like a man, it was his brother or the lads in the army. All his life he’s been told how he should behave and what he should do. He was told who to be, what to feel, almost like a robot. 

And then Chris… Chris was the one person in Callum’s past that he had felt the most relaxed with- the person who had understood Callum probably more than Callum knew himself. He had never been able to tell Chris that he loved him and then he was dead- he’d lost the one person who had made him feel the closest he ever had to being free. And he thought he had buried it and locked it all away, and now he was drowning in two words- what if? 

Two words that have power over anyone and haunt them. What if he married Whitney? What if he’d told Chris? What if… what if? What if Ben turned up tonight? Actually, where was Ben? Mick had invited him and he had thought Ben would have been here, rubbing it in his face and throwing in some snide remarks. But he hadn’t seen him yet, and his brother had disappeared… Callum’s insides churned at the thought of his brother alone with Ben. What if he did something? What if… those two words again.

Callum felt the lump rise in his throat and suddenly the beer he’d been drinking tasted brackish. His head was swimming and he bolted from his chair, out of the doors and threw up in the gutter. The thought of tomorrow made him feel physically sick- and the thought of Stuart with Ben made him feel even sicker.

‘Alright little bro?’

As if he’d materialised from Callum’s mind, suddenly Stuart was behind him, peering at him. 

‘Where have you been?’

‘Taking care of a problem. All sorted now’

'What have you done to him?'

‘Who?’

‘Don’t play the innocent with me Stuart. Where is he?’

‘You don’t want to bother with him- he won’t bother you tomorrow’

'Why? Stuart, I’m not messing, where is he?’

Stuart shook his head and refused to say anymore, going into the Vic and beckoning Callum to follow him, but Callum couldn’t ignore the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach. He looked across the square but the Beale house was in darkness- as was the car lot. Could he be in The Arches? Callum walked around the corner and saw the door was closed, but he was sure there was a light on. He ran over before his head won over his heart. The door was unlocked. He stood in the doorway. 

‘Ben?’

‘Callum!’

The sound was muffled and Callum’s heart dropped when he realised Ben was in the boot of the car. He ran round to the back of the car and hammered on the boot. Ben hit back by way of a response, and Callum searched for the button to pop the boot- he found it and the boot opened, Ben scrambling out before anyone locked him in again. 

‘Thank you’

'Did… did Stuart do that to you?’

‘Who else would lock me in a boot on the night of the stag do of the century Callum?’

‘I’m sorry’

‘I’m not’

‘You aren’t?’

‘No’

'Why not?’

'For him to lock me in this boot means that he suspects something is going on. Which means he suspects that you might…’

'Might what?’

'It doesn’t matter. You’re looking sharp in that grey suit might I add. No tie, such a rebel Callum’

'Stop it’

‘Why?’

‘Why are you doing this Ben? You’re jibes, it gets to me Ben’

‘To you or into you? Because I can get into you, if that’s what you really want Callum’

Ben winked at Callum and Callum reacted the way he had all those months ago and punched Ben in the face- the emotions of the night, coupled with his alcohol intake just finding a release. Ben reeled backwards and then his face clouded over. He took one step and punched Callum back, cutting his lip as his ring caught Callum’s mouth. 

‘I am sick of being attacked for who I am by you and your family!’

'Who you are has nothing to do with it! It’s how you are!’

'What, flirting? Joking? You love every second of it- you love it. I make you feel a way that Whitney could only dream of. I made you feel, more in one night. You know it's true, admit it! Humour me, admit it. Admit it Callum!'

Callum surged forward and pushed Ben backwards, against the car. Angry and frustrated, he saw Ben's eyes drop to his lips and in that second they were kissing. Ben's hands hooked around Callums neck, frantically kissing the life out of him. 

'Stop...'

Callum pushed Ben away, his eyes pulsing with fear. 

'What?'

'We can't do this Ben. It's wrong'

Ben reached out and grabbed Callums hands.

'How can it be wrong when you and I both know that it's amazing? How can it be wrong when it's right Callum?'

'Because... Because...'

'You don't need to lie to me Callum. I know you, I get you.'

'Ben...'

'What if you just forget about the outside world for a second? What if you ignore your head... your heart Callum. That's what is important. And you know this is right. I know you want me, I know you feel it too. You want this, as much as I do'

Callum said nothing but captured Ben in a sweeping kiss, crushing his lips against Bens. Their hands were everywhere, in each others hair, and then Ben opened the back door of the car, pulling Callum in with him.


	59. Tell Me Im Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the best pieces of writing I've ever read. Moved me a lot, enjoy guys  
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Tell Me I’m Wrong

Callum stood in his bedroom, nerves churning away inside of him. Only hours before he had come clean to Whitney about what had happened between him and Ben and inexplicably, she had decided to go through with the wedding after all. 

When she had returned after storming off and told him so, Callum didn’t know whether to cry with relief or crumble with confusion. He had hugged her tightly and they lay next to eachother on their bed, Whitney falling asleep almost straight away but Callum hadn’t been able. 

He had just laid there looking at her, a million tumultuous thoughts running through his brain and stabbing pains in his heart every time he let his mind drift to Ben’s hurt reaction when he had walked away from him in the garage...

“Well Halfway, you scrub up pretty good! If I wasn’t already happy with my L...” Mick said heartily and clapped him on the shoulder, snapping Callum out of his train of thought. Callum chuckled softly and smiled at his best man. “You ready then?” 

Callum nodded “More than I’ll ever be” but as he said the words a lump rose in his throat. Why couldn’t he shake away the confusion and anguish in himself?

Just then, the doorbell went. “I’ll get that” said Mick and he left Callum staring at himself in the mirror. It was only then he realised how pale he was. The bottle of whiskey was sitting enticingly on the chest of drawers so he took a swig hoping it would help.

“Wow....” a familiar voice said softly behind him. Callum turned around and saw Ben leaning against the doorframe looking resplendent in a dark burgundy suit, his eyes raking appreciatively over Callum in his wedding suit and a sad smile on his face. “I thought no one was supposed to upstage the bride... you’ll knock everyone dead”.

Callum blushed “Where’s Mick?”

“He asked me to keep you company for a few minutes while he checked on something at the Vic. He’ll be back soon”.

“Oh...” Callum didn’t really know what else to say for fear of saying the very thing he was afraid to.

Ben walked slowly over and stood in front of him, hands in his pockets. “So you told her then?”

“I had to...”

“Well I gotta say I was surprised but it shows you’re a lot braver than I am. It took me ages to come clean about who I was...” he trailed off sadly.

Callum’s eyes suddenly started to sting with tears. “I can’t believe she still wants to marry me...”

Ben put a hand gently on Callum’s shoulder and ran it up and down his arm in comforting gesture which caused Callum’s stomach to feel as though there were fireworks going off inside it. “I do... she loves you” Ben whispered, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

Callum looked into Ben’s striking blue eyes and saw the unshed tears there and the soft purple bruise beneath the left one. “I’m sorry I punched you yesterday”.

“It’s ok. Sorry about fat lip” and as he said it, Ben looked at Callum’s mouth, every instinct in him itching to lean in and kiss him but he refrained. “But photoshop is an amazing thing. They can airbrush your wedding pics so you don’t look as though you’ve been in the wars” he chuckled softly.

Despite himself, Callum smiled back unsure of what else to say.

“I just wanted to come and wish you luck, mate...I mean it” and the two men suddenly pulled eachother in for a hug, Ben rubbing his hands comfortingly up and down Callum’s lean frame while Callum let one hand rest on the back of Ben’s neck, caressing his dark brown hair. 

They stood there for a few moments just holding one another until they gently pulled apart and rested their foreheads against eachother, tears streaming down both of their faces. It was now or never...

“Do you ever think about that night?” whispered Ben softly.

“All the time” said Callum in a low voice “I’ve tried to block it out but I can’t help it...”

“Me neither” said Ben and using his thumb he carefully wiped away a tear from Callum’s cheek.

“But I have to do this.. I have to marry Whitney.”

Ben felt as though a knife had been thrust in his chest at those words. “I understand... but I know there’s something here. Tell me I’m wrong...”

Callum looked at him and before he could stop himself he leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Ben’s. When they pulled apart, Ben looked at him with some renewed hope but before he could say anything Callum whispered sadly “That was a goodbye... nothing more”.

Ben, accepting defeat, finally let go of Callum and placed a warm hand on his cheek. Callum nuzzled into it and said softly “Still mates?”

Ben smiled at him “Always”.


	60. One Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are guys... another collaboration from us both! 
> 
> This was Louise's idea and I wrote it. I couldn't stop thinking about it and I had to write it. This is something that came about as we were chatting about next week. Really really hope you like it
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2 blows me away every time with her ideas and her fics. She's an inspiration to me and a great friend. She came up with the title... 
> 
> Enjoy!

'Here's to Mr and Mrs Highway'

The guests raised their glasses and toasted the newly wed couple. The day hadn't gone as planned at all, Bianca turning up and going AWOL. Callum had been wondering all morning whether he'd done the right thing by convincing Whitney to go through with this, but then a visit from Ben earlier that day had surprised him. 

He'd sought him out in the flat and told him he was sorry he called him a coward and that he was brave for telling Whitney. Callum had said he had to and Ben had said that he was happy he'd been honest with someone. He'd then given Callum a hug and told him how amazing he was and that Whitney was the luckiest girl in the world. 

So he'd done it. He'd stood up at the registry office and looked at the people there (Ben included, a sad smile on his face) and promised to love her and be there for her. He'd said it all, but he hadn't felt excited while doing it. He hadn't felt like it was day one of the rest of his life. 

And now, in the reception, his eyes kept meeting Bens across the room. He shouldn't be doing this, not now he was married. He'd ended it, called whatever it was between them off. And Ben hadn't said anything today. He'd shown up earlier and Whitney had laid into him. Ben hadn't done anything, he was just there. And that was enough to unease Whit. 

For about the twentieth time in five minutes, Callum felt Ben's eyes on his. Ben smiled at him, almost reassuringly but Callum saw it didn't meet his eyes. His eyes looked bleak and dare he say it, conflicted. What was he conflicted about? And why was Callum worried? He was married now.

'Stand still! No one move at all or I will shoot you!'

The air disappeared from the room as Hunter emerged from the kitchen waving a gun around. He was injured somehow, he was limping badly but he had a determination in his eyes. 

'Hunter!'

Mel slammed through the doors to the pub, taking in the sight of her son holding the pub hostage. 

'Hunter, son, what are you doing?' Mick called

'Something I've been waiting to do for months Mick. Denise told me he was here. Where is he?'

'Who?'

'Jack'

'What do you want Jack for?'

'He ruined my life. He's the reason I'm in prison'

'No you did that. You killed a man. You can't expect to get away with it' 

Ben stood up and his firm voice carried over the pub and the frightened squeaks. Callum felr his insides churn as Ben walked out from behind the table and over to Hunter. He was in direct firing line. 

'And what would you know about it?'

'More than you realise. Come on mate, this is stupid. It's a wedding reception. Just go'

'Not until he pays for what he did! He has to pay'

'Ben...' 

Callum found himself saying his name out loud before he could stop himself. He went to stand up, but Whitney put her arm across his chest, stopping him.

Ben ignored Callum and continued to stare Hunter down. 

'Hunter, darling, please, we can get away, we can go. But we have to go now'

'Listen to mummy. No one needs to get hurt' 

'Don't push me Ben'

'Ben, leave it. You're making it worst' 

'No I'm not. I'm trying to stop Hunter ruining this day. It's nearly been ruined already so many times, you don't want another death on your conscience Hunter'

Mel stepped forward, pushing Ben back. She held out her hand for the gun. Hunter hesitated and then Jack tackled him, wrestling him on the ground. 

The gun went off and for a second, everyone was frozen in time, looking at where the bullet had gone. Had it ricocheted? And then Ben dropped to the floor, his hands at his side. 

The blood. The blood. 

'Ben!'

Callum screamed his name and leapt over the table, running over to him, ignoring Whitney's frantic shouting at him. Ben's eyes were closed but as Callum felt the wound, his eyes opened. 

'Callum?'

'It's alright I'm here'

Callum ripped off his jacket, holding it against Ben's wound, trying to stench the blood flow. Mick had his phone out, calling an ambulance. 

'Keep him talking Halfway. And keep the pressure on, they said' 

Callum sat on the floor and slowly pulled Ben into.his lap so he could apply direct pressure to the wound. Ben said nothing, his eyes fixed on Callum, unblinking but Callum saw the fear. They were a direct reflection.of his eyes. The deep fear they would be ripped apart from each other. 

'I've got you now, it's ok'

'Callum...'

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry'

'For what? I'm the... one who ruined your day. I'm the one bleeding'

'For everything I said to you yesterday. For saying it was over. I'm so.sorry, I'm so sorry'

Callum blinked his eyes shut for a moment to stop the tears pouring down his cheeks. When he opened them, Ben's eyes were closed. 

'Ben! Wake up! Ben, don't close your eyes! I need you to open your eyes! Please!'

'It's easier this way...' Ben replied weakly, his eyes half opening again

'Easier?'

'If I die'

'No! You are not going to die, do you hear me? I need you!'

'No you don't. You're married'

'I can't lose you, you can't die! Do you hear me? I forbid you to die!'

'Is that an order?'

'Yes!'

'I'll try not to disobey sir'

'Ben! I can't lose you, I can't lose you'

'I thought soilders were supposed to keep a cool head in emergencies?' Ben joked weakly

'They are, but when it's something you care deeply about Ben, calmness and level handedness goes out of the window'

'It took this... one shot... for us to finally have a proper conversation and for you... for you to admit that you can't lose me'

'Don't go getting any ideas. I can't do this again. One shot was enough. The blood... there's so much.blood Mick'

'Hey, hey. They are almost here. Keep his head elevated and keep applying the pressure'

As Callum diverted his eyes to Mick for a second, he saw Whitney staring at him dumbfoundedly. In fact most of the people were staring at him, but he didn't care. He couldn't lose Ben. He needed him, he cared about him. Maybe even loved him?


	61. Real Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People were saying we couldn't leave it like that on the last fic, so this is a second part. Really hope you like it, I've been working on it all morning. Louise gave me several of the ideas for this. Ballum brought me a furious friend in her and I will always be eternally grateful for her friendship. She's insanely gifted at giving me ideas for these fics- and she's so supportive, especially with all of the crap I've been subjected to the last few days. 
> 
> Wedding week is upon us, we really hope you enjoy this our third collab :)

Callum sat in the waiting room with his head in his hands. His white shirt was streaked with blood and his hands were covered in it. Why had this happened? Callum knew in his heart that this was all his fault- if he had been braver and not married Whitney, then Ben wouldn’t have been there in the first place. If he hadn’t buried his feelings Ben would be okay. 

Callum had managed to keep Ben conscious throughout the journey to the hospital- all he had wanted to do was hold his hand, but the paramedic hadn’t allowed it. Callum had never felt so useless, sitting there, watching the man he adored with tubes and breathing apparatus all over him. Ben had been awake though and kept calling Callum’s name, as if seeking out his presence. No-one had questioned Callum going with him- Jay said he would follow with Lola, Sharon offering to get Lexi from her friend’s house. 

Callum should have really told Whitney but when he looked up she’d disappeared and in that moment, all he had cared about was Ben, so he’d gone with him to the hospital. As they’d rushed him into the emergency department, Ben had called Callum’s name- he sounded scared, and Callum had called back that he’d be here when he woke up. That was four hours ago and he was still waiting for news. Ben had been rushed into theatre- he had internal bleeding, and they needed to be sure the bullet had missed his vital organs. 

‘How… how long has this been going on?’

Jay’s voice interrupted Callum’s thoughts. 

‘Has what been going on?’

‘I didn’t even know he was seeing someone new. And I didn’t know you were… you know… Jay, did you have any idea?’ 

‘No to both of them. He was… he’s been all over the place the last few months Lo’

‘Callum, how long have you been… what was it an affair?’

‘No, it was once’

‘Once? Come on Callum!’

‘It’s difficult to explain. You remember when he sold me that dodgy van?’

‘That was MONTHS ago! What happened? You were that angry with him, you kissed him?’

‘He was joking and playing with me, I was so angry and I pinned him to the wall- he went silent and said he could smell queer. It… it was hard. I… I didn’t want to, but then we had our flat warming and we shared a moment. He was upset about Paul and I saw a different side to him. And then, he was that drunk he couldn’t stand up…’

‘I remember, I left my phone and you were holding him up’

‘He looked at me and I looked at him. That was the first time I felt something in my gut Jay. I tried to bury it but then… well, couple of days later we were in E20 and we had a chat. He told me I saw the real him and he sees the real me. I shouldn’t have but I asked him to meet me and then it happened’

‘So, are you…?’

‘What?’

‘Gay?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know what to do- I feel so lonely all of the time, except when I’m with him. He knows me Jay, it’s weird to explain’

‘Callum, it’s okay. Me and Jay just want to understand. If you’re gay, why did you marry Whitney?’

‘Because I love her. It was what I should do, but then he was shot, and my insides turned upside down!’

‘You realised what he meant to you?’

‘I didn’t want this to happen, I’ve tried to convince myself I love Whitney, and I do love her, but Ben… he gets me like no-one else. I can’t lose him…’

Jay was about to reply when the doctor appeared in the doorway, still in her scrubs. Callum saw her and saw the blood on her and his heart dropped, but she smiled reassuringly.

‘Ben Mitchell’s family?’

‘How is he?’ Jay was desperate for news on his brother

‘He lost a lot of blood, but he’s been extremely lucky. The bullet missed his vital organs. We were able to stem the bleed and remove the bullet. We have to keep an eye on him for 24 hours but he should make a full recovery- just don’t have him running before he can walk. He seems determined to get out of bed’

‘That’s Ben Mitchell for you’

‘Can we see him?’

‘Only one of you at a time. He’s asking if Callum is still here?’

Jay and Lola looked at Callum, who nodded. 

‘I told him I would be here when he woke up’

‘He’s awake now and he’s asking for you. Follow me’

‘Do you guys mind if I…?’

‘Ben wants to see you, so go Callum’

Callum followed the doctor out of the waiting room and down the corridor to the side room where Ben was. 

‘Try not to rile him or get him too worked up. He’s just had a very serious operation Callum’

Callum steeled himself for a second, taking a deep breath. He opened the doors and his heart stopped. Ben was lying in the bed, it was the wires and the machines that made Callum stop. Ben, plugged into the machines, but when Callum’s eyes raked his face, he smiled and Callum suddenly felt at ease. 

‘Hey there loverboy. You look awful’

‘I’m not the one lying in the bed having just been shot Ben’

‘Point taken I suppose’

‘Jay and Lola are here, in the waiting room’

‘Jay is my brother, and Lola is here because of Lexi. The only one I can’t work out is you’

‘What about me?’

‘Why are you still here? You said you would be, but I didn’t think you would be in all honesty’

‘Why not? I told you I would be and I meant it’

‘I thought you were just trying to be comforting Callum. Being the good person that you are’

Callum shook his head and walked over to the bed. He sat down on the chair and leaned with his elbows almost touching Ben. Almost. 

‘I meant what I said at the Vic Ben’

‘Which was what?’

‘Don’t you remember?’

‘Maybe… I don’t know’

‘I need you, I can’t lose you’

‘Why not?’

Ben began to wring his hands together, when Callum captured one hand in his own. Ben stopped and looked down at their adjoined hands, not daring to get his hopes up. Callum pulled Ben’s hand up to his heart and began to speak

‘Because you were right Ben. You were so right about everything. My head told me I should marry Whitney, my head told me that I am not gay. But I had to listen to my heart- and in my heart…’

‘In your heart what Callum?’

‘Is you’

‘I’m stuck in the past, thinking everyone is against me, fighting the world all the time though remember?’

‘I was angry. You remember what you said to me in e20? About us seeing the real people, not we pretend?’

‘Yes, of course’

‘The real you- the little boy who will do anything to get his dads approval, the guy who lost the love of his life, the guy who is a devoted dad, the guy who beat my dad, the guy who took a beating from my brother to protect me, the guy who broke his heart this morning to stop me doing something before I was ready. That is the real you Ben. And I can’t lose you’

‘And what about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘You’ve told me who the real me is, who is the real Callum Highway?’

Callum’s phone went off in his pocket, and he pulled it out. Ben saw his facial expression change. 

‘Who is it?’

‘Whit’

‘Answer it Callum, she’s your wife’

‘Yes and I wish she wasn’t’

‘You don’t mean that, you love her’

Callum pressed the call end button and switched his phone off. 

‘You asked me who is the real me Ben. The real me- the me who feels lonely, who runs away. I have so many thoughts, but they are running in circles like a toy train on a constant loop. Who’s the real me Ben? The real me is the person who has nearly lost the person he cares so deeply about and now he is done hiding and wasting time’

Callum’s voice began to break as he enveloped Ben’s hands in his own, and he continued

‘Please, don’t ever leave me Ben. I can’t bear to lose you. You mean too much to me and I didn’t realise how much until I nearly lost you. We have barely started and I feel so much for you already. I need you, like a fire needs oxygen. You unlocked the real me and this is me, bearing my soul to make you realise how much you mean to me Ben Mitchell’

Ben heard the sobs in Callum’s throat and he brought one hand up to Callum’s lips, silencing him. He smiled at Callum and, pulled him closer. 

‘That is the real you, the you I see. The you I have known all along was in there, desperate to get out’

‘Yeah?’

‘You gave me an order and I obeyed. I want to give you one’  
‘Oh, here we go’

‘Never hide the real you. It’s a beautiful person’

Callum smiled and kissed Ben softly, both lost in the moment.


	62. Your Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... we have another collaboration here. This was completely Louise's idea. I just wrote it. The scene in the garage last week inspired this- I know it stuck with both of us. Her ideas get better and better, and I really hope you like how I wrote it!!! We are so obsessed with these two- it's hard to imagine how we coped before! Enjoy!
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum sat on the bench in the square, his thoughts running wild with anticipation. Was he actually going to do this? There would be no turning back, and he would be prepared for every eventuality- he just knew he had to do this. Before it was too late. 

It had been a month since Whitney had jilted him at the altar- and although it had taken him a while to realise, it was the best decision for him. Not having her as his comfort blanket, had forced Callum to confront the issue in his heart that he had been running away from all his life. 

The wedding day had actually ended better than he had anticipated- his brother had been there for him- and Ben; Ben had sought him out when he’d been told by Lola the wedding hadn’t gone ahead. Callum had been in the flat by himself, drowning his sorrows and convinced that his life was over. He remembered the conversation as clear as day. He’d been reading Chris’ letters and Ben had sat with him while he’d cried. They’d had the frankest and most open conversation they’d ever had. Ben had bared his soul to Callum, saying that he had feelings for him. Callum had said he thought he did as well, but he didn’t want to jump straight into another relationship- he needed head space to try and work out who he was and what he actually wanted out of life. 

Ben had taken it surprisingly well, agreeing that Callum needed space to sort himself out. They’d agreed to be friends for the time being- both desperate for some time with the other. Callum remembered Ben hugging him- noting that Ben was just the right size for his head to rest on his shoulder nicely. It had felt comforting. Callum needed more time, but he knew that Ben would be there for him. 

And he had been. They’d been hanging out a lot, as friends. Callum had moved in with Jay and Billy- he couldn’t stay in the flat with Whitney and he was the one in the wrong so why should she leave? Over the last few months, they’d had several ‘lads nights in’ with Jay at the house. The last week though, they’d been at each other’s nearly every night. Callum’s thoughts went back to last night

The two of them had been at Ben’s playing on the PlayStation. They’d had a pizza and had drunk a fair few beers. Callum had never felt so relaxed and he’d watched Ben swear as he lost control of his car during the race he was playing and he’d smiled. Ben had thrown the controller down and saw Callum smiling at him. Ben had been biding his time over the last month- but he had felt himself falling deeper in love with Callum every single day. He made him want to be a better person and he had a heart of gold. 

Ben had returned Callum’s smile and had put his hand on Callum’s thigh. Callum’s eyes had left Ben’s face for a second as he glanced down to his thigh and Ben had pulled him closer. Callum’s eyes darted up to Ben’s as Ben leaned in to kiss him. Callum hesitated and pushed him away. 

‘I’m sorry…’ he’d started

‘It’s okay. I shouldn’t have tried to do that…’

‘Ben, I…’

‘Forget it Callum, you’re obviously not ready. Can we forget I did that? I’ve just ruined it’

‘It’s not that…’

‘Maybe you should go’

‘What?’

‘Just go Callum’

‘Ben…’

‘Please’

Ben’s voice had broken slightly and Callum saw it in his eyes. He saw the love Ben had him- but he also saw the hurt. That he had pushed him away. There was an underlying fear in his eyes as well- Callum could see that. It was the fear of rejection. Unable to handle thinking he’d alienated Ben, Callum had got up and left. 

And so today, Callum had been unable to concentrate on anything. Jay had noticed he was distracted and has remarked that him and Ben were like two peas in a pod- as he’d been distracted that morning when they’d gone for breakfast. Callum knew they were both thinking the same thing- what would happen if they’d ruined it? They needed each other- they were the emotional crutch for the other- the epiphany of what they needed. Callum knew Ben grounded him and without him, he’d still be living a lie. 

He’d also discovered earlier what Ben had said to Whitney on the day of the wedding- if she had loved him, how could she let him live a lie? Ben had made Whitney do what she’d done- well not made her but contributed to it. After everything Ben had said about not caring- he had still been trying to help Callum. Callum’s heart had flipped over earlier and when Whitney had dropped off his stuff to the undertakers she’d smiled at him and told him he shouldn’t be scared of being himself- he had to do it before it was too late. 

So, when Jay had invited him for drinks in The Vic with him and Ben, Callum had agreed so readily, Jay had asked him if he was okay. He’d gone home, showered and changed. He wanted to look his best tonight.   
He got up off the bench and walked over to The Vic. No going back now he thought to himself, as he pushed the doors open. He spied Ben instantly, at the bar with Jay, deep in conversation. 

‘Halfway, my son. How are you?’

Hearing Mick greet Callum, Ben had turned around and saw Callum. He walked over, trying to act nonchalant. 

‘Callum, what are you having?’

Callum took a deep breath and took one of Ben’s hands in his own.

‘You, if you’ll have me’

Ben searched Callum’s face for any sign he was struggling- any sign he didn’t want this, but for the first time in a long time, Callum was standing tall and seemed confident and comfortable in his own skin. They looked into each other’s eyes for a minute, neither realising most of the pub were watching them. Ben saw the determination in Callum’s eyes and in that moment, he realised Callum was serious. He grinned. 

‘Your move’

Callum didn’t hesitate like he had a month ago. He pulled Ben as close to him as he could and kissed him softly. Ben moaned against his lips and wrapped his arms around Callum’s neck, kissing him harder. For a minute, the world melted away and they weren’t aware of anything else except each other. Then Callum broke away, needing to catch his breath. Ben’s eyes were shining and he knew his was would be the same. Ben smiled at him, one hand around his neck, the other finding Callum’s hand, squeezing it gently. 

They only remembered where they were when they heard the wolf whistles and clapping. 

‘Oi, oi’ Mick shouted from the bar. 

Callum shook his head. He had made his move and he knew, looking in Ben’s eyes that it had been the best move he had ever made. He smiled widely and pulled him in for another kiss.


	63. Roar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone... another collab from us here! We still haven't recovered from the last few weeks and I know next week is going to be great!
> 
> This has to be my favourite fic I've worked on from us both. Louise gave me a HUGE idea for this fic- it wouldn't be written without her. She is an insanely talented writer who I'm so grateful to have met and lucky to have as a friend. 
> 
> This is something we both want to happen next week. Hope you like it!

Ben sat at the table, watching Callum at the bar talking to Mick and his face broke into a smile. What a difference a week made- last week he'd thought his chance- his second chance at happiness was gone. 

And then it wasn't. Whitney had done the best thing and not married him. When Tiff had told him, he'd been so surprised but his hopes had risen. Which was why he'd sought Callum out and he'd been the most honest he ever had with him. And told him he liked him. That he liked him because he was always seeing the good in people. 

But then he'd been shot and he'd thought he would die. Callum had cradled him in his arms and made him tell the story he made up for Lexi. Sonia had saved him- she'd done her job but what Callum had done was selfless and put himself in the firing line- all to save Ben. 

And now here they were on their first official date- no hiding, no fiances, no secrecy... just two people who liked each other getting to know each other better. And Ben was loving every second of it. 

Callum was nervous, very nervous. But that quality made him endearing and Ben loved that about him. The fact he was nervous meant that he was trying and that was enough for Ben. 

'Earth to Ben?'

Ben felt a touch on his arm and he was snapped out of his thoughts to see Callum standing next to him, his head cocked to one side. He had an inquisitive look on his face. 

'Are you okay?'

'Sorry Cal, I was just thinking...'

'Don't strain yourself' 

Ben smiled even wider, loving the relaxed Callum. Each moment that passed and Callum seemed to become more relaxed and comfortable in his own skin, like he was finally at peace. 

'Hey!'

'Sorry it was a joke'

'Looks and a sense of humour hey' Ben chuckled in response. 

'Mick was asking me how we were getting on' 

'Getting on?'

'On our date'

'Did you tell him it was a date?'

Callum was about to reply when Bianca, Sonia and Robbie walked into The Vic. Shooting them both a look, Callum saw that Bianca was still fuming. Quite rightly as well he supposed.

'So, you two a thing now? Out and proud while my daughter is left to nurse a broken heart?'

'Bianca, I never meant to hurt anyone, especially not Whit.'

'Well you did. She did the right thing by not marrying you Callum, you'd have broken her heart again and again'

'Enough'

Ben stood up from the table, shoulder to shoulder with Callum. 

'Oh, and here comes Ben Mitchell, his knight in shining armour. Callum, you do know he doesn't really care about you. He'll drop you when the next person's life comes along he can ruin'

'The boys came in here for a quiet drink Bianca. They aren't doing any harm, so leave them be. Ben, Halfway, another?'

'No, I've had enough. I want to go home' 

Ben's heart sank as he heard those words from Callum, thinking he was believing what Bianca had said about him. 

'Callum?' 

'You know Bianca. You're right about me hurting her. You're right to be angry as is everyone. But you're wrong about him. I know him, he knows me. I don't want to argue. Ben does care about me. He's done so much to protect me in the last few months, more than any of you.probably realise or understand. But that's okay, because he made me realise. He made me understand and I'm so grateful he's here now and not dead'

Callum turned to Ben and offered his hand to him shyly. Ben took it and they walked out of the pub. Ben squeezed Callums hand in thanks and was shocked to see Callum was shaking. 

'Hey, are you okay?'

'Sorry'

'What for?'

'For the way she spoke about you. And the way I handled it' 

'I am not going to lose any sleep over Bianca Jackson trust me Callum, and the way you handled it. I don't know what you think you did wrong. Thank you'

'What for?'

'What you said. You didn't have to say that, but thank you'

'And in answer to your question, yes I told Mick we were on a date. I was so nervous. I've never been on a date with a bloke before, I haven't been on dates with many people to be honest'

'You're doing fine'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah'

Callum smiled and the two of them walked back towards the flat, still holding hands. 

'You want to come in?'

'Sure'

Ben followed Callum into the flat and stood against the wall for a minute, watching him deep in thought. 

'Penny for them?'

'Oh... sorry'

'Stop saying sorry.Callum. You don't need to. What's on your mind?'

'I roared didn't I?'

'Sorry?'

'Like the little girl in your story. She was scared when the daddy lion roared at her but she just roared back and it was okay. I was scared to face what I am when it was roaring at me from all sides, but now I'm roaring back and it's not so scary any more'

Ben walked over to Callum, his eyes almost sparkling with tears. He found himself getting lost in his eyes but refrained from doing anything, in case Callum retreated. 

'Did you mean... all of that and you're grateful I'm not dead?'

'Ben, I meant every word. I mean every word'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah'

Callum closed the gap between them, initiating the kiss. It was tentative at first, not sure how it would be received. Ben was shocked at first, caught off guard but then he kissed Callum back, a moan escaping him as he familiarized himself with Callums touch again. Things moved pretty quickly and soon enough Callum was scrambling at Ben's shirt. Ben pulled back.

'Hey... are you sure? We don't have to'

Callum's eyes never left Ben's and he couldn't say anything, he didn't need to. His eyes said everything and as he nodded his head, Ben smiled. Callum kissed him slowly and carefully pushed the shirt from his body. 

As his eyes saw the bandage over his wound, Callum became emotional and began to cry, the tears leaking out of his eyes. 

'Callum... I told you, we don't have to'

'It's not that Ben... It's this (his hands delicately traced the shape.of the scar beneath the bandage)... I came so close to losing you. I can't believe your here'

'Hey...'

'I still.see you on the floor, blood... all that.blood. But you survived. And your here'

'Where else in the world could I possibly want to be?'

Callum smiled and kissed Ben delicately as they made their way through to the bedroom, shutting the door and the rest of the world behind them.


	64. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't get through my only day off for two weeks without a fic for you all. Really hope you like it. Thanks to Louise for being my guinea pig again and for helping me realise who I am is good enough. And also for the suggestions in this fic- love you girl!
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been just six weeks since Ben had been discharged from hospital after the shooting. It had been slow going but he was almost fully healed and back to his old self. He rather suspected that the reason he'd got better so quickly had been all of the people making sure he was looking after himself- his mum, his dad, Lola, Jay, Lexi and perhaps the most interesting Callum. 

Callum had come to see him in the hospital and from then he'd felt himself getting closer and closer to him, possibly even falling deeper and deeper for him. They'd been out for a drink on a couple of occasions but Ben had needed to recover, as well as Callum needing time to adjust to the huge changes he'd experienced in the last few months. 

So when Callum had text him earlier asking if he wanted to come over to his for dinner, Ben had been surprised but shocked. He had been keen to take things at Callum's pace, so of.course he'd jumped at the chance to go over and spend some one on time together. As much as he had enjoyed their dates in the last month, Callum was still struggling to be himself in public- Ben hoped behind closed doors he might find the confidence to be every inch the man Ben was beginning to fall for. 

Ben had arrived at Callum's not sure what to expect. Callum was looking great in that blue shirt- the one he'd had on the first time they'd got close. Ben's heart had leapt to see the candles around the room and the table set for a romantic dinner. Definitely moving away from friends. It was Ben who had been the most nervous during dinner, worried if he said or did the wrong thing Callum would withdraw from him. 

But everything had gone swimmingly and they were sat on the sofa, beers on the coffee table in front of them, the TV on but neither really paying attention to anything, except what was happening within the four walls they were surrounded by. They were desperate not to alienate the other. (Ben scared to push Callum before he was ready and Callum desperate to show Ben he could be the person he made him feel like)

For another ten minutes they both sat on the sofa, neither saying anything until Callum stretched, his arm rising upwards. But then he hung it in mid air, not sure where to put it, until he lazily sprawled it across the back of the sofa. Ben smiled to himself and shuffled slightly closer to Callum. Callum appeared to not notice and Ben continued to move closer until he was wedged right up against him. Still Callum didn't say anything, his eyes fixated on the screen. Ben worried if he'd done the wrong thing and made to move back across the sofa, but Callum's arm came down from the back of the sofa, snaking around Ben's shoulders and pulling him in towards his chest. 

'Is this? Do you mind?' Callum whispered

'Why on earth would I mind?' Ben replied, resting his head on Callum's shoulder, noting how they fitted together like two pieces of a jigsaw. 

'I don't want to hurt you, your wound...'

'Is healing perfectly. No need to worry'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah?'

Callum smiled and kissed the top of Ben's head, feeling him relax under his touch. For a while they sat there, frozen in this moment, wishing it could last forever until Ben shifted. 

'I suppose I should be going. It's getting dark'

'You have to tell Lexi her story?'

'She's staying with Billy tonight. Jay and Lola have gone out'

'Maybe... maybe...'

'Maybe?'

'Maybe next time we could all go out together. Me, you, Jay and Lola?'

'Like on a night out?'

'If you want. Or maybe a double date, if you think that might be okay?'

'I think that can be arranged'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah. Right, I should get going. Thank you for tonight though it's been amazing Callum, truly'

Ben got up off the sofa and went to pick his jacket up off the chair before Callum pulled him back down on to the sofa. 

'You don't have to'

'Don't have to what?'

'Go. Not yet'

'It's getting late Cal'

'I know. I... I...'

'What is it?'

'Stay. Please'

'Cal?'

'What I mean is, Ben Mitchell, will you stay the night?'

'I can take the sofa if you don't want to be alone. Is that what you mean?'

'No, that isn't what I mean'

Callum took the initiative and kissed Ben slowly on the lips, one hand automatically finding his hair and the other one on Ben's shoulder. Ben responded automatically, wrapping his arms around Callum's waist. For a few minutes they kissed until Ben pulled away. 

'That was...'

'Will you stay the night with me?' Callum blurted out before he could stop himself. Ben was shocked, having never expected this so soon. He sat there dumbfounded and Callum was suddenly worried he'd done or said the wrong thing. 

'Was just an idea. Don't feel you have to' 

'Cal, are you absolutely sure about this? If you're not ready or need more time it's okay'

'I know it's probably different for you Ben. You've got way more experience than me and have probably had better. I've only... well you know, it probably feels different for you than it does for me..'

Ben raised a finger to Callum's lips, silencing him. He put his other hand in Callum's, lacing their fingers together. 

'So what if I have more experience? None of them mean anything, have ever meant anything. Sex was sex. It's the... Callum, why can't you see how amazing you are?'

'Because... because...'

'Because you've spent so long denying who you are and the more you denied it, the more horrible you felt. I did it. Sex doesn't mean anything unless you feel something, and Callum, it's different with you. That night in the park... It was so beautiful. I haven't felt that close to someone since Paul... you don't need to worry about it being different for me. It means as much to me as it does to you. It's not even about sex with you Callum, it's everything. You're everything'

'You... you think so?'

'Callum, I'd love to stay the night with you. If your completely sure'

'I am. Ben, I promise I'm sure'

'Well that's okay then'

Ben closed the gap between them again, pushing Callum gently backwards so he was lying on the sofa. Callum's hands found Ben's hair and he smiled into the kiss as he began to run his hands through it. 

'You have a thing about my hair don't you?'

'It appeals to me, what can I say?'

'You don't need to say anything but that'

Callum smiled as he pulled Ben back down, his lips hungry for more. The kisses became more breathless and more frantic as the atmosphere changed. Ben's hands found Callum's shirt and he undid the buttons gently. He smiled as he looked lovingly at this gentle giant and his heart melted. 

'My back is going to be killing tomorrow if we do this here' Callum whispered in Ben's ear as he kissed him again. 

'We can't have that can we?' Ben teased, getting off the sofa and holding his hand out to Callum.  Callum smiled widely and the two of them went into the bedroom. 

They took their time, Callum desperate not to hurt Ben and Ben determined to savour every second with Callum. The first time had been passionate and frenzied, this was them appreciating each other and enjoying being together. 

The chill of the wind through the open window stirred Callum from his sleep. He opened his eyes and was aware of the dead weight on his chest. Ben was sprawled across his chest, one hand holding Callum's as if he was afraid to let him go, even in sleep. He stared at him for a minute, smiling widely when Ben opened one eye lazily.

'Are you staring at me?'

'I'm appreciating you'

'Never heard it called that before'

Callum chuckled as Ben shifted his position so they were both lying next to each other, still holding hands he noted. Slotted together like a perfect picture with a broken frame. 

'Are you ok?' Callum whispered in Ben's ear. 

'I've never been better. How about you?'

'I'm good. Last night...'

'Was incredible Callum. Any other thoughts you have, get rid of them. It was amazing'

'I know'

Callum leaned over and rested his head on Ben's chest, both of them content to waste the day away in bed, desperate to never lose this closeness, content to bask in the afterglow of one of the most amazing nights of their lives.


	65. Boyfriend Privilege

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's written another amazing one for you. We were fangirling into oblivion all week and it's paid off!  
> She's a brilliantly writer and I love her to bits  
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Boyfriend’s Privilege 

The sun streamed into the bedroom waking Ben from his sleep. He shifted slightly feeling the effects of the intense lovemaking he and Callum had the night before and smiled to himself. He turned to face his boyfriend only to find his side of the bed empty. Ben grumbled to himself and shuffled from the bed pulling on his boxers as he went.

He went out into the kitchen and his chest tightened. Callum was standing there making breakfast wearing the black T-shirt that accentuated his toned body and boxers that showed off every curve. Carefully, Ben sidled up behind him, wrapped his arms around him and leaned up to kiss him on the shoulder. “Morning...”

Callum chuckled to himself and leaned back to kiss him gently on the cheek. “Hey. I’m just dishing up.”

Ben pressed his body tighter against Callum’s and whispered “Leave it... come back to bed. I wana carry on from last night...”

Stuart suddenly cleared his throat from the sofa “Uh do you mind? I don’t fancy watching my bruv getting off with you over my bacon & eggs thanks!”

Ben tutted “Sorry Stu, didn’t see you there. What can I say? He’s hard to resist” winking cheekily over.

Stuart scowled at him. “Save it for the bedroom yeah?”

Callum butted in “What like you and Rainie? The number of times I’ve walked in on you two going at it on the couch...”

“Ugh! Don’t!” exclaimed Ben “I had enough of that when they were shacked up at Ian’s!”

Stuart stood up looking as though he was ready to fight but Callum glared him down without saying a word. 

Defeated, Stuart huffed “Fine. I’ll have brekkie in the caff. Just don’t be doing it on the kitchen counter or something!” and he made a beeline for the door.

Ben piped up “Can’t promise that Stu! It’s the privilege of having a fit boyfriend! No where is off limits!”

Stuart shot him a look before slamming the door behind him. Callum turned round and poked Ben in the ribs.

“Ah!” exclaimed Ben “What was that for?!”

“Do you have to wind him up all the time?”

Ben gripped Callum tightly and said in a low voice “God I love it when you’re worked up... fancy taking that frustration out on me?”

Callum’s eyes darkened with lust but he tried to regain his composure “what about breakfast?”

Ben squeezed him even tighter and whispered against his lips “I’ll buy you a sarnie later! Will you PLEASE come back to bed now?”

Something flashed in Callum’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around him and without warning lifted Ben swiftly off his feet.

“Woah!” cried Ben, wrapping his legs around Callum’s waist “catch me off guard why don’t ya!”

“I thought you liked it when I get worked up?” Callum growled and he placed a searing kiss on Ben’s lips.

Breathless, Ben whispered “Yeah...”

Callum grinned smugly at him “I always know how to get your attention” and he carried his boyfriend back to bed kissing as they went.


	66. Stay Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This made me cry😭😭😭😭  
> She's fabulous! @LouiseMacAllis2

“Can you stay forever?”

Callum and Lexi were cuddled up on the sofa watching tv. As the little girl nestled against him, Callum felt his heart fill up. He and Ben had been official for over a few months now and he had gotten to spend time with Ben’s funny, bubbly daughter. The more he got to know her, the more she reminded him of Ben. She was cheeky & clever but also extremely sweet. Callum had been nervous when they were first introduced but that soon melted away as she started talking to him like she’d known him all their life and they quickly bonded. 

A few months later and here they were. Callum had offered to mind her while Ian and Kathy were working late, Lola was out with Jay and Ben was working overtime at the garage. He had made her dinner then they made cupcakes together. As they had decorated the icing on one set aside for Ben, Lexi had asked him “Callum, can you stay forever?”

Callum had looked at the little girl next to him, her piercing blue eyes the same as her father’s and he chuckled “You must really like my cooking huh?”

Lexi looked shyly up at him “It’s cuz you make my daddy happy”. Callum felt his eyes start to well up. “He makes me happy too”.

“So will you stay?” Lexi asked hopefully. 

Callum smiled gently and said “Come on young lady. After we’ve done this we can watch a dvd if you want”.

“Yeah!” exclaimed Lexi “can we watch “The Greatest Showman”? It’s my favourite!”

“Of course” smiled Callum “it’s my favourite too”.

Lexi gently pulled Callum down to her level and whispered in his ear “Daddy knows all the songs. I hear him singing them all the time!” Callum grinned affectionately at her. 

........

The movie was still playing when Callum glanced down at Lexi settled next to him and saw her eyes were starting to droop. “Sweetheart, I think it’s time for bed”.

Lexi looked at him through sleepy eyes and nodded. Callum stood up and Lexi reached out her arms to him. Gently, Callum lifted the little girl and carried her up the stairs. He helped her brush her teeth then as she got into bed, she asked Callum if he could brush her hair for her the way her mummy and daddy do sometimes. Callum carefully ran the brush through her soft blonde hair and felt his heart swell a little. This little girl meant the world to him and he’d only known her a short while. 

When he finished, Lexi settled back against the pillows and said shyly “Daddy sometimes sings to me if I don’t want a story...”

Callum smiled gently at her and sang the first thing that came to his mind, gently stroking her hair as he did so..

“Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colours fill my head, a million dreams are keeping me awake... I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see... A million dreams is all it’s gonna take... A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make...”

Lexi’s eyes fluttered closed and Callum placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He stood up and there standing in the doorway, his face filled with emotion was Ben. “Hey...” whispered Callum. He gave him a soft kiss in greeting. “You ok?”

Ben was looking at him as though he had hung the stars. “I didn’t know you could sing...”

Callum blushed. “It wasn’t that great...”

Ben smiled softly at him “You really have no idea how amazing you are do you?” 

Callum smiled shyly and looked down at his feet. “There’s some leftovers downstairs if you fancy it?” 

Ben nodded then went over to kiss his sleeping daughter on the forehead.

As they made their way back downstairs and into the kitchen, Callum decided to tell Ben what Lexi had asked him earlier. Ben chuckled softly. “That’s my girl...” then he wrapped his arms around Callum’s waist, their foreheads touching. “So... will you?”

“Will I what?” whispered Callum.

“Stay forever?” said Ben softly.

Callum moved his hands up to Ben’s face and responded a tender kiss. As they parted, Ben looked into Callum’s deep blue eyes and said the words he’d been longing to say “Cal... I love you”.

Callum stroked Ben’s face with his thumbs and said softly “I love you too” and the two men carried on kissing knowing they had both found their home and happiness with eachother.


	67. Missed Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three fics in one day. She is spoiling us isn't she! I adore this one, it made me cry! @LouiseMacAllis2

Miss Me?

Callum was busy packing some clothes and toiletries into his hold-all. “Ben! Have you seen my wallet?” Ben sauntered into the bedroom with a cheeky smirk on his face. “What if I haven’t? Does it mean you’ll stay put?”

Callum rolled his eyes knowing his boyfriend too well and extended his hand “Hand it over”.

Defeated, Ben pulled the wallet from his jeans pocket and gave it to Callum with a huff “Points for trying right?”

Callum smiled at him affectionately “Babe, I’m only going away for a few days...”

“Yeah, on a boozy stag in Edinburgh with loads of fit soldiers!” exclaimed Ben.

Callum wrapped his arms around Ben’s waist and with a coy smile he said “Not jealous are ya?”

Ben scowled at him trying to hide his vulnerability “What time is your train again?” 

“Not for another hour and a half. You and Lexi are still gonna wave me off right?”

Ben smiled at him, his annoyance forgotten “Course we are but what are we gonna do in the meantime?” And his eyes flickered suggestively towards the bed.

Callum grinned at him “I’m sure we can think of something...”

“Good,” said Ben “Wanna make sure I’m on your mind while you’re with all those squaddies....”

“Sssh....” said Callum in a low voice “We don’t have that much time to be talking” and he pushed Ben down onto the bed kissing as they went.

......

Callum was standing in the tube station with Lexi in his arms, giving her the biggest hug. “You’ll be good for daddy while I’m gone won’t you sweetie?” 

Lexi nodded “Will you bring me back something nice?”

“Lex!” scolded Ben but Callum chuckled affectionately 

“Course I will. See you soon darlin” and the little girl kissed him on the cheek. Smiling, he set her back on her feet and then turned to his boyfriend. Ben rubbed his eye trying not to look too upset. Callum could see he was struggling a bit and pulled him in for a hug. 

“Its only a few days. I’ll be back Monday night...”

“I know...” whispered Ben “I’ll miss you though”

Callum looked into his eyes and said in a soft voice “I’ll miss you too” and leaned in to kiss him. Lexi giggled at them both. The two men parted.

''Right,” said Callum “I better go!” 

He gave Ben a final peck on the lips and gave Lexi’s hand a squeeze before heading through the gates and up the stairs to the platform.

......

It was Monday afternoon. Ben and Lexi were heading in the direction of the park when they heard Mick called out “Alright you two? How’s our Halfway getting on in Scotland?”

“Good yeah” replied Ben. “Seen a few pics on Instagram of him and the lads at the Castle and hitting all the bars on Princes Street so he’s having a good time...” he trailed off.

Lexi squeezed her daddy’s hand “He’s back tonight daddy...”

Mick smiled knowingly at the pair of them, his eyes fixed on something behind them.

Ben looked at the pub landlord inquisitively. “What are you so pleased about?”

Just then, familiar voice called out from a few yards behind them “Miss me?”

Ben and Lexi whipped round and standing there in the middle of the bustling market was Callum.

“Callum!” cried Lexi and she ran towards him her arms outstretched. Callum dropped his hold-all, hoisted the little girl into his arms and spun her round. “Hey kiddo!” Lexi wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled into him.

Ben walked over trying to play it cool “Didn’t think you were back till later.”

“Yeah well, I told the lads I wanted to head home early. They were cool with it...”

Unable to resist any longer, Ben cut off his boyfriend with a kiss. Callum blinked “I take it you missed me then?”

“You’ve no idea” whispered Ben the longing in his voice evident.

Callum smiled affectionately at him before looking at Lexi still in his arms. “Who fancies tea at the caff? My treat.”

“Yeah!” exclaimed Lexi.

“Come on then” said Callum and the three of them headed towards the cafe, Callum raising his hand at Mick silently thanking him for keeping the surprise. 

.....

Later that night, Ben and Callum were lying in eachothers arms, sweating and breathing heavily. “Wow...” whispered Callum “you really did miss me.”

Ben placed a kiss on his boyfriend’s chest and looked up at him “Always.”

Callum held Ben tighter to him, kissed him softly on his hair, then his nose, then the lips and they fell asleep, content.


	68. Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd throw my hat in the ringer today now as well😂😂😂
> 
> Sorry for the silence, I had a very very long week at work which ended in two panic attacks last weekend. Louise was my guiding light through it and obviously this week and THAT kiss... I still haven't recovered. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you like it! Eager to hear your feedback. Keep it coming, we love to receive your comments!

Callum could feel something tickling his nose and it dragged him out from the remnants of his slumber. Blinking slowly, he adjusted to the unfamiliar surroundings for a minute before he realised where he was and what had tickled his nose. 

He smiled widely- Ben was sprawled across his chest, his hair sticking up all over the place. His arms were round Callums neck, almost afraid he'd lose his grip on him. It had been Ben's hair that tickled Callum nose. Callum raised an arm and began to caress Ben's hair with his fingers, his mind going back to last night in The Vic. 

His date with Ben hadn't gone well and he'd been desperate for a 'do over.' Callum didn't care what the date was, he was just determined to enjoy himself. Ben had been right, it really was as simple as having a drink with him. 

Callum had found him in The Vic and has been adamant he wanted another attempt. Ben had shook his head and said that maybe they were kidding themselves into thinking this was going to work. He remembered Ben's words.

'We were fooling ourselves into thinking that we could do this Callum. I have a rubbish track record with men, you have only just decided you... well I don't actually know because I haven't heard you talk about it. Let's just call it a day, whatever it is Callum. Honestly, it's better this way'

Callum hadn't been able to reply because he'd heard the one voice he didn't need to. The last voice he expected to. His dad. 

'Callum my son...' 

Jonno had put a hand on Callums shoulder and turned him round. Ben had moved backwards for a second and then a wave of protection rose up in him and he stood next to Callum. His dad noticed this. 

'Dad? What are you...?'

'Came to see my son and my new daughter'

'Stuart said you weren't welcome around here'

'This isn't about your brother Callum, it's about you. So, where is my daughter in law?'

'Jonno...'

Whitney had been in the pub, but having seen Jonno enter, she had moved to the bar, knowing he would demand an explanation. He turned around and went to hug her but Callum pulled him back. 

'No Dad... we didn't get married'

'You didn't? Or you haven't yet?'

'We didn't. We aren't together anymore. The wedding was cancelled'

Jonno, suddenly angry, turned back towards Callum. 

'Why was the wedding cancelled? You won't do better than this prime rump steak here'

'Oi, this rump steak has a wicked left hook'

'And she's feisty. You got another one on the go?'

'No'

'Well come on then my son, spit it out'

'Jonno we just decided we were better off as friends' Whitney blurted out. 

'Callum has been very busy at work lately, I think it was too much too soon' Jay interjected

Callum stood for a minute, his eyes shuffling over to Ben, who raised one eyebrow in a knowing way. And in that moment, Callum had enough. 

'You want to know the truth? I'll tell you the truth. I could never have married Whitney. I loved her, a part of me still does and probably always will. She was my first and I'll always care about her. I have spent my whole life being told what's best for me, who I should be and how I should feel. And I've had enough. You want to know why the wedding got called off? Two words in answer, the two words I've always been too scared to say, but I finally know and accept they make me who I am. I'm gay!'

'You're not a pansy!'

'Stop with that hateful language. He's your son Jonno!' 

Whitney was in front of Jonno, pushing him away from Callum. 

'What are you defending this... this... for?'

'Because I can! I'll probably never completely forgive him but he deserves to be who he is Jonno with out being scared. He is now, can't you just be happy for him?'

'Whit...'

'Callum, it's ok. I understand'

'And as for this scum...'

Jonno launched himself at Ben and that was when Callum blocked his path, throwing a punch and knocking his dad to the floor. 

'You touch him, I swear I'll kill you. Leave him alone! He means a lot to me and I won't have you ruin this for me!' 

Callum looked contemptuously at his dad and then turned around. Before Ben could say or do anything, Callum had captured him in a kiss. Ben had kissed him back immediately and for a minute, nothing else had mattered. 

'Wow...' was all Ben could muster as he pulled back from the kiss, wide eyed and giggly, like a school girl around her first crush

'I don't care about any of it Ben. Your past, my past, any of it! Who is it better for if we call it a day? Cause on the wedding day you told me you liked me. Is that still true?'

Ben nodded dumbfounded. 

'And I like you. So what's stopping us? Two gay men who like each other, who want each other. And have been chasing shadows for months. I want you, I like you. You feel the same right?'

'Callum...'

'I am sober. Haven't been drinking, haven't been crying. I have been fighting. Fighting to be happy. Fighting to be me. And I want to me with you'

Ben had kissed Callum in that moment and the pub had started clapping. Jonno had laid on the floor forgotten about in that moment until Jay and Phil had 'escorted' him out the building. 

Ben and Callum had escaped back to Ben's and now here he was, the morning after the night before. The morning after he.had been openly honest for the first time in his life. 

He had been stroking Ben's hair for quite some time, when he finally felt him stir. He moaned ans Callum moved his hand away. 

'Don't stop'

'Morning' 

Callum kissed Ben's head, feeling Ben smile against Callum's chest. 

'I thought I was dreaming that you were here with me'

Callum smiled and reached under the duvet, pinching Ben's bum, which made Ben sit upright frowning. 

'What was that for?'

'No dream. It's real'

'You were just looking for an excuse to pinch my bum weren't you?'

'Maybe'

Callum sat upright stretching his arms up. He saw Ben staring at him and stopped. 

'What?'

'Last night, how you feeling?'

'About which part? The Vic or afterwards?'

Callum grinned at Ben and was rewarded with a deep flush of red across Ben's cheeks. 

'Both I suppose'

'I've never been happier Ben'

'You mean that?'

'Why is it so hard for you to accept that I want you and like you?'

'Because you're so good and genuine... everything I'm not. You could have anyone Callum. Really now you're out, you could have anyone'

'Come here'

Callum opened his arms and Ben didn't hesitate to burrow in next to him, their legs intertwining below the duvet and his head on Callum's shoulder, Callums arm around him felt wonderful. 

'I am out. And proud. And that's because of you. I don't want anyone Ben Mitchell. I want you, all of you. I'm not stupid, I know you're not an angel. But I don't care. I want you as you are. You're enough for me'

'Don't...'

'Don't what?'

'Am I enough Callum? Can I make you happy?'

'You already are and you do Ben. Believe it, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to'

'You mean that?'

'Every word Ben'

Ben snuggled into Callum's shoulder, closing his eyes for a minute. He hadn't felt like this in such a long time, about anyone. He didn't feel like he was enough for Callum, he didn't feel like he could make Callum happy. 

'Callum...?'

'Yeah?'

'Those two words you told your dad last night...'

'Yeah?'

'Say them again'

'What?'

'Please. There's no one here. Did you just say them because he was there?'

'I'm gay'

Ben looked up at Callum, a daft smile spreading across his face as he felt his fears alleviate.

'I'm gay and I like you Ben, deal with it'

'I have such a feisty boyfriend. Love it'

'A what?'

'A feisty.... oh'

Ben realised what he'd said and shut his eyes, thinking he'd said the wrong thing. But he was stunned to hear Callum chuckle and pull him in for a kiss before wrapping his arms back around him. 

'And I have a boyfriend who doesn't know how amazing he is'

'Is that what I am? Your boyfriend?'

'Only if you're mine?'

'I'm all yours Callum. All yours'


	69. Invested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is very different to anything I've ever written. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a Beaver Scout leader so this for me was a very personal fic to write. 
> 
> I really hope you all like it. Thanks again to Louise for being my guinea pig.   
> 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

'On your own Halfway?'

Mick stopped by the table and Callum looked at him, smiling. 

'Ben's on his way. Just been to collect Lexi'

'How are you two getting on?'

'Good. Actually great I suppose Mick. It's only been a few months but it feels like I've known him forever. That make sense?'

'That makes perfect sense, don't you worry. I was the same with my L... no amount of time is long enough cause you feel like you've known and been with them for a lifetime'

'So you know what I'm talking about?'

'Anyone who's ever been in love will know what your talking.about Halfway'

'In love?'

'Yes, in love'

Callum was about to reply when he heard  
'Callum!'

Lexi ran across The Vic, her blonde hair flying out behind her as she flew into Callums arms, hugging him tightly. 

'Hey princess, how are you?' 

'You talking to Lexi or me?'

Ben appeared at the table, his face a picture as he watched the two most important people in his life embrace. The way Callum had built a relationship with Lexi over the last six monrhs had astounded him. Callum smiled at him as he sat down next to him, pulling Lexi on to his lap. 

'You of course, Lexi is the Queen'

'You want to tell Callum your news sweetheart?'

'I think I can see. You have something around your neck, what is this?'

'I made my promise Callum'

'Did you? How was it?'

'She stood there in front of the whole colony, leaders and parents included and recited her promise with no sign of nerves. So confident'

'Hmm... and I wonder where she gets that from?' Callum interjected and dug Ben fondly in the ribs.

'No idea'

Callum quelled Ben with a look and he started laughing. Callum reached across the back of the seats and put an arm around Ben, pulling him and Lexi slightly closer. 

'So, your promise hey Lexi!'

'Otter said I have a brilliant memory!'

'Well that's great, I'm really proud of you. What did you do tonight? More games?'

'We had a rainbow night Callum. Izzy's mum made rainbow cakes and Archie took all the icing off ours, so Badger said we could have hers instead'

'A rainbow night. That sounds good. Did you enjoy it?'

'Yeah! It was brilliant! Daddy, can I go to the toilet?'

'Of course you can princess'

'Daddy! Callum said I'm the Queen, you're the princess. You're silly sometimes'

'Isn't he just Lex'

'Hey, less of that you two, or I'll be going to McKlunkys myself for dinner and you two can stay here'

'Ooh, I think we touched a nerve Lex'

Lexi giggled in reply as she got off her dads lap and skipped across the pub, her new neckerchief bouncing as she skipped. Ben looked at Callum for a second before kissing him softly. 

'What was that for?'

'Do I need a reason to kiss my boyfriend in the pub?'

'No, I suppose not. So, she had a good night then?'

'She loved it. I'm glad Mum convinced me to take her along cause she loves Beavers. And after tonight I love them'

'Tonight? Why, cause they... What do they call it... invested her?'

'Well yes, but it's the theme they had tonight Callum. What do you associate with rainbows?'

'Rain'

Ben sighed exasperated and waited for Callum to cotton on. Callum sat for a few seconds and then it hit him. 

'Rainbows, as in pride?'

'Yep. They had a rainbow night. Teaching all of the kids that they can be anything they want to be. That it's okay to be different. They just have to find their rainbow. And if they can't find it, they make it'

'That's... amazing'

'And for some of the other parents they might not understand the gravity of it...'

'But for you, for us... it matters yes?'

'Yes. I never had any of this as a child, and neither did you. Lexi is 6, she's growing up in a world where some people think being different is bad and I don't want her to ever think she has to hide who she is or have to be something because she's told it's who she is'

'Find their own rainbow. Sounds like great advice'

'It really is Callum. And you know what she said at the end?'

'What?'

'She thanked the leaders and said that she was going to tell the children at school to find a rainbow'

'Awww that is adorable'

'How amazing is that? How amazing is my daughter?'

'She is amazing Ben, but she always will be. I've always known how amazing she is, and that's because your her dad'

'Stop it'

'It's true. I love that you're so passionate about Lexi having the right upbringing and being able to be anyone she wants to be'

'It's important she learns it. I don't want her to feel what we went through at any point Callum. Being a rainbow should be celebrated, not shunned or put in the shadows. We are who we are, we can't change it...'

Ben was silenced by Callum pulling him in for a kiss. Ben responded immediately, hooking his arms around Callum's neck. For a second, all they were interested in was each other and then they heard it

'Daddy! Put Callum down! Honestly!'

Callum smiled as he broke the kiss and saw Lexi stood in front of them with her arms folded. 

'I'm sorry missus. Come here!'

'Love you Daddy!' 

Lexi hugged Ben tight and in that second Callum realised. 

'And me'

'And you what Cal?'

'I love your Daddy too Lexi'

'You... you...?'

'He said he loves you Daddy. Didn't you hear him?'

'Yes I did darling. I'm just a bit shocked that's all'

'I've found my rainbow and I never want to lose it'

'I've struck gold with you haven't I?'

'If you follow a rainbow you find gold Daddy, didn't you know that?'

'I did darling. And I've found my gold... I love Callum as well'

'I love Callum as well!'

Callum took Ben's hand in his own and kissed it, before flicking Lexi's neckerchief in her face and smiling widely.


	70. Worth the Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A message from our author!
> 
> Hey guys! I stayed up late rewatching that amazing episode over and over and the idea just came. I was inspired by confident flirty Callum 😊 hope you enjoy x
> 
>  
> 
> I'm just adding that her writing keeps getting better and better. I'm so grateful for her friendship. We both love sharing these with you and the feedback has been rather overwhelming. This is brilliant and after last night's UNBELIEVABLE episode, if we ever got this I would die!
> 
> Enjoy @LouiseMacAllis2

Worth the Wait 

Callum was in the flat on his break making a brew when the text came through from Ben. “Fancy beer & pizza at mine tonight? Maybe a few rounds on the PS4 ?” 

Callum grinned to himself. It had been 2 days since he came out to his dad in the Vic and kissed Ben in front of everyone. He had walked through the square lighter and happier than he’d ever been in his life and he loved that feeling. Callum texted back “Sure thing. See you then”.

......

Later that evening, Callum knocked on the door to the Mitchell household. Ben opened the door and grinned appreciatively at Callum. Callum was wearing new jeans, a dark T-shirt and open dark shirt and a confident smile on his face - he looked amazing. 

“Come on in” said Ben. Callum walked through the hallway into the living room, aware that Ben was checking him out and he loved it. The room was lit only by a few lamps, beers, pizza boxes and crisps perched on the coffee table and the PS4 set up for a game of Dirt Rally 2.0. 

“Wow” said Callum as he turned to Ben “you went all out didn’t you?”

Ben smirked at him “Well it’s our first proper date isn’t it?”

Callum smiled back and settled down on the sofa taking a swig of beer, picked up the controllers and as he handed one to Ben said with a wink 

“I’ll try and go easy on you, Mitchell”.

Callum’s confidence was giving him butterflies but Ben sat down next to him and said with a grin

“Bring it on Highway”.

....

A hour or so later, the pizza boxes were empty, they’d had a few beers each, the banter and laughs flowed easily between them and Callum was thrashing Ben at the game. 

“Come on, come on, come on!” yelled Ben as he tried to overtake Callum’s car.

Callum swerved around him and got his car over the finish line and raised his arms in triumph! “Yes!”

Ben set down the controller in defeat and settled back on the sofa, one leg hooked behind the other. Callum followed suit, perching his elbow comfortably on the back of the sofa, his face resting against his hand. 

Ben was looking at him, drinking him in. “When did you get so good at Dirt Rally?”

Callum grinned and said in a low voice “You have no idea how good I really am...”

Ben felt the butterflies erupting in the pit of his stomach again. “Yeah?”

Callum took his hand and started rubbing circles with his thumb “Yeah...”

The two men locked eyes and leaned in for a kiss. Ben moaned appreciatively against Callum’s lips and when they gently pulled apart they could feel the heat rising between them. They leaned in for another kiss only this time Callum’s tongue slipped into Ben’s mouth and his hands found their way to his waist and he slowly started to lift up his T-shirt. Ben felt the goosebumps rising all over his body at Callum’s actions and he quickly pulled away needing to make sure he was ready.

“Are you sure?” He asked in a low husky voice. 

“More than I’ve ever been about anything” replied Callum. 

Ben smiled at him at got off the sofa, extending his hand. Callum took it and the two men walked slowly up the stairs. When they were inside Ben’s bedroom, the Mitchell lad turned on the side light and closed the door carefully behind them. As he turned to look at Callum, he could feel himself blushing under his intense gaze. Callum placed his hands on Ben’s waist once more and leaned in to kiss him. Ben then slipped the shirt from Callum’s body and let it drop to the floor before lifting his T-shirt over his head and letting it fall next to it. Callum was standing half naked in front of him and he never looked more beautiful basked in the moonlight coming through the window as well as the low light from the table lamp. Callum carefully pulled Ben’s T-shirt over his head and dropped it next to his. His eyes found the healed bullet wound on Ben’s chest and he carefully ran his index finger over it before leaning down and placing a tender kiss there. Ben felt his whole body start to quiver. They locked eyes again and Callum gently placed his hands on either side of Ben’s face and pulled him in for a heated kiss. They fell on to the bed together, finally connected.

......

A few hours later, the only sounds that could be heard where the two young men panting, trying to get their breath back. 

“Wow...” whispered Callum. Ben looked at him softly, his hand caressing his face

''That’s my line...” 

Callum chuckled softly and started rubbing his hand gently up and down Ben’s sweaty back looking deep in his eyes, a feeling of contentment washing over him. 

Drinking in Callum’s beautiful features, Ben whispered “Worth the wait then?”

Callum smiled at him, placed his free hand on his cheek, kissed him tenderly on the lips and said in a low voice “Definitely”.


	71. Double Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This collab.... I am SO SO excited to share with you! Well not really a collab... Louise is the brains behind it! She astounded me with this idea, and the song (Heartbeat by Enrique and Nicole)
> 
> Really really hope you like it! Thanks for all the feedback, means a lot to both of us!
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2 this one is for you! Love ya xx

'On the count of three... 1,2,3!'

The four of them raised the shots to their lips and bought the glasses back down to the table. Jay was marginally slower than the others and Ben clapped him on the back. 

'Sorry brother, looks like the next round is on you. We did say loser buys rounds'

'No, you said that Ben, no one else'

'Stop being a sore loser and get them in' Callum chipped in, earning a look from Jay. 

'You can stop ganging up on me as well'' 

'Babe, just get them in will you?'

'Alright, three against one, not fair. I'm going'

Ben watched Jay get up and walk over to the bar, a smile on his face that grew even wider when he saw Lola take a selfie with Callum. He usually hated group outings but tonight was the exception. 

'You ok?' 

Ben felt Callum's hand on his thigh under the table, and he immediately felt a rush of excitement, a warm feeling spreading through him. He saw Callum smile at him and his insides melted. 

'Yeah, yeah I'm good. You?'

'I'm good. Great actually'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah'

'You two are so cute... so adorable'

'Lola, we don't need a cheerleader every time we share a moment'

'You needed me last week to get you to together?'

'Oh it was you was it who made me say yes to going on the date?'

'Made you? Ben, I didn't hold a gun to your head. You playing hard to get was cute and all that but I told you I wanted it to be about me and you. The fact you worried you might mess me up was very cute, but actually you CAN mess me up anytime you want'

Ben looked at Callum, his eyes sparkling with mischief as Lola burst into peals of laughter. 

'Oh Callum, my baby gay, you are so adorable'

'Well I do try'

Callum smiled as he felt Ben put his arm around his shoulder and his ankle began to caress his leg. He leaned back for a moment and closed his eyes, allowing the music to wash over him and his happiness. Then a flash made him open his eyes. 

'What was that?'

Blinking profusely, he saw Ben with his phone in his hand grinning inanely. 

'I didn't think I was that boring you'd go to sleep on me Highway'

'Did you take a photo?'

'Just another selfie. It looked very cute, you looked very cute might I add'

'Delete it'

'What? No way'

'Ben...'

'Callum...' Ben mimicked his tone. 

'You two having a tiff is adorable...' 

'Here we are'

Jay returned to the table, noting Callum and Ben were practically sat on each other's laps. He'd been as shocked as the turn of events of the last few months as anyone, but he could see how happy they were with each other. He smiled and put the tray on the table, turning around suddenly when the artist at the bar that night pinched his bum. 

'What the?'

'Sorry sweetcheeks but those cheeks looked really sweet and I couldn't resist'

The drag queen moved away and Lola pulled Jay down beside her, and the four of them burst out laughing. The drinks had been flowing freely and they were all comfortable just being in this social situation. Callum remembered the last time he had been in The Prince Albert, the date that hadn't happened... and now he was the happiest he'd ever been. 

'No shots? Shame' 

'Who is it who told me... no booze for courage'

'Yeah but who said you should listen to me?'

'Callum hunny, listen to me. Ben likes to think he's in charge and knows everything but he needs a man like you to keep him in check'

'Oh I do, do I?'

Callum burst out laughing as he took a sip from his beer. Jay wrapped him arm around Lola and Ben felt for Callum's hand under the table, hooking their pinky fingers together. Their eyes found each other and for a minute everything stood still. 

'Heartbeat! Enrique is so gorgeous. Come on Callum, let's dance'

'W...'

Callum didn't have time to say anything before Lola pulled him out of his seat and on to the dance floor. He felt weird for a second, but he saw Ben stare at him with his arms folded, eyebrows raised and his nerves melted away. 

Callum twirled Lola around the floor, showing off in front of her and Ben. He had spent so long squashing this side of him, burying it and pretending it didn't matter when he had known that at some point he would have to be honest. And he was so glad he had because he was loving it, being here, in this moment, he was every inch the person he'd always wanted to be. 

Ben sat watching Callum dance with Lola. Callum had moves, a lot more moves than Ben had initially ever thought. He smiled as his eyes met Callum's. 

'You got it real bad don't you?'

'Huh?'

'You want him. You like him a lot Ben'

'Is it that obvious?'

'Maybe not to everyone, but to me, who knows you as well as you know yourself, yes'

Ben smiled to himself, biting his lips as Callum danced with Lola. He was so sexy when he was being the man that Ben had always known he could be if he just opened his heart. 

'For God's sake, go out there and get him'

Jay pushed Ben off the seat and suddenly as the chorus began for the second time, Ben found himself in the middle of the dance floor, pulling Lola away from Callum. 

'Can anyone join or is this a private party?'

'I think it's a private party now. Jay, come on and dance.'

'As private as you can be in the middle of a gay bar' Callum whispered.

'Will you dance with me?'

'Ben Mitchell... did you or did you not tell me last week that you don't dance?'

'Yeah well, I might be breaking all my rules for you'.

Callum smiled as he took Ben's hand and the two of them danced for a minute, closer and closer until they were on top of each other almost. 

'You're so sexy when you dance, you know that?'

'Maybe I didn't but you do now so that's all that matters'

Ben pulled Callum down to meet his lips and fireworks went off in his mind as they kissed. Callum moaned and wrapped one arm around Ben's neck pulling him closer. Lola stood at the side of the floor, clapping as her baby gay and her boyfriends brother kissed, not caring where they were. 

'Awww... this is the soundtrack. Their heartbeats'

'Together'

'Families eh?'

'Best medicine ever hey Lo?'

'Wow...' 

Callum pulled back, panting for breath. He hadn't been this breathless for months, since that night in the park. 

'My thoughts exactly'

'That's just for starters. I want you so much Ben'

'My thoughts exactly'

'Kiss me'

'I have an empty house'

Ben kissed Callum softly on the lips who smiled back at him. 

'Sold!'

Ben didn't need any more clues, he took Callums hands in his own and pulled him off the dance floor, forgetting the company and the drinks they had. They just needed to be with each other, the tension had been building and now they needed the release.


	72. Stay In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm still lost for words at how AMAZING this is! Got me excited on the bus reading it!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! She's s true gift to this fandom and me! @LouiseMacAllis2

Stay In

Callum walked over to the Mitchell house with a smile on his face. He had been looking forward to this night out with Ben all week. They had made plans to head to a new club in town and Callum was excited to be out with his boyfriend. “Boyfriend” - the word still him tingles. 

The young man knocked on the door. Sharon answered it “Oh hello Callum,” she said pleasantly “come on in”. Callum shuffled past her. “Ben’s just getting ready upstairs...” she said with a smile.

“No worries” said Callum blushing slightly “I’ll just wait here”. 

“I’m heading out anyway,” said Sharon “there’s some beer in the fridge if you boys fancy them” she finished coyly and grabbing her bag she headed out the door with a wink. 

Callum smiled. Ben’s family had been amazing this whole time. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Phil had floored Jonno in his defence! 

“Cal! You down there?” Ben’s voice called from upstairs. 

“Yeah!” called back Callum.

“Come on up! I won’t bite!”

Callum shook his head affectionately and per Sharon’s advice, took a couple of beers from the fridge and headed up the stairs. When he reached Ben’s room, he felt his throat constrict and his trousers tighten uncomfortably. Ben was standing with his back to him in front of the mirror doing up the buttons of a tight fitted black shirt. Callum’s heart began to quicken. Suddenly all thoughts of a night on the town fell out of his head. He set the beers down and walked slowly towards Ben, wrapping his arms around him from behind and started kissing his neck...

“Hey...” chuckled Ben softly “what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” mumbled Callum between kisses.

“Trying to distract me by the look of it” teased Ben.

“Uh huh... is it working?” whispered Callum.

“Callum Highway, are you trying to seduce me?” said Ben softly.

Callum proceeded to gently nip the skin of his boyfriend’s exposed neck. Ben moaned and let his fingers drop from his half buttoned up shirt to clutch and Callum’s large wandering hands, his head starting to roll.

“Let’s stay in tonight” said Callum in a low voice “forget about town...”

“We made plans...” moaned Ben weakly.

Callum quickly spun his lover around to face him, his cheeks flushed and eyes darkened. “I want you now...”

Ben’s heart quickened. 

“God I love it when you’re like this...”

Callum cut him off with a hot, passionate kiss. The two men clutched at eachother desperately, everything else just melted away. Ben pulled Callum on to the bed so he was underneath him and was gazing up at the man he adored. Callum looked down at Ben and leaned down to kiss him again, his fingers swiftly undoing the buttons of his shirt while Ben’s hands wandered to Callum’s jeans....

.....

A few hours later, the two men lay there in the afterglow, legs entwined, stroking eachothers arms, Ben’s head resting comfortably on Callum’s bare glistening chest. 

“Are you glad we stayed in?” said Callum softly looking down at Ben, his hand running gently through his hair.

Ben glanced up at him with a smile on his face “You should distract me more often” and he leaned up to kiss him.


	73. Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another collab from us- these ideas from Louise this morning! She threw them at me and I just had to write it as a fic. I really hope you enjoy this as much as we did creating it. 
> 
> Thanks again to Louise for the amazing ideas, be lost without her in my life. @LouiseMacAllis2

The air was chilly and the moon hung high in the sky, a half crescent. It was as if it was smiling at the two people in the middle of the road holding hands. They had just enjoyed a night out in E20- Callum had even persuaded Ben to get up and dance with him. Ben, for all his protests, had actually had loved dancing with Callum- but it was Callum- he was pretty sure they could be doing nothing and he would still enjoy himself. Drinks had been flowing, the atmosphere had been light and flirtatious- they were both slightly tipsy and drunk with something else. 

‘So, you enjoyed tonight then?’ Callum asked Ben, as they approached the door to the flat. 

‘Do you even need to ask that question? You know we could go anywhere and do anything- as long as I’m with you I’m happy’

‘Aww, you really are the sweetest you know that?’

‘Yeah, well don’t tell everybody, it would ruin my hard man image- I have a reputation to uphold’

They stopped at the door to the flat, both pausing for a minute. Ben looked at Callum, his silhouette illuminated in the moonlight and he smiled softly. He pulled him close and kissed him on the cheek, closing his eyes as his lips touched Callum’s skin. 

‘You… you want to come up for a bit?’

Ben’s eyes darted up to Callum’s face, hope rising inside him. This was more than he had dared might happen tonight. He would have been contact with a kiss goodnight- true the fact of leaving Callum and going back to an empty house and drive himself mad with longing wasn’t a thrilling prospect, but he had been determined to take this at Callum’s pace. 

‘You sure?’

Callum smiled and pulled Callum to the flat door, smiling as Ben’s smile widened as he opened the door. They went inside and Callum flicked the lamp on, throwing a soft pool of light around the room. Ben perched nervously on the end of the sofa as Callum opened the doors in the flat. 

‘Stuart and Rainie must be staying overnight’

‘Where are they?’

‘Took Abi down to see Rainie’s mum. Stu said if it was too late, he would probably stay over. So, looks like we have the place to ourselves’

‘Cool’

Callum looked as Ben ducked his head and looked at the floor, his eyes betraying his confidence. Callum could see he was nervous, almost like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to be here. He walked over and took his hands, pulling him off the sofa, wrapping him in a hug. Ben burrowed into Callum’s chest, relaxing as his arms went round him. 

‘I really enjoyed tonight you know that right’

‘What, even thrashing me at pool?’ Ben whispered into his chest which made Callum chuckle. 

‘Even when I had to guide you yes’

‘That was you telling me where to put it as you so eloquently said’

‘Well when have I ever been able to get one over on you? I like telling you where to put it’

‘Oh is that so?’

‘Yeah’

Ben pulled away from Callum and kissed him for a second. Callum responded for a minute before breaking away, Ben suddenly worried he’d read the signs wrong. 

‘What?’ when Callum stared at him for a minute, without saying anything. 

‘Do you have any idea how amazing you are?’

‘Stop it’ 

Ben felt his cheeks flush a deep shade of beetroot and Callum found it endearing. He took Ben by the hand, and led him into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them. Callum leaned against the closed door and looked at Ben. Ben looked at him and they both realised what this moment was- charged and intense. Callum gave Ben a winning smile and Ben practically flew at Callum, crushing their lips together. Callum responded immediately, kissing Ben, their tongues becoming tangled in their usual dance. 

‘You… you take my breath away every time you do that’ Callum breathed as Ben pulled back for a minute. He pulled Ben’s jacket form his shoulders and played with the zip on his shirt, Ben’s hands finding his and stopping him for a second. 

‘Are you sure… Cal, we don’t have to. I want…. I want it to be special and not to be before you’re completely ready’

‘That’s sweet… but honestly, just shut up and kiss me you idiot’

Ben didn’t need any more encouragement, and they resumed the kissing they'd broken off seconds before. Callum unzipped Ben's shirt and as Ben unbuttoned Callum's shirt, they fell onto the bed. 

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Callum stood at the counter, a grin on his face the size of Manhattan. How was he going to concentrate today when all he could think of was Ben… Ben was so intoxicating, Callum felt he couldn’t breathe around him sometimes or had to remember to breathe when he was around him, just because he made him feel so alive- a way no one had ever made him feel. He brought his hands to rub his neck, and smiled as he remembered Ben kissing him last night. He remembered how passionate yet lovely it had been because they were determined to enjoy it and familiarise themselves with their bodies again. 

He didn’t think it was possible, but his smile widened when he heard the whistle behind him. Turning around, Ben was there, leaning against the doorway, fully dressed wearing a lopsided grin that he knew mirrored his own. 

‘Morning sleeping beauty’

‘Morning, how are you feeling this morning? You know after last night’

‘Can’t you tell?’

‘Happy I hope?’

‘Happy doesn’t even begin to cover it. How about you?’

‘Well, there’s a question’

‘What?’

Callum’s face fell. He knew that Ben had been with more men- he had probably been with better people. He had desperately wanted to be good enough but he knew he would never live up to the things that Ben had done with other people. He was inexperienced and he knew it. Sadly, he thought Ben did as well now. 

‘Oi, anyone in there?’

‘Sorry, I know last night probably wasn’t as… I wasn’t as…’

‘What is it?’ Ben’s face was full of concern as he walked over to Callum

‘I know I wasn’t very good, even if I enjoyed myself, it’s not the same for you… You… you deserve someone who makes you…’

Callum never got to finish his sentence because Ben put a hand to his face, rubbing his thumb along Callum’s lips. 

‘Is that what you think? That I didn’t enjoy it? That I think you’re no good?’

‘Well its true isn’t it?’

‘No! Callum, last night was amazing. I enjoyed it as much as you, maybe more so because it made me feel a way I haven’t for so long. And that’s because I was with you. Stop doubting yourself, you’re amazing’

‘You mean that?’

‘You know I do’

‘I think…. I think I could do with some more practise though. I need breaking in, need showing a few things’

‘Oh is that so?’

‘Yep, I think so’

‘You know what I’ve been wanting to do since I saw you in that suit this morning?’

‘What?’

Ben reached out and grabbed Callum’s tie, pulling him down to meet his lips, kissing him gently. He bit back a moan as Callum kissed him back, the air becoming thick and kisses more frenzied. Ben pushed Callum against the counter, undoing his tie as Callum kissed his neck. Ben took off Callum’s tie and wrapped it around Callum’s neck, moaning when Callum took it upon himself and bit him on the shoulder. 

‘You trying to mark me again? Ben whispered flirtatiously

‘Sorry… too much?’ 

Callum blushed, worried if he had pushed it too far. Ben was breathless, they were both still recovering from last night. 

‘No, not too much. Stop being silly, I loved it’

Ben smiled as Callum kissed him again, the tea he’s made laying forgotten on the side as they went back through to the bedroom to continue where they had left off last night.


	74. Can't Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is another beautiful piece from my wonderful friend. Its everything, soft, cute but passionate!
> 
> Enjoy! @LouiseMacAllis2

Can’t Sleep

The moonlight cast a silvery glow over the two men lying next to each other in the bed, their half covered bodies entwined...

Callum was restless. He should be sleeping peacefully (after all, he and Ben had made love several times that night - exploring each others bodies, finding out what the other liked, learning more with every kiss, every caress and every touch) and yet he couldn’t fall asleep. He gazed down at the young man in his arms and couldn’t stop himself from smiling. The love he felt for him grew stronger every day... it was only a matter of time before he said the words out loud...

Ben shuffled slightly in his sleep, a little murmur slipping through his lips. Callum wanted to kiss those lips so bad. In fact he wanted all of Ben right now...

“Ben...” said Callum in a soft voice “are you awake?”

“Mmm... what?” said Ben sleepily.

“Are you awake?” Callum repealed.

With his eyes still closed Ben grumbled “I am now...”

Callum shuffled even closer and tightened his grip around his lover’s waist. “I can’t sleep...” he let the last word drip seductively from his tongue hoping to emphasise he wanted in that moment. To make his point even further, Callum started gently trailing kisses from Ben’s neck to his shoulder, making sure to hit his sweet spot...

“Cal... again?” Ben said in an amused voice. “Is three times not enough for you?”

Callum continued to press light kisses along Ben’s neck and murmured “Is it bad that I want you again?”

Ben finally turned to face Callum, his eyes darkened with desire. “Not bad at all Mr Highway” and they leaned in for a slow passionate kiss, Ben’s hands trailing slowly up and down Callum arms and Callum pulling Ben tighter to his naked body...

.....

Some time later, the two men lay there in the afterglow, spent and blissed out. Callum’s head was resting against Ben’s heaving chest, Ben’s hands running gently through his soft brown hair.

''Hope that helped” 

Ben whispered jokingly as he looked down at Callum with affection in his eyes. Callum lifted his head and moved up Ben’s body so he could kiss him lightly on the lips.

“Definitely” he replied with a smile. 

“Maybe you should wake me up like more often” 

Ben as he gently caressed Callum’s smooth, pale back. Callum looked up at Ben and could feel the tears stinging his eyes, his overwhelming feelings of love for this man coming to the forefront of his mind. Ben, ever concerned, dropped a hand to Callums cheek, caressing it. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Callum breathed out “Nothings wrong... it’s just...”

Ben looked at him waiting for a reply, his thumb rubbing Callum's cheek gently. Callum closed his eyes for a second and then opened them, breathing out hard. 

“I love you” said Callum.

“I love you too”

Ben smiled and they held eachother, kissing and holding each other close.


	75. Decorating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was an idea I have had bugging me for days- Louise gave me an idea for this and I thank her!  
> Really hope you enjoy it!
> 
> And who'd have thought- 75 chapters!!! 100 doesn't seem that far off now!

Ben leaned against the doorway for a second and watched the two of them. Ever since the pumpkins had been packed away at Halloween, Lexi had been begging her parents every other day if they could put the Christmas decorations up. Lola had been firm and said no every single time, but Ben had never been able to resist his daughter’s charms for very long. And he’d given in, promising that as soon as it was December, he would help her decorate the tree. 

So, it was December 1st and Lexi had protested bitterly that her dad was doing it ‘all wrong’ and said ‘he had no clue how to decorate’. So Ben had called in reinforcements. Callum had been doing the filing- Jay had left him to it to take Lola Christmas shopping. When Ben had called,- a choice between filing or spending the afternoon with his boyfriend and his daughter- well that wasn’t even a choice to be answered. He’d arrived half an hour ago, reindeer ears on his head and carrying hot chocolate. Lexi, like always, had been overjoyed to see Callum and had thrown her arms around him. 

Lexi had sent Ben to make more hot chocolate and he stood waiting for the kettle to boil, the smile on his face as wide as it ever had been. He and Callum had only been together a few months but it felt like forever. Every second he was with him, he found himself catching his breath and pinching himself to see if it was real. Callum was such a good and positive presence in his life- Ben didn’t know what he’d done to deserve him but he would enjoy every single day as if it was their last. 

‘Daddy, are you going to come and help or not?’ 

Lexi calling him interrupted his train of thought and he saw Callum look at him, a mischievous grin. Ben felt his cheeks flush red and he smiled even wider. 

‘You said I was doing it wrong princess’

‘Well you were, but Callum is here now and he will listen to me, so you can help again’

‘Oh, Callum will listen to you will he?’

‘I’m not getting involved with you two arguing’

‘Callum! Your daddy’s boyfriend, your family. And families argue. You have to take sides!’

Callum couldn’t keep the smile off his face and as his eyes met Ben, he saw the smile on his boyfriend’s face as well. That was the first time Lexi had referred to him as family.

‘Okay, okay, I pick your side Lexi’

‘Good answer!’

‘So, where would you like to put this bauble? On this branch, or perhaps we could find another one the same and give your daddy a pair of earrings?’

‘Stop being silly Callum! I want to put it on the tree!’

Callum handed Lexi the bauble and knelt on the floor behind her to unpack the tinsel. Ben couldn’t help himself and walked over, pinching Callum’s bum and laughing as he stood up so fast, the purple tinsel in his hand nearly hitting Ben in the face. 

‘You’ll have to be quicker than that Highway if you want to get me’

‘Oh is that so?’ 

Callum grabbed the other end of the tinsel and in one swift movement, wrapped it around Ben’s neck, pulling him close. 

‘Yep, quicker off the draw to get me’

‘But I already have you. Right where I want you’

Ben smiled as Callum leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. Ben responded automatically, wrapping his arms around Callum’s neck. Callum pulled the tinsel tighter and Ben smile into the kiss as he felt it tickle the back of his neck. 

‘Yes I suppose you do, have me where you want me’ Ben said as he pulled back, glancing around to see an oblivious Lexi positioning baubles and candy canes on the tree. 

‘I want you all the time, you know that right?’

‘Do you?’

‘Ben Mitchell, are you going soft on me. You know I do. I love afternoons like this, with my favourite boy and my favourite girl’

‘I’m your favourite am I?’

‘You know you are. I’d do anything to make you happy’

‘You don’t need to do anything, being here with me and Lex makes me happy’

‘Aww Ben…’

‘Daddy…’

‘Yes princess?’

Callum smiled and lifted the tinsel off Ben’s neck so he could drop down beside Lexi and see what she was holding. Callum dropped down beside her on her other side. 

‘You know what this is?’

‘I think so Lex.’

‘Do you know what it is for?’

‘Hanging up’

‘Daddy, you are stupid sometimes!’

Lexi laughed and stood up, waving the mistletoe high in the air. Ben and Callum looked at her and she shook her head. 

‘Mistletoe, it’s for people to kiss underneath’

‘I know that Lex’

‘So kiss Callum then!’

Callum smiled widely and found Ben’s hand, pulling him closer. Lexi grinned as her daddy and his boyfriend kissed each other softly beneath the mistletoe she was holding and then they both broke apart and kissed her on the cheek. 

‘You’re a little minx aren’t you Lexi?’

‘Grandad says that. I’m like great grandmother Peggy. She was a minx and a diva, like me’

‘She’s got the Mitchell gene, that’s for sure!’

Callum smiled as he stood up, kicking the box over behind him. The box rolled over on to its side and the star fell out. Lexi screamed and picked it up. Ben’s heart melted as he saw Callum pick her up and hold her up to the top of the tree where she put the star. How had he got this lucky? 

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine’

‘What is it?’

Callum set Lexi down. She grabbed the discarded purple tinsel off the floor, declaring they needed a rainbow tree. Her daddy was a rainbow and Callum was a rainbow so having a rainbow tree would be a brilliant idea. 

‘Nothing’

‘Talk to me’

‘I’m so lucky to have you. Both of you’

‘Hey, we’re the lucky ones. Lexi has the best dad in the world and I am finally spending a Christmas with my family. The two people I care most about are here, I’m the luckiest guy in the world’

‘I’m luckier’

Callum smiled and wrapped his arms around Ben. An afternoon decorating the Christmas tree had brought them closer together- a complete family unit.


	76. Adventurous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this. Bit different from me this time, eager to know if you like it!

'Remind me again, who's idea was this holiday?'

'Yours'

'And you promised you'd do this with me today Ben!

'Cal, why are you so hell bent on this?'

'Because this is our first family holiday. We promised to enjoy every single second of it'

'I know, I know, you're right'

'I am right! You might think you're in charge but I'm the bigger person'

'Don't I know it'

'Oi, get your mind out of the gutter Mitchell'

'Your doing things to me in that harness Cal, what can I say?'

Callum walked up the steps, smiling as he knew Ben would be checking him out. Sure enough as he turned around, Ben was smiling widely and his eyes were on Callum, like always. 

This was the first time in three days that they'd been alone together. Callum had been determined to enjoy this holiday and spend as much time with Lexi as possible. But today she'd joined the residents of the holiday park (a giant tiger and elephant among them) for a treasure hunt and royal tea party, leaving Ben and Callum alone. 

Callum had always had an adventurous streak, something Ben knew only too well after their antics in the bedroom. The outdoor rope course had been something Callum had been begging to do and Ben had finally agreed this morning. 

The instructor clipped Callum in to the course and Ben smiled as he waved at him and set off across the roped beams. Ben bounded up the stairs after him and he whistled loudly, which caught Callum's attention and he turned around, halfway across a rope bridge and he smiled. 

'Coming for you Highway' 

Ben shouted as he set off across the beams. He heard Callum laugh loudly and his heart melted. He would follow Callum to the ends of the earth. If someone had told him when he'd returned to the square a year ago that he'd be on a high ropes course at a holiday park with his boyfriend while his daughter was at tea with a tiger, elephant and gorilla he'd have said they were lying or dreaming!

But now he was, and he felt like the luckiest bloke in the world. Callum had mended his heart and seeing the relationship Callum had built up with Lexi- she trusted him completely. That had made Ben fall even more in love with Callum Highway. 

'Thought you were coming for me Mitchell?'

'I was. I am'

Callum smiled as Ben joined him on the platform that ended the course. He took his hands in his and kissed the knuckles. 

'You know this is all I ever want?'

'What?'

'This, me, you, Lexi. Family'

'I know. It's all I ever want and need. I'll never leave you I promise'

'You don't know that'

'I do, I love you Callum Highway. What reason could I have for ever wanting to leave?'

'I don't know'

'I love you, when are you going to believe that?'

'I already believe it. I love you to. You're the only person I've ever truly been honest with, been myself with'

'And I love you for it. You know that'

'I do. And you know what else I know?'

'What's that?'

'We have an empty caravan for another hour or so. Shall we?'

'Ooh Highway, I love the way you think'

'Of course you do. But you have to do one thing'

'What's that?'

'Catch me first'

Callum laughed and jumped away from Ben, down the zipwire to finish the course. Ben shook his head fondly and Jumped after him. As soon as he landed, he wanted to fly at Callum. 

It was all they could do to restrain themselves as they were getting out Of their harnesses, the chemistry evident as Callum pushed Ben up against the tree as soon as he was freed from the harness. 

'What's this?'

'Me... showing my boyfriend how adventurous I can really be'

Callum almost attacked Ben's lips, sucking the gasp out of his mouth as he kissed the life out of him. Ben responded just as hungrily, winding his leg around Callums calf, pulling him closer as they became more desperate for each other. 

'We... not here...caravan...' 

Callum could barely string the four words together as he pulled back from Ben, running his fingers through his hair. Ben smiled and kissed him deeply, his fingers running across Callums belt, before they both knew they could wait no longer, and they both ran back to the caravan, determined not to waste a single second.


	77. I'm Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is amazing! I love it so much and it made me smile on my horrendous 13 hour shift! This is something I would absolutely love to see happening on Friday. 
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

I’m Ready

“Ben, wait!” called Callum desperately.

The Mitchell lad was several paces ahead of him and trying to ignore his pleas.

Callum finally caught up with Ben and grabbed his arm, spinning him round to face him. Ben’s face was a mixture of thunder and anguish. 

'You kissed her!”

Callum blanched. “I didn’t Ben... Whit TRIED to kiss me but I knocked her back...”

Ben cut him off “I know what I saw!”

“No you didn’t!” cried Callum “Look, she was upset about us, she was upset about Tiffany, she had too much to drink and she made a pass but I knocked her back!”

Ben rubbed his face in the way that conveyed he was trying to hide his vulnerability, looking down at the ground as he did so. 

'So you don’t...” he trailed off.

“Don’t what?” asked Callum and he tentatively put his hand on Ben’s arm, encouraging him to look at him.

Ben finally looked up and into those piercing blue eyes that were gazing at him with such intensity, he could feel himself blushing. “You don’t miss her? Want her?”

Callum sighed and smiled gently at the young man in front of him. “Ben... you know I’ll always care for Whitney but that’s it. She’s my friend and I just wanted to make sure she was ok. I DEFINITELY didn’t expect her to try and kiss me!”

Ben nodded and shuffled his feet “Ok”

Callum moved in closer, put his hand on Ben’s cheek and rubbed it tenderly with his thumb. “You’re the only one I want.”

Ben smiled shyly at this “Yeah?”

“Yeah” said Callum softly and the two men kissed in the street.

When they parted, they could feel the charge between them. “Do you want to come back to mine?” asked Callum.

“Sure” smiled Ben and they walked side by side in the direction of the flat, their fingers lightly brushing against eachother. 

Once inside, Callum flicked the lamp on and called out for Stuart and Rainie. When no reply came, Callum poked his head around their bedroom door. He emerged grinning. 

“No body home. They must be out.”

Ben nodded, a wave of excitement and nervousness washing over him.

Callum slowly approached him. “You ok?”

Ben was struck by the tenderness in Callum’s voice and it threatened to overwhelm him. He was falling deeply for this beautiful man in front of him and all he wanted to do was show him...

Ben reached out, pulled Callum towards his body and kissed him passionately. Callum responded enthusiastically, their tongues dancing inside each others mouths, their scents filling their noses, their hands grabbing desperately at the others shirts.

Callum slowly pulled away, Ben letting out a soft moan at the loss of Callum’s lips...

“Do you want to go to the bedroom?” asked Callum in a low voice, his forehead pressed gently against Ben’s, their lips inches from eachother.

Ben pulled back a few more inches so he could search Callum’s face. “Are you sure?”

Callum nodded and said the two words he had said in the pub a few weeks earlier “I’m ready”.

Ben smiled at him and Callum led him to the smallest bedroom. Once inside, Callum shut the door behind them and switched on the small bedside lamp. He turned to look at Ben who was looking at the bed, a hundred different thoughts running through his head. Callum gently placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder and he turned around to face him. He was startled to see tears forming in Ben’s eyes and it was then he remembered that night back in June when a drunken Ben had opened up about spending his first night in this very room with Paul. A wave of guilt washed over Callum. “Oh Ben I’m so sorry... I didn’t think... it’s Paul isn’t it?”

Ben looked into the earnest gentle eyes of his boyfriend and felt the pressure around his heart lifting. He would always love Paul but for 3 years he shut himself off emotionally, never daring to fall like that again out of fear of betraying Paul’s memory. However, that had all changed when Callum came into his life. This beautiful, sweet, compassionate man who made him feel safe and loved again... it was time.

Ben reached out and pulled Callum towards him and kissed him, relishing in the feel of Callum’s warm lips pressed against his. Callum gently pulled away, searching Ben’s face, his eyes asking the question to which Ben softly responded this time “I’m ready”.

They resumed kissing and began to slowly undress eachother, not wanting to rush this moment, despite their burning need for eachother. Once they were fully naked, Callum gently pulled Ben towards the bed and fell back with the younger man on top of him and wrapped his long legs around him, anchoring their bodies together. The feel of Callum’s soft warm skin, his musky scent, his deep blue eyes on him caused Ben to shiver. “You’re trembling....” said Callum softly, his thumb rubbing Ben’s cheek, the other hand rubbing slowly up and down his smooth back. “Are you cold?”

Ben shook his head and leaned down to kiss Callum, moving his hands under Callum’s back so he could pull him close...

....

A few hours later, the two men lay there, their glistening bodies intertwined, their fingers interlocked, Ben’s head nestled in the crook of Callum’s neck, both of them slowly getting their breath back. “How are you feeling?” asked Ben tentatively, his lips whispering against Callum’s damp brown hair. Callum turned his face towards him, his cheeks flushed, his eyes alight and his smile sincere and happy. “I feel wonderful” he said softly. “I never knew I could feel like this...” 

Ben smiled mischievously and carefully rolled on top of Callum, their faces inches from eachother and whispered “Maybe I’ll have to show you again...”


	78. Tease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This got me very very hot under the collar when I read it earlier! She has such a gift for writing and I am so lucky to have her. She makes me a better writer and a better person!❤
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Tease

Ben opened his eyes, moaning softly as he shuffled around in the bed. He turned his head, expecting to see the slumbering naked form of his gorgeous boyfriend but was greeted instead by an empty space. Grumbling, Ben slumped face down against the pillows. 

Just then the door creaked slowly open and when Ben turned to look, he thought his heart might stop. Callum was standing there, his dark brown hair wet and tussled, a towel draped low down around his waist, water droplets trickling their way slowly down his pale toned chest... Ben’s mouth suddenly started to water and his arousal grew stronger at the glorious sight in front of him.

“Morning” smiled Callum. 

“Morning” replied Ben in a low voice as he got up on his knees and shuffled towards the edge of the bed where Callum was standing. Ben wrapped his arms around Callum, pulling him closer. He could smell his favourite mint shower gel on his glistening, damp skin and the desire inside him grew. Ben started to press light kisses along Callum’s chest, and as he did so, he could feel Callum’s long fingers threading softly through his hair. Ben stopped trailing kisses along his chest so he could look into his lover’s eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me? I would have joined you...” he said flirtatiously.

Callum chuckled “You looked so peaceful... didn’t wana disturb ya.”

“Mmm....” said Ben “Well I’m definitely awake now...” and without warning he tightened his grip around Callum’s body and swiftly tackled him to the bed, Callum letting out a yelp as he did so.

“Bloody hell!” exclaimed Callum but any other remonstrations died in his throat as Ben straddled his waist and pinned his arms above his head.

Ben gazed down at him, the fire blazing in his eyes. Callum could feel his heart quickening as he looked intently up at his boyfriend, any thoughts of heading into work soon falling out of his head and being replaced with very dirty thoughts, namely things he and Ben had got up to the night before...

Ben leaned down, his lips inches from Callum’s and said in a low growl “What am I gonna with you?”

Before Callum could answer, Ben released his grip on his wrists, reached over to the bedside table and retrieved Callum’s black tie, threading it slowly between his fingers. Callum’s eyes widened when he realised what Ben wanted to do. They had never done THIS before. Ben could see the shift in Callum’s eyes and he relented because he had to make sure. Even though he wanted this more than anything, he wouldn’t do it unless Callum was completely comfortable with it. 

“Do you want to?” he asked tentatively.

Callum simply nodded and brought his wrists together above his head. Smiling mischievously, Ben leaned over his lover’s body and swiftly bound his wrists together but not too tight. He was going for pleasure rather than pain. Callum made him feel safe so he wanted to make sure he felt the same. Trust was everything.

Ben slowly ran his hands from Callum’s wrists, down his arms, to his pale heaving chest which was still glistening from his recent shower and began to lick the droplets, feeling the change in Callum’s breathing as he did so.

Ben licked and kissed his way down Callum’s body - to Callum it felt like a form of worship, the feel of his lover’s lips against his skin made him want to cry out in ecstasy. When Ben reached the towel he had a glint in his eye that Callum recognised all too well... Ben carefully pulled the towel open and lowered his mouth, Callum biting his lip to stop himself from moaning too loud...

.....

Some time later, Ben inched his way back up Callum’s body and carefully untied his wrists. He leaned down to kiss him and Callum moaned as he could taste himself on his lover’s tongue. The need for his boyfriend consumed Callum and he flipped him over so now he was on top with Ben at his mercy. Ben chuckled softly, his eyes on his lover’s soft plump lips. Callum gazed down at him and said in a low voice “My turn...”


	79. Toast and Jam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three in one day... we are very lucky!  
> I count myself lucky everyday to have her as a friend in my life!   
> This fic made me smile earlier when she sent it me, I'm only.posting it now cause I've only just recovered from that cute little scene earlier. Reduced me to tears!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this! She captures the relationship between Callum and Lexi so well, she should write for Eastenders, she's just as good!   
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Toast & Jam

It was nearly 7am on Saturday morning and Callum had made his way down to the Beale kitchen. It was empty. Everyone else was still in bed though he knew it wouldn’t be long before the kitchen and living area became crowded. He grinned at the thought. 

He and Ben were splitting their nights between the house and the flat but Callum especially loved spending nights in Ben’s bed - there was something comforting about lying in his lover’s arms just the two of them before the hustle and bustle of the family in the mornings.   
...

The first time he had stayed over, he had been nervous when he came down with Ben the following morning, but he needn’t have worried. Kathy had greeted him with a warm smile and asked if he fancied a cuppa. Ian had simply said “Fry up, Callum?” Bobby had raised his hand in greeting from the sofa, Lola had given him a wink from the table where she was applying her make up and Lexi had asked him to sit next to her so she could show him the drawings she had made at school. They made him feel at ease from the start.  
....

As Callum filled the kettle, his heart lifted when he thought of Lexi. Ben had introduced him to his adorable daughter a while back and they had taken to each other so quick, Callum instantly loving her charm and sassiness while Lexi loved having someone who shared her love of Disney movies. In fact she had compared him to Cinderella’s prince and asked if he was her daddy’s prince. Callum smiled at the memory.

“Callum?” said a quiet voice from behind him. Lexi was stood there, her soft pink dressing gown wrapped around her, her favourite brown bear hanging loosely from her hand.

“Hello darlin... sorry did I wake you?” asked Callum in a gentle voice as he kneeled down beside the little girl. 

Lexi shook her head, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. 

“Would you like some breakfast?” Callum asked.

“Yes please” replied Lexi. 

Callum stood up and draping a tea towel over his arm he asked in a posh accent “What may I get you, mademoiselle?”

Lexi giggled at his playfulness and replied “Toast & jam please”.

Callum bowed to her and said “As you wish”.

Lexi skipped into the living room as Callum chuckled to himself and put some bread in the toaster. As he did, he thought back to the wedding, Ben in his arms, telling him what he’d had for breakfast that morning with Lexi before reciting the story he’d made up and the fear he felt when it seemed Ben was slipping away and he’d asked Callum to finish the story for him... all that had seemed a lifetime ago although it had only been a couple of months. Callum still couldn’t believe how different things were but he was so grateful things had transpired this way. He had Ben, he had Lexi, he was out and happy and he felt loved.

The toast popped out and Callum thickly spread some strawberry jam on it before carrying it into the living room on Lexi’s pink Disney plate. Lexi was settled on the sofa watching cartoons, a soft blanket pulled up over her legs. 

“Your toast, m’lady” smiled Callum. 

“Thank you, kind sir” said Lexi with her tinkling laugh. “Are you gonna sit with me?”

“Sure” said Callum and he sat down next to her. Lexi draped the blanket across Callum’s legs, popped some toast in her mouth and nestled into Callum’s chest as they sat there watching tv and as Callum looked down at the soft blonde head he felt his heart flutter. This little girl was as special and important to him as her father was and he couldn’t imagine life without them.

A few minutes went by and one by one the rest of the family traipsed their way down the stairs and into the kitchen or to sit at the table, each of them greeting the adorable pair snuggled up on the couch. Ben was the last to emerge. He was wearing his soft grey dressing gown, his hair was on end and when he saw his boyfriend and daughter sitting together giggling at the tv, he felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn’t believe he had gotten this lucky. 

“Any room for me?” he asked them. 

Callum and Lexi smiled warmly up at him and shuffled to make some room. Kathy observed the scene from the kitchen and shared an affectionate glance with Ian and Lola. They had never seen Ben this happy and it was wonderful to see him smile again.


	80. Incentive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like it- been writing it since last night!!!

‘Why did I let you talk into this?’

‘Because you’re darling daughter has been asking for weeks if she could come and I couldn’t let her not come and see the show!’

‘But why drag me along Cal?’

‘Oh come on princess, you know you like Disney as much as anyone! You know every word to Let It Go. Countless times I’ve heard you singing in the shower Ben, don’t deny it!’

‘Oh, you like listening to me in the shower do you?’

‘You know I love you to hear you sing…’

Callum tailed off as his cheeks flushed red. Ben found him blushing completely adorable and he reached out, pulling Callum across the bed towards him. Callum smiled as Ben climbed on top of him and rested his head on his chest. He began to run his hands through Ben’s hair, smiling widely again when he felt Ben chuckle

‘What is it with you and my hair?’

‘I don’t know. Just like the feel of it I suppose, soft and spiky at times, like you’

‘Are you comparing me to my hair?’

‘If the cat fights Mitchell’

Ben began to laugh and shifted position, so he was facing Callum, but still on top of him. He stared into Callum’s eyes for a minute before closing the gap between them, feeling the sparks between them igniting yet again. 

‘You could do that for the rest of my life and I’d never get sick of it, you know that right?’ 

Callum whispered the words in Ben’s ear as he pulled back, his hands tangled up in Ben’s hair. 

‘Good, because I never plan on stopping, not as long as you want me to kiss you’

‘I want more than you kissing me Ben, let me tell you that. You wait for later’

‘What about Lexi?’

‘It’s all arranged. Jay and Lola are picking her up after the show. I thought she would get bored staying here overnight.’

‘Staying here?’

‘You didn’t think I’d make you sit through Disney on Ice for two hours without an incentive do you?’

‘So, this weekend wasn’t just about Lexi?’

‘Primarily was for Lexi, but I wanted you to myself for a bit. Is that a crime?’

‘Not at all Mr Highway, in fact, I like the way you think’

‘You love me really. Even if you are going to sit through Mickey and Minnie’

‘Really? They are there as well! And of course I love you, you’ve paid for my daughter to come and see something she’s been asking about for weeks. And paid for us to have a night away. Why on earth would I not love you?’

‘I am pretty awesome aren’t I?’

‘You are definitely pretty. And you are definitely awesome. You’re also mine’

‘And your mine’

Ben smiled as he cuddled into Callum. Lexi had been asking about Disney On Ice for weeks and Callum had been unable to refuse her anything, so of course he’d booked it. It was the other side of London so he’d booked them into the hotel for the night, making sure Jay and Lola were on standby to pick her up. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

‘So, princess did you like that?’

‘Daddy, that was like the best ever! You were singing with Elsa!’

‘Daddy is a Frozen fan. He’s like Olaf!’

‘Cal!’

‘Daddy looks like Olaf! He’s got the round belly like Olaf hasn’t he Callum?’

‘Lex!’

Callum burst into peals of laughter, seeing Lexi stood in front of her dad, her Mickey Mouse ears on top of her head, with her arms folded. She was definitely her Dad’s daughter. 

‘You two ganging up on me is not fait’

‘Lexi hit the nail on the head to be fair’

‘Oh so you want nailing do you? Because that can be arranged?’ Ben whispered to Callum

‘Bring it!’

‘Mummy!! Jay!!!’

Lexi saw her Mum and Jay stood by the car and raced over towards them. Ben put his hand in Callum’s and pulled him over to where Lexi was hugging her Mum. 

‘Alright?’

‘You enjoy your night sweetheart?’

‘It was epic!’

‘Oh it was epic was it?’

‘Minnie came and said hello to me! And Callum bought me these ears!’

‘They suit you… thanks for tonight Callum. She obviously loved it’

‘It was no bother. I loved it as well, and despite what this one says, he did too!’

‘Okay, okay. I had a great night… a night that is not yet over’

‘Alright, you two are obviously desperate to escape back to your hotel. I don’t need to hear any details at work next week Cal, or from you Ben’

‘When do I ever discuss my love life with you at work?’

‘Really Callum?’

‘Is that what you two do at the parlour all day, talk about me?’

‘Don’t flatter yourself mate. You’re not that special!’

‘He is to me’

‘Lex, say goodbye to your dad and Callum, you’ll see them tomorrow’

‘Bye Dad, Bye Callum. Thank you for taking me tonight. See you tomorrow’ 

Ben and Callum kissed Lexi on the head before giving her a hug and watching as they all got in the car and drove off. 

‘So where now?’

‘I believe you promised me something, an incentive if you recall?’

‘Hmm… I don’t remember that’

‘Allow me to refresh your memory’

Ben pulled Callum down and kissed him deeply for a second before pulling back, a huge and dopey grin on his face. 

‘Ah yes, it’s all coming back to me now!’

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

The walk to the hotel took no time at all, and soon enough they were in the lift up to the top floor where their room was. As soon as the doors closed, Ben couldn’t take anymore and pinned Callum to the wall kissing him furiously. Callum kissed him back just as eager, desperation winning out. 

One second Ben was pinning Callum to the wall, the next his hands were scrambling at Callum’s shirt and on his chest. His hands were ice cold form having been in the night air for a while. Callum shivered and jumped at the feeling of Ben’s cool hands on his skin. 

The lift doors opened on their floor, the beeping bringing Callum and Ben out of their bubble. Ben planted one last kiss on Callum, before pulling him the six steps across the hallway to their room. As Callum struggled in his jeans pocket for the room key, Ben kissed his neck and Callum couldn’t help moaning. Finally, they scrambled through the door and Ben flew at Callum, ripping his shirt off his own body before pushing Callum’s off his shoulders. 

‘Someone’s eager’

‘What can I say? You have this effect on me?’

Callum smiled as he pulled Ben down on top of the bed, kissing him furiously.


	81. Biggest Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She writes Callum and Lexi's relationship so well. Inspires me all the time and I'm so so grateful for her in my life. The domestic set up in this makes my heart swell so much. 
> 
> Love her to bits @LouiseMacAllis2

Biggest Fan

Callum was looking forward to his day off. He and Ben had made plans to meet later that evening but until then the morning and afternoon were his to just chill. He headed in the direction of the cafe, a small smile on his face as he contemplated getting some alone time with his boyfriend later. Even just thinking about him made his heart skip a beat...

Once inside the cafe, Callum made his way to the counter were he was greeted with a warm smile from Kathy. “Morning Callum. What can u get ya?”

“Tea & a bacon sarnie please, Mrs B” smiled Callum. 

Just then Callum heard an excited voice from behind him cry out “Callum!” and he turned round just in time to catch Lexi who ran happily into his arms.

Callum lifted the little girl up “Hello darlin! Why aren’t you in school?”

Lexi shrugged and crinkled her nose “Teacher training or summat”. Callum chuckled affectionately. Lexi was so like her dad.

“Ben & Lola asked me to keep an eye on her this morning while they’re at work” smiled Kathy from behind them. 

“Well, I can mind her for a bit if you want” said Callum which earned him a tight hug from Lexi who cried excitedly “Yes!”

Kathy smile warmly at the pair and said “That would be great Callum. Looks like you’ve already got the seal of approval from madam there!”

Callum grinned at the blonde in his arms and made his way over to her booth where the table was littered with her latest masterpieces as Ben liked to call them. Callum was about to set Lexi down on the chair when the little girl piped up “Cal? Can I sit on your knee please?”

Callum’s heart filled up. Lexi really was the sweetest child and she had everyone, including him, wrapped around her little finger. “Course you can, darlin’” and he sat down with Lexi perched happily on his knee. 

Lexi reached across the table and retrieved one of the many pictures laying there and held it in front of Callum. “I made this for you” she said shyly. 

Callum could feel the tears stinging his eyes. On the picture was a drawing of himself (complete with black suit & tie) and Lexi holding hands with a colourful rainbow above them and in glitter pen, Lexi had written “My funny prince”. 

Clearing his throat, Callum said “Thank you, sweetie. I love it!” Lexi nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck as Kathy approached with Callum’s tea and sarnie. 

She smiled at the pair of them. “Looks like you have a fan there, Callum”.

Callum grinned at Ben’s mother then at the little girl in his arms. “She’s a chip off the old block”. 

Kathy looked down at the young man cuddling her granddaughter and thought how lucky Ben was to have met a good one like him.


	82. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really really hope you enjoy this one!

'Lex, don't go too far. You'll get lost'

Ben called through the crowd in the park, one hand pushing through to make sure he didn't lose sight of his daughter, the other one tucked firmly into the crook of his boyfriends arm. 

'Ben, she's a smart kid. Something she gets from Lola no doubt'

'Oi, you cheeky halfwit. Get lost!'

'I'd get lost with you anytime, you know that'

'Don't tempt me Callum'

Callum smiled as they reached their spot where they'd been stood for a couple of hours befoee they'd gone for a burger. It was bonfire night and there was quite a crowd gathered in the centre of the park, where the fireworks were due to start any second. 

'Dad! Can you lift me high so I can see?'

Before Ben got chance to reply, Callum swept Lexi off her feet, tickling her for a second before he pushed her above his head and onto his shoulders. Ben's heart melted when he saw his daughter's animated grin, one hand on Callum's head, the other holding onto Callum's to steady herself. 

'That high enough for you Missy?'

'I'm so high I can fly!'

'You're not quite that high!'

Callum's eyes met Ben's, and he was shocked to see they were sparkling with unshead tears. He was about to say something when the crowd began to clap. Lexi screamed in excitment as the first fireworks went off, the dark sky illuminated with bursts of colour. 

'Are you okay?'

Callum reached out his free arm and pulled Ben closer, smiling when he heard Lexi gasp at the fireworks going off. 

'I'm just... happy'

'Your such a softie'

'No I'm not'

'Yes you are'

'I just... The bond you two have is incredible. Hearing her giggle as you lifted her up on to your shoulders, without her asking you makes my heart swell Cal'

'Ben...'

'You treat her like your own'

'She feels like my own'

'You mean that?'

Callum found Ben's hand and squeezed it gentlyx his thumb twirling circles in Ben's palm. 

'You know I do'

'Daddy, Callum! You're missing the fireworks!'

'Sorry baby'

Callum smiled as Ben's face softened, as it always did when he was talking to her. She was the apple of her dad's eye and she was his pride and joy. 

For half an hour they stood there, the fireworks going off and illuminating the sky. Lexi stayed on Callum's shoulders and Ben's hand stayed locked with Callum's. Callum hadn't really been paying attention to the fireworks, he'd been enjoying the feel of Lexi on his shoulders, feeling grounded and his thoughts had run away with him. As the fireworks ended, someone in the crowd shouted about sparklers. 

'Callum... can I have a sparkler please?'

'Ooh... I should think so. Just put your gloves on so you don't burn yourself'

'You're the best!' Lexi exclaimed as Callum set her down and she ran off to get one. 

'Isn't he just?' 

Ben grinned when Callum ducked his head and blushed. 

'What's on your mind?'

'Huh'

'You were away with the fairies for most of that display Cal. What is it, you can tell me'

'I...'

'This is me Cal. We tell each other everything'

'I know. The fireworks just got me thinking'

'About?'

'It's difficult to explain'

'Try'

'Look at the sky now... It's dark right?'

'Yep. It's eight o clock on a Saturday night in November, would hardly be blue would it?'

'Ben, I'm trying to be serious here'

'I know. Sorry'

'It just reminds me of my life before I met you. Darkness, never ending darkness. Hiding myself, my feelings, who I was. Was like a never ending night I suppose. And then you... you exploded into my life, you lit up the darkness with your bright personality, your sarcasm, your dry humour. But then we shared our own fireworks and I felt it... we both did... and I tried to bury it, but you were the colour I needed to light up the darkness in me. My firework I suppose. Does that make sense?'

Ben didn't say a word, just brushed his fingers against Callum's cheek and kissed him softly, his tears beginning to fall as he embraced his boyfriend. 

'Daddy! Cal! Come and get a sparkler! You can kiss anytime. Come on!'

Suddenly Lexi was there, pulling Callum by the hand. Callum grabbed Ben and both of them, wide grins etched upon their faces allowed themselves to be led by a very headstrong seven year old and be given a sparkler each. 

Lexi began to draw in the air with hers. Ben smiled as he watched her for a second and then, Callum pulled his focus. 

'I LOVE BEN MITCHELL' he wrote in the air with his sparkler, his eyes dancing. 

'I LOVE YOU TOO' 

Ben wrote back, the two of them sharing a glance over Lexi's head, who had drawn a heart in the air. She wrote D, L and C in the heart and coughed, grabbing the boys attention. Callum's heart broke when he saw that image in the heart. As did Ben's.

The sparklers burned out, the firework display ended, but one thing remained- the fireworks between Ben and Callum, and most important, the family bond they'd struck up with Lexi.


	83. Enjoy Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to write this after that episode tonight! Don't know if it went like this but I can hope! Really hope you like it. 
> 
> 18/10/19- Kiss 4 and 5, them leaving the Vic...

The atmosphere had changed between them in a second. Ben telling Callum to enjoy himself and then kissing him, they had both realised that they could both enjoy themselves now- together, without it being a secret. 

The cold air hit them as Ben pulled Callum out of The Vic. He stopped for a second, looking over at Callum. 

'Where to?' 

He was careful to rephrase the question, leaving the ball in Callum's court, letting him take the lead and decide what he wanted to do. 

'Is yours free?'

'Mum's working late. Ian and Bobby are at some kind of convention thing til late. Lexi and Lola are staying at Jays, so yes, it's free.'

'Your place it is then'

Callum gave Ben a smile and took him by the hand, walking over the road, past the closed market stalls. They went in the gate, still holding hands. 

'Cal... are you sure your ready?'

'Stop worrying and enjoy yourself. Isn't that what you just told me?'

'Yeah but...'

'No buts... well not that kind of but'

'Are you flirting with me Callum Highway?'

'Maybe, not very subtle is it?'

'About as subtle as a brick. It's good though. At least I know you're not going to be doing any flirting with anyone else'

Ben smiled as he opened the back door, going through to the living room. 

'I only have eyes for you'

'You get that out of the Christmas cracker?'

'Shut up and kiss me'

Ben didn't need any more encouragement and he kissed Callum slowly, grabbing his cheek and pulling him down to his level. Callum smiled into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Ben's neck, almost giggling into Ben's mouth when he felt himself being pushed up against the wall. 

Their lips never broke contact as they pushed each other's jackets from their shoulders, Callum's hands circling the bottom of Ben's neck. 

'Take me.... upstairs' 

Callum whispered as he bit Ben's ear carefully, eliciting a low moan from Ben. Ben nodded breathlessly, words failing him as they always did when Callum kissed him. It was like the breath was knocked out of him, and Callum's lips knocked him for six. Ben took Callum by the hand and led him up to his bedroom. 

As soon as the door closed, Callum pushed Ben roughly against the back of it, pinning him to the door as he kissed him furiously. Ben responded hungrily, his desperation and desire for Callum growing stronger and more unbearable with each passing second. 

Callum pushed Ben's shirt off him and ran his fingers down his arms, smiling when he felt the goosebumps on his boyfriends arms.

'Goosebumps for me?'

'What can I say, I've been waiting for this. Waiting for you for ages'

'So have I. Like you said you always remember your first. I never forgot it and I never will... You know last time?'

'I couldn't forget it either. Intense, fiery...'

'Passionate'

'This doesn't have to be. We can take our time, you can really enjoy yourself. I mean, one night with me is all it takes'

'Is that so? Bit full of yourself aren't you?'

'That's who I am. If you don't like it...'

'Of course I like it. I wouldn't be here otherwise'

'Right answer. Now as lovely as this bonding moment is, will you please just kiss me Callum?'

'Yes sir'

Callum closed the gap between them, pulling Ben towards him. They both fell on the bed kissing madly, their hands everywhere. 

..............................................................................

Callum opened his eyes, and for a second he didn't recognise where he was. The arm around his bare back and the breathing he felt under his head soon reminded him where he was and he turned his head, with a smile on his face. 

'Morning Mr Highway'

'Morning... since when... the glasses... I've never seen you in them before?'

'I always needed them. I just don't wear them a lot. Just in the mornings usually. They make me look....'

'Hot' 

Callum finished the sentence for Ben, his hand reaching up of it's own accord to Ben's ear and flipping the end of his glasses. 

'You're in a good mood... take it you enjoyed last night'

'More than you know'

'You like the glasses then?'

'They suit you. You look cute'

'First you say hot, then you say cute. Which is it?'

'Why can't it be both?'

'Because it can't be'

'Can't it make me want you again?'

Ben smiled as Callum kissed him deeply, his hands around his neck as he pulled him closer. 

'What's this, round 2?'

'If you want'

'Yes please'

Callum smiled as Ben devoured his lips hungrily, the night before fresh in their minds as they enjoyed themselves even more.


	84. Jackpot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I absolutely love this! 
> 
> She never fails to amaze me with her fics and if this aired on Monday I would scream!
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Jackpot

Callum shuffled around in the bed, burying his face in the pillows that smelt of Ben’s faded aftershave, a low groan escaping his lips as the memories of the previous night came rushing back... Ben taking his hand and leading him from the Vic, following him to the house and up the stairs, into Ben’s bedroom, kissing feverishly, undressing eachother and falling back on the bed together... they had made love several times that night and every caress, every touch, every kiss felt so right, like they were always meant to be connected like this...

Callum turned to face Ben but his space was empty. He sat upright and frowned... had Ben run out on him? 

Just then the door opened to reveal Ben standing there wearing a plush grey dressing gown, a pair of glasses and a soft smile on his face and carrying two mugs of tea. He saw the relief pass over his lover’s face and chuckled “Thought I’d done a runner, did ya?” 

Callum blushed and accepted the mug Ben was offering, staring at Ben intensely as he did so.

Ben sat next to him and noticed the way his lover was gazing at him. “I know... mind blowing sex AND I bring you a brew in the morning. You struck the boyfriend jackpot didn’t ya?” he said with a wink. 

Callum started at this. This was the first time either of them had said the word out loud. Ben noticed this and feeling perhaps he had jumped the gun, his vulnerability quickly reared his head. “Umm.. I mean...”

But Callum reached out and touched his arm “It’s ok... that’s what we are, ain’t we?”

Ben smiled at this “Yeah. I guess we are” and took a sip of his tea.

Callum also took a sip from his own mug before setting it down on the bedside table. “So...” he said slowly “you wear glasses?”

“Now and again” smiled Ben. “Why... do you like them?” he teased though he sensed he knew the answer.

“Yeah” said Callum in a low voice as he leaned in closely “they’re sexy on you” and he took the mug from Ben’s hands and placed it next to his before lightly brushing his lips against Ben’s then his cheek, then his neck...

Ben let out a soft groan “Like them that much do ya?” 

As a response, Callum brought his hands up and slowly opened Ben’s dressing gown, exposing his pale toned chest and whispered “Let me show you how much...”

Callum grasped Ben and rolled him onto his back, straddled him, interlocking their hands and pinning them above Ben’s head. Any jokes Ben had were soon gone as he stared up at his lover, his chest heaving, his face flushed with want...

Callum leaned down and kissed him passionately and it wasn’t long before the rest of their clothes were discarded and their moans filled the room once again...


	85. Daddy Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I think this is very very special. I had a basic idea for this fic but with several ideas from my amazing friend, we were able to create this wonderful collab that I had to share with you all. 
> 
> I really really hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it. We're at 85 chapters and I love her as much as I did when we started this back in June. 
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Callum smiled as he watched Lexi skip ahead, her blonde hair flying out behind her. One hand on the rucksack on his back, the other in Ben's, they swung their arms freely as they strolled up the path to the enclosure. 

'What's in here Dad?'

'My favourite kind of animal'

Lexi smiled as they went inside and her smile was mirrored on her dad and Callum's face as they heard her laugh. 

'Monkeys!'

'These are the cute monkeys like you Lex'

'Can I have one Dad please!'

'Where on earth would you keep one Lex?'

'In my room'

Lexi sighed exasperated, as if it was so simple. She wandered around the enclosure before following the doors outside, where the adult monkeys were. Callum let go of Ben's hand to pick Lexi up so she could see the monkey on the platform. Ben watched them for a second before digging in his bag for the camera. He didn't need to take the photo really cause he knew it would be etched on to his heart forever, a screenshot of family life but he did. He wanted this photo to get it framed. 

'Look at that silly monkey!'

Ben followed his daughter's gaze and sure enough, there was a chimpanzee on a rope, taking all of the bananas from the other chimps. 

'He's a troublemaker Lex'

'Takes one to no-one' Callum replied quietly. 

'Hey!'

'You're seriously telling me that monkey doesn't remind you of anyone?' 

'Don't know what you mean Cal'

'Yes you do!'

Ben appeared at Callum's side, the camera still in his hand. 

'Lex, Cal, smile!'

Ben took a selfie of them all. Lexi was in the middle, her arms around both Ben and Callum's neck. Callum had put his free hand behind Ben's head, making a peace sign. 

'You think we should leave Daddy here Lex?'

'What do you mean, leave me here?'

'You're home after all'

'My home is wherever you (he flicked Callum on his ear) and you (he flicked Lexi by the end of her nose) are.'

'Your home is where I am?'

'Home is where your heart is, and you two are my heart'

Callum set Lexi down on the floor and she ran over to the other monkeys. He took both of Ben's hands and pulled him into a tight hug. 

'I love you so much, you know that right?'

'Of course. And I love you too'

Ben kissed Callum softly before taking him by the hand and pulling him over to where Lexi was animatedly pointing. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur, they had a picnic in the playground, Ben taking photos of Callum on the slide with Lexi, even if Callum was almost as long as the slide itself. Lexi had begged for almost every animal, including an elephant. She was disappointed the zoo didn't have unicorns. Ben had insisted on taking them to see the penguins- Lexi content to watch them swim as Ben kissed Callum and told him penguins mate for life, which had elicited a shy but endearing smile from Callum. 

Callum knew what was in the last stop of the day. As he and Ben swung Lexi in the air with their arms he smiled. He was so content, so happy and as they walked to the last enclosure he grinned widely. 

'Lions Daddy! Like our story'

'That's right baby, just like our story'

'Where did you leave it last night?' Callum asked as he slipped his hand into Ben's, his fingers circling the palm. 

'The little girl lion was at the watering hole with all the other animals.... I knew we were coming here today so I.introduced the other animals to it'

'So Miss Lexi... the lion cub was at the watering hole with all her friends... the elephants, the tigers, the cheetahs were being naughty and throwing water everywhere...' 

Callum bent down beside Lexi and began to tell her some more of the story. Ben's eyes began to gloss over with tears. How did he get this lucky? Lexi listened with animated expressions for a while before she yawned. 

'I'm tired'

Callum scooped her up in his arms without a second thought, resting her on his hip as he offered Ben his other hand. They walked through the lion enclosure and headed towards the way out. Lexi perked up slightly when they walked through the gift shop, Callum knowing instantly what he would buy her. 

'Think it's time we gave lion cub a new family member. She's been lonely for so long, but she doesn't have to be now' 

Callum paid for the lion teddy and gave it to Lexi, who was almost asleep on him. 

'A present from my Daddy lion' she said sleepily as they reached the car. 

Ben opened the doors and Callum placed her carefully in to the seat, before belting her in, her lion clasped to her chest. 

'Ben, what she just called me...'

'What about it?'

'You're not upset?'

'Why on earth would I be upset?'

'Because... because your her dad, not me'

'I am her dad biologically which isn't much more. You adore her and love her as much as I do. And she adores and loves you as much as I do. We're a family. And if she wants to call you Daddy Lion I don't mind. In fact I love it. I love you'

'Do you think she wants that?'

'What? For you to be her Daddy Lion? I think she thinks of you like that, as a dad. Just because she calls you dad doesn't mean she takes it away from me'

'I love you'

Callum smiled, tears in his eyes as he got into the passenger seat, his hand finding Ben's over the gearstick as they drove off. The journey home was easy, having left the zoo just before closing they'd missed the rush hour traffic. They got home quicker than they had- although maybe the journey there had felt longer because Lexi was asking every five minutes if they were there yet. 

Ben picked up a sleeping Lexi and carried her into the house behind Callum, who unlocked the door and carried in their bags. 

'Callum... will you tuck me in? You and daddy?'

Callum's heart swelled- this was the first time Lexi had asked him to tuck her in. 

'Of course, if daddy is okay with it?'

'Why wouldn't I be?'

Callum followed Ben up the stairs and helped him take Lexi's shoes off before placing her into bed. He tucked her lion in beside her and she opened her eyes sleepily. 

'Today was the best Daddy'

'I know sweetheart' Ben replied. 

'I was talking to Callum' 

'Oh... You called me Daddy'

'You are my Daddy aren't you. You do what a daddy does. Play with me, tell me stories, buy me presents. Don't you want to be my Daddy?'

'I would love that, more than you know lex'

'Love you'

'Love you too sweetheart'

Ben and Callum kissed Lexi on the head before leaving her to sleep. As soon as the door closed, Callum began to cry. 

'What's wrong?'

'I'm her daddy...'

'Yes, you're her daddy lion'

Callum kissed Ben softly before going downstairs to get their bags out of the car.


	86. Pier Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is absolutely amazing, I adore this fic and this girl so much!
> 
> Really hope you enjoy it!
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Pier Side

Callum and Ben were enjoying a lunchtime drink and a game of darts in the Vic when Callum suggested it to his boyfriend...

“Brighton?” replied Ben.

“Yeah,” said Callum with an excited grin on his face.

“Brighton... in October?” said Ben to clarify and he lined up his shot at the dart board.

“Yes!” reiterated Callum “What’s so shocking about that?”

“It’ll be freezing along that pier for one thing!” exclaimed Ben.

“Oh come on!” pleaded Callum then he sidled up to his boyfriend and slid his arms around his waist, placed his chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear “I can warm you up if it gets too much for you...”

Ben huffed in exasperation but with a smile on his face said “What am I gonna do with you?”

Callum grinned knowing he’d already won “Say yes...” and he placed a light kiss on Ben’s neck.

“Oh go on then!” sighed the Mitchell lad. He could never resist when it came to Callum.

Callum smiled triumphantly “Besides, Lexi will love it! It’s half term next week so a day by the beach, the rides, fish & chips along the pier, watching me kick your behind on the games... what’s not to love!”

“Uh, excuse me?!” said Ben with incredulity “I’ll be the one thrashing you on the games Mr Highway!”

Callum spun his boyfriend around to face him before leaning for a kiss “We’ll see...”

“Oi oi you two! Get a room!” quipped Mick from the bar.

Callum and Ben shot the landlord a grin and gave eachother another kiss before carrying on with their game.

.....

The cool crisp breeze hit the three of them as they got off the train, the smell of the sea and chips in the air and the chatter of people also ready to enjoy the mid term break heading in the direction of the town.

“We’re here!” cried Lexi excitedly. Ben & Callum chuckled affectionately. “Yes we are princess” smiled Ben and he looked at Callum “Where to?”

Callum looked down at the little blonde girl standing between them and said “Shall we go the pier Lex? Let you have a go on some of the rides?”

“Yes please!” exclaimed Lexi and the three of them set off towards Brighton Palace Pier, Lexi holding on to both their hands and giggling at being swung every time she cried “1...2...3... up!”

.... 

The afternoon passed in a blur and some time later, Callum, Ben and Lexi emerged from the amusements laughing with Lexi clutching a bag full of an assortment of soft toys her daddy and his boyfriend had won for her at the arcade. “That was fun!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah it was” smiled Callum and he shot a sly glance at Ben “told ya I’d beat ya!”

“Hey!” said Ben “I gave it as good as I got!” and he tickled his boyfriend’s side.

“Ok! Ok! Stop! Stop!” laughed Callum as held up his hands in surrender. 

Lexi was giggling at their antics but she soon rubbed her tummy. “Daddy I’m hungry!”

“Ok baby” said Ben looking down at his daughter. “How about some fish & chips?”

Callum smiled at him “I know the perfect place” and as they set off along the pier he stooped down and picked Lexi off her feet and placed her on his shoulders, the little girl squealing in delight. 

“Daddy, look how tall I am!” she called happily.

Ben smiled at the pair and slipped his hand into Callum’s as they walked along. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he was...

.....

After they had ate their fish and chips along the pier, Callum suggested they take a walk on the beach before the tide came in. They headed down their where they were greeted to the sight of young couples and other families scattered along the sand, just walking along and enjoying the view, some of them letting their dogs off their leads and chasing sticks and bringing them back to their owners.

“Daddy...” started Lexi but Ben knew what was coming.

“We’ll see baby. Maybe one day we’ll talk about getting a dog!” he told her gently.

Lexi skipped off ahead of them and called out “I’m gonna collect some sea shells!”

“Stay close sweetie!” called Callum, his own protective instincts rising in him.

Ben interlocked their fingers as they slowly walked along, keeping Lexi in their sight. “You’re amazing you know that?”

Callum looked at him, a soft smile on his face “You’re not too bad yourself”.

“I mean it” said Ben “Lexi is having the best time and so am I”.

They stopped walking and Callum placed his hands on either side of Ben’s face and placed a tender kiss on his lips. Ben pulled his boyfriend closer, wrapping his arms around his tall lean frame and deepened the kiss, completely surrendering to the moment until a tinkling voice cried out “Daddy and Callum sitting in a tree!”

“Oi monkey!” laughed Ben as he and Callum slowly detached themselves from one another. “Did you find any shells?”

“Yep!” said Lexi proudly and she held out her palm to show them the dozen shells sitting there.

“They’re lovely sweetheart” smiled Callum affectionately.

Lexi smiled up at him then her little body shivered.

“You cold baby?” said Ben gently and he bent down and zipped up her coat.

“How about some hot chocolate before we get the train home?” suggested Callum.

Lexi nodded enthusiastically so they headed back along the beach and up the old steps to the street just as the sun was starting to go down and other people were making their way to the train station or into the warmth of the remaining open cafes.

Once inside the cafe, Ben ordered three hot chocolates for them as Lexi climbed up on Callum’s knee and settled herself there, resting her head happily on his shoulder. The sight warmed Ben’s heart...

....

When the train pulled in at the station, Ben gently stroke his daughter’s blonde hair to wake her up from where she was lying on the cushioned seats under Callum’s coat “Baby... we’re home” he said softly. Lexi rubbed her eyes and looked up “Callum, will you carry me?”

Callum smiled at her “Of course darlin” and he carefully lifted her into his arms and departed the train with Ben at his side.

The young men walked across the darkened square and made their way over to the Beale house. They walked into the dimly lit living room and were greeted to the sight of Kathy, Ian and Bobby watching tv, who turned round to greet them.

“Hey you three. Good day was it?” enquired Ian.

“Sssh...” said Ben indicating his worn out daughter who was tucked comfortably in his boyfriends arms. However, Lexi opened her eyes, looked adoringly at Callum and her dad and said with a little smile “It was the best day ever”.


	87. Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really really hope you like this!!

'Mum?'

Kathy turned at the sound of his voice and smiled. No matter how old he got, he would always be her baby. 

'What are you doing here this early, shouldn't you be at the car lot?'

'Me and Callum just took Lexi to school. Lola said you've been asking after me so I said I'd pop in and see you before work'

'Ah... you and Callum, the lovely Callum, the two of you on the school run'

'Mum...'

'How are things between the two of you?'

'Why are you asking?'

'I'm just interested in my son and his boyfriend'

'Boyfriend?'

'Isn't that what you are?'

'I don't know to be honest'

'Callum and you are perfect for each other. You've been staying at his most nights. I haven't seen you for four day Ben. Why wouldn't you be boyfriends?'

'We haven't really had that conversation'

'You need to make it official. Callum adores you, you adore him. Any fool can see that, even an old fool like me'

'Why do we have to make it anything? I like him, he likes me. We're just having fun'

'Ben Mitchell, you've been having fun for months with stupid boys you met on that app. But Callum, things are different with him. You know that. You introduced him to Lexi... surely that tells you that you want this for the long term?'

'I just don't want to scare him off Mum. We haven't been together that long and it's all new to him'

'Rubbish... Callum adores you. We all know that'

................................................................................

Callum was doing some paperwork in the parlour when he heard the knock at the door. Looking up he was surprised to see Kathy in the doorway, a smile on her face. He nodded her in and she sat down facing him. 

'To what do I owe the pleasure Mrs Beale?'

'Callum, please call me Kathy'

'If this is about Rainie...'

'No it's not about Rainie. How are you Callum?'

'I'm fine Mrs... um Kathy'

'And you and Ben, things going well?'

'Yes... have I done something to upset him?'

'No, on the contrary. He seems very happy. Happier than I've seen him in a very long time Callum. The last time he had a serious boyfriend, things ended... well you know. But now he has a second chance at happiness, because of you'

'He is my first boyfriend'

'So, you see him as a boyfriend?'

'Of course, why wouldn't I? Look, what is this? Some kind of test?'

'No, no, I promise. Have you told him he's your boyfriend?'

'Well, we haven't had a conversation about it, but I'm sure he knows he's my boyfriend'

'Does he? Maybe you should speak to him?'

'What? Has he said something?'

'I'm not here to tell you what to do. I'm here to tell you to keep making him happy'

.................................................................................

'Cal?'

'Hey'

'So, your text sounded ominous.... What's going... oh!'

Ben stopped as he entered the flat. The lights were off, lit only by the candles Callum had lit. There was a bottle of beer on the table that Ben handed to him, before giving him a kiss on the lips. 

'Good day?'

'Okay I suppose. What's all this in aid of?'

'Come and sit down...'

'Oh god, what have I done?'

'Why would you think you've done something?'

'Because I usually do'

'Well this is something we both haven't done... talked'

'We talk all the time...'

'Not about stuff like this we don't. This... us... do you see it lasting?'

'Hang on... did my mother come and see you?'

'Why do you ask that?'

'Because she's really henpecking me this morning and now you want to talk about us. Doesn't take a genius Cal. What did she say to you?'

'It was more of what I said to her'

'I'm confused'

'Let me finish'

'Sorry'

'You're my first you know that. I spent so long fighting it, fighting you but I'm done. I want you to be mine and I don't care who knows it. I guess what I'm asking... will you be mine? And by that I mean, be my boyfriend?'

Ben didn't say anything, just closed the gap between them, kissing Callum furiously for a minute. 

'Just to be clear, is that a yes?'

'Of course it's a yes you daft idiot. Suppose I should ask as well... be my boyfriend?'

'I already thought I was'

Callum smiled into Ben's hair as he kissed him on his forehead. Ben rested his head on Callum's chest for a minute, listening to his heartbeat. 

'So, we're official then yes?'

'Looks like your stuck with me Mr Mitchell'

'And you me... what do you say we go and do... do things that boyfriends do?'

The beers lay forgotten as Ben kissed Callum, leading him through to the bedroom.


	88. Weekend Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love this almost as much as I love her!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> She's fabulous isn't she, the gift that keeps on giving!   
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Weekend Away 

Ben hugged his daughter tightly as she sobbed softly. “Don’t cry baby, we’ll be back in a few days...”

“I know” mumbled Lexi wiping her tears with the back of her hand as she looked at her daddy and his boyfriend who looked as though he might start crying himself.

Callum knelt down in front of her in the train station and opened his arms. Lexi fell into them and cuddled him. “I’ll miss you Cal...” she whispered softly.

The young man felt a wave of emotion crash over him as he held Ben’s daughter. “I’ll miss you too sweetheart but like daddy said we’ll be home before you know it”.

Lexi reluctantly let go of him and kissed his cheek. “Bye then” she sniffed sadly.

Ben give his little girl a soft peck on the head and looked at Lola who was quite moved by the whole thing. “We’ll see ya on Sunday night.”

Lola smiled at them “No worries. Have fun you two!”

.....

The train pulled in at the platform. Callum and Ben grabbed their luggage and joined the crowd making their way for their doors. They hailed a taxi, gave the friendly driver the address of their B&B and set off. Before long, they had pulled up at a beautiful restored Elizabethan building facing the pier. 

Ben paid the fare and the young couple made their way inside. Once they had received their key and breakfast options, the owner, a pleasant lady in her 50s, led the way to their room. “I’ll leave you boys to it” she smiled and closed the door behind her as she left. 

Callum looked appreciatively around the room. It had a king sized bed, plush carpets and a spectacular view of the pier from the large windows. The en-suite bathroom was pretty impressive too. Snow white marble tiles on the floor and walls, a power jet shower and a large bath tub in the middle. “Wow” he said softly as he took in his surroundings and looked at his boyfriend “you did good”.

Ben wrapped his arms around his waist and grinned at him “It’s our first weekend away together... and besides, work is crazy so we’ve barely seen eachother...” and he placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“True” chuckled Callum. “Well, looks like we’ll have to make up for that...” and his eyes flickered suggestively to the large bed. Ben was on him in a heartbeat, kissing him passionately and pushing him down onto the bed.

....

A few hours later, the two men lay there in the afterglow, their sweaty limbs intertwined under the soft sheets, their fingers interlocked and Ben’s head resting against Callum’s chest. Callum gazed down at his lover. “Feeling better?”

Ben looked up at him “Lots” he said in a low voice and pulled Callum down to kiss him again. 

“What about dinner?” contemplated Callum as he looked out at the darkened street. “It’s just gone after 7pm. We could get showered and head out for a steak if you fancy?”

“Mmm, sounds like a plan” grinned Ben. “Maybe we could jump in the shower together... you know, conserve water and all that” he said with a wink.

Callum chuckled affectionately “Can’t get enough of me can you?”

.....

It was just after midnight when the young men stumbled back into their room giggling like two teenagers sneaking around behind their parents backs. “Some night wasn’t it?” said Ben slightly tipsy and kicking off his shoes before falling back on the bed.

“Sure was” grinned Callum starting to undo his shirt.

They had gone out for dinner like Callum had suggested and found an amazing steakhouse not far from their B&B. Afterwards they had made their way to a couple of pubs in town and had a few beers. Later they walked back along the pier, the cool sea breeze ruffling their hair, Callum’s arm slung comfortably around Ben’s shoulders, laughing and talking and just relishing this time together.

“You gonna come join me then?” said Ben flirtatiously from the bed. Callum slowly pulled his shirt off before teasingly removing his belt. He watched his lover’s eyes darken with lust as he looked at his gorgeous toned body and moved closer to the edge of the bed. “C’mere...” said Ben breathlessly and he pulled Callum down on top of him...

....

The next morning, the pale sunlight streamed in and Ben woke with Callum’s strong arms wrapped comfortably around him. He shuffled around to look at his boyfriend who had just opened those beautiful blue eyes. “Morning...” whispered Ben and leaned in for a tender kiss. They let their lips linger for a moment before Ben said in a low voice “What do you wana do today?” and he pushed his body closer to Callum.

“Mmm...” groaned Callum “I can think of one or two things...” and he rolled them over so he was on top of Ben and kissed him passionately.

Ben chuckled softly against his lips “This little break was a great idea...”


	89. Steamy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this. Was an idea that came to me. And I need soft and flirty Ballum!
> 
> Six updates in 24 hours... my we are obsessed! 11 chapters til 100. We'll probably keep going past that!
> 
> Enjoy!

'This is...?'

'Surprise!'

'A spa? That's your surprise?'

Callum had insisted on planning a weekend away for them. He'd been so excited and his grin had been infectious, but now seeing Ben's face he wasn't sure he had done the right thing. 

'Don't you like it?'

'It's just... not sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. A spa? Not very me is it Cal?'

'You've been so tense lately Ben. I thought this would be good for you, good for us. Quality time'

'And here's me thinking it would be a dirty weekend in a hotel somewhere'

'Ben, we're booked in here overnight as well! I'm not that mean'

'Well, you've made this effort, seems a shame to let it go to waste. And there maybe some cute pool boys here, who knows?'

Callum pulled Ben closer to him by the lapel of his jacket and wound a leg around his calf. 

'Cute pool boys! You can look but not touch, you hear me?'

'Why? What are you going to do?'

'Anything you want. Just remember your mine'

'Ooh feisty Callum, I love it'

'Don't you forget it'

'So, spa hey? This will be an experience!'

'It's a change. And change is good. You know that'

'Alright Martin Luther King! You've convinced me!'

'You weren't getting out of it! Now, let's go inside. See if I can find a pool boy to entertain you while I check us in'

................................................................................

Ben sat on the lounger at the side of the pool, his cocktail in one hand, his phone in the other. The dad in him had to check Lexi was okay and as he scrolled through his phone, he saw Callum out of the corner of his eye approaching him. 

'Hey! How was your massage?'

'Was great. Nice firm hands on my back were a pleasant change'

'Are you saying my hands aren't firm enough Mr Mitchell?'

Callum pushed the lounger next to Ben's and lay down next to him, one hand round Ben's shoulders, the other resting on his thigh. 

'Your hands are soft Callum. Just the slightest touch makes me giddy'

'I suppose you'll be telling me that your massager was fit to'

'I suppose she was quite cute. But she's not to my taste. I have refined tastes'

'Ooh, are we calling it refined now?'

Ben hooked his ankle around Callum's, his phone on the lounger beside him as he hooked his fingers under the belt on Callum's robe. 

'Mind if I go for a swim?' 

Callum whispered in Ben's ear, his breath warm on his neck, causing Ben's breathing to hitch. 

'Mind, why would I mind?'

Ben winked at Callum, who blushed and shrugged off his robe before jumping into the pool. Ben watched him swim for a while, he was so proud to be here with him on his arm. Callum was the best boyfriend ever, and despite initial reservations, he had been right to trust Callum. 

There was something so relaxing in doing nothing, just being. He felt so relaxed, he hadn't realised just how much he needed it until he was here. 

'Hey, sleeping beauty'

'What?'

Ben's eyes jerked open and he smiled when he saw Callum sat on the lounger in front of him. He took one of his hands and kissed the knuckles before pulling his boyfriend to him and kissing him deeply. 

'I was going to ask if you fancied the steamroom but maybe that can wait...'

'No way! Lead the way Mr Highway!'

Callum smiled as he took Ben by the hand and led him over to the steamroom at the other end of the pool. 

'Steamroom or sauna, what do you fancy?'

'Not what, who...'

Ben pulled Callum into the steam room making sure the door closed behind them and he selected the In Use button so the door would lock. 

'So, this was a good surprise then?'

'It's not just good. It's great. I didn't know I needed it til I had it. Much like you'

Callum smiled and kissed Ben, pushing him backwards to the wooden seating, his hands already scrambling for the belts on their robes. 

'Eager?'

'Desperate to do this since we left this morning but I had to refrain myself'

'And now?'

'Now I don't care. I just want you. Now. Here'

Ben pulled Callum down hungrily to meet his lips, pushing their robes from their bodies. The atmosphere was steamy enough already but with those two, it was about to get a whole lot steamier...


	90. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that scene tonight I am DEAD... I had to write this! I really hope you all like it!
> 
> Following on from the episode that aired on Monday 28th October.

'Hard at work Mr Highway?'

Callum smiled as he buzzed Ben in, running his hands through his hair. He hadn't long been back after his hasty exit from Phil's earlier. There'd been an empty house and Ben was there, what more could he need? His smile widened as Ben appeared in the doorway, his jacket over his shoulder as he returned Callum's beaming smile. 

'What are you doing here?'

'Do I need a reason?'

Callum pulled Ben to him and kissed him, but hearing a bang on the floor he pulled back and looked for the noise. When he saw the DVD case he smiled widely, chuckling. 

'You brought it?'

'Well you asked me why she didn't just tell the world she was a popstar so you clearly need educating'

'Oh I need educating do I? And what can you possibly teach me?'

'Don't tempt me Callum'

Callum smiled as he went to the cupboard and Ben retreived the DVD from the floor, putting it in the player. By the time Callum brought the beers over and a bowl of popcorn, Ben had thrown his jacket and shoes on the floor and curled up on the sofa. 

Callum sat beside him, putting the beers and popcorn on the table. Ben didn't waste time and laid with his head on Callum's lap, pulling one of Callum's arm around him. 

'From the start again? Really?' 

Callum moaned as the start of the film flashed up on the screen. He smiled when he heard Ben chuckle and his free hand found Ben's hair.

'Hey, you trying to make my hair look as bad as yours?'

'Oi!'

'Sorry, just joking'

'I know... so how long do I have the pleasure of your company today before work gets you waylaid?'

'The only way I want to get laid is you'

'Ben!'

'I have done everything I need to today. Now I'm all yours'

Callum smiled as the two of them watched the movie. It was a good movie but Callum wouldn't let on to Ben that he enjoyed it. Halfway through the film, Ben reached over and put the popcorn bowl to his chest, holding bits up for Callum occasionally, feeding him almost. 

'You can always find your way back home'

Callum found himself singing the lyrics to the final song which he regretted immediately as Ben shot up from his lap. 

'Callum Highway, are you singing along?'

'You've converted me'

'Ooh have I indeed?'

'Get your mind out of the gutter Mitchell'

Ben chuckled, pulling Callum to him by the neck of his jumper and kissed him slowly before throwing the last of the popcorn in his face. 

'Right!'

Callum laughed and almost attacked Ben, tickling him and hitting him with one of the pillows. Ben ducked and swung for Callum with the other pillow. The two of them had a fight with the pillows for a few minutes, Ben pulling Callum to him and kissing him when he dropped his pillow in mock surrender. 

The sound of a key in the lock interrupted the moment and Ben smiled widely as Stuart walked in. 

'Callum... what the...?'

'Hi Stuart'

'This isn't what it...'

'It is exactly what it looks like babe. Your brother, my stepmother... seems we're doomed to be interrupted today'

'I'm not stopping. I just came for my jacket. Your brother wants me to go up to the tube and it's freezing'

'That's my brother for you'

Callum and Ben burst into laughter as the door clicked shut behind Stuart. 

'Now where were we?'

Callum pulled Ben closer to him, but Ben threw the empty popcorn bowl at him. 

'We need more popcorn'

'Why?'

'We have more films to watch babe. I'm going to give you an education if it's the last thing I do'

'It probably will be if you don't kiss me right now'

'Ooh feisty Callum. You're enjoying yourself'

'Isn't that what you told me to do?'

'Okay, point taken I suppose'

Ben kissed Callum, ripping his jumper from his shoulders and smiling at Callum's raised eyebrows.

'I want it exactly how it was earlier, before my darling stepmother and stepbrother interrupted us'

'Exactly?'

'Yes, exactly'

'Well, why didn't you say. That can be arranged'

Ben only had time to return Callum's smile before Callum captured him in a bruising kiss, pushing him backwards on to the sofa... determined to have a repeat of earlier that morning, without the interruptions.


	91. Trick or Treat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween Ballum fans. 
> 
> Collab from us both here. Hope you like it.
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

'Dad!'

'Alright princess I'm coming'

Callum smiled to himself. He was very glad now that he'd let Ben talk him into coming to the halloween disco at Lexi's school. Lexi had spent the half term break planning her costume with precision. 

Her mum had spent ages on her hair and make up, wanting to make sure nothing was out of place. She was out with Jay at E20, having been delighted when Ben had said he would chaperone the disco. 

Callum had been nervous to come to the school- he'd been doing the school run with Ben for a few weeks but that was nothing compared to this. He smiled as Lexi finally convinced Ben to dance with her. 

Ben looked back and winked at Callum- and in that second Callum's insides were shot to pieces. Ben had this way of being completely endearing no matter what he did. Ben twirled Lexi round the dance floor- Callum watching from his seat, being so proud of his man and his little girl. 

As the song ended, Ben left Lexi for second to whisper to the DJ. He nodded in response before going over to Lexi and whispering in her ear. She laughed in delight. Callum was intrigued, especially when Ben beckoned him to the floor. 

He rose up out of his chair uncertain and walked two steps towards the dance floor, and then he heard it. The song came on and his smile beamed from ear to ear as he realised what Ben had done, what Ben always does, and made it about him. 

For the past week Ben and Lexi had been working on the Thriller routine until they were both beat perfect. Callum watched now, his heart beaming with pride as Ben and Lexi took to the floor, dancing together with everyone else laughing and cheering. 

Then everyone, including Callum, joined in with them. As the song ended, Lexi curtsied and Ben bowed, the applause deafening. 

'Lexi! Your a brilliant dancer. And your dad!'

'Thanks Abbie. It's been our secret for ages!'

Ben smiled as his daughter's friends surrounded her before one of them saw Ben holding Callum's hand and called Lexi over. 

'Who's this? And why is he holding your daddy's hand?'

'That's Callum- dad's.boyfriend. They hold hands like my mum and her boyfriend Jay because they love each other'

Callum's heart melted as Ben squeezed his hand with pride. The two of them went over to where they'd been sat, Lexi content to dance with her friends now. Ben pulled Callum's halo straight.

'Why on earth did you decide to come as an angel? It's a bit Christmassy'

'Because you came as a devil' Callum replied, flicking Ben's devil tail. 

'Angels and demons'

'Perfect pairing'

'Isn't it just?'

Callum wrapped an arm around Ben, pulling him closer as the two of then watched on proudly as Lexi danced with her friends. 

The disco ended soon afterwards and Lexi was fired up, her zombie princess costume still looking pristine. 

'Can we go trick or treating please Callum?'

'Shouldn't you be asking your Dad?'

'Dad says no. You're the fun one, please say yes'

'Okay, okay. I think we can stretch to a few houses on the way home?'

Callum looked over at Ben who sighed dramatically before smiling widely. 

'How could I refuse you two anything?'

'Callum! Stay with Dad forever, he's nicer when your here!'

'I...I will do my best Lexi'

'Promise? Promise you'll stay with Dad always'

'I can't promise that sweetheart, much as I want to'

'Why not?'

'Because I don't know if I will stay with him forever. I love your dad and you so much. I will do my best to stay with him forever but I can't promise, because I never break my promises and I'm not about to start'

'Okay.'

Lexi smiled as she skipped up the path of a house with a pumpkin. Ben pulled Callum to him, wrapping his arms around him. 

'Thank you'

'For what?'

'For what you told her'

'I have no intention of lying to her. I love you so much but I can't promise I'll stay with you forever because I don't know if that will happen. I hope so'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah'

'How ironic... Halloween is about everyone dressing up, pretending to be something they aren't for a few hours...'

'When we aren't pretending... we are exactly where we want to be. With each other and our family'

Ben smiled and kissed Callum on the cheek as Lexi skipped down the path, her basket containing a few sweets. They walked for a few minutes, Lexi holding on to Callum's hand- only letting go to go to houses to trick or treat. 

As they approached the square, Lexi ran ahead- going to her granddads house. Ben and Callum leaned on the wall of the Slaters, Callum's hand finding Ben's

'Happy Halloween' he whispered.

'Happy Halloween'

'Trick or treat?'

'Hmmm... That's a hard one... I wanna trick you so bad but I think after tonight you deserve a treat'

Callum grinned widely, his eyes sparkling with mischief before Ben kissed him deeply- the moon high in the sky, a half crescent beaming down at the two of them.


	92. Three Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this. 
> 
> It's what I'm hoping (in my own weird world) we can see next friday. (WEEK 45)
> 
> I can't believe we're at 92 chapters! 8 to go until the 100 mark!
> 
> Eager to know your feedback- enjoy!

Ben sat in the cafe, nursing his coffee to the outside world but inside he was deep in thought. Yesterday hadn't gone as he had envisaged at all.  
What had started as a very cute lunch date with Callum in The Prince Albert had turned into, well this. 

He'd grown so close to Callum in the last few weeks, since Callum had come out about who he really was. People thought that he had been the one to chase Callum, that it was him who had been the driving force but it wasn't. Callum had been the one driving this since that day in The Vic. 

Callum had been the one pushing for the date, refusing to let Ben push him away and it had been working- well up until yesterday. Ben and Callum had been having lunch in The Prince Albert- Ben had been finding it harder to balance his life with Callum and Lexi and the dodgy stuff on the side with Tubbs- Callum had come into his life and now he was all Ben ever thought about. 

The lunch had been going well- Callum feeding Ben from his plate in a cute way, their ankles caressing each other beneath the table while one hand was interlocked on the table top. The smile had been wide on both their faces and to anyone looking in- they were two young men who clearly worshipped the ground that the other had walked on. 

But that had changed with the arrival of Pam- initial surprise at seeing her had been replaced by an overrun of emotion and Ben had hugged her so hard- the memories of Paul and his closeness to the family bursting in his mind like fireworks. 

But then Pam had spied Callum in his undertakers uniform, stood awkwardly with a smile on his face. When he'd held out his hand for Pam to shake, she'd smiled and asked Ben who he was. 

'This is Callum. He works at the undertakers with Jay. He's a friend'

Ben hadn't wanted to tell Pam about Callum- it was incredibly awkward and he didn't want her to think that he had forgotten Paul so he'd just introduced Callum as his friend, but he knew that there was far more to it then that. 

He hadn't realised just how much Callum had been hurt by Ben referring to him as his friend- and he'd told him yesterday evening after Ben had called round to check he was okay.

And now here he was- in the cafe, deep in thought. Having both Paul and Callum- his great loves- co-habiting in his mind at the same time was a daunting prospect. He felt like he was disrespecting Paul's memory by moving on with Callum- but he didn't want to alienate Callum by holding him at arms length. It had only been a few weeks but he meant so much to Ben already- the fact Ben was comparing him to Paul and feeling guilty said everything. 

'Ben?'

Hearing the voice of his surrogate gran, Ben was brought back to earth with a bump. His eyes were harshly blinking back tears and Pam saw this as she sat down next to him. 

'Pam... hi'

'I came to grab a coffee before I go. Mind if I keep you company?'

'No, no. Of course not'

'So... why are you crying?'

'It doesn't matter'

'Ben, if it's important enough to make you cry then it is does matter. What is it?'

'Do you think I'm a bad person?'

Ben blurted out the question before he could stop himself, his insides churning as he asked it. 

'No, why on earth would you even ask me that? You're one of the strongest people I know'

'I'm not strong, I'm weak. Being kind is weak. And I'm showing everyone...'

'Ben Mitchell, stop that right now do you hear me? You are the strongest person I know. After what happened to Paul, I was worried you'd never move on and settle down but you have and that shows just how strong you are'

'Move on?'

'I saw you yesterday... holding hands, you couldn't stop smiling. His eyes Ben, his eyes were sparkling- just like Paul's used to around you. I never thought I'd see you happy again, but you found that in Callum'

'It's not... we're not...'

'Not what? In love? A couple? I saw his face drop yesterday when you introduced him as your friend. He was heartbroken. Why did you not just tell me he was your boyfriend?'

'Pam...'

'Is this about you trying to protect my feelings?'

'Paul was my first love Pam. Nothing will ever come close to what I had with him...'

'That's not technically true. No-one will ever replace him but as for nothing coming close- it can and it should- if you gave yourself a chance'

'I miss him so much...'

Pam leaned forward- pulling Ben to her as he started to cry. She hugged him for a minute, caressing his cheek until he'd regained his composure. 

'I know you miss him dear, I do as well. But you have to know that he'd want you to be happy. Let me ask you a question- if I was anyone else, would you have introduced Callum as your boyfriend?'

Ben didn't say anything and he knew she'd hit the nail on the head. If Pam was anyone else, Ben wouldn't have thought twice about introducing Callum as his boyfriend- because that was how he saw him- the two of them as equals- lovers not just friends. 

'Paul will always live on in me, you and Les. Ben, he adored you and you know he wouldn't want you worrying about me. He saw you and wanted you- he didn't care about anything else- he loved you. Don't you think he'd want you to do the same?'

'But loving Callum- doesn't knowing that hurt you? Knowing I love him. I feel like I'm disrespecting you and Paul'

'Ben- love is infinite in this world. You can make as much as you want to- just because you give love to Callum doesn't mean in any way that you take it away from Paul'

 

Her words echoed in his brain for hours and Ben hated letting thoughts fester. But he knew that she was right- and as he entered The Vic he saw a despondent Callum propping up the bar, talking to Mick. He was about to go over when Callum shook his head and went over to a table. 

'Mick? Is he alright?'

'Depends really Ben. He ain't alright.'

'What did he tell you?'

'He needed some advice. He didn't know what to do about... about you yesterday. The way you didn't seem to care about his feelings'

'But I do care. More than that, he knows that'

'But does he Ben?'

'Huh?'

'He came out in this gaff here for you- to his dad, his brother, his friends. To prove to you and himself that he can be the man he's wanted to be. I know how hard that was for him. And I've never seen him so happy as he is with you, but you break his heart with three words'

'He's right Ben'

Ben looked to his right and suddenly Pam was there. 

'Shouldn't you have gone by now?'

'I couldn't go without making sure you were ok. He's right, you know that don't you. Go and get him. You know how you feel, tell him'

Ben knew Mick and Pam were right and he looked at Callum before Pam pushed him in Callum's direction.

'Alright?'

Callum looked up and Ben saw he hadn't slept. His eyes were red and teary- had he done this? 

'Ben...'

'Callum, you don't need to say anything'

I'm really not in the mood. You've done enough already. Leave me alone'

'Callum...'

'Ben, please. I thought we had something real, something special. But you're obviously ashamed of me- of us'

'I'm not'

'Pam is important to you Ben. And I thought I was, but you couldn't tell her what I was to you. A friend. What does that say about us?'

'Cal, you know you are far more to me than a friend'

'Do I?'

'I...'

'Ben, it's ok. Better leave it now before we get too involved, before we fall...'

'I love you...'

Ben burst out with the words before he could stop himself- they came rushing out of him and Callum stopped dead. 

'I'm sorry?'

'I said... I said that I love you'

'Ben...'

'Callum Highway, I love you. I could never be ashamed of you. Of us. I'll prove it'

'What are you?'

The question died on Callum's lips as Ben pulled him closer, kissing him deeply. They were both crying- they could both taste the tears as they kissed. 

'I take it... I take it, you boys are okay now?'

Pam interrupted the moment- a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Ben pulled back from Callum, one hand in his. 

'Pam, there's someone I'd like you to meet. This is Callum- my boyfriend'

Callum's face lit up like a Christmas tree as he held out his hand for Pam to shake. 

'How do you do Mrs Coker?'

'I am very pleased to meet you Callum, your a lucky boy- both of you'

'I know, and I promise I will look after him. I know how precious he is to you'

'I don't doubt that dear, you two clearly adore each other'

'I more than adore him, I love him'

'And I can see that Ben'

Pam threw her arms around Callum and Ben before kissing them both on the cheek. 

'Next time you come and visit, bring him. And Lexi'

'It's a date Mrs Coker'

'Please my dear, call me Pam'

Pam left The Vic after that, leaving a rather overwhelmed Ben clinging to Callum- needing to feel grounded and knowing that only Callum cool do that for him. 

'I need to tell you something'

'Oh?'

'I love you too'

'You do?'

'Yes. It's three little words but I was so scared of telling you. But here I am- I love you. So very much'

'And I you'

Three words that can change lives.


	93. Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is for anyone who has ever had a confidence crisis... or ever thought you aren't good enough. 
> 
> Also... in this fic I'm imagining that Ben knows about Chris (although it ain't said directly it's what I had in mind when writing it)
> 
> Hope you enjoy

'Cal... are you sure about this? We don't have to do this...' Ben gripped Callum's hand- his hands were like ice. 

'I need to. I am not ashamed, I'm proud'

'Look at me' 

Ben pulled Callum's face towards him, looking him square in the face. Callum's eyes were so blue- Ben found himself swimming in them. 

'You know you have nothing to prove don't you? To anyone, least of all to me'

'But I do to myself Ben' 

Callum squeezed Ben's hands in response, drawing from his warmth. He pulled the invite out of his pocket and was about to say more when he heard the hands clapped him on the back. Ben let go of his hand. 

'Halfway! You alright mate?'

'Liam... god... how long has it been?'

'Too long. You were at Chris' memorial but left before anyone saw you. Well obviously Hugh saw you. You got the invite then?'

'Yep'

'Where's the lucky girl? Hugh said you were engaged'

'Ah.. about that... we're not together anymore'

'Oh no, what happened?'

'Long story'

'Sorry, where's my manners? Liam Cook- mate of Halfway's from the army'

'Ben Mitchell- mate of his from nowadays'

'Nice to meet you Ben. I'll see you inside Halfway yeah? We need a catch up over a drink'

'Uh.. sure thing'

Callum watched as Liam went into the pub. Hugh had invited all of his army friends to the reception of his wedding- sending a plus one with Callum's ticket (remembering Callum had told him he was engaged) Callum had invited Ben- determined not to hide who he was to anyone. 

'You alright?'

'Ben... what was that?'

'What did it look like?'

'You... yet again... making decisions about what I am to you'

'Hey... I was trying to help. Callum, you don't have to do this. We can go home'

'Ben....'

'He wanted to know where your fiance was. I saved you the trouble of having to introduce me and the awkward atmosphere afterwards'

'You saved me the trouble? You've created a lot of trouble?'

'How?'

'Because now I'm going to have to explain why I'm holding your hand or why I bought a friend who is nothing to do with anything with this to a wedding'

'Callum...'

'Why are you always assuming you know what's best for me! You don't know, you don't have a clue. You don't know me at all!'

'I'm sorry... Callum... please'

'You're impossible sometimes you realise that!'

'You knew what you were getting into when you went out with me Callum... don't start this here, not now'

'Stop telling me what to do! All my life I've been told what to do, who to be, what I can say. I thought things were different with you'

'They are... we're different'

'No we're not Ben! I thought you being here would give me courage but it just made things worst. I should never have bought you here'

The hurt registered on Ben's face as his eyes filled with tears. He looked at Callum for a second before turning on his heel and walking into the pub. Callum said nothing for a few minutes but then sighed loudly- running his hand through his hair. 

'What did you do that for you stupid man?' 

He whispered the question over and over again as he sat on the brick wall outside the pub, the wedding invite still in his hand. 

'Callum?'

Callum looked up, knowing the voice from somewhere. Sure enough there in front of him was Vicky- Chris' sister. 

'Vicky? What are you...?'

'Hugh found me a few weeks ago asking about your address. I wanted to see how you were getting on since the memorial, so here I am'

'It's good to see you'

'It's good to see you too'

Vicky sat down on the wall next to Callum, seeing he was thinking about something. 

'Penny for them?'

'What?'

'Callum, what is it? You were arguing with that other guy but before that it looked like you were holding hands. Is he... are you?'

'He's my boyfriend yes. I guess I was finally ready you could say'

'Chris would be proud of you'

'No he wouldn't. I never got to tell him how I felt about him and he died thinking I wasn't ready'

'Callum... he knew you weren't ready. I told you he didn't care about that. Some people take a little longer. I knew he was gay before he did'

'I did what you said... I haven't forgotten him'

'I know. He'd be proud of you knowing you were finally you'

'You think?'

'Callum, I knew him better than he knew.himself. Take a word of advice- life is too short for stupid rows. Make it up with him'

'I can't, he's dead'

'Not Chris... your boyfriend'

'Oh... I want you to know that I won't ever forget him. What we had was.. well it was never meant to be but I loved him'

'And he loved you. You were his H. But your not H anymore- your Callum. Be you and make him proud for me?'

'I'll do my best'

'Go and find him. Sort things out before you both get drunk'

Vicky got up and put her hand on Callum's cheek for a minute, before walking to the direction of the car park. Callum watched her go, his heart feeling lighter but his stomach in knots still. 

He took a breath and walked into the pub, looking around for Ben. He spied him in the corner, propping up the bar, his downtrodden expression visible to anyone. He was about to approach him when Liam appeared at his side. 

'There you are. Your boyfriend came in without you, wondered if you'd had a tiff'

'Boyfriend?'

'I saw the two of you holding hands outside Halfway. It's okay, don't be embarrassed'

'I'm not. I'm proud. Proud of who I am'

'We all knew you were odd Halfway but now this makes sense. Why didn't you tell us?'

'That's what today was about'

'He looks upset. And by the way, I don't mean you're odd. We just thought you were odd cause you never seemed interested in girls and stuff, but now everything makes sense'

'I know what you meant. Liam, I have to talk to him...'

'Sure thing mate, go ahead'

Callum smiled at Liam and walked over to Ben, popping himself on the stool next to him and linking his hand with Ben's, pulling Ben's eyes from his glass. 

'Callum, I'm sorry. I never meant to upset you. You had nothing to prove to me by coming here today'

'I had something to prove to myself though Ben. I want people to see me for who I am'

'With a worthless, good for nothing criminal'

'What?'

'Callum, these guys- your friends... they, like you, fought for this country, did amazing things. You're all real men. What am I? A criminal, worthless, a chancer'

'You're my boyfriend'

'I'm nothing special'

'Ben Mitchell- you aren't worthless at all. You are amazing. Why can't you see that?'

'Because it isn't true'

'Yes it is. Ben, I didn't mean what I said out there. Things are different with you. You helped me realise I could be me. You never forced me to do anything- except be me. Even out there, you were trying to help. And I'm sorry I flipped out. But please, stop putting yourself down because it isn't true. You're amazing'

'You mean it don't you?'

'You are good enough for me. You mean everything to me. And you are a real man- you're my man. And I'm your man'

Ben reached over and kissed Callum, tears falling from his eyes as he rested their foreheads together. 

'You sure you're happy for people to know we're boyfriends?'

Callum kissed Ben in response, linking their hands together.

'Come on, let's go and find the groom. I want to introduce you'


	94. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's written an amazing update for you all. It made me teary and well up! Her writing never fails to make me either smile or cry (in the best way)
> 
> Enjoy guys  
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Family

Ben walked down the corridor of the hospital feeling a lot lighter. The chat he’d had with his dad earlier that day followed by his confrontation with Tubbs in the Arches culminated in an amazing feeling as though all the pressure had been lifted from his shoulders. He had feared Phil would reject him again because Callum wished to join the force but he had been pleasantly surprised by his father’s acceptance of his boyfriend’s career choice. 

The young Mitchell lad stood outside the doors of the maternity ward and peaked in through the glass panel. There he saw Phil and Keanu by Louise’s bedside who was nursing her newborn baby. Ben could already feel tears pricking at his eyes.. Just then Louise looked up from gazing at her child and spotted her big brother through the glass. She gave him a smile which encouraged Ben to come in to the room. 

“Hey sis...” said Ben his voice filled with emotion as he took in the image of his sister cradling her baby. 

“Hey...” whispered Louise and she carefully pulled the soft blanket away so Ben could get a proper look “Say hello to your niece”.

Ben took in the little person nestled comfortably against his sister, pink cheeks, blonde fuzz on her head and felt his heart lift.

“Do you want to hold her?” asked Keanu. Ben looked at the young man for a moment and nodded in response. Keanu gently took his daughter from Louise and walked around the edge of the bed towards Ben who tentatively put out his arms to accept his niece. Keanu carefully placed the baby in Ben’s arms and the two men forgot their previous animosity for a moment and shared an understanding smile.

“Hello little girl..” said Ben as he softly stroked the baby’s cheek with his thumb. He looked at Phil who was watching them with a small smile on his face. Ben looked at Louise and Keanu. “She’s beautiful you guys..”

The couple smiled at him then eachother, every inch the new proud parents.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” asked Ben.

Louise smiled at her brother and nodded. “Peggy Taylor-Mitchell”.

Ben felt a stray tear rolling down his cheek “I love it” then he looked at his dad “Gran would love it too, knowing her name was being carried on..”

Phil smiled at his son and put his arm around him.

....

Later that evening, Ben opened the door to the Beale house and there in the living room he saw his daughter nestled against Callum on the sofa, popcorn between their legs, drinking hot chocolate and watching “The Muppets Christmas Carol” together. “Hey you two..”

“Daddy!” exclaimed Lexi.

“Hey baby” smiled Ben as he walked over and stopped in front of them, removing his jacket “Budge up then”.

Callum and Lexi shuffled up the sofa to make room for Ben and he sat down comfortably next to his boyfriend who was smiling at him “Hey you..”

“Hey you..” whispered Ben in response and kissed him gently.

“Did you see the baby?” asked Callum.

“Yep” grinned Ben “She’s a gorgeous little thing”.

“I have a new cousin?” asked Lexi excitedly.

“Yes you do babe” grinned Ben “I can take you to visit her tomorrow if you want”.

“Yes please!” exclaimed the little girl happily before she grabbed a fistful of popcorn and proceeded to watch the movie.

Callum and Ben chuckled affectionately at her before looking back at eachother. “So... you’re an uncle again” smiled Callum.

“Yep” grinned Ben. “You wana see a pic?” and he pulled out his phone, swiped through the gallery and stopped on the photo Phil had taken which was Ben sitting down and gazing at the baby nestled in his arms.

“She’s beautiful” smiled Callum “and so are you” he added.

“Stop it, you’ll make me blush” teased Ben.

Callum smiled affectionately at him. “Have they named her?”

Ben nodded “Peggy”.

Callum’s eyebrows knitted together in remembrance “Peggy? As in your gran?”

“Yeah” smiled Ben.

“I never met her but from everything you’ve told me and the stuff I heard, she was a bit of legend”.

Ben grinned in approval “And then some”.

“Phil must be delighted about having his granddaughter named after his mum right?”

As memories of their conversation that afternoon resurfaced, Ben could feel himself getting emotional again.. he and his father really had turned a corner these past few months and it meant the world to him. “Yeah he’s chuffed. He even told me to get a wriggle on and have another kid myself..”

Callum looked at him and Ben inwardly berated himself, fearing he may have freaked his boyfriend out. “Sorry forget that..”

“Forget what?” said Callum “I know you’re an amazing dad” and as if to reiterate his point, he looked down affectionately at the little blonde girl next to them who was engrossed in the movie she was watching then turned to look at his boyfriend again. “We’re a family and I could see us adding to it one day..”

Ben was overwhelmed by this and he gently pulled Callum towards him by his shirt lapel and kissed him again before looking into his eyes and whispered “I love you Callum Highway”.

Callum interlinked their hands together and said softly “I love you too Ben Mitchell”.

“Ahem ahem!” interrupted Lexi. “What about me?” she asked indignantly.

The two men chuckled at her. “We love you too baby” smiled Ben and together he and Callum started tickling her, Lexi’s peals of laughter ringing out.


	95. Protector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written another amazing one for you! 
> 
> Love this girl to bits! @LouiseMacAllis2

Protector 

“Come on Daddy! Come on Callum!” Lexi called over her shoulder as she skipped ahead of them along the hospital corridor clutching a plush pink teddy bear in her hand.

“Chill out baby! We’re coming!” laughed Ben and he shared a quick smile with his boyfriend.

The three of them stopped outside the maternity ward and looked through the glass panels to see Louise resting up and smiling at Phil who was gently pacing around the room with his newborn grandchild in his arms. “You ready to go in sweetie?” asked Callum looking at the excited blonde child next to them.

“Yeah!” exclaimed Lexi “I wana see the baby!”

The two young men chuckled at her enthusiasm and they entered the softly lit room with Lexi leading the way.

“Hey sis” said Ben “brought you and the little ‘un some visitors” indicating Callum and Lexi.

Louise smiled at them all, tired and spent but her happiness evident. Callum stole a glance at the little bundle in Phil’s arms and exchanged a small smile with the head of the Mitchell family before walking over to Louise, deposited some fresh flowers in the empty vase next to her and kissed her on the cheek. “Congrats Lou”.

“Thanks Callum” said Louise and she looked over at Lexi who was peering into the bundle of blankets with a inquisitive look on her face. “What do you think your cousin Lex?”

Lexi looked at the baby again then at Phil “she’s got red cheeks and no hair.. she looks like Grandad”.

Ben spluttered out a laugh behind his hand before remonstrating his daughter “Lexi!”

Phil chuckled at the little blonde girl next to him “Cheeky madam!” before looking over at Callum who had moved over to stand beside Ben. 

“So I hear you wana join the old bill?” 

Callum blushed slightly at the directiveness of the question but stood his ground. “Yes sir”. 

Ben glanced up at his boyfriend, warmth filling his chest.

“What made you wana join?”

At this, Callum’s hand instinctively slid into Ben’s and he replied “After Ben was shot. I figured if I wana protect the people I love [here he glanced affectionately at Ben then Lexi who was now sitting on the bed with Louise showing her the teddy they’d brought] then working with the police could ensure that.”

Phil felt a great rush of respect for the young man standing next to his son and proceeded to walk towards them. With one arm still nestling the baby, he wordlessly extended his hand towards Callum who shook it, a small smile on his face. 

Ben watched the scene unfold and felt the tears pricking at his eyes again..

“Can I hold her?” asked Callum tentatively first looking at Phil then glancing over at Louise who smiled at him and nodded. Carefully Phil placed his granddaughter into the young man’s arms and Callum breathed out softly “She’s so small” then he looked at the people gathered around him and grinned “but she’s also a Mitchell so she’ll be a tough cookie”.

Phil chuckled and nodded “No argument there”.

Ben looked at his dad “Where’s Keanu?”

“Off to gather the Taylor clan I expect. God help me when Karen gets here...”

Ben huffed out a laugh “Karen’s alright you know”.

Phil grunted in response and watched Callum gently rocking his granddaughter in his arms who piped up “I hear she’s named after your mum, Phil? An amazing woman from what I’ve heard”.

Phil smiled as he remembered his beloved mother “She was that.”

Callum walked over towards Louise who held out her arms for her daughter “She’s beautiful, Lou”.

“Thanks hun”. 

Callum smiled at the new mother and her child, ruffled Lexi’s soft blonde hair, exchanged a respectful nod with Phil then walked over towards Ben who looked up at him as though he had hung the moon, pulled him down slightly and after kissing him gently, he said softly so only Callum could hear “Love you”.


	96. Chapter 96

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like this one. Came from an idea from my wonderful friend and co writer. I owe her so much! And I'm so lucky she.chooses to be in my life! 
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2 thanks for everything and for being my guinea pig, my guiding light, my fellow fangirler and everything in between!
> 
> Enjoy guys! We're almost at 100!

'Look Lex! Hot chocolate, fancy one?'

'Dad! I never say no to hot chocolate and you know that!'

'I'll get them Ben. My treat'

Ben smiled as Lola paid for three hot chocolates. Lexi had been asking to see the Christmas market for weeks and today they'd all finally agreed to go and explore it together. As a family.

The barista made the hot chocolates and frothed them up with cream and marshmallows, winking at Ben as she gave him extra. Lexi didn't see it as she was too busy cramming the marshmallows into her mouth but Lola saw and burst out laughing as they walked away from the stall. 

'You're in there Ben!'

'I don't know what you mean'

'That girl would have been happy to put cream on you, that's for sure. Does Callum know he has competition?'

'Competition for what?'

As if on cue, Callum and Jay appeared at Lola's side, both in their undertakers suits having just come from a big funeral. 

'Callum!' 

Lexi heard his voice and turned around, her plaits flying out behind her as she ran over and hugged him- Ben's heart skipping a beat like usual when Callum scooped her up in his arms, kissing her head and hugging her tight. 

'How's my favourite girl?'

'We're having hot chocolate Callum look! Hi Jay!'

'Hey Lex, good day?'

'Better now the rest of the family is here Jay!'

Callum smiled as Lexi jumped from his arms and ran over to hug Jay. He took the opportunity to hug Lola in greeting and then slide his hand into Ben's. 

'What do I have competition for?' he asked, the question he asked a minute ago coming to the forefront of his mind. 

'Your boyfriend has an admirer Callum' 

Callum followed Lola's gaze to where the woman on the hot chocolate stall was watching them with a smile on her face. 

'Oh he does does he? Well let's give her something else to admire'

Before Ben could say anything, Callum grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and crushed their lips together in a sweeping kiss. Ben's hands found Callum's neck and for a minute nothing else mattered. But someone else was determined not to be forgotten. 

'Dad! We didn't come here to watch you kiss Callum! We came here to have fun!'

'Alright Miss Lexi- sorry'

Callum broke apart from Ben, throwing a glance over his shoulder and giving the woman at the stall a wave. She looked embarrassed and turned her back. 

'Finished?' 

Ben squeezed Callum's hand gently, his breath slowly returning to him like the warmth on a cold day. Lola was laughing and Jay was shaking his head. 

'Come on, let's explore the rest of the market'

Jay took Lola's hand and Ben was about to grab Lexi when Callum scooped her up and put her on his shoulders, one hand holding her in place, the other extended to Ben. Ben shook his head fondly as the five of them walked around the market, pausing at some stalls. 

'Dad, look the big wheel! Can we go on it? Please!'

'You're not old or tall enough Lex!'

'I am tall. I'm on Callum's shoulders'

'You've got an answer for everything haven't you!'

'She's like her mother then isn't she?' Jay piped up. Lexi was a chip off the old block. 

'Tell you what, why don't we go on the merry go round instead?'

'Okay. As long as you ride too Callum!'

'Try and stop me!'

'We're going back to that stall we were just at. Think Lo saw something...' 

Lexi nodded happily as her mum and Jay went back to the jewellery stall- she knew her Mum had been looking at the bracelets and was going to ask Jay to buy her one. She didn't mind, she was with her dad and Callum. Ben smiled as the three of them wandered over to the merry go round. He paid for them to have a go and for a minute they waited in the queue, Lexi watching the horses, Ben and Callum watching each other. 

'Sorry we were late getting here- the funeral over ran'

'It's okay, you're here now- that's all that matters'

'Where else would I be?'

'You didn't have to come, you know that right'

'I know I didn't have to. But I wanted to Ben. Why wouldn't I want to be here after all you've done for me recently?'

'But Callum...'

'But nothing Ben... Christmas is a time for family and you and Lexi are my family. Where else would I want to be?'

Ben said nothing, only reached up and kissed Callum on the lips as the merry go round slowed to a halt and the riders got off. 

'Come on, let's find a horse'

'Callum, ride with me'

'You sure you want me to Lex?'

'Please'

'Okay' 

Callum knew he could never refuse her anything, like her dad, she had wormed her way firmly into his heart and set up home there. Lexi chose a pearly white horse with blue eyes called Crystal, and as Ben climbed on the horse next to them, he smiled. 

'Santa Claus is coming to town...' was playing on the speakers and both Callum and Lexi were singing along. Ben's heart skipped over at the sight of his boyfriend and daughter singing along together. 

He realised in that moment that this is all he could ever need. This man, this feeling... his daughter, his brother and his best friend... it was all he ever needed and he had made the right decision on turning his back on his business. 

Turned his back on the darkness and turned into what he never thought he could be again- in love. 

Callum looked over at him and gave him a dazzling smile, one hand wrapped around Lexi's middle. Ben smiled back and held out a hand across the ride and Callum took it. 

'Cal?'

'Yeah'

'You know I love you right?'

Callum's smile widened as he blushed. 

'You choose now to tell me that?'

'Now seemed as good a time as any. I love you Callum'

'I love you too!'

Ben grinned from ear to ear as the ride began to turn slowly, Lexi squawking in delight. They turned around faster and faster but Ben didn't mind- he was caught up in a whirlwind.

The whirlwind of love.


	97. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That episode tonight was heartbreaking!! I am still sobbing as I write this, was sobbing writing the fic. 
> 
> Ben did what he had to. Callum's face at the end broke me. 
> 
> Anyway, we know it's not forever and I hope this goes some way towards rebuilding our hearts slowly.... 
> 
> Hope you like it. Wish you all a Happy Christmas (well as happy as you can be with this😭😭😭)

As the taxi went past the car lot, he cursed himself as his face broke into a grin and his eyes popped out, looking, watching... he'd given himself a stern talking to yesterday before doing this but his heart had ignored everything his head and burst out of his chest at that second. 

He'd resolved to make him beg and not make it easy but the time away had been hard on him- and despite his protests, he suspected he had felt it to. 

Callum Highway was back. He wouldn't go as far as to call it home yet. His home was Ben- all he wanted to be was where he was. And he'd come back to make him see that. 

***************************************************

Christmas was over. New Year was done. His dad, Keanu, Sharon, Louise... that whole situation was still on his mind, but right now he had a more pressing issue to deal with. A far bigger weight was on his shoulders. 

His hands found the gift in his pocket. He always kept it in the inside pocket, close to his heart because that's where he knew he would always be. 

He'd had to be cruel to be kind- wanting to save him from being damaged or getting involved in his family. Cause let's face it, he had so much baggage he could open a check in desk. 

He'd changed the photo. One of them two. The two most important people in his life. Not Phil. Not Louise. Lexi obviously, but not with him.

With Callum. 

***********************************************

Callum dropped his bag at the flat and then set off to find her. She was at her stall and when she saw him, her face broke into a genuine smile. 

'Callum! You're back!'

'Yep. Happy New Year'

'You too. How was the break? Did you get any answers?'

'I got some but I already knew them. Hoping to get some more today'

'Are you back for him then?'

'I can't run away from him forever. He pushed me around last year, taunted me, played with me before we finally got together. I'm not having it again this year. I can't.'

'Good for you Cal. Go and get him then'

She nodded towards the gate and he smiled before wrapping his arms around her, hugging her tight before they were interrupted by a customer and he moved away, going inside the back gate. 

Would he be welcome? Would the door be slammed in his face? Was it too late? Had he stayed away too long?

That little voice was back but Callum knew in his heart that he had to do. He steeled himself and knocked on the back door. Several minutes passed before he heard a key being turned in the lock. The door opened and he was there. And suddenly they were in the same air space since Callum had walked away on Christmas Eve. 

'You're back...'

'So it would seem'

'Happy New Year'

'Precisely... New Year. New start. New Callum. Not the one last year. Can I come in?'

Ben stood aside and let Callum in, who entered briskly without looking at him. He walked into the living room and saw the wallet on the table, stopping and leaning on the sideboard. 

'You opened it then, after everything you told me'

'Yep. Couldn't bring myself to dispose of it.'

'Oh thanks'

'I didn't mean it like that'

'Whatever... did you like it?'

'Yes'

They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes before Callum sighed, exasperated. 

'You're making this difficult!'

'Making what difficult?'

'Me being here. Come on Ben, say something'

'Like what?'

'I don't know! What could you possibly have to say to me after how we ended last year? You can't think of anything? Nothing at all?? Come on Ben... I know what happened at Christmas. Jay told me'

'He did... why?'

'Because he was worried about you! And he knows I was too. Lola messaged me all the time. I've been away but still kept tabs Ben. I meant what I said... I want to be wherever you are'

'Callum...'

'Have you got nothing to say?'

'What do you want me to say? Callum, this isn't a movie or a love story you read about in books. There isn't a happily ever after. The baddie never lives happily. They end up being destroyed. And I didn't want that for you. I still don't, but...' 'But what Ben?'

'You wanted me to be honest... so here goes... You are the sweetest, softest bloke I've ever known. And you were right, even when I said I didn't want it. Cause I do. I really do'

'Want what?'

'Your love. I want your love, more than I've ever wanted anything Callum'

'So why say you didn't?'

'To protect you. I didn't do this because I don't care. I did it because I do. It came from a place of love Callum. And I tried, I really tried but I can't go straight'

'You're gay, I know you're not gonna be straight' Callum smiled when he heard Ben chuckle dryly. 

'I wanted to protect you from my world, from the darkness and the badness. I wanted you.to find someone to be the bloke you wanted'

'Don't you get it you complete idiot? You are the only bloke I want Ben! I know you did bad stuff over Christmas but I don't care. Cause I love you. I am in love with all of you. As you are. You taught me it was okay to be myself and I want you to be you. Just be you, with me. I know that whatever you say, you love me to'

'You know what I did and you still want me'

'I love you, you idiot! Love forgives everything. I don't care what you've done or who you are. I LOVE YOU. L...O...V...E. How many more ways can I spell it out for you?'

'You, you...'

'I'm not going to let you push me away or shut me out anymore. We can beat anything together Ben. I just need you to tell me you feel the same because I know you do! Ben, please'

'I love you.'

The words were quiet and laced with affection but they were music to Callum's ears. It was all he needed to hear. He took the two steps towards Ben and did what he'd been dying to do since he had seen him... kiss the life out of him. 

Ben had broken his own heart to try and save Callum's. Callum had broken his own and that put it back together while he was away, knowing Ben was pushing him away. 

'I'm home' Callum whispered in Ben's ear

'At Ians? Don't let him hear you say that!'

'I'm with you, I'm home'

Ben didn't say anything, just cuddled Callum harder, the silence between them reassuring as the sound of their breathing as one. For that's what they were. One. 

Two halves of the broken relationship. Two sides of the same coin. Two people who loved each other and through that, had found their home. 

Love does forgive. Forgives everything. It's useless to one person but priceless to another. But to two, it's magical.


	98. Anywhere You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louise wrote this beautiful piece and it made me well up, well and truly. 
> 
> Ballum are such a beautiful pairing- they really have changed me and my life. And now I know they mean so much to us all. 
> 
> To be able to share these last 98 chapters with this amazing, salt-of-the-earth girl who I've come to love has been amazing. She is the nicest girl I've ever known and she is an even more amazingly talented and gifted writer. 
> 
> I adore this fic, this pairing and this girl. Really hope you enjoy it... we're only two away from 100 now!
> 
> @LouiseMacAllis2

Anywhere That You Are

Callum departed the train station, backpack slung over his shoulder and looked at the bustling square in front of him. 2 weeks into the New Year - the Christmas decorations were down, the market traders were chatting to their customers about the January blues and all Callum wanted to do was to get home and get his head down.

The break had done him the world of good but his heart still ached for there was one person who remained in his thoughts the whole time... Callum shook his head trying to desperately stop himself from dwelling too much and realised just how hungry he was. He headed in the direction of the cafe when a voice called out 

''Callum!” 

Whitney looked at him with that familiar warm smile of hers before enveloping him in a hug. Callum dropped his bag to the ground and returned the embrace. 

“Hey you..”

They gently pulled apart and as Callum looked down into those kind blue eyes, he suddenly felt glad to be back. 

''How was your Christmas?” Whitney asked tentatively.

“Not so bad, as it happens” replied Callum with a cheerful smile. “Yours?”

“It was... eventful” said Whitney.

“Eventful?”

“Yeah. A lot happened... Lee turned up!”

“You’re kidding!” replied Callum. 

“Nope. I can tell you more about it later when I clock off..”

“Sure” smiled Callum. “Call round for a cuppa after you’ve finished and we can catch up properly then”.

“Ok” 

She was about to ask him if he had spoken to Ben but knowing it was a sensitive issue, she refrained.

“See you later then” Callum gave her one of his trademark winks before picking up his bag and headed towards the cafe.

“Afternoon Kathy, Happy New Year” Callum greeted her with a smile.

Kathy looked up in surprise but replied “Hello sweetheart...” but before she could say anything else a little voice cried out from across the room “Callum!” as Lexi leapt into his open arms and held him like she never wanted to let him go.

“Hello darlin..”

Lexi looked at him and Callum was startled to see tears forming in her eyes.

“Aww don’t cry sweetheart.. I thought you were glad to see me?”

“I am!” protested Lexi with a endearing little huff then she gave him an accusatory glare and said in a small voice that broke Callum’s heart “You left without saying goodbye..”

Before Callum could respond the person who had been on his mind the whole time he was away was standing in front of him, a contrite look on his face. 

“Hey..”

Still clutching Lexi, Callum looked at Ben and felt all those emotions rushing over him. He thought he might fall apart right there but he composed himself enough to say 

''Alright?”

The atmosphere suddenly thickened with tension as neither man knew what to say. Thankfully, Lexi chose this moment to pipe up “Do you wana sit with us Callum?”

Put on the spot, Callum looked at Ben “Umm..” 

Ben who had been taking in the sight of his ex and remembering the horrible way he had spoken to him on Christmas Eve wasn’t sure if he was ready for this but before his brain could properly engage, he found himself blurting out “You can if you want”.

Callum nodded and said “Bacon sarnie and a cuppa please Kathy. And maybe a bun for this one?” he said while grinning at Lexi.

“Yes please!” the little girl cried excitedly.

Chuckling, Callum carried Lexi to the booth were she and Ben had been sitting and sat himself opposite Ben. “So...” Ben began awkwardly “how was your Christmas?”

Callum fixed him with a hard stare but replied “It was a laugh actually.”

“Oh?” replied Ben like it was the last thing he was expecting.

“Yeah” continued Callum “went out with my army mates, did 12 Pubs Of Christmas, wore silly jumpers, cooked the dinner while they were suffering through their hangovers, celebrated the countdown at New Years... the usual, you know?”

“Any kisses at midnight?” joked Ben though he immediately wished he hadn’t said anything.

Callum didn’t answer and instead turned his attention back to Lexi. “So young lady! Did Santa come?” 

“Yep!” exclaimed Lexi happily and she proceeded to tell Callum everything she’d got on Christmas morning before saying in a small voice “Wish you’d been there... we missed you” and here she indicated herself and her dad, who at that moment blushed and cast his eyes downwards.

“I missed you too sweetheart” said Callum quietly. “I’ll make it up to you ok? How does a chocolate milkshake with all the works sound... sprinkles, extra ice cream, the lot!”

Lexi smiled “Deal!” and she put out her tiny hand for him to shake.

Ben watched the adorable exchange and felt his heart break. He knew what he had to do was for the best but it still tore him up inside. He missed Callum so much..

For a while the three of them sat there, Callum eating his sarnie and Lexi chatting enough for all of them until Callum finally said “I better get going... gonna check in with Stuart then have a chat with Jay about my hours. Gonna be starting police training soon..”

Before Ben could reply, Lexi piped up “Will you take me to the park tomorrow Cal?”

Callum hesitated and looked at Ben who offered him a small smile of encouragement. “Sure thing darlin. I’d love to”. Lexi gave him one final hug then hopped down from his lap. This left Ben and Callum looking at eachother, all the things they wanted to say hanging in the air between them until Ben finally spoke up “Its good to see you..”

“And you..” replied Callum softly. They shared one final lingering look before Callum offered Lexi a high five then departed the cafe. While Lexi went over to ask her grandma for another juice, Ben slumped back into the booth feeling completely desolate not knowing that at that very moment Callum was resting his back against the wall of the cafe, both of them fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm them..

They were both just fools in love.


	99. Share

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Chapter 99! And it's officially the longest one shot I've ever written.   
> This would be my ideal dream scenario and it probably won't happen but I can dream and wish for it. 
> 
> Callum will be back on screen in 2 weeks and it can't come quick enough! Drought without him! 
> 
> Anyway, really really hope you like this... took me days to get the dynamic right. 
> 
> Happy New Year by the way!

'Billy? What are you ringing me at this time of the night for?'

'Ben, look, I know it's late... but you need to get down to E20 now'

'Is it my dad? Is he drunk? I'm coming now!'

'No, it's not Phil. It's Callum'

'Callum?'

'He's had one too many and is crying in here. He won't move. Can you come and get him?'

'Billy, he isn't my problem any more'

'Come on Ben, we both know he's in a mess because of what you said to him before Christmas. This is so unlike him... please come and get him. Jay was with him earlier... he was really upset...'

'Where's Stuart?'

'I don't know. Ben, he needs you'

'Alright, alright, I'm coming'

Ben sighed as he pulled on his coat and left the house. Running a hand through his hair, he allowed his mind to wander about what today could have been... Valentines Day. It would have been his first with Callum and he probably would have made it special. 

He remembered Callum's words to him on Christmas Eve... 'you can't run away from your feelings forever'... well he was giving it a damn good go, even if nothing he did flushed Callum out of his system. 

It had been easier over Christmas when Callum wasn't around- out of sight, out of mind. He'd tried to go on a date and move on but he hadn't been ready- he wasn't sure he ever would be. His heart wasn't in it because he knew deep down that his heart belonged to someone else. 

But then Callum had returned last month and it had taken EVERYTHING Ben had not to run over and claim him back. But he wanted to save Callum from being stuck with him- he wasn't going to let the man he loved be ruined by him or anyone else from his family. 

Even the sight of Callum on a date in The Prince Albert hadn't been enough- it had shot his remaining defenses to pieces but he'd been determined to protect Callum's soul, even if it means breaking his own heart in the process. 

Entering E20, he spied Billy behind the bar who pointed over to the booth in the corner. There was Callum, staring into the bottom of a glass, tears running down his cheek. In that second, Ben felt his heart break and he went over before he could stop himself. 

'Room for one more?'

He sat down opposite Callum before he could say anything in reply. Callum looked at him warily before sinking his gaze back to the bottom of the glass. 

'What do you want Ben?' Callum's voice was full of pain, Ben could hear it. 

'What's wrong?'

'I asked you first'

'Billy called me. He was worried about you so I came to check you were okay'

'Check I was okay? Don't make me laugh Ben'

'It's true'

'You haven't bothered about me since I came back. Even when I came to the car lot begging you to change your mind'

'Callum... look, Billy was worried so I came to check you were okay. All I've done is try and protect you'

'You don't get it. I don't need protection Ben, especially by you. Just leave me alone. I can't deal with you now'

Callum got up from the table and left Ben sitting there. He was about to follow when he spied the letters on the seat next to where Callum had been sat. Curiosity getting the better of him, he picked them up and read them. 

***************************************************

The flat buzzer had been going for the best part of half an.hour now and Callum was waning. He'd seen who it was and hoped he'd give up but to no avail. Swearing under his breath, he buzzed him up and sat back on the sofa. 

'You're alive then' came the voice as it entered the room

'Leave me alone Ben'

'Talk to me Callum'

'Excuse me?'

'Talk. To. Me'

'About what? You clearly don't want to talk to me about your life. And you dumped me saying you didn't want my love so why are you suddenly pretending to care?'

'I'm not pretending. I... look, just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong'

'Nothing to tell'

'Who's Chris?'

'What?'

'Who's Chris?'

Callum stopped dumbfounded and then burst into tears, crying even harder as the sobs burst from him like water from a tap. Ben couldn't stand to see him like that so without thinking, he wrapped him in a hug. Callum responded for a second before pushing Ben away. 

'What are you doing?'

'Comforting you I thought'

'I don't need comforting. I.need you to tell me what you know about Chris'

'That you love him. And he loves you. Or at least that's what it sounds like from these...'

Ben held up the letters. Callum's jaw hardened and he snatched them away from Ben, putting them on the counter. 

'What did you think you were doing reading them?'

'You left them behind Callum... in the club... sorry I read them but I'm worried about you'

'Ben, what do you want? I'm really not in the mood for your games'

'No games. Talk to me. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me'

'Why are you doing this?'

'Why do you think?'

'That's all I get?'

'Talk to me'

'Only if you talk to me'

'About what?'

'You know what Ben. Whatever it was you were hiding from me before Christmas. The reason you broke up with me. The reason you have continued to keep me in the dark...'

'Callum...'

'Ben, we either both share or you walk away again. Your move, what you gonna do?'

Ben sighed, wringing his hands together before nodding his head slightly and sitting down on the sofa. Callum smiled briefly before joining Ben on the sofa. 

'Chris is... Chris was my first love I suppose. We served together. We cooked in the kitchens together. And it was good having a friend, but then I knew it was more than that. I just never knew what it was. It felt good and right. I never spoke about my feelings to anyone. And neither did he... well his sister. That's what the letters were about. He told his sister about me. His H'

'Callum, I... did he know you felt the same?'

'Yes. But he knew I wasn't ready. Every letter he wrote was about me. How much he wanted to be with me but he couldn't rush me. He was going to wait, but then I had my accident...'

'And you never saw him again?'

'Then I met Whit and it was easier to bury, to forget'

'So, if these letters were from Chris to his sister, why do you have them? And if you love him, why don't you find him? You should have found him instead of getting involved with me'

'He's dead. He died. Car accident. Drunk driver. Vicky, his sister came to find me and invited me to his memorial. She gave me the letters'

'Oh Callum, I'm so sorry'

'No, don't...'

'Don't what?'

'Be sorry for me'

'I am'

'You know what today is?'

'Valentines Day, how could I forget?'

'I was going to tell you today. I decided before Christmas on our first Valentines Day I was going to tell you that it was one year to the day since he died. I was going to tell you everything, hoping that Valentines would come to mean something better and good, rather than the day he was taken away. But then you ended things like that. So harshly, so brutally Ben'

'I'm sorry'

'Don't say that unless you mean it Ben'

'Callum, I really am sorry. For EVERYTHING. I never meant to hurt you like this. And if I'd known what Chris was to you I would never have read those letters...'

'It's ok. I feel better you knowing. So come on, your turn'

'My turn what?'

'Talk to me. I meant what I said. You have to be honest with me Ben. And with yourself'

'Myself? About what?'

'About who you are, what you feel and what you want Ben'

'Callum...'

'Come on, you're not leaving until you tell me'

'What do you want me to say?'

'Something. Anything. Just be honest with me Ben, please. I don't need protecting Ben. Don't you see? I've seen horrible things. Been through horrible things. And just had the worst year of my life, that I thought got better by being myself with you. All I want is you to tell me the truth. I can take it'

'Can you?'

'I'm a big boy Ben. I'm not going to let you push me away anymore. I lost Chris, you lost Paul. Can't you see we've already been through the worst possible thing we could have? Do you think you're going to shock me?'

'I nearly killed him'

'Killed who?'

'I was going to I swear. It was the only thing I could do to stop him drinking'

'You were going to kill your dad?'

'No, I was going to kill for him. You've heard about my wonderful stepmum and the fiance of my sister I suppose?'

'Yes, Stuart told me. He said Keanu hasn't been seen since Christmas Day... did you arrange for him to be killed Ben? Or did you do it yourself?'

'I wasn't going to kill. I tried and tried to get my dad to do anything else... but he threatened to drink if we didn't find out who got Sharon pregnant... Then he took Jack hostage...'

'Jack?'

'He thought it was Jack. Anyway, when you saw me with Jack, I was helping.him I swear it. On Lexi's life I was helping him back. But then my dad said no one else could know about it. You wouldn't let it lie...'

'Where's Keanu? What did you do?'

'Nothing! Nothing! And you know why?'

'Why?'

'Because of you. Because of this...'

Ben reached into his jacket and pulled out the wallet that Callum had given him for Christmas. Callum's eyes widened as Ben set it down on the table. 

'You've still got it?'

'Yes. When I opened it on Christmas morning and I saw that picture of me, you, Jay, Lola and Lex at Winter Wonderland, I realised that I didn't want to kill Keanu. I couldn't.'

'You saw the picture and changed your mind?'

'He's not dead. Tubbs is. Well maybe. I don't know'

'Keanu is alive? Tubbs is dead? What?'

'I told my dad I'd sort it. But then I couldn't go through with it. We kidnapped Keanu. Took him to a warehouse. Martin pulled the gun on him but I told him not to shoot him. Tubbs was with him, and Linda...'

'Linda? What the hell was she doing there?'

'Silly cow had.got drunk and passed out in the back.of the van. Martin didn't know she was there until it was too late. She saw the whole thing and he had to shut her up. Because if my dad finds out Keanu is alive, me and Lou are dead. As is Keanu'

'Ben...'

'Callum, you said I could tell you anything. You said you wanted to be wherever I was. You said I was in your world. Well now, you're in mine. You wanted honesty, you got it. You can't tell anyone'

'Ben, you realise what...'

'Realise what I'm asking of you? Yes. This is why I ended things Callum. Not because I don't want your love. Not because I don't love you. Because I can't ruin you. Because I can't ask you to be something your not...'

Ben trailed off as Callum kissed him, pulling him in closer by the collar of his jacket. Ben hooked his arms around Callum's neck and responded for a second before coming to his senses and pulled back. 

'Callum... What are you doing?'

'Ben, I meant what I said. I want to be wherever you are. I am in love with you whether you like it or not. And that isn't going to change. I know you feel the same. You ended things to protect me from the huge family secret you were trying to keep. To try and protect me. To shield me from.the bomb that was going to explode. And I appreciate it Ben, but I'm a big boy. I don't need protecting. I need you. I love you'

'Callum...'

'You couldn't kill him. You wanted to but then you stopped yourself because of me. That means you love me Ben. Come on, admit it'

'If I do, will you promise to keep this secret?'

'Ben, you can trust me. You've always been able to trust me. I don't care what you've done. I just don't want to be left out in the cold. I'm your boyfriend. We're equals. Which means we tell each other everything. Okay?'

'Okay'.

'So come on then'

'Come on what?'

'Really?'

'OH!'

Ben took Callum's hand in his own, intertwining their fingers, lacing them together. He put his other hand to his heart. 

'You were right. I was scared. Scared to admit it. But there's no point denying it anymore. To you or to myself. I'm in love with you Callum Highway and there is nothing I can do about it'

Callum let out a sob and pulled Ben closer. They hugged fiercely for what seemed like an eternity, the emotions overtaking them until they both gave up and cried uncontrollably together.


	100. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... long time no see guys!  
> So... here we are. Fic 100! 
> 
> Louise mentioned how amazing a hospital scene would be... so I kind of worked one in here. I'm a bit rusty so bear with me!
> 
> Don't know if my heart can take anymore anyway! Here we go.   
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Thanks to Louise for everything! She did half the fics, half the work. She's an amazing girl who I am so grateful to have.   
> Thanks to you all for your support and reading!

'Callum! Callum!'

Ben raced around the warehouse, the only answer being the echoes of his screams that were falling on deaf ears, literally. Stuart had finally had enough when the police hadn't found anything and he and Ben had both decided to have another look in the warehouse- Jay tagging along as well to help smooth the paths. 

'Callum? Bruv, it's me. Are you here?'

'Callum, where are you?'

'Cal! If you can hear us, shout'

All three set off in separate directions. Ben's mind was in overdrive as each passing minute brought home the reality of his situation. He couldn't hear anything, but that didn't matter. He needed Callum back. 

As he reached the site where Callum had been held, he slowed down. There was the chains and blanket from the photo... so where was Callum? He must have got free, but where was he?

Ben trusted his instincts and followed them, the warehouse in the pitch black as he fumbled for the wall. He stopped when he felt the plastic sheeting hanging... like curtains. He didn't know why but he pushed it back and had a quick glance into the bottomless pit....

'Oh my god! CALLUM! STUART! JAY!'

Descending the stairs, Ben's voice began to break as he saw Callum's lifeless body, covered thinly by the tarpaulin. He must have been here for days. Was it too late?

Missing out the last step, there was a loud bang and Ben jumped on a metal grate but he didn't hear anything as he raced over to Callum, dropping down beside him. 

'Callum? Oh my god, I'm so sorry'

He reached out a hand, Callum was ice cold. He took off his jacket, wrapping it around him tighter as the tears began to fall down his cheeks. He sat down beside Callum, pulling his head into his lap, his heart racing when he found a pulse. Weak, but it was still a pulse. 

'Callum. Please wake up. You have to come back to me. I am so sorry we didn't find you sooner. Please don't leave me. You said we could fight anything together and we need to. Cause I can't do this again, and I can't do it without you'

Tears began to drop onto Ben's coat. Stuart had called an.ambulance but Ben wouldn't have heard him even if he could hear. Right now, all that mattered was Callum. 

'I love you Callum Highway. I need you, please come back to me' 

He put his hand out to check the pulse, but there wasn't one.

'Callum! CALLUM! CALLLUUMMMMM!'

 

A hand on his. Rubbing his hair. Or a hand running through his hair? He knew that touch. The touch he never thought he'd feel again. 

He opened his eyes, and saw nothing, just white. Pure white. White linen, freshly laundered. Where was he? Oh god... the hospital!

Shooting up from where he was slumped over the bed, his eyes weren't deceiving him. Callum was lying in the bed, wires and a tube but he was awake and he was crying. One look at his eyes and the dam inside him burst. 

'Callum... I thought I was going to lose you' 

The word came out a hushed whisper. Callum smiled softly, tears rolling down his cheeks. He moved his lips but Ben couldn't hear him. He shook his head. 

'I... there was a crash... the boat party... I went in, hit my head, I lost my hearing'

'What?' Ben could read that off Callum's lips easily enough. 

'I can't hear you. I don't know if I ever will be'

Callum shook his head, wincing in pain slightly which Ben noticed. He took his hands in his own and kissed the back of them gently, crying softly. Callum smiled softly, gesturing to Ben, holding his hand up to his ear. Ben finally worked it out and.handed over his phone, watching Callum type for a second before reading it. 

''I don't care if you can't hear. You're still here. You found me. I thought I was going to die. But you found me and saved me. You've been here all night. Ben, I don't care if I have to learn the whole of the British Sign Language or write everything down. I love you'

Ben cried as he wrote back...

'Don't ever do that to me again. Losing.my hearing was worth it cause I have you back. I can't lose you. I love you Callum Highway'

Callum's eyes glossed over with tears as he enveloped his hands in Ben's, determined never to let this moment end. 

They were bruised. They were.broken. But they were together. And they were strong enough to face anything. Love is the strongest force on the planet.


End file.
